"PUNCH!" cried Princess Equestria as she punched a hole through the wall of the tent, startling gentleman pirate Ganzelius Ostrehoof into dropping the entire sack of stolen diamonds, which clattered over the ground like a spray of icy diamonds that had fallen out of their sack. The hapless sap stood stunned as she shone in the brightest glory with her mane undulating with the waves of a thousand hairdryers.

"Unmanhoofdle those diamonds, Ganzelius, or to pay there will be hell!" Princess Equestria whinnied as she stamped her hoof and shat copiously because horses do that sort of thing all the time.

"It's 'unstallionhoofdle,' and you shall take neither me nor these diamonds alive!" Ganzelius grinned at her, taking a good dump as well, because, well, why not? His hornfield gathered in the shiny gems. "Fortunately I have prepared for this eventuality! Fargus! To me!"

Princess Equestria was so going to let loose with a bolt of paralyzing lighting but there had still been a little beer at the bottom of the can and by the time she gulped it down the roof of the tent had been torn to shreds and back again, as a huge dirigible dropped anchor through it and into the ground with a colossal crunch! "Captain! We have you!" cried the crew as the anchor lifted right under Ganzelius's prominent posterior! "AARRGGHH! You sons of air biscuits! You've hooked me right in the--" But he was heard no more as he was hauled skyward, leaving the pouring rain falling through the sundered tent and getting Princess Equestria even wetter and madder by the minute.

She hated flying in the rain, and teleportation always gave her gas. What was she to do? "Punch, punch, PUNCH!" she cried, and so strong was the force of her punch that the molecules of air were knocked unconscionable, their absence causing a massive vacuum that sucked her skyward and in pursuit of her foe, her eyes gleaming with crosseyed rage, her nostrils steaming, her horn continuing to punch the air with its sheer 'orneriness. She felt that some sort of deadline was looming, the kind that came sooner every year, but she ignored it and punched herself on upward after the departing dirigible!

On board the Fargus!, hearty screams were heard as the heartstricken crew hauled and yanked on chains and strove to pull the firmly lodged anchor from their dear captain's posterior! "Harder! HARDER! Give it all you've got! You cur-tailed sons of seadogs!" With an implausible and utterly regrettable pop, the anchor was torn away from Ganzelius's poor abused fanny. He had only been saved by an enormous fluke!

"Captain," cried Nate Furst, the first mate, "Princess Equestria is fast approaching!" He pointed to an enormous PUNCH visible in the distance off the bow. "Shall we manoeuvre?"

"No," Ganzelius smiled. "Let her punch as she likes, we have won!"

The rain parted as Princes Equestria landed on the deck of the Fargus! and panted shirtily. "Ganzelius, give me those diamonds now--"

Ganzelius grinned a wicked smile and winked. "Ah, Princess Equestria, welcome aboard my humble vessel! But I fear you are too late. This is a five hundred word crackfic, and we are now past that wordcount! The story is over, and so, I fear, are your attempts to meddle with the most brilliant diamond theft in this century."

To the shock of the crew, Princess Equestria merely sat down quietly on the rain soaked deck of the Fargus!, stroking her little feminine alicorn beard. "Well, that certainly does put a damper on things, doesn't it?" she mused. "I suppose there really is nothing left that I can do to stop you."

Ganzelius smiled expansively. "Nobly spoken. I trust you are not too offended, not many can say that they've pulled one over on you, not even the Royal Sweater Knitter. If it's any condolence, please let me entertain you during this sort of postscript of events that cannot possibly affect the outcome of the story."

Princess Equestria lifted a quizzical brow, looking down at a coil of rope. She wound it around her hoof, making it like an enormous yarnball.

"Of what purpose is this conduct?" inquired Captain Ganzelius with a quiet smile.

"Just something you overlooked," she whispered, before clouting him firmly in the snout with such force that it neatly blew the Fargus! out of the sky as she snagged the pouch of diamonds from his pummeled frame.

"No crackfic is complete... without a proper PUNCHLINE!"