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TBD · FiM Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
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Apple Bloom Says a Bad Word
"Excuse me?" Cheerilee said. "Apple Bloom, did you just say what I think you said?"

"Huh?" Apple Bloom said. She looked up from the floor, where she and Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were coloring in pictures with crayons. "I was just tellin' Scootaloo not to use all the colors up, cause giraffes ain't even supposed to be rainbowy."

Cheerilee glared at her. "That's quite enough, young filly. I heard you loud and clear, and I think you need to go to the principal's office this instant."

Apple Bloom looked over at her friends. Sweetie Belle shrugged.

"Yes ma'am," Apple Bloom said, and trudged out of the classroom and all the way to the principal's office.

Cheerilee was waiting inside when she arrived. Apple Bloom hated going to a small town school.

"Miss Bloom," Principal Cheerilee said, "your homeroom teacher says that she heard you use very improper language. Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"I didn't say anythin' bad, I swear!" Apple Bloom said. "I mean, I just said 'swear' right there, but that's not the same thing as swearin', I'm pretty sure. Y'all gotta cut me a break."

Cheerilee gasped. "I cannot believe it. And you are such a promising student! This is going to go on your permanent record, I hope you know."

"Wait, what?" Apple Bloom protested "That ain't fair!"

"No more backtalk, or I'll have you wash your mouth out, little miss."

"At least tell me what I'm sayin' that's bad," Bloom muttered. "Y'all are crazy."

There was a slamming sound as Cheerilee hit the desk with both her hooves. She gave Apple Bloom a look that could have spoiled a jug of milk.

Apple Bloom groaned and sank down into her seat.

Apple Bloom's mouth tasted like soap all the way home. She had three different documents that she was supposed to get a parent or guardian's signature on, as well as sixteen and a half weeks of double-secret-plus detention, whatever that meant.

"Applejack, will you be my ma and sign this?" Bloom said morosely, setting the papers on the kitchen table.

"Sure thing, sugarcube. What all—" She saw 'DETENTION' written on the top sheet. "Whoa nelly, what'd y'all get yourself into this time?"

Apple Bloom bounced up and down. "See? Exactly! They said I said a bad word!"

"Ah see." Applejack frowned. "Thought Ah raised ya better than that. What in tarnation did ya say this time?"

"I just said 'y'all,'" Apple Bloom whined. "Apparently that's not okay anymore?"

Applejack gasped. "Ma always said this day would come."

"Huh?" Apple Bloom said, but Applejack was busy opening the farmhouse's kitchen window.

"Big Mac!" Applejack shouted outside, toward the barn. "Get the shotgun and call the militia, we're goin' off the grid! Big government's here to take our accents!"

"Ee-yup!" he shouted back from somewhere.

"Wait, what?"

"Thay kin' tayke mah ridickyalahs acksent offan' mah dehd bodahy!" Applejack said.

"I can't even understand ya anymore, Sis."

Applejack was already gone, screaming something about pegasus chemtrails and flouride in the water supply.

Bloom was left alone with her paperwork.

"Well, fuck," she said.
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#1 ·

Fourteen entries in and I finally stumble upon a pure absurdist piece, I think that must be a new record for me.

Anyway, this has the opposite problem of other entries, it's too short. The set up was great, Bloom doesn't know what she's done wrong only to discover the man wants to rob her culture! The nerve...

But seriously, it was fun. My only problem is how quickly it devolves. It goes from slight absurdism to full on phonetic war at the end. Ease us a little bit slower and it would have been better. I still chuckled at the last line, though.
#2 ·
Couple sentences in, I'm thinking "the word wasn't bad and there'll be a punchline profanity at the end" and tabbing down to the end to check what the punchline's going to be. Yep. And the other gag is... AJ's accent, which is bad because reasons? I wanted to look back up and find some explanation of why y'all's a bad word, but there ain't one. So I dunno, shucks.

Solid structure, but for this type of comedy that's a bit of a problem, because the structure is recognizable and predictable. Feels like it's lacking a bit of spice to get to the heights of funny it wants to. Decent effort though, thanks for writing!
#3 · 2
AÏe gote euh goude lafe from dis ouane. So goude djob aussor. Saivingue your aksente from ze stèndeurdz iz very harde, so kipe tolkingue ouiz ioure aksente pipole, if iou donte ouante tou louse ite.
(I got a good laugh from this one. So good job author. Saving your accent from the standards is very hard, so keep talking with your accent people, if you don't want to lose it)
#4 ·
This was cute and easy to follow. I don't think you need to go overboard to squeeze the comedy from this stone, however, and I think it would be even funnier if it didn't get so wacky at the end. It's harder to do that with a minific, but that's not a problem to shy from.

I think there's a disconnect between the light randomness of the first part of the story (which I fully figured out) and the ridiculously heavy randomness afterwards. You had a good, cohesive story going, with legitimate drama. I think the story would be much better if you'd played the ending straight rather than going off the rails and out of character.

It's hard for me to accept that Cheerilee would act like this, even in a random setting. Toning her down just a little might help. It's not that I'm not a fan of random (although I'm not), it's that random played off the wall isn't interesting because there are no longer realistic expectations on the part of the reader. The world needs some rules, or you lose all suspense and immersion. Look at Admiral Biscuit's works to see good examples of the sublimely nutty.
#5 ·
You know, it took me far too long to figure out what word Cherilee was objecting too? Other than that, I enjoyed this one. You go AJ! Show them big govement types that they can take your life, but you'll never take your accent! Freeeeedom!

It'll be kinda hard for them to go off grid though, seeing at to how they seem to feed half of Ponyville...