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The Wreck
Lie down, close my eyes and see,
Another empty day complete.
Comfort sought, safety won
In hasty, purposeful inaction
Wake up, open eyes, and race,
Aimless, for the nothing prize.
Scattered whole, parts of me,
In comfortable anxiety
Selfishly selfless,
Anodyne, pacified,
`I'm doing my best,`
My best little lie
What reason to try, why do any more,
Than a safe life burned out long and slow.
Cliche but true, that the world here is broken,
But how can it be salvaged ... when I am the wreckage
A broken whole, but workable,
Unsteady, unwieldy, ungraceful;
A fracture healed improperly,
A maladaption, awkwardly
No reason to try, or to do any more,
But watching the sand tick down too slow.
To hide in the scraps, stay in comfort zone
Or accept the real challenge, and crawl from my wreckage
Another empty day complete.
Comfort sought, safety won
In hasty, purposeful inaction
Wake up, open eyes, and race,
Aimless, for the nothing prize.
Scattered whole, parts of me,
In comfortable anxiety
Selfishly selfless,
Anodyne, pacified,
`I'm doing my best,`
My best little lie
What reason to try, why do any more,
Than a safe life burned out long and slow.
Cliche but true, that the world here is broken,
But how can it be salvaged ... when I am the wreckage
A broken whole, but workable,
Unsteady, unwieldy, ungraceful;
A fracture healed improperly,
A maladaption, awkwardly
No reason to try, or to do any more,
But watching the sand tick down too slow.
To hide in the scraps, stay in comfort zone
Or accept the real challenge, and crawl from my wreckage
Very nice:
But I guess I'd like some idea of what the narrator's looking for. I mean, "accept the real challenge, and crawl from my wreckage" to do what?
Of course, I'm very story oriented even when it comes to poetry. Maybe it's enough for the narrator to simply express this dissatisfaction without going further and giving the reader some sort of "compare/contrast." But I think it would deepen the poem if the narrator has a vision of what actual wholeness and functionality would look like, a vision that he can show us while showing us how, by his own estimation, he's failing to attain it.
Mike
But I guess I'd like some idea of what the narrator's looking for. I mean, "accept the real challenge, and crawl from my wreckage" to do what?
Of course, I'm very story oriented even when it comes to poetry. Maybe it's enough for the narrator to simply express this dissatisfaction without going further and giving the reader some sort of "compare/contrast." But I think it would deepen the poem if the narrator has a vision of what actual wholeness and functionality would look like, a vision that he can show us while showing us how, by his own estimation, he's failing to attain it.
Mike
There's an intermittent rhyme scheme here, and some of the few rhymes that exist are stretches or lazy, so I don't know whether it was on purpose. Structurally as well, the only thing I can say for sure is there are four-line stanzas, but there's no meter, and the lines themselves are divided by complete thoughts rather than some artistic or structural reason. Of course a poem doesn't have to have structure. I'm just looking to see if there is one, and I don't think there is.
As a story, this is a nice lament about someone being unsatisfied with that he's become, and that epiphany in the middle about him being the wreckage himself was well handled. I don't really have much to say about it other than I liked it.
As a story, this is a nice lament about someone being unsatisfied with that he's become, and that epiphany in the middle about him being the wreckage himself was well handled. I don't really have much to say about it other than I liked it.