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The Last Line of a Kinks Song Succinctly Summarizes This Theme
Maybe, thought Andrea Libman, to the best of her drug-addled abilities, I should have asked some questions when Larson offered me that little square... thing. She coughed and sputtered, drool dancing down her chin. She took a big breath; soon the heaving began anew.
And maybe, she chided herself as powerful stomach contractions sent said stomach's contents into the sink before her, I shouldn't have washed it down with so much vodka. Her regurgitated dinner was disgusting, but it was spelling out some pretty cool messages like, "Look in the mirror, silly!" Whatever that meant.
Her heaves had concluded, for now, but when she turned the faucet handle to wash off her face and out the sink, it became apparent that it was clogged with vomit. At this sight she almost retched again. Maybe I should be throwing up in the toilet, the discomposed voice actor thought. She doubted this was the "cool time" that Larson spoke of, though having six fingers would be nice the next time she played piano. Other than that, the night was pretty sucky.
"Or maybe," a squeaky voice chided, "you need to worry less about the physical unpleasantries of your trip and focus on relaxing in the cool shade of awakening."
Andrea looked up. Had her reflection talked? It was wiggling around a lot, and her hair especially looked a lot curlier than usual. In fact...
"P-Pinkie Pie?"
"The one and only! You don't look so hot, Gibby Libby!"
Andrea squinted. She scrunched her fingers up into something resembling a hoof. Before her eyes, the pink reflection did the same thing, except it really did have a hoof. The two tentatively reached forward, until hoof and hand met at the glass surface.
The human pulled away and shook her head; now she had a headache and her reflection was still a pony. "I'm definitely tripping."
"Or maybe," Pinkie countered, "drugs open gateways of perception to other realities normally blocked by the human mind. So you can party with Pinkie!"
"But this is a sad party!" Andrea insisted. "The finale premiers in three weeks! The show's over!"
"So?" Pinkie replied, shrugging. "It had a great run. Why the frowny face?!"
"It's your funeral!"
"Puh-leaze! I'll be rocking out long after you've exited stage left."
Andrea felt hot liquid caress her face. "What are you talking about? The series is ending! You're... I'm... I-I-I'm never gonna get to record your-your b-b-bright cheerful voice ever again! I'm gonna miss you!"
"Hey. Listen here. Look at me. Serious Pinkie face." Andrea kept sniffling but gave Pinkie her attention.
"The show may be over, but that doesn't mean I am. I know you think I'm imaginary, but I'm as real as you want me to be. Every time you read a story, or a comic, or watch an animation, or-or look at some fanart, every time you do any of those things and you see me, well guess what?"
A pursed smile appeared on Andrea's lips. "What?"
"I'll be real again. As long as you and others remember me, I'll never, ever die."
"R-really?"
Across the glass barrier, Pinkie silently moved her limbs in rehearsed motions. "Pinkie Promise."
There were those tears again. "Thank you, Pinkie!" Andrea shouted. "I want to hug you right now!"
Pinkie giggled. "Me too! We'll have to shatter the mirror though. It might hurt a little, but it'll be worth it. Punch on three?"
Both reeled back. "One... two... three!" they shouted in unison, fist and hoof flying towards each other. Andrea heard a crunch and felt pain. Shards of glass were sticking out of her hand, but more importantly, there was now a hole through which she could hug her friend. So she did.
"Your fur is warm and fuzzy."
"Your skin is warm and smooth."
"Thanks for giving me a smile, Pinkie."
"And thanks for giving me a voice, Ms. Libman."
Eventually they disentangled from each other. "So, goodbye?" the human asked.
"For now," Pinkie said with a wink. "Oh! Oh oh oh!"
"What! What is it?!"
"Twitchy hoof! I gotta go. You're about to have company. Say 'hi' to Discord for me!"
With a flash, Pinkie was gone, just as John DeLancie walked in.
"Hey, Andrea, I heard a noise and..."
Pinkie Pie hopped down from the pedestal the scrying plane sat upon, addressing the others with a warm smile. "She's a little out of it right now, but you know what? I think they're going to be okay."
And maybe, she chided herself as powerful stomach contractions sent said stomach's contents into the sink before her, I shouldn't have washed it down with so much vodka. Her regurgitated dinner was disgusting, but it was spelling out some pretty cool messages like, "Look in the mirror, silly!" Whatever that meant.
Her heaves had concluded, for now, but when she turned the faucet handle to wash off her face and out the sink, it became apparent that it was clogged with vomit. At this sight she almost retched again. Maybe I should be throwing up in the toilet, the discomposed voice actor thought. She doubted this was the "cool time" that Larson spoke of, though having six fingers would be nice the next time she played piano. Other than that, the night was pretty sucky.
"Or maybe," a squeaky voice chided, "you need to worry less about the physical unpleasantries of your trip and focus on relaxing in the cool shade of awakening."
Andrea looked up. Had her reflection talked? It was wiggling around a lot, and her hair especially looked a lot curlier than usual. In fact...
"P-Pinkie Pie?"
"The one and only! You don't look so hot, Gibby Libby!"
Andrea squinted. She scrunched her fingers up into something resembling a hoof. Before her eyes, the pink reflection did the same thing, except it really did have a hoof. The two tentatively reached forward, until hoof and hand met at the glass surface.
The human pulled away and shook her head; now she had a headache and her reflection was still a pony. "I'm definitely tripping."
"Or maybe," Pinkie countered, "drugs open gateways of perception to other realities normally blocked by the human mind. So you can party with Pinkie!"
"But this is a sad party!" Andrea insisted. "The finale premiers in three weeks! The show's over!"
"So?" Pinkie replied, shrugging. "It had a great run. Why the frowny face?!"
"It's your funeral!"
"Puh-leaze! I'll be rocking out long after you've exited stage left."
Andrea felt hot liquid caress her face. "What are you talking about? The series is ending! You're... I'm... I-I-I'm never gonna get to record your-your b-b-bright cheerful voice ever again! I'm gonna miss you!"
"Hey. Listen here. Look at me. Serious Pinkie face." Andrea kept sniffling but gave Pinkie her attention.
"The show may be over, but that doesn't mean I am. I know you think I'm imaginary, but I'm as real as you want me to be. Every time you read a story, or a comic, or watch an animation, or-or look at some fanart, every time you do any of those things and you see me, well guess what?"
A pursed smile appeared on Andrea's lips. "What?"
"I'll be real again. As long as you and others remember me, I'll never, ever die."
"R-really?"
Across the glass barrier, Pinkie silently moved her limbs in rehearsed motions. "Pinkie Promise."
There were those tears again. "Thank you, Pinkie!" Andrea shouted. "I want to hug you right now!"
Pinkie giggled. "Me too! We'll have to shatter the mirror though. It might hurt a little, but it'll be worth it. Punch on three?"
Both reeled back. "One... two... three!" they shouted in unison, fist and hoof flying towards each other. Andrea heard a crunch and felt pain. Shards of glass were sticking out of her hand, but more importantly, there was now a hole through which she could hug her friend. So she did.
"Your fur is warm and fuzzy."
"Your skin is warm and smooth."
"Thanks for giving me a smile, Pinkie."
"And thanks for giving me a voice, Ms. Libman."
Eventually they disentangled from each other. "So, goodbye?" the human asked.
"For now," Pinkie said with a wink. "Oh! Oh oh oh!"
"What! What is it?!"
"Twitchy hoof! I gotta go. You're about to have company. Say 'hi' to Discord for me!"
With a flash, Pinkie was gone, just as John DeLancie walked in.
"Hey, Andrea, I heard a noise and..."
Pinkie Pie hopped down from the pedestal the scrying plane sat upon, addressing the others with a warm smile. "She's a little out of it right now, but you know what? I think they're going to be okay."
Real person fiction with voice actors doing drugs. I am immediately uncomfortable with this.
To quote horizon, D: The sentiment is sweet, but the presentation is repugnant. This is a matter of personal preference, yes, but you just had a woman who actually exists in real life vomit into a sink and punch a mirror. Good fiction should inspire feelings in the reader, but this… I’m sorry, but no. This just isn’t for me, to the point where I don’t think I can fairly judge it. I’m abstaining for this one.
Also, I’m afraid I have little familiarity with the Kinks’ oeuvre. Could someone tell me which song the title means?
To quote horizon, D: The sentiment is sweet, but the presentation is repugnant. This is a matter of personal preference, yes, but you just had a woman who actually exists in real life vomit into a sink and punch a mirror. Good fiction should inspire feelings in the reader, but this… I’m sorry, but no. This just isn’t for me, to the point where I don’t think I can fairly judge it. I’m abstaining for this one.
Also, I’m afraid I have little familiarity with the Kinks’ oeuvre. Could someone tell me which song the title means?
Two meta titles in a row?
I think the real problem here is that you should have not gone the drugs route and just had her talk to Pinkie Pie in the mirror, as the sweetness of the story and the uh, questionableness of the drug trip didn’t really mix well here. There are ways of doing this well – Burning Man Brony is an amazing story – but this story didn’t really handle it as well, and felt much too sentimental for the drugs and mirror-punching.
I think the real problem here is that you should have not gone the drugs route and just had her talk to Pinkie Pie in the mirror, as the sweetness of the story and the uh, questionableness of the drug trip didn’t really mix well here. There are ways of doing this well – Burning Man Brony is an amazing story – but this story didn’t really handle it as well, and felt much too sentimental for the drugs and mirror-punching.
There's a bit too much tonal juxtaposition going on here for me to quite get into. The decision to make it real people is a turn-off for me.
However, if I set those choices aside, I can appreciate the writing, which is sound. The part where Pinkie first appears is strong, and the glass-breaking part is kinda almost touching and makes sense... sort of, in a weird way.
Really, as I sit here thinking about it, the whole thing hangs together better than I would have expected for what it is. The main writing-related nit I can pick is Pinkie's sorta-preachiness, which TD noted.
However, if I set those choices aside, I can appreciate the writing, which is sound. The part where Pinkie first appears is strong, and the glass-breaking part is kinda almost touching and makes sense... sort of, in a weird way.
Really, as I sit here thinking about it, the whole thing hangs together better than I would have expected for what it is. The main writing-related nit I can pick is Pinkie's sorta-preachiness, which TD noted.
Hmmmm, this story left me a bit perplexed.
The feeling may be sweet even if a bit pedestrian. The choice of using real people on the other hand was, I think, a faux pas. My problem is that you can't really decouple the people from the story here, at least not without rewriting it pretty heavily.
That issues aside, the story was interesting in the way it was told, the knowledge that the characters perception was altered and yet the acceptance of what she saw gave it a distinctive atmosphere.
So there were a few good things and a couple of choices that weighted negatively on my opinion of this entry. I'll have to think a bit more about how I'll place it in my slate.
The feeling may be sweet even if a bit pedestrian. The choice of using real people on the other hand was, I think, a faux pas. My problem is that you can't really decouple the people from the story here, at least not without rewriting it pretty heavily.
That issues aside, the story was interesting in the way it was told, the knowledge that the characters perception was altered and yet the acceptance of what she saw gave it a distinctive atmosphere.
So there were a few good things and a couple of choices that weighted negatively on my opinion of this entry. I'll have to think a bit more about how I'll place it in my slate.
In light of MA Larson's announcement tonight that he's not currently involved with the show after last season's 'Amending Fences', the sentiment here was particularly striking.
However, I have to echo others and say the juxtaposition of semi-sad sentiment with drugs and vomit breaks any hope of immersion, and using real people (esp. real show staff) is a big faux pas.
However, I have to echo others and say the juxtaposition of semi-sad sentiment with drugs and vomit breaks any hope of immersion, and using real people (esp. real show staff) is a big faux pas.
For some reason I keep thinking about this one and coming back to it. Maybe the initial shock of seeing RL people has faded, or maybe the Larson thing is kinda poignant now, as >>GrandMoffPony suggests.
On reading 2+, I find there's a lot of heart that shines through the drugged-out weirdness. And really, even those bits are really vivid and well written. Or maybe I keep being drawn back by it being DeLancie at the end, with all of the stealth Fluttercord it could imply. Either way, there's depths here that are easy to miss.
...Trick, this one's yours, isn't it?
On reading 2+, I find there's a lot of heart that shines through the drugged-out weirdness. And really, even those bits are really vivid and well written. Or maybe I keep being drawn back by it being DeLancie at the end, with all of the stealth Fluttercord it could imply. Either way, there's depths here that are easy to miss.
...Trick, this one's yours, isn't it?
This is a cute story, and most of my comments are picky.
The title makes no sense at all. Unless you're referencing Lola, Come Dancing, or You Really Got Me, nopony is going to know which song you're referring to. The Kinks have a large discography but those are the only three songs known internationally (and the three most well-known here in the US).
I'm not sure I buy Larson, Libman, and DeLancie having that much of a close relationship.
I call shenanigans. Nopony can vomit while thinking about it in that much detail. She seems totally calm and placid like she's yawning rather than vomiting. It is not a realistic emesis.
This is Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. Don't use a reference to tell us she's a voice artist. (Also it should be voice artist or voice actress.)
Sweat cools you down. It isn't hot, it's cool. Where is this hot liquid coming from? Why say "hot liquid" when you can tell us what you really mean?
The title makes no sense at all. Unless you're referencing Lola, Come Dancing, or You Really Got Me, nopony is going to know which song you're referring to. The Kinks have a large discography but those are the only three songs known internationally (and the three most well-known here in the US).
I'm not sure I buy Larson, Libman, and DeLancie having that much of a close relationship.
And maybe, she chided herself as powerful stomach contractions sent said stomach's contents into the sink before her, I shouldn't have washed it down with so much vodka.
I call shenanigans. Nopony can vomit while thinking about it in that much detail. She seems totally calm and placid like she's yawning rather than vomiting. It is not a realistic emesis.
the discomposed voice actor
This is Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. Don't use a reference to tell us she's a voice artist. (Also it should be voice artist or voice actress.)
Andrea felt hot liquid caress her face
Sweat cools you down. It isn't hot, it's cool. Where is this hot liquid coming from? Why say "hot liquid" when you can tell us what you really mean?
>>CoffeeMinion
I suspect this is another one that smells like wolf, but alas, no.
I think I'm likely to squeak by with a mask this time around, even though I authored three stories. :V
I suspect this is another one that smells like wolf, but alas, no.
I think I'm likely to squeak by with a mask this time around, even though I authored three stories. :V
>>Trick_Question
sweat is hot. but uh, a person sweating wouldn't notice it being hot, because it's their own body heat being released. so it's still a clumsy phrase.
unless Pinkie splashed her face with tea.
Sweat cools you down. It isn't hot, it's cool. Where is this hot liquid coming from?
sweat is hot. but uh, a person sweating wouldn't notice it being hot, because it's their own body heat being released. so it's still a clumsy phrase.
unless Pinkie splashed her face with tea.
>>Trick_Question
Sweat itself doesn't cool you down: it's the evaporation of liquid water (changing to water vapor) that performs a heat transfer away from your body. This is why high-heat, high-humidity weather is more difficult to remain cool in than low-humidity climes. If the density of water vapor is too high, sweat can't evaporate as quickly (or at all) and there's no heat exchange.
You sure you didn't already know this? :/
Aside from that, these are tears the author is referring to, not sweat, and are likely to feel warmer.
Sweat cools you down. It isn't hot, it's cool. Where is this hot liquid coming from? Why say "hot liquid" when you can tell us what you really mean?
Sweat itself doesn't cool you down: it's the evaporation of liquid water (changing to water vapor) that performs a heat transfer away from your body. This is why high-heat, high-humidity weather is more difficult to remain cool in than low-humidity climes. If the density of water vapor is too high, sweat can't evaporate as quickly (or at all) and there's no heat exchange.
You sure you didn't already know this? :/
Aside from that, these are tears the author is referring to, not sweat, and are likely to feel warmer.
>>Southpaw
>>Haze
The author isn't clear. Instead of saying "sweat" or "tears" they went with "hot liquid" which could have been more vomit dribbling down her chin for all we know.
That said, I know what it's like to sweat, and I've never had sweat feel warm. I would never describe sweat as "hot liquid" from the perspective of the sweater. There's no effing way. It's totally bonkers. Tears aren't even "hot liquid". Tears might feel like "warm liquid", though even that's a stretch. But hot?! "Hot liquid" is tea or coffee or a hot bath. Vomit actually makes more sense than either of those, except if it were caressing her chin probably "face" wouldn't be the generated word.
>>Haze
The author isn't clear. Instead of saying "sweat" or "tears" they went with "hot liquid" which could have been more vomit dribbling down her chin for all we know.
That said, I know what it's like to sweat, and I've never had sweat feel warm. I would never describe sweat as "hot liquid" from the perspective of the sweater. There's no effing way. It's totally bonkers. Tears aren't even "hot liquid". Tears might feel like "warm liquid", though even that's a stretch. But hot?! "Hot liquid" is tea or coffee or a hot bath. Vomit actually makes more sense than either of those, except if it were caressing her chin probably "face" wouldn't be the generated word.
>>Trick_Question Sure, I get it. :) I think, though, that the "hot liquid" thing was just a little poetic license on the author's part. The whole story to me is run pretty much on that engine of emotion. This little over-the-top quip is simply a part of that.
>>Southpaw
I don't have a problem with it, but I think poetic approach isn't always wise. There's no reason to say "liquid" when you could say "tears". Not saying the word "tears" doesn't add a poetic touch, it only makes it more ambiguous. :V
This is part of a general bitchgripe I have about trying to say things without actually saying them. I see this a lot in fiction and some of y'all need to just channel Hemmingway and say what you mean. :)
I don't have a problem with it, but I think poetic approach isn't always wise. There's no reason to say "liquid" when you could say "tears". Not saying the word "tears" doesn't add a poetic touch, it only makes it more ambiguous. :V
This is part of a general bitchgripe I have about trying to say things without actually saying them. I see this a lot in fiction and some of y'all need to just channel Hemmingway and say what you mean. :)
>>Trick_Question Heh! Okay, I agree, but for some of us slow, slow gardening types, 24 hours is just a blip! That Hemingway-level clarity takes at least a couple more days to slash out the excess purple. Well, most of it. ;)
Okay, first off, fan fics that include real people as the main character always come across as a bit, I don't know, creepy. At least to me. I know that I'D find it really disturbing if I ever became famous enough to warrant such a thing.
Following that up by making that real, live person a drug addict... Or at least experimenting with drugs... And being depressed... And acting erratically... It makes things really uncomfortable IMHO. It just kinda skieves me out, and trends away from fan fiction and into libel.
Now, looking past that aspect of things, it's certainly an interesting, if not particularly original idea. The creator and the created conversing. Only in this case, less the creator, and more the voice, but still. It was clever and, aside from the disturbing real life references, entertaining. The main thrust is actually pretty sweet and sentimental, and actually quite in character for Pinkie Pie too.
Following that up by making that real, live person a drug addict... Or at least experimenting with drugs... And being depressed... And acting erratically... It makes things really uncomfortable IMHO. It just kinda skieves me out, and trends away from fan fiction and into libel.
Now, looking past that aspect of things, it's certainly an interesting, if not particularly original idea. The creator and the created conversing. Only in this case, less the creator, and more the voice, but still. It was clever and, aside from the disturbing real life references, entertaining. The main thrust is actually pretty sweet and sentimental, and actually quite in character for Pinkie Pie too.
For those who were wondering, the line in question is "Celluloid heroes never really die."
>>Haze
A 100 word crackfic commission between any two characters of your choice, as long as at least one of them is from the MLP franchise
A 100 word crackfic commission between any two characters of your choice, as long as at least one of them is from the MLP franchise
>>Haze
A 100 word crackfic commission between any two characters of your choice, as long as at least one of them is from the MLP franchise
A 100 word crackfic commission between any two characters of your choice, as long as at least one of them is from the MLP franchise