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I had:
The same question as >>Haze, actually...
I also wonder about using an omniscient narrator. I've submitted to markets where that's an automatic rejection for one thing, and for the second, I don't know that it adds anything to the story. I actually got a little bit confused as to the timeline when the narrator jumps us ahead two years immediately after the text exchange and then takes us back to some uncertain number of days after the exchange. I'm still not sure when Ellen's "press conference" takes place, for that matter...
Still, quite a fine story.
Mike
The same question as >>Haze, actually...
I also wonder about using an omniscient narrator. I've submitted to markets where that's an automatic rejection for one thing, and for the second, I don't know that it adds anything to the story. I actually got a little bit confused as to the timeline when the narrator jumps us ahead two years immediately after the text exchange and then takes us back to some uncertain number of days after the exchange. I'm still not sure when Ellen's "press conference" takes place, for that matter...
Still, quite a fine story.
Mike
Ni Hao!
Neatly written, but a bit difficult to connect with if you’re not living in California, or in the US in general. I feel there’s a lot of inside jokes or references I didn’t get because of my lack of familiarity with the background. Now I’ve been in S.F. so I’m not totally an alien here.
The story shifts focus pretty quickly and at random, and so it felt a bit disjointed to me. Also, I’m not sure what the story is about. Is it about how a Chinese family who blended perfectly into the American melting pot, or how resilient San Francisco would be in case of major catastrophes? I can’t really make up my mind. Also I don’t really see the added value of the developer/journalist scene.
And did one of them (the BIG ZHAO) die?
But, out of that, it’s a pretty neat story. Xe Xe!
Neatly written, but a bit difficult to connect with if you’re not living in California, or in the US in general. I feel there’s a lot of inside jokes or references I didn’t get because of my lack of familiarity with the background. Now I’ve been in S.F. so I’m not totally an alien here.
The story shifts focus pretty quickly and at random, and so it felt a bit disjointed to me. Also, I’m not sure what the story is about. Is it about how a Chinese family who blended perfectly into the American melting pot, or how resilient San Francisco would be in case of major catastrophes? I can’t really make up my mind. Also I don’t really see the added value of the developer/journalist scene.
And did one of them (the BIG ZHAO) die?
But, out of that, it’s a pretty neat story. Xe Xe!
This story was readable and enjoyable, but the tone, narrative style, and theme kept changing. It was difficult to get a handle on what this story was about.
>>Haze
>>Baal Bunny
>>Monokeras
>>Hap
A-ha! When I made finals I assumed this would be where I ended up.
So, fun fact about me, but I write my rough drafts with my head entirely up my own ass. I submitted this one anyways, thinking I had finally beaten my curse, but I slowly over the course of 2 hours after submission started picking flecks of you-know-what out of my hair and realized I had done no such thing.
But in short, this is a rough draft for something I'd like to make a hell of a lot longer... And better. Thanks to M. Bunny for pointing out the poor choice in narration. And to everyone for their comments in general. I'd like to think I have a good idea that needs much better execution.
I don't plan on dissecting this story much more than that, but I will leave my inspiration for those who are interested.
Oh, and this is a different Panda Express. You don't know it. It, uh... It goes to a different school...
>>Baal Bunny
>>Monokeras
>>Hap
A-ha! When I made finals I assumed this would be where I ended up.
So, fun fact about me, but I write my rough drafts with my head entirely up my own ass. I submitted this one anyways, thinking I had finally beaten my curse, but I slowly over the course of 2 hours after submission started picking flecks of you-know-what out of my hair and realized I had done no such thing.
But in short, this is a rough draft for something I'd like to make a hell of a lot longer... And better. Thanks to M. Bunny for pointing out the poor choice in narration. And to everyone for their comments in general. I'd like to think I have a good idea that needs much better execution.
I don't plan on dissecting this story much more than that, but I will leave my inspiration for those who are interested.
Oh, and this is a different Panda Express. You don't know it. It, uh... It goes to a different school...