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A Fairy's Travail
I slumbered soundly on a puff
Of dandelion seed
A dreaming of a sevenpence
And foolish fancies; I was hence
All deaf to care and need.
But someone plucked me by my wings
And thumped me on my rear!
I leaped and screamed and cursed aloud,
But then I saw, and quickly bowed--
Titania was here!
“Young fool,” quoth she, “You’ve slept enough,
You lazy sloppy sprite!
Your scales are dull, your eyes are crossed,
And by my Tempest you’ll be tossed,
if you don’t put things right!”
I quickly combed and washed my hair
With dew from off a flower.
She laughed. “You look like poodle poo!
But you’ll just barely, barely do.
You’ll leave within the hour!”
“My cousin’s sister’s daughter’s friend
Went playing in the grass
With nimble Imps who tricked her cruelly!
I’ll have you rescue her, and truly,
Before worse comes to pass.”
So for a sword I seized a pin,
Then saddled up a bee.
I took a bottle cap for shield,
And in a tiny pouch I sealed
A shell-phone from the sea.
I girded up with spiderwebs
And glimmer from the dust,
Then set a helmet on my head,
(A cowbell, plucked from flower bed)
And flew, as needs I must.
My buzzing mount bore me afar
Through meadow, field and dale,
Then brought me to a castle dank
Made from a rusty water tank--
An ugly, vile jail!
Up to the gate I strode in style.
“I come for Lady Jaine!
Fair Queen Titania’s cousin’s sis’s
Daughter’s friend, who from abysses
Dire, shall leave again!”
The spiky gate creaked wide, and then
An Impling stout and wild
Came sneering with a lazy strut.
He burped and scratched his filthy gut.
“You’re much too late...” he smiled.
I struck forth hard and wiped that grin
Off from his foul fat face!
Then from the darkness came his friends,
So to my unknown fate and ends
I fought my foes apace.
Full deep I delved in rust and muck
Until I reached the throne
Of the King Impling, Egerthrotz
The hatcher of the awful plots
That kept fair Jaine from home.
I held my pin-sword to his throat,
But he was not embarrassed!
“We tried to tell you, simpleton!
She had fun here, but she’s moved on!
We saw her head for Paris!”
I made full certain of his words,
Then strode back towards the sun,
Apologized to Implings groaning,
But left them in the midst of moaning,
Then spurred my bee-mount on.
Through wends and ways I passed the days
To that capricious city,
And found Jaine there atop a flue
Above the Café Deux Magots
In nonchalant ennui.
At table made from muffin tin
With wine-cork at the side,
She had a rough appearance, true,
But seemed to me as orchids do,
Their beauty tucked inside.
She looked me up and down with scorn.
“So, you’re Titania’s vassal?
Please seek no more, you silly churl!
Go tell her that the errant girl
Was in another castle!”
I sighed and laid aside my arms.
“In truth, I find this tiring.
I’ve no desire to play the knight
Who seeks to rescue wayward sprites.
It’s far too uninspiring.”
Her gaze upon me softened, and
We sat and talked for hours
On how adventures were a chore
And how Queen T’s an awful… bore,
Amid Parisian towers.
As darkness fell, we closer grew,
Our interest increased.
We shared our very favorite songs
And commented on passing throngs
Down on the distant streets.
She smiled with new vivacity.
“Dear Knight, my thanks to you.
You’ve ‘rescued’ me from awful fate
And from a life I’d come to hate,
At least that much is true.
“And thus you can report to her
If you do truly mean
To head on back--” I shook my head.
“I’d sooner stop at Hell instead,
And screw the bloody Queen!”
Her hand flew to her smirking face
And long we laughed, and hard!
And through the night we chatted on,
Still closer at the break of dawn,
Our eyes like jewels bestarred.
Then from my pouch there came a ring,
My shell-phone all asputter.
The Queen was calling! And so we
Both blew a massive raspberry,
Then tossed it in a gutter!
So now we feed on Heaven’s mead,
Plus more material stuffs.
We take our lives in gentle ease
And always sleep as late we please
On dandelion puffs.
Of dandelion seed
A dreaming of a sevenpence
And foolish fancies; I was hence
All deaf to care and need.
But someone plucked me by my wings
And thumped me on my rear!
I leaped and screamed and cursed aloud,
But then I saw, and quickly bowed--
Titania was here!
“Young fool,” quoth she, “You’ve slept enough,
You lazy sloppy sprite!
Your scales are dull, your eyes are crossed,
And by my Tempest you’ll be tossed,
if you don’t put things right!”
I quickly combed and washed my hair
With dew from off a flower.
She laughed. “You look like poodle poo!
But you’ll just barely, barely do.
You’ll leave within the hour!”
“My cousin’s sister’s daughter’s friend
Went playing in the grass
With nimble Imps who tricked her cruelly!
I’ll have you rescue her, and truly,
Before worse comes to pass.”
So for a sword I seized a pin,
Then saddled up a bee.
I took a bottle cap for shield,
And in a tiny pouch I sealed
A shell-phone from the sea.
I girded up with spiderwebs
And glimmer from the dust,
Then set a helmet on my head,
(A cowbell, plucked from flower bed)
And flew, as needs I must.
My buzzing mount bore me afar
Through meadow, field and dale,
Then brought me to a castle dank
Made from a rusty water tank--
An ugly, vile jail!
Up to the gate I strode in style.
“I come for Lady Jaine!
Fair Queen Titania’s cousin’s sis’s
Daughter’s friend, who from abysses
Dire, shall leave again!”
The spiky gate creaked wide, and then
An Impling stout and wild
Came sneering with a lazy strut.
He burped and scratched his filthy gut.
“You’re much too late...” he smiled.
I struck forth hard and wiped that grin
Off from his foul fat face!
Then from the darkness came his friends,
So to my unknown fate and ends
I fought my foes apace.
Full deep I delved in rust and muck
Until I reached the throne
Of the King Impling, Egerthrotz
The hatcher of the awful plots
That kept fair Jaine from home.
I held my pin-sword to his throat,
But he was not embarrassed!
“We tried to tell you, simpleton!
She had fun here, but she’s moved on!
We saw her head for Paris!”
I made full certain of his words,
Then strode back towards the sun,
Apologized to Implings groaning,
But left them in the midst of moaning,
Then spurred my bee-mount on.
Through wends and ways I passed the days
To that capricious city,
And found Jaine there atop a flue
Above the Café Deux Magots
In nonchalant ennui.
At table made from muffin tin
With wine-cork at the side,
She had a rough appearance, true,
But seemed to me as orchids do,
Their beauty tucked inside.
She looked me up and down with scorn.
“So, you’re Titania’s vassal?
Please seek no more, you silly churl!
Go tell her that the errant girl
Was in another castle!”
I sighed and laid aside my arms.
“In truth, I find this tiring.
I’ve no desire to play the knight
Who seeks to rescue wayward sprites.
It’s far too uninspiring.”
Her gaze upon me softened, and
We sat and talked for hours
On how adventures were a chore
And how Queen T’s an awful… bore,
Amid Parisian towers.
As darkness fell, we closer grew,
Our interest increased.
We shared our very favorite songs
And commented on passing throngs
Down on the distant streets.
She smiled with new vivacity.
“Dear Knight, my thanks to you.
You’ve ‘rescued’ me from awful fate
And from a life I’d come to hate,
At least that much is true.
“And thus you can report to her
If you do truly mean
To head on back--” I shook my head.
“I’d sooner stop at Hell instead,
And screw the bloody Queen!”
Her hand flew to her smirking face
And long we laughed, and hard!
And through the night we chatted on,
Still closer at the break of dawn,
Our eyes like jewels bestarred.
Then from my pouch there came a ring,
My shell-phone all asputter.
The Queen was calling! And so we
Both blew a massive raspberry,
Then tossed it in a gutter!
So now we feed on Heaven’s mead,
Plus more material stuffs.
We take our lives in gentle ease
And always sleep as late we please
On dandelion puffs.
What's the phrase:
Folks used to use around here when we still had reviewers? "Keep developing," I think it was?
'Cause this is fun, but it needs smoothing. As far as the meter goes, I'll specifically point to:
and say that, when you end an iambic line with an unaccented syllable like the two "ing"s here, it helps to start the next line on the beat, as it were, with an accented syllable so you don't have two unaccented syllables in a row snarling up the rhythm. Just going:
keeps the "ta TUM ta TUM ta TUM ta TUM" regular, and in metered poetry, that's the bottom line. You do this in the stanza that rhymes "sis's" with "abysses"--a great rhyme, by the way--but don't do it again in the stanza that rhymes "cruelly" and "truly."
As for the story, I'd like to see that our unnamed narrator is unhappy at the beginning of things. That way, when Our Narrator and Jaine meet, they're each bringing something that the other lacks: Our Narrator has the cure for whatever's ailing Jaine, and Jaine has the cure for whatever's ailing Our Narrator. Maybe Our Narrator even suspects that Titania set the two of them up for this very reason? That would also explain why Titania doesn't come looking for them at the end: as long as the two are united, Titania doesn't care that they're united in their dislike of her. :)
Mike
Folks used to use around here when we still had reviewers? "Keep developing," I think it was?
'Cause this is fun, but it needs smoothing. As far as the meter goes, I'll specifically point to:
Apologized to Implings groaning,
But left them in the midst of moaning,
Then spurred my bee-mount on.
and say that, when you end an iambic line with an unaccented syllable like the two "ing"s here, it helps to start the next line on the beat, as it were, with an accented syllable so you don't have two unaccented syllables in a row snarling up the rhythm. Just going:
Apologized to Implings groaning,
Left them in the midst of moaning,
Spurred my bee-mount on.
keeps the "ta TUM ta TUM ta TUM ta TUM" regular, and in metered poetry, that's the bottom line. You do this in the stanza that rhymes "sis's" with "abysses"--a great rhyme, by the way--but don't do it again in the stanza that rhymes "cruelly" and "truly."
As for the story, I'd like to see that our unnamed narrator is unhappy at the beginning of things. That way, when Our Narrator and Jaine meet, they're each bringing something that the other lacks: Our Narrator has the cure for whatever's ailing Jaine, and Jaine has the cure for whatever's ailing Our Narrator. Maybe Our Narrator even suspects that Titania set the two of them up for this very reason? That would also explain why Titania doesn't come looking for them at the end: as long as the two are united, Titania doesn't care that they're united in their dislike of her. :)
Mike
Fair Queen Titania’s cousin’s sis’s
Daughter’s friend, who from abysses
Oh, you're getting cute here. Well, it's a wonderfully whimsical poem, and one I enjoyed reading immensely. I agree with BB entirely (again) that getting a little more sense of the narrator's life--or at least, his feelings about his life--pre-adventure would set up a nice dovetail with Jaine's reveal that she left because of T's... boring-ness.
Beyond that, this was simply fun to read, and I appreciate that greatly. A great use of vocabulary to set tone throughout, and even if the poetic style is, as BB points out, not quite perfect in every location, it's certainly entirely respectable for a 24 hour minific entry. Nice work.
>>Baal Bunny, >>Chris
A Fairy's Travail
At the start of this round, I told a friend, "This is my prompt; it's made for me." (Not literally, I submitted "Their Faces Were the Same".) But I was right, in spirit. Thanks for the silver and the iambic advice! I can add more as advised about the narrator now that I have more than 750 words to finish things off.
A Fairy's Travail
At the start of this round, I told a friend, "This is my prompt; it's made for me." (Not literally, I submitted "Their Faces Were the Same".) But I was right, in spirit. Thanks for the silver and the iambic advice! I can add more as advised about the narrator now that I have more than 750 words to finish things off.