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Getting Lucky
Not being to able to go outside was unfortunate and a pain. There was several to a few real reason for this. One because there was ice and snow on the ground. In fact, a lot of it was falling from the sky. Being unable to walk without falling down is a pain. Two was the lack of a clean heavy coat. It's being washed right now. If going outside had to be done, going outside without one would lead to lack of body heat. Having things fall off you is a pain. Three was the lack of the ability to go down the stairs. This was mostly a practical preference due to joint pain and having problems moving. Why living on a second floor of a building where you had to answer the door on the first floor to begin with?
Not relevant. Life is bad. Unfortunate indeed.
The lack of events in one's life is not fortunate. Not all the time because some events are plain bad. While boredom, pain and loneliness could be consider events in some cases, they are mostly just states of being. Just being is not enough. There are things you must do to keep on going and there are other things you can do to pick a direction. Something is to be said about have fewer choices while being stuck in a bunch of rooms while deathly white falls to the ground outside. Boring and a pain first comes to mind while doing menial things to starve off loneliness comes in second. There isn't a third option to explore because the rest of the things that could be done require another person. So menial and mindless things it is?
This is reality. Life just is. Fortunes change.
When the door bell rang, there was a few to one real reason to choose an action. To ignore it. To shut off the ringer. To go back to bed. Each would take effort with costs that would be unwilling to pay in the long term. Costs being curiosity, empathy and maybe some sanity. So down the stairs, in the cold space, while being in pain it was. One step, two step, stop and go while hugging the rail to dear life. A bit slow and a bit of pain while the door bell rang every thirty seconds. It's at the thirteenth ring now. Half way down though it stops. To choose going forward or backward? It's easier to not stop, and by the time it gets down the door bell rings again. Quite loudly. Opening the door is a person most unfortunate and annoyed. Outside the door is another person most unfortunate and more than annoyed.
The two meet in this event. Life is better. Fortunate indeed.
Not relevant. Life is bad. Unfortunate indeed.
The lack of events in one's life is not fortunate. Not all the time because some events are plain bad. While boredom, pain and loneliness could be consider events in some cases, they are mostly just states of being. Just being is not enough. There are things you must do to keep on going and there are other things you can do to pick a direction. Something is to be said about have fewer choices while being stuck in a bunch of rooms while deathly white falls to the ground outside. Boring and a pain first comes to mind while doing menial things to starve off loneliness comes in second. There isn't a third option to explore because the rest of the things that could be done require another person. So menial and mindless things it is?
This is reality. Life just is. Fortunes change.
When the door bell rang, there was a few to one real reason to choose an action. To ignore it. To shut off the ringer. To go back to bed. Each would take effort with costs that would be unwilling to pay in the long term. Costs being curiosity, empathy and maybe some sanity. So down the stairs, in the cold space, while being in pain it was. One step, two step, stop and go while hugging the rail to dear life. A bit slow and a bit of pain while the door bell rang every thirty seconds. It's at the thirteenth ring now. Half way down though it stops. To choose going forward or backward? It's easier to not stop, and by the time it gets down the door bell rings again. Quite loudly. Opening the door is a person most unfortunate and annoyed. Outside the door is another person most unfortunate and more than annoyed.
The two meet in this event. Life is better. Fortunate indeed.
Hmmm, this one is weird, to say the least. First of all, it would need an editing pass to clean up the few grammatical mistakes scattered all over it (unless this is deliberate).
So what is it about? An old, or disabled, guy's stream of consciousness?
At the same time, this is written in such a way I was initially thinking of a robot, or some sort of AI.
Overall, it’s pretty stodgy to swallow. It’s hard to relate to the hypothetical narrator, because we know very little of them, and the way the paragraphs are written give (at least to me) a sense of remoteness, as if the guy's conscience was somehow detached from their body (→ wherefore that AI guess at start).
It’s not badly written, but it feels pretty generic, and the lack of real takeaway means that I felt a bit letdown at the end.
So what is it about? An old, or disabled, guy's stream of consciousness?
At the same time, this is written in such a way I was initially thinking of a robot, or some sort of AI.
Overall, it’s pretty stodgy to swallow. It’s hard to relate to the hypothetical narrator, because we know very little of them, and the way the paragraphs are written give (at least to me) a sense of remoteness, as if the guy's conscience was somehow detached from their body (→ wherefore that AI guess at start).
It’s not badly written, but it feels pretty generic, and the lack of real takeaway means that I felt a bit letdown at the end.
Your prose reminds me somewhat of Pynchon for its meandering, inevitable qualities. I'm just not sure what to get out of this. Two annoyed people meet, and their meeting results in their becoming happier? I'll revisit this once the round is over and see if time illuminates what my first passes could not.
I've never read Pynchon:
But I was getting a sort of a Kafka vibe throughout. Kafka, though, was a master of the telling detail, and that's what I need more of here. What's the wallpaper like in the first character's rooms? What does the air smell like in the stairway? What's the second character wearing when the door finally opens at the end?
A few concrete, sensory details would really make the thing pop.
Mike
But I was getting a sort of a Kafka vibe throughout. Kafka, though, was a master of the telling detail, and that's what I need more of here. What's the wallpaper like in the first character's rooms? What does the air smell like in the stairway? What's the second character wearing when the door finally opens at the end?
A few concrete, sensory details would really make the thing pop.
Mike
First, the obvious. There are lots of editing mistakes, but I think I detect someone whose first language isn't English, so it sure takes courage to write in another language.
I'm not even sure what happened here. The story discusses the same things 2 or 3 times, and by the end, it was just someone being hassled to answer the door, then being pleasantly surprised at who it was. And even that piece was left generic, as I don't know what importance that person has to the narrator. I need to know something to make my own judgment about whether it ended up being worth it to the narrator. The last line says it is, but I don't get a sense of how happy that makes him and why. Maybe it's just saying that any kind of companionship is good and it doesn't matter who? I don't think that's what you were trying to say, but even then, I'd still need to see what it means to him just to have someone there.
I'm not even sure what happened here. The story discusses the same things 2 or 3 times, and by the end, it was just someone being hassled to answer the door, then being pleasantly surprised at who it was. And even that piece was left generic, as I don't know what importance that person has to the narrator. I need to know something to make my own judgment about whether it ended up being worth it to the narrator. The last line says it is, but I don't get a sense of how happy that makes him and why. Maybe it's just saying that any kind of companionship is good and it doesn't matter who? I don't think that's what you were trying to say, but even then, I'd still need to see what it means to him just to have someone there.