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Why Can't You See Me? · She-Ra Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
Show rules for this event
Sightless
A/N: So, I was thinking; what if instead of Adora's back, Catra had scratched her eyes? Been a while since I saw the S1 finale, so sorry about all the wonky details. This is also my first time descriving a battle, so apologies if it sucks. Hope you enjoy the story never the less! :)

To say Adora was in pain would be the understatement of the century.

Not even menstrual pain could compare to the feeling of her former best friend's claws digging into her.

Catra cackled, fleeing the scene after injuring her former comrade.

"Adora!" Swift Wind cried, having witnessed the entire ordeal.

The Princess of Power tried to locate her trusty steed, but found she couldn't see him, or anything else for that matter.

("Wait, what?! Why can't I see anything?!") Adora internally panicked, trying desperately to ascertain her surroundings.

Soon enough, she heard 4 hooves landing in front of her.

"Adora, thank the First Ones! C'mon, let's get outta here!" The flying unicorn said, spreading his beautiful multicolored wings.

Adora tried walking to Swift Wind, but ventured off in the opposite direction.

"Uh, Adora? I'm over here." Swift Wind deadpanned, thinking it was just a joke.

"Swiftie?" Adora asked, walking in another direction. "I can't see you!"

Swift Wind gasped, closed his wings, and raced over to the former Horde soldier.

"Adora, why can't you see me?" Swift Wind panicked.

"I don't know! All I know is that Catra scratched me and then all of a sudden I can't see anything!" Adora frantically explained.

"You don't think she-?" Swift Wind covered his mouth with a wing as a horrible realization hit him like a ton of bricks.

"What is it, Swiftie?"

"Adora, please promise me you won't freak out."

"Why would I-?"

She was interrupted by Swift Wind covering her mouth.

"Adora....." Swift Wind took a deep breath, knowing what he was about to tell his best friend would be hard for her to hear. "I think Catra blinded you."

Adora gasped and covered her mouth, not believing what she had just heard.

In the Horde, blind soldiers, useless to Hordak, were either kicked out or even...."taken care of" in the incinerator.

"Hey, hey, it's gonna be ok, Adora." Swift Wind soothed.

The blonde hadn't even realized she had started crying until she felt Swift Wind wiping her tears with his wing.

"No......" Adora sobbed, collapsing to her knees and shedding her magical form, grasping her sword like it was a lifeline.

"Oh, Adora....c'mere, follow my voice." Swift Wind offered, opening his wings.

The former Force Captain walked over to her steed and bawled, shoving her face into Swift Wind's withers.

"Sh.....it's gonna be okay, Adora, it's gonna be ok...." Swift Wind soothed, rubbing her back with his wing.

Hearing Adora cry shattered the flying unicorn heart into a million pieces, but he couldn't show his feelings now. There would be time for that after they drove the Horde out of Bright Moon.

It was then that he decided Adora wasn't safe here. He had to get her out of there, before she got hurt, or worse.

"Adora, I'm gonna get you out of here, okay? I'll explain everything to the Queen later."

Too tired and panicked to argue, Adora nodded after wiping her tears, and climbed onto Swift Wind's back.

The flying unicorn took to the skies, carrying his injured-possibly-blinded passenger inside the castle and over to the infirmary, miraculously without injuring her even further.

Swift Wind bridal carried Adora to a vacant bed, gently laid her down, and tucked her in.

"I'll be back when it's all over, ok?" Swift Wind, promised, giving Adora a hug.

Adora nodded, and quickly fell asleep. Swift Wind tiptoed out of the room as quietly as he could, closing the door behind him.

Swift Wind was horrified at the sight of the pedestal holding the Moonstone, the source of Queen Angella and Princess Glimmer's magic, about to fall over.

Suddenly, much to his and the Rebellion's relief, Princess Frosta arrived just in time to freeze the pedestal.

"I hope I'm not too late." The 12 year old remarked.

"No, you're right on time." Glimmer reassured, then began scanning her surroundings.

"Bow, have you seen Adora?"

The archer fired an arrow at an arrow at a Horde tank as he thought.

"No, not since she and Catra started duking it out. Why?"

"I can't find her!" Glimmer elaborated, punching a Horde Soldier that was about to attack Bow. "You don't think something happened to her, do you?"

"What if she got captured?!" Bow panicked.

Glimmer gasped as she round house kicked a soldier, knowing her best friend's theory was far from a stretch.

She swallowed the urge to teleport inside each tank and rip it apart looking for Adora, remembering her mother's talk about impulsive behaviour, and the fact that defending Bright Moon was more important right now.

Meanwhile, Swift Wind placed Adora's sword down in front of him, debating whether or not to try transforming into Swift-Ra.

("Swift Wind, you handsome devil, are you out of your mind?! It won't work!") Part of him argued.

("Its worth a shot anyway!") The other part argued. ("Our best friend is hurt, and we may just be the Rebellion's only shot at keeping Bright Moon safe from the Horde!")

His decision made, Swift Wind knew there was only one thing left to do.

"FOR THE HONOUR OF GRAYSKULL!"

Swift Wind felt himself getting taller. In a burst of magical flame, horse shoes with red skirts appeared on all four hooves. His mane became longer and blew in a non existent wind, becoming braided, and a modified version on She Ra's tiara appeared on his head, accommodating his horn. Swift Wind threw the sword, and stomped his front hooves causing an elaborate chest plate to form. He caught the sword, somersaulted, and struck a pose.

Glimmer and Bow stood there with their jaws on the floor, unsure of what had just happened.

"Uh, Bow? Either I'm dreaming, or Swift Wind just turned into She Ra."

"If you're dreaming, then we're *both* dreaming."

"Swift-Ra, thank you very much." Swift Wind corrected. "Wait, what?!" He panicked, the Princess and archer's words finally hitting him.

"Fight now, panic later!" Netossa cried, trapping one of the Horde tanks in her namesake. "Now, babe!"

Spinerella nodded, using her powers to lift Sea Hawk's burning ship onto another Horde battalion.

Glimmer teleported onto Sea Hawk's burning ship, and, after timing it *just right,* teleported both of them off, dropping Sea Hawk into Mermistas arms.

Meanwhile, in a blind rage, Swift Wind was dead set on finding Catra and making her pay for what she did to his best friend. He landed and hopped from tank to tank, crushing them like steel cans.

Swift Wind smiled evilly when he saw that mangy fleabag Adora used to call a best friend barking orders at her fellow soldiers.

The flying unicorn pounced on the Force Captain, knocking her out cold.

Swift Wind cursed to himself. He hoped that she could be stayed conscious, so he could threaten her.

But, there was one thing he *could* do.....

"Force Captain Catra, in the name of the Rebellion, I, Swift Wind, hereby place you under arrest."

Swift-Ra picked Catra up and lazily threw her onto his back, not caring if she broke her neck.

"Oh no you don't!" Another Force Captain, a mix between woman and scorpion, cried, rushing over to Swift Wind.

Scorpia reached out one of her crustaceous arms to grab Catra.

Before she could even make a move, Swift Wind turned his head and bit her, the sound of bones breaking amusing him to no end.

Scorpia fled, heading to the Horde's first aid tent.

("They're so tough until you break their limbs. Then, they run like the cowards they are.") Swift Wind thought, laughing to himself as he flew back to the castle dropping Catra off in the Bright Moon dungeon, making sure to pick the dirtiest cell. He spat on Catra, slammed the cell door shut and threw himself back into the battle.

If the situation wasn't so serious, Swift Wind would've started laughing. With one Force Captain down for the count and the other in Rebellion custody, the Horde soldiers were running around like decapitated chickens, desperately trying to win the battle.

("Idiots. Don't they already know they're screwed?") Swift Wind thought to himself, rolling his magenta eyes.

Despite being tasked with protecting Bright Moon's runestone, Adora's sudden disappearance from the battle field did not escape her attention. She prayed to the First Ones that the Princess of Power was ok. The last thing the Rebellion needed was a fallen She Ra.

Speaking of She Ra......had Swift Wind just turned into the flying unicorn equivalent, or were all those sleepless nights after her husband's passing finally catching up to her?

Angella shook her head. She would demand an explanation from the flying steed later. At the moment, her only priorities were keeping the Moonstone and her kingdom safe.

Princess Perfuma of Plumeria may be a pacifist at heart, but when a fellow kingdom was in danger, the floral princess didn't hesitate to come assist.

Now, however, she felt tired, like she needed to recharge. But she couldn't go back to her runestone, not until she knew that Bright Moon (and the Whispering Woods) would both be okay.

Perfuma sent a vine over to a Horde tank, snapping it like a stick.

Mermista of Salineas once associated the saying "Beware the nice ones." with her.

("Oh, beware the nice ones indeed.") Perfuma silently concurred, snapping another tank in the same fashion as the first.

"Need a hoof? I've got four." The Princess heard a voice offer.

Perfuma turned to see Adora's horse. What was his name, Fast Breeze?

"Much appreciated. Want to crush tanks together?"

"Last one to finish is a rusty horseshoe!" Swift Wind challenged, taking off.

Perfuma shook her head at Swift Wind's childish challenge, but destroyed tanks anyway, knowing how cathartic it felt.

Swift Wind destroyed some tanks, cheering to himself all the while. Who knew destroying things could be so much fun?! No wonder Adora likes hitting punching bags so much.

Adora.....

Swift Wind back as worried at the thought of her. Would she be okay? Would she ever see again? What if her blindness was permanent?!

Swift Wind was too distracted by his thoughts to notice a Horde soldier dragging him off the tank he was standjng on by his tail.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Lonnie questioned. "If you think you're going to win, you're out of your mind."

"Oh, honey, I came here to eat apples and kick butt. And I'm all out of apples." Swift Wind sassed, promptly knocking Lonnie and a string of other Horde soldiers unconscious.

Back at the castle, the princesses tried their best to defend Bright Moon, neither wanting to admit that they were getting their butts handed to them.

("Where's Adora when you need her?!") Glimmer internally panicked, breaking a Horde soldier's jaw.

Swift Wind landed in front of the girls, overly optimistic despite the current situation.

"You girls ready to end this once and for all?" Swift Wind asked, speaking around the sword in his mouth.

Glimmer sighed in relief. "Never thought you'd ask, Swiftie. Let's do this!"

The princesses glowed as they placed their arms on each other's shoulders. Sea Hawk and Bow joined in for moral support, the latter's chestplate glowing.

Swift Wind raised Adora's sword, and sent out a rainbow wave that defeated the Horde in one fell swoop.

After the Horde's defeat, the princesses celebrated hugging each other, (making out in Spinerella and Netossa's case) and cheering.

Swift Wind was overjoyed, but he also wanted to check on Adora.

Before he could leave, however, Queen Angella landed, She Hawk and all the other princesses paying their respects. Angella acknowledged a few of them, before turning to Glimmer and pulling her into a hug, inviting Swift Wind in.

Swift Wind hesitated. He would never normally turn down a hug from the Queen, but he was worried about Adora.

Bow squealed and ran into the hug, dragging Swift Wind behind him.

Queen Angella opened her wings so she could hug her daughter, her best friend, and the loyal steed.

Then, a question she had suppressed since the battle had jumped to her tongue.

"Swift Wind?"

"Your Majesty?"

"Where is Adora?"

Swift Wind nudged his head toward the castle, silently expressing his desire to explain privately.

"Of course." Angella scooped her daughter up and Bow climbed onto Swift Wind's back.

After thanking the Princesses for their help, Angella and Swift Wind flew back to the castle.

~~ONE EXPLANATION LATER~~

Angella gasped. Glimmer teleported to her room, Blow running after her.

"I know this was hard to hear. I *really* hope it isn't true." Swift Wind said.

The sound of Glimmer crying broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Swift Wind. Check on Adora while I comfort my daughter." Angella ordered.

"Yes, my Queen." Swift Wind saluted, leaving at once.

The flying horse was about to enter the infirmary, but was stopped by the head nurse.

"You can't go in there."

"I sure can under Queen Angella's authority. She wanted me to check on Adora." Swift Wind explained.

The head nurse excused herself, and entered the infirmary.

"I'm sorry, Adora will never see again." The nurse disclosed.

Swift Wind gasped in horror as his worst fear was realized.

"No........" Swift Wind breathed in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, we tried everything we could to save her vision."

Having heard enough, Swift Wind flew out of a castle window.

Meanwhile, Glimmer's cries were slowly turning into sniffles.

"Shhh, Mommy's here." Angella soothed, holding her daughter.


After a while, the Queen began to realize that it had been a while since she had ordered Swift Wind to check on Adora. Had that horse gotten lost *again?!*

A knock sounded at Glimmers door.

"My Queen?"

Angella would recognize the head nurse's voice any day of the week.

"Enter." She commanded, offering Glimmer a tissue.

The head nurse obeyed her Queen's command at once.

"Am I interrupting something, Your Majesty?"

"No, Vidalia. What news do you bring?"

Vidalia removed her nurse's cap.

"We tried everything we could, but unfortunately, Princess Adora was permanently blinded in the battle."

Angella gasped in horror. How could the Rebellion stand a chance against the Horde with a blinded She Ra?

"Where is Swift Wind?" Angella asked.

"He flew out of a window. I have no clue where he went, Your Majesty."

"I'll find him." Angella tucked her sleeping daughter in, kissed her on the forehead, and took off.

The Queen of Bright Moon knew of a spot Adora always retreated to when upset, and no doubt existed in her mind that Swift Wind would be there as well.

Angella landed and found Swift Wind facing away from her, gazing out at a lake surrounded by lush trees.

"Swift Wind?"

Swift Wind replayed the moment when Catra robbed Adora of her sight in his head. Why hadn't he done anything to stop it?!

Swift Wind whimpered, tears racing down his cheeks. Unable to hold his composure any longer, Swift Wind fell to his knees, bawling hysterically.

Angella calmly approached the crying unicorn, crouched down, and gave him a hug.

"I don't deserve to be Adora's steed! How could I have let her go blind?! Why didn't I do anything to stop that mangy fleabag??" Swift Wind cried, his tears beginning to form a small puddle.

"You are not to blame for this Swift Wind. If anyone deserves to be blamed for this, it's Catra." Angella spat the Force Captain's name like a deadly poison as she momentarily released the flying unicorn to wipe his tears.

The more Swift Wind tried to calm down, the more he cried. Why couldn't he have been blinded instead of Adora?

Swift Wind bawled into Angella's shirt.

"Everything's going to be ok, Swift Wind. I promise."
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#1 · 2
· · >>QuillScratch
Welcome to the WriteOff!

(I hope you are new, otherwise I'm going to look very silly come reveal-time.)

First of all, that author's note. I know it's common practice in some fanfic circles, but we don't do that here. It's a let-the-story-speak-for-itself sort of deal. So if Adora's had her eyes scratched out, the story should be telling me that, not the author's note. And personally, I think you should never apologise for what you've written (unless it's actually hurt someone).

Now, beyond that, I think there are three areas you can focus on for improvement. The first is prose.

Take this for example: “The flying unicorn said, spreading his beautiful multicolored wings.”

It's quite common in fanfic circles to refer to characters by their descriptions like this. The flying unicorn, the Princess of Power, the blonde etc. But you very rarely see it in professional writing. And so those of us who like to think we're good writers tend to avoid it and use names instead: Swift Wing said. Try it. It'll make your writing look a lot cleaner and less amateurish.

As for the second part “his beautiful multicoloured wings.” I think in this case, you'd be better off just writing “his wings.” Similarly, elsewhere you write “rolling his magenta eyes”. Instead, try “rolling his eyes”. We already know what he looks like, so there's no need to squeeze description here. Don't get me wrong. There is a place for description, but it's not here.

The second area is perspective.

In your first paragraph you bounce back and forth between Adora's perspective and Swift Wind's. Generally, it's better to pick one character's perspective and stick with it, describing things from their point of view. This limits what you can say: If you choose Adora, you wouldn't want to be describing things visually, for example.

Again, this is a matter of convention rather than a hard rule, and there are other ways of doing it, even in the professional sphere, but limiting you perspective to one character is usually easiest.

The third area is focus.

You've got a clear premise here – what is Catra blinded Adora? – but your story doesn't really reflect that. The bulk of it consists of Swift Wind running about in battle while Adora is just hanging out in bed. I'd suggest you decide what you want to do with your premise and focus on that. Do you want to give us the emotional fallout of a blind Adora? Then best skip over the battle. Do you want to show us how the battle goes without Adora? Then focus on that – (and consider if you really want Adora to be blinded, since it's not really necessary to take her out of the picture.)

I think those three areas should be your priorities. If it's a bit overwhelming, try working on each of them in turn.
#2 · 2
· · >>QuillScratch
this entry was the only one that thought of taking the prompt given us quite so literally! adora being blinded by catra's claws does make for an interesting premise, after all, and you've given us not only her own reaction to the terrible news, but also the thoughts and feelings of all the characters around her regarding the same. there's also a line of wacky humour that runs through the story, a counterpoint to the sadness and despair that one would ordinarily imagine a story about blindness would include.

the points of view from which the story is written are numerous, and you bounce around from one to another easily. this isn't necessarily a bad thing: third person omniscient narratives - stories which do not limit themselves to one POV, and which have a narrator who seems to know everything that goes on in all the characters' minds at all times - exist for a reason, and i myself have read quite a few well-known, well-written stories which make use of this style of narration. however, they require both a focal point (as scramblers has so kindly mentioned above) and a purpose; we see some of the latter here, it being to show the reader what a battle (both physically and emotionally) without adora would look like, unrestricted by the confines of only one or two points of view, but what the narration lacks is the former.

scramblers has already talked about focal point with regards to plot, so i'll mention here focal point with regards to setting. we have one large setting here - bright moon and the areas which the battle affects - but we also have a few smaller ones, and if you're going to move between these smaller settings, a mere weak scene break would help the reader understand that we're not in the infirmary anymore, but in the midst of the battle near the moonstone, and so on. changing the point of view is not enough: in the scene where swift wind looks out at the moonstone's pedestal about to fall over, the narrative view not only shifts to glimmer but also from the safety of the castle straight into the middle of the battle outside; the reader would find this sudden, and have to accommodate in their mind both the shifting POV and the shifting setting.

this entry was overall a good attempt, but just a little solid groundwork would help make it much better.
#3 · 1
·
Gonna start with the elephant in the room: as >>Scramblers and Shadows touches on, author's notes aren't really common in writeoff entries. I think this might actually be the third time I've ever seen one, and I’ve been doing this for a while now. I don't actually think they're something we should avoid—there's a lot you can do with author's notes, and they have a long history in fanfiction that I don't think we can so easily brush aside. So let's open with this caveat: author's notes in writeoffs, while unusual, are not a bad thing, and I don't want to discourage anyone from trying them out if they want to. It's up to each of us to decide how we want to use our word count, after all.

That said, I wanted to take a bit of time to talk about the author's note in this story, because it does a couple of things that aren't necessarily for the best.

The first thing your author's note does is to state the premise of the entry. This is not a particularly uncommon thing in fanfiction, and there are a few good reasons for it; most importantly, it gives readers a bit of a heads up for the kind of story they're getting in a very different way than a story description might (and, of course, we are in a setting where story descriptions aren't a thing, so this use makes a bit of sense). That said, this story goes on to try and build a little tension with the build-up to (and revelation of) that premise, and to me that feels like you're trying to have your cake and eat it. By telling us straight-up that this is a story about Catra scratching Adora's eyes—and naming your story Sightless—you rob Adora's panic of a fair amount of its emotional weight, which makes the start of this piece a lot less powerful than it otherwise could be. To your credit, it's clear that you're trying to work around this: the brevity of the opening shows that you're not trying to keep that tension dragged out for a Big Reveal™, but rather to give us that immediate moment of panic. I think there are better ways to achieve this, and I do think your author's note harms the attempt, but it was nice to see that you weren't unaware of this.

This bit of the author's note also plays into the focus issue that Scramblers highlights above. You absolutely highlight to us that Adora's blindness is going to be the focal point of this story, which is hammered home with the title, and that sets me up as a reader to expect a character-driven story about Adora coping with that. This is... not the story we get, to put it mildly. This misdirection doesn't read too well, and left me feeling disoriented throughout this piece as I waited for us to get back to what I thought the plot was supposed to be. I don't think this problem would be nearly so bad without the author's note guiding us to the wrong conclusion.

The other half of your author's note is as time-honoured a tradition as any in fanfiction: acknowledging our own failings as authors. I don't have too much to say on this, because I'm a little bit torn—as a reviewer in a workshop context, it's quite valuable to me to know what your immediate issues with the piece are, as that's absolutely going to help me give better feedback, but as a judge in a competition context we'll shelve it under "not the best first impression in writeoff history". Obviously everyone comes to the writeoffs with different expectations and priorities, so this isn't a criticism, but thought it was worth mentioning regardless.

The smiley, however, just puts the reader in a good mood. I actually can't fault that, it's a good touch.

Let's move on to the piece itself. The prose could use a little work: your paragraphing in particular stands out, as the piece is almost exclusively formed of sharp, short paragraphs. There are a lot of places where I'm just not sure why you've given us a paragraph break, because the sentences flow on from each other naturally and comfortably. Let's take a look at an example:

Before he could leave, however, Queen Angella landed, She Hawk and all the other princesses paying their respects. Angella acknowledged a few of them, before turning to Glimmer and pulling her into a hug, inviting Swift Wind in.

Swift Wind hesitated. He would never normally turn down a hug from the Queen, but he was worried about Adora.

Bow squealed and ran into the hug, dragging Swift Wind behind him.


Your first paragraph break here is great for so many reasons, and I particularly love that it highlights Swift Wind's hesitancy. As the opening two sentences of a paragraph, you've also got the right idea going here: I love that snappy, three-word sentence, followed by a longer, thoughtful explanation. (That said, and this isn't advice I often give, but I'd love to see you show rather than tell here. You don't need to state "but he was worried about Adora", when you can show us that internal conflict with a something along the lines of a nervous glance around for Adora.) Bow's interruption of Swift Wind's thought process is a great bit of characterisation—although given the relative tragedy of the moment, perhaps "squealed" is not the best choice of word—and I really don't think that a new paragraph is the best place for it. By moving this into the same paragraph, you flow directly from one to the other, and just as Bow interrupts Swift Wind's thoughts so too does this sentence interrupt his bit of the narration.

Also, too many unnecessary paragraph breaks can just be tiring to read. I can justify it all fancy-like till the cows come home, but that's the most important reason to vary paragraph lengths. Everything else is just a bonus.

I've already overstayed my welcome in this review, so I'm going to quickly summarise a few other strengths and weaknesses of this piece:

• Despite issues, there's a lot of promise to the prose. I don't know how much the issues this piece has stem from time constraints, but there are some strong lines here, so either polish or experience (or perhaps both) are going to really make those shine.
• That said, be careful of falling into some of the more easily-avoidable traps of writing. Over-reliance on descriptions of characters instead of just their names, and overuse of saidisms where the word "said" would work just fine, drag this piece down. It's a tiny change that would really make a large difference.
• There are a few things that I rarely see outside of fanfiction that I think are also a detriment to this story. Lines like "~~ONE EXPLANATION LATER~~" feel almost comical in a situation that is anything but, and I think tools like this can make us somewhat lazy as writers. There are always creative ways around avoiding unnecessarily explaining things the audience already knows, or using those explanations for some other purpose so they don't feel wasteful. This story would be much better off with a more creative way of skipping that time.
• Thank you for bringing Swift-Ra into my life. This is a concept I did not think I needed. I was wrong.

I hope this comment is useful to you, author! After the contest is over, if you want to discuss any of the above (or indeed anything else writing related), I'm available in both the Writeoff and the She-Ra discord servers, and (as long as I'm not busy) am usually more than happy to talk about writing in general. I'll also take this moment to second the bulk of what Scramblers and >>salamander have said—their feedback is super great and also far less rambly than mine.
#4 · 1
·
I'm gonna chime in and say that while I think the author's note was unnecessary, I dig introducing metatext into the Writeoff. I've been wanting to test out story descriptions in pony rounds for a while now.

Pretty much everyone else has touched on what I want to, so I'll just bring up one thing.

How come Adora didn't come back, even at the end? The most interesting thing to me when I started the story was seeing Adora's reaction to her new disability. She's blind, not mute or dead — I want to know how she's handling/will handle this. Right now, this is a Swift Wind/Swift-Ra story instead of an Adora story, despite the fact that Adora has a much more interesting conflict.
#5 ·
·
I normally write up my reviews before reading the other ones, so I imagine someone's said this already. Author's notes aren't something we see around here. It's not against the rules or anything, just unexpected. But please, never apologize for what you've written, for two reasons. One, you're downplaying it before the reader even starts, so you risk biasing him against you. And two, you put in an honest effort writing it. That's nothing that warrants an apology. The other thing is they risk explaining something that the story really should. So if you're going to use one, be very careful about what you put in there.

Right away, I'm seeing mostly one-line paragraphs. You'd usually use those when you want to emphasize something and make it punchy, but if you do it too much, it makes reading it kind of choppy, plus if you use emphasis too much, it loses its effect. So consider which of these paragraphs you could combine into longer ones without losing anything.

I'm not sure why Adora needs Swift Wind to tell her she can't see. Wouldn't she notice that on her own?

Angella shook her head.

Oh, the "her attention" from a couple paragraphs before was Angella. It sure sounded like you meant Adora. So it's not just Swift Wind's and Adora's perspectives you're using. Another danger of switching perspective a lot is that it can be confusing.

You could use an omniscient narrator if you wanted, but it's not as simple as it sounds. Yes, an omniscient narrator can know what any character is doing or thinking, but the narrator cannot become each character as it skips around, so in places like this where you have the narration itself express a specific character's thought, you'd have to be careful not to do that.
Would she be okay? Would she ever see again? What if her blindness was permanent?!

It's surprisingly difficult to write an effective omniscient narration.

I'm kind of confused by the battle as well. Swift Wind seems to say the Horde forces had been routed once he injured Scorpia and captured Catra (beware making him seem OP), but later it says the battle is not going well for Bright Moon, just before the rest of the Horde force is taken out in a single shot.

There are some editing misses, but I'm not going to go into that because there'll be time to fix those up later, and as long as you can get a proficient enough editor to help you, they're also relatively easy things to address. So I'll just leave it that you should get someone who's willing to go through line by line and mark up what's needed mechanically, plus look for some stylistic things like closely repeated words and phrases.

You have some rather abrupt changes of perspective between various characters. It's a good idea to stick to one perspective in a scene, at least until you've gotten very comfortable with how to do a smooth transition and when it's worth it, and even then, using more than two in a scene is really pushing it. Since this is all in one scene, it would clarify things a lot to decide which one you wanted to use. That doesn't mean eliminating both of their character arcs here. You can still show what Adora's going through from what Swift Wind sees her do, for example. But that does mean he can only relate what he sees. If Adora's not where he can see her, he can't say what's going on with her.

What that can also help you do is decide whether you want to tackle both character arcs. It's definitely possible to, but one may be a lot more compelling than the other. Adora's the one that's had a huge change here. I'd like to see the aftermath to this, where we read how she's going to deal with being blinded. One big question to ask as an author is why it matters that the plot you've written happened. It obviously does in this case. Adora's going to have to change a lot to cope with her injury, but you stop the story before we get to her trying to think through all that, so you've set up and defined the conflict. Can you explore it now?

Though it is interesting that you give Swift Wind this much focus. The show never seems to. He got dropped for a long stretch of episodes, and when he finally came back, then we did get a much deeper look than any of the previous episodes had made. I like that you're giving him as much character development as the show ever has.