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Rigor Mortise
Creating furniture involves a lot
Of necromancy, folks should realize.
A table won't remain upon its spot
Unless its spirit's anchored. Otherwise,
The dryad's ghost within can raise a fuss,
Demand revenge, and tear your home apart.
Procedures state that certain sorcerous
Materials be used. It's best to start
With nymphs from stones, the oreads and such,
To soothe the dryad, circle close around
Until they merge. Possessed by calmer touch,
Your table's legs should settle, safe and sound.
In tougher cases, blood's a perfect bribe.
For household hints, be sure to tap "subscribe."
Of necromancy, folks should realize.
A table won't remain upon its spot
Unless its spirit's anchored. Otherwise,
The dryad's ghost within can raise a fuss,
Demand revenge, and tear your home apart.
Procedures state that certain sorcerous
Materials be used. It's best to start
With nymphs from stones, the oreads and such,
To soothe the dryad, circle close around
Until they merge. Possessed by calmer touch,
Your table's legs should settle, safe and sound.
In tougher cases, blood's a perfect bribe.
For household hints, be sure to tap "subscribe."
This sonnet oozes style. Enjambment throughout, combined with a few feet that feel a little more phyrric than iambic, give the piece a very natural flow: it really adds to that feeling of getting lectured by a curious expert in long-forgotten lore. That tone is set so early on with the second line, which is such a great line! You hit the reader with a total context change, and while we're still processing move into an aside that establishes a narrative voice, which together leave the audience in exactly the right frame of mind for that voice to work.
And the idea! What a cool thought, that the ghosts of the nymphs still haunt the objects we've made from... well, them, I suppose? The idea here is almost an inversion of an exorcism: add more spirits to calm the angered one. There's something really cool there, honestly, in the tone of communal care. And it's still somehow just as haunting, just as uncomfortable, as the permanent banishment of an exorcism—is a permanent binding truly any kinder to the nymphs?
That idea is... perhaps a bit grand for the form. We set up a lesson that feels deep, but the length constraint here handicaps our narrator from getting into any real depth. By the end of stanza three, I'm not feeling ready to wrap up: I want more, I want to keep listening to this lost knowledge and drinking in this arcane carpentry. Something of a shame to come away from it in that moment—but it's not necessarily a bad thing. I'd think a final couplet that felt dismissive could make it really work? Picture the old teacher saying "that's enough for today. leave me alone, I'm tired" kinda thing, and we would feel the same melancholy as the student we're embodying.
It's the final couplet where this piece fell down for me. On reflection, I do think it's trying for that same dismissive feeling my gut says this should end on, but the sudden hard cut to YouTube Self Promotion language was jarring. It feels almost like a feghoot, in that I don't feel I'm in on the joke but rather the joke is at my expense for wanting more? I'm not sure about that one, author. Maybe I've totally misread what you were going for with the rest of the piece? But it undermines the piece's biggest strengths for me without giving us something equally strong in return. Bit of a shame, really, cos I loved the rest so much!
And the idea! What a cool thought, that the ghosts of the nymphs still haunt the objects we've made from... well, them, I suppose? The idea here is almost an inversion of an exorcism: add more spirits to calm the angered one. There's something really cool there, honestly, in the tone of communal care. And it's still somehow just as haunting, just as uncomfortable, as the permanent banishment of an exorcism—is a permanent binding truly any kinder to the nymphs?
That idea is... perhaps a bit grand for the form. We set up a lesson that feels deep, but the length constraint here handicaps our narrator from getting into any real depth. By the end of stanza three, I'm not feeling ready to wrap up: I want more, I want to keep listening to this lost knowledge and drinking in this arcane carpentry. Something of a shame to come away from it in that moment—but it's not necessarily a bad thing. I'd think a final couplet that felt dismissive could make it really work? Picture the old teacher saying "that's enough for today. leave me alone, I'm tired" kinda thing, and we would feel the same melancholy as the student we're embodying.
It's the final couplet where this piece fell down for me. On reflection, I do think it's trying for that same dismissive feeling my gut says this should end on, but the sudden hard cut to YouTube Self Promotion language was jarring. It feels almost like a feghoot, in that I don't feel I'm in on the joke but rather the joke is at my expense for wanting more? I'm not sure about that one, author. Maybe I've totally misread what you were going for with the rest of the piece? But it undermines the piece's biggest strengths for me without giving us something equally strong in return. Bit of a shame, really, cos I loved the rest so much!
I like this look at what's akin to an alternate take on feng shui. I also like it when poets don't feel constrained to end sentences on the rhymes. Nice sonnet form. Some of the rhythm is off, like "furniture" and "sorcerous" go more hard stress-light stress-unstressed than the iambic pattern that exists elsewhere.
The final line even makes it seem more like a YT post, which ups the ante on this supernatural feng shui even being things people look to the internet for advice on. It does come about suddenly, but on the other hand, it does lampshade why there's no more context provided on all the world building here, since the viewer presumably already knows the basics or wouldn't have been watching the video.
Some mixed feelings, but this was pretty cute.
The final line even makes it seem more like a YT post, which ups the ante on this supernatural feng shui even being things people look to the internet for advice on. It does come about suddenly, but on the other hand, it does lampshade why there's no more context provided on all the world building here, since the viewer presumably already knows the basics or wouldn't have been watching the video.
Some mixed feelings, but this was pretty cute.
>>QuillScratch
>>Pascoite
Thanks, folks!
My immediate thought when I saw the prompt was that "possession" needed to mean a spirit getting into a place where people didn't want it to be. The stone around the leg, then, would be a method of settling that spirit down. Not that the final poem quite ended up that way... I came up with the final line pretty early in the process and was shocked to discover how few things rhyme with "subscribe."
A little tweaking of the couplet, though, and this one'll be ready to start making the rounds of the SF poetry mags. :)
Mike
>>Pascoite
Thanks, folks!
My immediate thought when I saw the prompt was that "possession" needed to mean a spirit getting into a place where people didn't want it to be. The stone around the leg, then, would be a method of settling that spirit down. Not that the final poem quite ended up that way... I came up with the final line pretty early in the process and was shocked to discover how few things rhyme with "subscribe."
A little tweaking of the couplet, though, and this one'll be ready to start making the rounds of the SF poetry mags. :)
Mike