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The Cycle of the Sun
The soft periwinkle stones of the Celestial tower rose sharply in front of Twilight.
The archaic monument, though out of place within Canterlot now, still maintained a certain regal aura that engulfed Twilight. Even the modern skyscrapers that brushed the tips of the sky seemed to lack the presence of the old palace grounds, and as Twilight weaved through the buildings, she saw her destination.
It was places that like this made her still feel like a student. The soft flutter of her wings as she landed outside in the courtyard brushed away that distant memory, however.
But it wasn’t nostalgia that had brought Twilight here.
She spared a moment to glance beyond the tower, towards the horizon. There, the sun flickered over the edges of the mountains, bobbing up and down like a great golden circle lost at sea.
Twilight looked down towards the gauntlet clasped on her right forehoof. The dimmed display lit up, showing the time.
7:37am.
The sun should have been in the sky ten minutes ago.
Squinting up the stonework, Twilight could make out the sparkling golden glow, fading in and out, that shone from the platform near the top.
She frowned and made her way inside.
The lobby also maintained its antiquated feel. Wooden chairs and desks, actual fur rugs instead of the synthetic ones. The only item breaking the illusion was the glow of the holo-terminal sitting on the desk, and the worried expression of the unicorn sat behind it. The secretary rose from her chair as Twilight entered, quickly shuffling across the hall to greet the princess.
“How is she?” Twilight asked.
The secretary shook her head, “I told her to wait for you… but she’s still struggling at it, Princess.”
“It’s okay, I’ll take care of it.”
Twilight sighed, heading towards the golden elevator in the corner of the room. The lift hummed lowly as she ascended, the only other noise being the slight ping from Twilight’s gauntlet letting her know she was missing her appointment. This would have to be quick.
Eventually, the lift slowed, and the doors opened
And there she was. After all these years, Twilight could still never mistake her for anypony else. Even with the greying hair, or the mature wrinkles surrounding her eyes.
Celestia stood at the far end of the room, out on the open platform. Her feet were planted solidly, back arched and head down, as she concentrated on the sun that sat on the skyline. Her horn burned with magic, the golden aura on her head blazed brightly for the briefest of movements.
Before sparking out and fizzling away, as the sun dropped in the sky.
Celestia didn’t turn to face Twilight, instead keeping her position as she forced more mana into her horn.
“Ah, Twilight!” Celestia strained out, “I just need… a few more minutes.” Each word was punctuated with a flash of yellow from her horn.
Twilight joined Celestia on the platform wordlessly and wrapped her wing around the other alicorn.
The purple aura from her horn intertwined with Celestia’s golden one, and slowly the sun rose on the edge of the sky, drifting upwards into the heavens.
Twilight was quick to separate afterwards, turning to make her exit.
“I’m sorry that this keeps happening, Twilight. I know you’re busy.”
Half-way across.
“Are you sure you can’t stay for a while?”
Even Twilight couldn’t ignore the emotion in that plea. She froze mid-step.
Twilight turned and looked at Celestia. She was almost leaning forward on her front hooves.
Twilight rose her forehoof and looked at her gauntlet. Missed message alerts and appointments pinged relentlessly on the screen.
And then up at her former teacher. Her eyes shone with a glow that was not dulled by age.
Twilight tapped a button on the side of her device, and the screen went dark.
Silent.
“Yes, of course, Celestia. It’s been a while.
The rest of the city could wait for now. This was more important.
Celestia smiled. Her mane seemed more iridescent and the creases on her face faded slightly. She led Twilight back into the room, her footsteps light and giddy.
“I have this new tea, I’m sure you’ll love it!”.
The archaic monument, though out of place within Canterlot now, still maintained a certain regal aura that engulfed Twilight. Even the modern skyscrapers that brushed the tips of the sky seemed to lack the presence of the old palace grounds, and as Twilight weaved through the buildings, she saw her destination.
It was places that like this made her still feel like a student. The soft flutter of her wings as she landed outside in the courtyard brushed away that distant memory, however.
But it wasn’t nostalgia that had brought Twilight here.
She spared a moment to glance beyond the tower, towards the horizon. There, the sun flickered over the edges of the mountains, bobbing up and down like a great golden circle lost at sea.
Twilight looked down towards the gauntlet clasped on her right forehoof. The dimmed display lit up, showing the time.
7:37am.
The sun should have been in the sky ten minutes ago.
Squinting up the stonework, Twilight could make out the sparkling golden glow, fading in and out, that shone from the platform near the top.
She frowned and made her way inside.
The lobby also maintained its antiquated feel. Wooden chairs and desks, actual fur rugs instead of the synthetic ones. The only item breaking the illusion was the glow of the holo-terminal sitting on the desk, and the worried expression of the unicorn sat behind it. The secretary rose from her chair as Twilight entered, quickly shuffling across the hall to greet the princess.
“How is she?” Twilight asked.
The secretary shook her head, “I told her to wait for you… but she’s still struggling at it, Princess.”
“It’s okay, I’ll take care of it.”
Twilight sighed, heading towards the golden elevator in the corner of the room. The lift hummed lowly as she ascended, the only other noise being the slight ping from Twilight’s gauntlet letting her know she was missing her appointment. This would have to be quick.
Eventually, the lift slowed, and the doors opened
And there she was. After all these years, Twilight could still never mistake her for anypony else. Even with the greying hair, or the mature wrinkles surrounding her eyes.
Celestia stood at the far end of the room, out on the open platform. Her feet were planted solidly, back arched and head down, as she concentrated on the sun that sat on the skyline. Her horn burned with magic, the golden aura on her head blazed brightly for the briefest of movements.
Before sparking out and fizzling away, as the sun dropped in the sky.
Celestia didn’t turn to face Twilight, instead keeping her position as she forced more mana into her horn.
“Ah, Twilight!” Celestia strained out, “I just need… a few more minutes.” Each word was punctuated with a flash of yellow from her horn.
Twilight joined Celestia on the platform wordlessly and wrapped her wing around the other alicorn.
The purple aura from her horn intertwined with Celestia’s golden one, and slowly the sun rose on the edge of the sky, drifting upwards into the heavens.
Twilight was quick to separate afterwards, turning to make her exit.
“I’m sorry that this keeps happening, Twilight. I know you’re busy.”
Half-way across.
“Are you sure you can’t stay for a while?”
Even Twilight couldn’t ignore the emotion in that plea. She froze mid-step.
Twilight turned and looked at Celestia. She was almost leaning forward on her front hooves.
Twilight rose her forehoof and looked at her gauntlet. Missed message alerts and appointments pinged relentlessly on the screen.
And then up at her former teacher. Her eyes shone with a glow that was not dulled by age.
Twilight tapped a button on the side of her device, and the screen went dark.
Silent.
“Yes, of course, Celestia. It’s been a while.
The rest of the city could wait for now. This was more important.
Celestia smiled. Her mane seemed more iridescent and the creases on her face faded slightly. She led Twilight back into the room, her footsteps light and giddy.
“I have this new tea, I’m sure you’ll love it!”.
This is a nice idea, but I think it suffered from being crammed into 750 words. This needed more space to breathe and to really give us a better idea of who Twilight had become and still was (as well as whether or not Celestia was actually struggling to raise the Sun, or was doing it because she was lonely and needed Twilight’s company).
I like this quite a lot!! I think it benefits from a different angle than the average stories about aging, looking at recognizing a figure you looked up to is human as well (well.... pony I guess), but then getting across that it doesn't make them any less important. There's a dignity in this that's very nice.
The logical part of me wants to know where Luna (and Cadance, and Flurry Heart, and all the other alicorns sure to have ascended by the end of the show) are in all this, as well as how far in the future this is supposed to be. Ignoring that, my first take is this is a good scene showing a bit of warmth. But as I read closer... it's missing a lot of things. How/what/why did Twilight stop considering individual ponies as important as her calendar of meetings? That's literally the OPPOSITE of her character arc in the show, where she's gone from introverted bookworm obsessed with lists and schedules, to the princess of friendship. This feels like an outright inversion of that, doing a stronger character reset on her than the show writers do every time they still make Fluttershy run and hide.
Now, I'm not saying this is bad, I'm saying that, as shown, I don't know or understand this Twilight, so having this story be ABOUT Twilight feels the wrong choice. If this was a future Flurry Heart or some other less established character, it might not set off my Uncanny Valley senses so much.
Now, I'm not saying this is bad, I'm saying that, as shown, I don't know or understand this Twilight, so having this story be ABOUT Twilight feels the wrong choice. If this was a future Flurry Heart or some other less established character, it might not set off my Uncanny Valley senses so much.
Wait, actual fur rugs? They skin animals?
A few minor editing things, but really, this reminds me a lot of Apple Asunder, where there's a quiet interpersonal character moment that belies all the larger implications of what caused it. And Celestia is one of the few ponies Twilight would be willing to give up her schedule for.
I don't have much to say about this—it's just a heartfelt piece, but like the story I already mentioned, it's not dramatic, so I don't know how well it's going to resonate with most readers, but I liked it. I do wonder where Luna is. If Celestia was capable of handling both the sun and moon, presumably Luna is as well, and she's younger. She also has a longer-standing relationship with Celestia than Twilight does, so I would have expected her to be the first choice, particularly since Twilight's coming here spontaneously and of her own volition. Had this been a standing appointment, that's one thing, but it's presented more as someone extemporaneously coming to her aid, so that evokes "where was Luna?" for me more than it being Twilight's sole responsibility.
So quite good, but Luna was curious for her absence.
A few minor editing things, but really, this reminds me a lot of Apple Asunder, where there's a quiet interpersonal character moment that belies all the larger implications of what caused it. And Celestia is one of the few ponies Twilight would be willing to give up her schedule for.
I don't have much to say about this—it's just a heartfelt piece, but like the story I already mentioned, it's not dramatic, so I don't know how well it's going to resonate with most readers, but I liked it. I do wonder where Luna is. If Celestia was capable of handling both the sun and moon, presumably Luna is as well, and she's younger. She also has a longer-standing relationship with Celestia than Twilight does, so I would have expected her to be the first choice, particularly since Twilight's coming here spontaneously and of her own volition. Had this been a standing appointment, that's one thing, but it's presented more as someone extemporaneously coming to her aid, so that evokes "where was Luna?" for me more than it being Twilight's sole responsibility.
So quite good, but Luna was curious for her absence.
Genre: Future Twilight
Thoughts: I'm going to piggyback on >>Pascoite who piggybacked on his own review of Apple Asunder. I think the comparison between the two stories is apt in the sense that there's a fair amount of establishing information leading up to a heartfelt moment of characters connecting over their vulnerabilities. This one feels a lot less self-contained, though. In Apple Asunder, we have enough information based on canon to fill in the blanks of what came before and what's likely to come after. Here though, there are indeed lots of questions about the other alicorns, and Twilight's current role, etc.
Mind you, that isn't a bad thing per se. But I feel like this suffers a bit from the length limitation coupled with the questions it raises. I find myself very much interested in reading more, though, so this is probably an excellent start to a story that'll do great with the longer length available on FimFiction.
Tier: Almost There
Thoughts: I'm going to piggyback on >>Pascoite who piggybacked on his own review of Apple Asunder. I think the comparison between the two stories is apt in the sense that there's a fair amount of establishing information leading up to a heartfelt moment of characters connecting over their vulnerabilities. This one feels a lot less self-contained, though. In Apple Asunder, we have enough information based on canon to fill in the blanks of what came before and what's likely to come after. Here though, there are indeed lots of questions about the other alicorns, and Twilight's current role, etc.
Mind you, that isn't a bad thing per se. But I feel like this suffers a bit from the length limitation coupled with the questions it raises. I find myself very much interested in reading more, though, so this is probably an excellent start to a story that'll do great with the longer length available on FimFiction.
Tier: Almost There