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Liquid Amber · Poetry Short Short ·
Organised by Anon Y Mous
Word limit 100–2000
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Autumn Ruminations
When leaves of trees have had too much of sun,
The green deserts them, and their colors run.
The hidden purples, reds and orange hues,
The yellows with a hint of old chartreuse,
All branch forth in their glorious display,
Until they start to brown, and fall away.
In autumn rain they drift down from the sky,
And add their stain to ponds and creeks thereby.

And as the leaves imbue the lake with brown,
I place a teabag in my cup and frown.
The water boils and the mixture steeps,
And fallen moods do gather in the deeps.
I let the bitter colors merge to black,
Then shrug and smile as I knock it back.
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#1 ·
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Nice imagery here with colors running into the lake, then blending with a cup of tea. It describes the kind of "action" a mood can have on us; only, by the last line, the speaker does not seem too impressed!
#2 ·
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I like the conflation of leaf-drop to making tea. The rhymes all work well enough, but the rhythm is a bit odd here and there, like needing "smile" and "boils" to be two syllables, or the stress patterns of "glorious" and "and the mixture" being a little forced. It carries on about the leaves long enough that it feels like it's making a point, only for the narrator to decide he doesn't care and decline to draw a conclusion from it. And maybe that's the intended feeling. If so, I guess I understand why, but it does leave it as if it was on the verge of doing something only to leave it incomplete. To elaborate a bit, I've seen other pieces where such a narrator gives an implied shrug and shoos away the potential philosophical thought brewing in his head, but then some reason is given for it, like the worldly cares that need his attention. Without that but, this felt dismissive on principle, and that's what's not quite clicking with me as to why. For form, this appears to be a type of sonnet, though I'm not great at remembering the different versions.