Hm, interesting tale of a vampire hunter. I'm not sure it was a good idea to wait so late to introduce the motivation of Jeroum's daughter. Not that it really recontextualizes things, but that's kind of the point: you change what the context is, but that change doesn't end up mattering or draw me into the story any more. I was actually afraid it would be completely extraneous and open-ended, but you did conclude it. For that matter, why wait until so late to finally name him a vampire? For all that, I do appreciate that it comes to a neat ending. The only part of the writing itself I'd point out is this passage, where you had a lot of repetitive word choice—3 uses of "seem" in only a few sentences.

At first, little was visible, the leaves trembled and seemed to flicker, though they flashed so quickly from green to orange to dead brown that they still seemed an autumn jumble for a while. But then the twigs drew back, and limbs shrank towards the trunk, and its height diminished, the lofty top seeming to collapse down towards me.

Cute tale. Based on the ending, I can't tell whether the frog is law enforcement himself or just seeking justice on his own. The one thing that bugged me is that in several places, it seems to be speaking to an audience, but I can't tell who that audience would be, particularly since it's in present tense, meaning he's narrating it to an audience in real time, as it happens. If so, then why wasn't his audience helping him? Sometimes people still tell past events in present tense, but that still gets back to who his audience is and why he's telling them this story. You misspelled the name as "Creasote" in one spot.

Hey, this was cute! I love a little story of mental oneupmanship, and though this one is quite compressed (as is the nature of minifics. gosh, I've missed these) I thoroughly enjoyed our protagonist's little bait and switch trap on Creosote.

I am feeling extremely nostalgic as I get to say "I disagree with Pascoite", but... I disagree with Pascoite about the implied presence of the audience. To me, this story has almost a gentle fourth wall break to the narration - less metafiction, but more the charm of a story winking as it acknowledges it's audience. Very "*record scratch* *freeze frame* yep, that's me" etc etc. But in this case, I think it really works without being corny at all - in fact, that style of narrative is here really reworked to build character for our protagonist, and it gives very good "smug wizard" vibes.

I think my main issue with this one is that it feels a tad too constrained by the format? It's complete, and it works, but I'm left craving something that was a bit more of a back-and-forth, or something that had a bit more room to foreshadow the solution. But for what it was, I really enjoyed it anyway - even as I was reading through, I didn't make the hydrogen -> water connection until it was spelled out, and that helped reinforce the sense of smug but competent wizard for our protagonist that is exactly what I crave from this sort of story. So it's not so much a problem as something that leaves me craving more, so all things considered that's pretty good!

Speaking of things leaving me craving more: aaaaa how dare you name drop this cool magic mouse mentor figure in the first paragraph literally just to set up the premise and then throw her away 😭 it's economical and works, but have you considered that she's really precious to me? Jokes aside, it was a cool way to structure this story! I've talked before (oh my god years ago why did I stop doing this) about how much I adore a story that never quite lets the audience catch their balance, and you nail it here with this opening, which sets the tone very well. Reading this story feels like being lead along a narrow path at great speed, knowing that if the person leading me slows down I'm going to lose my balance and fall but trusting them not to, and that trust is very well placed.

In conclusion: hi I liked this! This was cool! The magic system was cool! Delva was cool! Really fun, no particular complaints, and damn does it feel good to read minifics again - in no small part due to this one's strengths. Sorry for rambling it's very late here.

Damn and this time I get to say "I agree with Pascoite". It's really a blast from the past for me tonight!

Author, this was really neat! Jeroum's voice is really well-defined as a single-minded hunter dead-set on a mission, and Laskuthur makes for a fun villain. Who doesn't love to see a villain taken down a notch or two by something they didn't see coming? The penultimate paragraph in particular is a delight. Is this moment a bit of an overdone trope? Yes. Because it's good entertainment. Obviously.

I must say though that I found some of the style choice, particularly the more archaic and floral aspects of the prose, just a bit off. I like the idea here, and it does help sell the fantasy elements in a way, and it works for a lot of the piece (especially Laskuthur's voice), but there's a few places where the prose seems to straddle the line of the archaic and the modern in a way that made me feel a little unstuck in time? "Abuzzing" was a particular offender for ending a clause that felt a little over the top, and having a bit of a softly poetic sound to it that almost hard threw me into a kind of lyrical headspace? And the following clause managed to combine "thence" and "with a yank", and at that point you'd kinda lost me for a bit, if I'm honest. I think the piece would benefit from a more consistently archaic voice, perhaps toning down the lyricism which feels at odds with the grim and determined attitude of Jeroum.

That said: loved the story here. Like I said on The Way of Water, I love a story with a protagonist blindsiding their antagonist, and while this story is a slower burn that takes the reader along for the ride with the aftermath I think it still very much presses those buttons for me. Pascoite's discussion of the pacing aside, I like that overall the piece kept a fairly relentless march forward, and that's part of why the voicing hit so well for me despite my issues with some of the wordings. And there's something really quite beautiful about this elegant solution to the problem of vampires: it's a story of, in a sense, both Nature and Time taking back something that typically is presented as opposed to them both. A poetic justice, as well as a cool way to overcome a difficult obstacle. The note of hope and beauty that the piece ends on is spot-on, and really sells that theme.

In conclusion: I liked this one too! The magic felt genuinely awe-inspiring, as good magic should, and the relief at defeating the villain was palpable - impressive, in the word limit. I'm very glad to have popped my head into the writeoff again 'cos this was a fun read. Now if you could kindly explain the title to me I'll be even happier, because I'm even more lost after googling Dweomer than I was before I looked it up 🥲

>>Pascoite
>>QuillScratch

Thanks, folks!

For the past month, I've been putting together the outline for a possible poetry collection to be called "The Frog Wizard's Notebook." So I've got these characters and situations bouncing around in my head, and seeing the minific contest coming up, I submitted this prompt in the hope that it would get picked, and then wrote this little squib to clarify my thoughts on how magic is going to work in this talking-animal universe I'm building.

One of the narrative conceits I'm playing with is that Our Hero--I haven't come up with a name for him yet and might just have everyone call him the Frog Wizard throughout; I dunno--always has this inner monologue going on with an eye toward the autobiography he knows he'll eventually be writing. What we're seeing is the notebook he's constructing in his head while the actual events play out around him. But again, I'm not sure if I wanna really do that... :)

Mike

>>Pascoite, >>QuillScratch

A Gleam of Glamour

Thank you for the excellent and perceptive comments! 'Grats to Baal on taking the gold.

I didn't have a strong idea for this prompt, so I decided to use a scene I've had in mind for years about a mage using time magic to redirect the power of a growing tree into shattering a stone barrier. I liked the idea of the taproot piercing a vampire's heart so I went with that in this instance. I sadly lacked the space and time to go back to the beginning and lay the foreshadowing to spark interest in the later elements, but will be sure to do so if I expand this little draft sketch into a full story.

The title was supposed to refer to a phial of fluid magic, but it seems in this case to have had only a tangential connection to the prompt. So it often goes.

Thanks again for your comments and your interest!

This is really unique and cool! I just joined lol, I love them being frogs. Using water from its blood reminded me of Avatar bloodbending