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A Little Piece
The summer greets the windows of a simple classroom. Glazing it's several students sitting upon their desks as they quietly wait upon their grey professor.
Tugging along his blazer the simple man prepares his lesson as the younger crowd of people wait in suspense. Armed with pen and paper, ready for the upcoming lecture that would soon take place.
To their dismay, their mentor pulls out his own brown paper bag and centers it along his desk. The students become baffled as they give him puzzled looks as he stares back at them hoping some type of inspiration would seep forth from their absent minds.
"Well? Tell me what you see here." the grey man stood behind his desk. Bracing his hands along the edge of the furniture awaiting his reply. From the back of his room came an answer, filled with an irked tone.
"Your lunch?" the answer came yet as a question itself.
"Wrong!" with a flick of his hand he turned the bag onto its side, spilling it's contents of a plastic wrapped meal. "Let's look closer!" calling out to his class he waved his arm out in display of the luncheon delight. With no answer following up afterwards from his confused audience, the teacher shook his head and unwrapped his lunch. Showing off a basic sandwich within his open palm.
"A sandwich?" cried out another.
"You aren't wrong, but not what this lesson pertains to." voices filled the air as light sounds gave way to a sudden wave that displayed nothing but confusion. "This is history! Let me tell you why, that this simple thing! Is a great example as to why History is so well respected. That History is something worth studying. And why History can make a person better."
Several of his onlookers shook their heads, unimpressed by these antics. Unaware of the lesson at hand and clearly showing signs that they believed this man was indeed insane.
Presenting his hand for his next set of words he began his lesson.
"This 'delectable morsel's' history. Is shrouded in mystery. And 'mystery' is one of the main points on why we study History today. To uncover mysteries." this phrase piqued some people in the room. More of the proper students taking down notes as they kept a shrewd gaze. Listening intently, though their attention would soon falter if he had not gotten his point across.
"They say the sandwich, was invented by many countries. In Dutch, they first created the sandwich utilizing flat bread they used as a mat for holding their food. This 'Trencher' as they called it was either discarded, given as alms to the poor, or as dogfood. Some even ate it as a post meal snack, with the sauces from the meal adding flavor to the bread. Today we call this trend an 'open face sandwich.' "
Pen began to scribble and fill the room, though barely as the class slowly returned their attention to the complicated professor.
"The Jewish people, use to take matzah bread with herbs and lamb and eat a wrap during Passover. Even the English, have claimed to have created such a complex delicacy. So the story goes. A duke was having dinner with several royal members and told his servers 'Bring me fine thin cut meat and tuck it between bread'. This intrigued his guests so much, that each one had told their servers 'Bring me what Sandwich is having'. And so forth from that day on the tucked meat was named after the duke."
The room seemed to have a different impact. Students lit up to the lecture and the teacher smiled at them. Continuing his speech as held up his own piece of history for his onlookers.
"Many take claim to it. Many have even improved the sandwich over time. 'Improvement' is just another fine thing we come across looking at History. The creativity of man is never ending. In fact this sandwich is just one example. From a simple binding of bread and meat to burgers, hot dogs, gourmet subs, to calzones. This practice alone, shows what history can bring to us. It is a lesson that incites us, to move forward. To create and further develop."
Hands scrabbled as they wrote down his words. "We can find this example is many things. From weapons evolving from a knife to the complex tank. To even transportation from the wheel into the jets we use today. History. Ladies and gentlemen is a great gift."
Tugging along his blazer the simple man prepares his lesson as the younger crowd of people wait in suspense. Armed with pen and paper, ready for the upcoming lecture that would soon take place.
To their dismay, their mentor pulls out his own brown paper bag and centers it along his desk. The students become baffled as they give him puzzled looks as he stares back at them hoping some type of inspiration would seep forth from their absent minds.
"Well? Tell me what you see here." the grey man stood behind his desk. Bracing his hands along the edge of the furniture awaiting his reply. From the back of his room came an answer, filled with an irked tone.
"Your lunch?" the answer came yet as a question itself.
"Wrong!" with a flick of his hand he turned the bag onto its side, spilling it's contents of a plastic wrapped meal. "Let's look closer!" calling out to his class he waved his arm out in display of the luncheon delight. With no answer following up afterwards from his confused audience, the teacher shook his head and unwrapped his lunch. Showing off a basic sandwich within his open palm.
"A sandwich?" cried out another.
"You aren't wrong, but not what this lesson pertains to." voices filled the air as light sounds gave way to a sudden wave that displayed nothing but confusion. "This is history! Let me tell you why, that this simple thing! Is a great example as to why History is so well respected. That History is something worth studying. And why History can make a person better."
Several of his onlookers shook their heads, unimpressed by these antics. Unaware of the lesson at hand and clearly showing signs that they believed this man was indeed insane.
Presenting his hand for his next set of words he began his lesson.
"This 'delectable morsel's' history. Is shrouded in mystery. And 'mystery' is one of the main points on why we study History today. To uncover mysteries." this phrase piqued some people in the room. More of the proper students taking down notes as they kept a shrewd gaze. Listening intently, though their attention would soon falter if he had not gotten his point across.
"They say the sandwich, was invented by many countries. In Dutch, they first created the sandwich utilizing flat bread they used as a mat for holding their food. This 'Trencher' as they called it was either discarded, given as alms to the poor, or as dogfood. Some even ate it as a post meal snack, with the sauces from the meal adding flavor to the bread. Today we call this trend an 'open face sandwich.' "
Pen began to scribble and fill the room, though barely as the class slowly returned their attention to the complicated professor.
"The Jewish people, use to take matzah bread with herbs and lamb and eat a wrap during Passover. Even the English, have claimed to have created such a complex delicacy. So the story goes. A duke was having dinner with several royal members and told his servers 'Bring me fine thin cut meat and tuck it between bread'. This intrigued his guests so much, that each one had told their servers 'Bring me what Sandwich is having'. And so forth from that day on the tucked meat was named after the duke."
The room seemed to have a different impact. Students lit up to the lecture and the teacher smiled at them. Continuing his speech as held up his own piece of history for his onlookers.
"Many take claim to it. Many have even improved the sandwich over time. 'Improvement' is just another fine thing we come across looking at History. The creativity of man is never ending. In fact this sandwich is just one example. From a simple binding of bread and meat to burgers, hot dogs, gourmet subs, to calzones. This practice alone, shows what history can bring to us. It is a lesson that incites us, to move forward. To create and further develop."
Hands scrabbled as they wrote down his words. "We can find this example is many things. From weapons evolving from a knife to the complex tank. To even transportation from the wheel into the jets we use today. History. Ladies and gentlemen is a great gift."
Having tenure must be great.
I remember the story of the Duke of Sandwich, though unless my memory ails me, he coined the confection while he was playing a game of cards and didn't want to divert his attention from the game.
Still, as enjoyable as the history lesson was I don't feel there was much in terms of story. I like the professor, he seems like an interesting fellow, and I'd love to read more about him. I just don't feel this story explores him as much as it could have.
I remember the story of the Duke of Sandwich, though unless my memory ails me, he coined the confection while he was playing a game of cards and didn't want to divert his attention from the game.
Still, as enjoyable as the history lesson was I don't feel there was much in terms of story. I like the professor, he seems like an interesting fellow, and I'd love to read more about him. I just don't feel this story explores him as much as it could have.
This could use a bit of polishing for punctuation and pronoun confusion, especially the first half with the students. "Bracing his hands along the edge of the furniture awaiting his reply." especially threw me, since I'd normally say 'their reply' (I guess the reply can be considered 'his', since he's requested it, but...) Starting that sentence with an -ing word also caused problems for me, but I don't actually know what the rule about that is. I should learn sentence diagramming so I can give more concrete explanations for myself sometime...
I often say, in my minific reviews, that stories should have more theme or plot. This one actually does both, and it does them fairly well. However, taking the obvious route (of course a scene in a classroom should have a lesson, :P ) means this ends up feeling very obvious and blatant, which... has it's own problems. Still, I like this for what it is, and I did enjoy the professors character.
I often say, in my minific reviews, that stories should have more theme or plot. This one actually does both, and it does them fairly well. However, taking the obvious route (of course a scene in a classroom should have a lesson, :P ) means this ends up feeling very obvious and blatant, which... has it's own problems. Still, I like this for what it is, and I did enjoy the professors character.
There's an interesting premise here, and I like the idea of taking the sandwich as a paradigm of the constant strive for improvement and technological prowess so characteristic of the Human mind.
However this premise is somewhat buried under a shallow execution and too much grammar mistakes to shine, which is a pity. My advice would be to rewrite this story once the round is over, taking your time to proofread/edit and explore the teacher's psychology more in depth.
(And I apologise if I sound curt.)
However this premise is somewhat buried under a shallow execution and too much grammar mistakes to shine, which is a pity. My advice would be to rewrite this story once the round is over, taking your time to proofread/edit and explore the teacher's psychology more in depth.
(And I apologise if I sound curt.)
I'd echo the earlier comments regarding the story needing a good spit and polish. Aside from the punctuation and grammar mistakes, there are quite a few clunky and run-on sentences present throughout. Absolutely nothing that wouldn't be treated by a good (deadline-free) edit session, however, and I feel pretty convinced that timing just got the better of you on this occasion.
The piece itself is interesting, though the fact that it tries to sit on two shelves and ends up getting stuck between them weakens it, in my opinion. The history lesson, and its implications/reflections, make for an good read, and would have stood strongly on its own. The fact that it's presented through a narrative frame of a professor imparting wisdom and knowledge to his charges, though, makes me want more actual story, and as that's not forthcoming the final product feels somewhat lacking.
Might be a stretch for the professor to call the trencher (during its earlier occurances) a sandwich outright, too. Certainly, when placing it in the context of the evolution of the sandwich we might consider it to be an open top one, but that's more of a contemporary label being reactively applied, and they would make for pretty horrible (stale) sandwiches. They were plates, first and foremost.
Still, this was trying something a little different, and I like that. Thanks for sharing.
The piece itself is interesting, though the fact that it tries to sit on two shelves and ends up getting stuck between them weakens it, in my opinion. The history lesson, and its implications/reflections, make for an good read, and would have stood strongly on its own. The fact that it's presented through a narrative frame of a professor imparting wisdom and knowledge to his charges, though, makes me want more actual story, and as that's not forthcoming the final product feels somewhat lacking.
Might be a stretch for the professor to call the trencher (during its earlier occurances) a sandwich outright, too. Certainly, when placing it in the context of the evolution of the sandwich we might consider it to be an open top one, but that's more of a contemporary label being reactively applied, and they would make for pretty horrible (stale) sandwiches. They were plates, first and foremost.
Still, this was trying something a little different, and I like that. Thanks for sharing.