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* Princess Not Included · FiM Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
Show rules for this event
Plush Pony
The modern department store, the embodiment of consumerism and consumption, was bustling with frenzied customers. Amongst the hum of ponies scurrying past shelves, their trolleys packed full to the brim with goods, two sisters were ambling through a toy aisle. The first, Aether, stopped suddenly to levitate something from the shelf.

“Why the Tartarus are we buying this?” Eddy said. She was eyeing her sister suspiciously, who held aloft in her magic a package of a plush pony.

As with the other dolls on the squeaky-clean shelf, the cardboard packaging was saturated with rainbow colours and colourful rainbows alike. The plush ponies inside fared no better—their coats were a royal blue, and the horn and wings that the plush ponies boasted made Eddy grimace. They stood ramrod-straight with tall statures, and within their manes, stars twinkled and gleamed like the night sky.

“Eddy, what’s wrong with the Princess Luna plush? Her eyes are so cute,” Aether remarked. Unhurriedly, she gently placed the plush pony into the empty trolley and began to push said trolley along the aisle.

Eddy merely rolled her eyes, waving her hoof in front of the price tags under the plush ponies. “What do you mean, ‘what’s wrong with the Princess Luna plush’?” she asked with an incredulous look. “Just look at it! It’s just a whole load of corporate bull making us want to buy stuff.”

Aether glanced at the plush pony and stifled a sigh. “C’mon, Eddy. Maybe forget the corp and open your heart to it or something. It’s pretty cute, if you ask me.”

“I want to, Aether,” Eddy said, dropping to her haunches, “but it’s hard to open your heart to something heartless.”

This time, Aether found herself biting her lip, her eyes avoiding Eddy’s gaze. Resignedly, she joined Eddy on the frigid white floor, slumping on the ground. She let her eyes wander around their surroundings, while the harsh fluorescent lights cast a joyless atmosphere.

In the distance were plush ponies of a carnation-pink winged unicorn alongside a snow-white unicorn, a similarly white winged unicorn, and a lavender winged unicorn as well. The wings of the winged alicorns were awkward in their shape, and in addition, they all wore the same joyous smile, almost forced and definitely artificial.

But when Aether looked at the packaging, realisation dawned on her. “Hey, Eddy?”

“Yeah?” Eddy replied, lying prostrate and splaying her feathered wings on the floor to the chagrin of a group of passers-by.

Aether gazed at one end of the aisle, towards which grumbling ponies were walking back. “Maybe you’re looking at this the wrong way,” she suggested tentatively.

A sceptical glance from Eddy caused Aether to bite her lip. “Go on,” Eddy said.

Lifting herself to a standing position, Aether continued, “Okay, so who are these plushies and what do they do?”

“Well, as a result of their huge advertising budget, I know that the plushies apparently have supernatural powers and that their job is to make their subjects in a utopia happy,” Eddy said. “They’re supposed to be deities, right?”

“Yeah. And foals look up to them, don’t they?”

Eddy pushed herself until she was sitting on her haunches once again. “So you admit that they’re cash cows,” she snarked.

Aether managed some semblance of a hopeful expression. “Well, I was going for ‘heroes’—”

“—but when all is said and done, they’re just doing this for bits.” With a flap of her wings, Eddy took to the air in a low hover.

“Does it really matter, though? That the corp’s making money while providing good idols for fillies and colts?” Aether said. Her hopeful grin grew by every word she said.

Eddy shrugged mid-air. “You sound like a shill.”

Aether hung her head low and brought a hoof to it. “Bleurgh. I’m getting the plushie anyway,” she said, disappointed. As if to make up for her failure to change Eddy’s mind, she furtively levitated another plush pony—the lavender one—to the trolley while Eddy was looking away. “And we should probably get out of here before the manager kicks us out,” she added.

“Agreed.”
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#1 ·
· · >>Chryssi
Pfft, that was pretty good. You did a great job of giving both Aether and Eddy (odd names, but I can dig it) distinct characters and voices in the limited space given. You also managed to tell a pretty funny little story that I'm sure plenty of people in this fandom can relate to in some degree. The story didn't necessarily pop or go anywhere other than where I expected it to go, but I can't really fault it for very much either. A fun read, if an insubstantial one.
#2 ·
· · >>Chryssi
I didn't like it the first time I read it, because it "didn't go anywhere". When I re-read it, not expecting it to go anywhere, I liked it a lot. :P

I think I'd like this better if the characters were humans shopping for pony plushies. Having non-MLP MLPish ponies shopping for MLP plushies confused me.

I also think this will score lower than it deserves.
#3 · 1
·
This asks, in my opinion, a question really worth being asked.

I like a bit of philosophy in my stories on occasion. It also has an arc, and some decent characters, and the other things a story should have. Overall, I think it's pretty good.

It's a bit weird that they just lay down in the middle of the store, though. Not sure what's up with that.
#4 ·
·
Hmm. I suppose there’s a message in here about finding something deep and meaningful in what is fundamentally a toy commercial, but the use of living ponies felt superfluous. It raises the question of how much of the magic in Equestria is fictional in this setting, opening a whole other can of worms. It’d probably be simpler to just make them human. Plus, it feels really over-described.

Take out some of the extra stuffing and I’ll happily cuddle this. So to speak.
#5 ·
· · >>Chryssi
I have to agree with the bit about having non-MLP ponies buying MLP merchandise is... weirdly confusing. I kept expecting someone to mention them being old legends or that somehow the princesses have 'sold out' or something.

The characters are well and uniquely voiced, and the philosophical is interesting.. But I'm afraid it's a bit wasted on me. You see, I'm one of those terrible people who pretty much never buy merchandise for anything. Despite being a fan, I don't own a single piece of MLP merchandise. Heck, I used to be a big fan of the show Gargoyles in my youth... And I think the only merchandise I own from that fandom is the season one and two DVDs. So in short, I am a marketers worst nightmare, and have never stared at a toy in the store, pondering the philisophical implications of purchasing it.

Still, an interesting idea and a well written story. :)
#6 ·
· · >>Chryssi
Descriptions were good, I liked the body language (though lying down in the store did strike me as a bit odd).

The interplay between the two was fun; they bounced off each other nicely.

One part that did give me a little bit of dissonance was the names. While they were definitely 'pony', Eddy pops into my mind much more readily as a human boy than a unicorn filly.

I liked the inclusion of the philosophy as well.

Overall, this was a cute little vignette.
#7 · 1
·
Retrospect


Second Writeoff entered, woohoo! And something I can submit to Fimfiction after adding 250 317 words.

This fic was written after a long, boring trip home. I was absolutely shit-tired for the entire day, having stayed awake till 2am the night before, but I at least had the motivation to plan out some ideas for the prompt.

One of those ideas was a sadfic about Celestia talking to Twilight about the former’s loneliness, due to her seeing Luna only at dusk and dawn (as Luna is nocturnal or something). But in hindsight, I’m glad I didn’t choose to put this idea to paper since Celestia would have had ample opportunity to make new friends, and it would be hypocritical for Celestia to send Twilight out for friendship lessons while neglecting her own relationships.

Anyway, let’s get to the story itself.

> In the distance were plush ponies of a carnation-pink winged unicorn alongside a snow-white unicorn, a similarly white winged unicorn, and a lavender winged unicorn as well.

Upon re-read, I think this is a pretty awkward sentence. It gets repetitive with its ‘unicorn’, so I’d probably rephrase the ‘unicorn’ part into a separate sentence.

>>Bad Horse
>> I think I'd like this better if the characters were humans shopping for pony plushies. Having non-MLP MLPish ponies shopping for MLP plushies confused me.
>>TheCyanRecluse
>> I have to agree with the bit about having non-MLP ponies buying MLP merchandise is... weirdly confusing. I kept expecting someone to mention them being old legends or that somehow the princesses have 'sold out' or something.

It was intended to be set in an AU where princesses didn’t exist and they pretty much were in our modern society, but in hindsight, with the story as-is, there was probably no real reason I couldn’t have made them humans. Maybe if I had more time I could have elaborated on it more, fleshing the AU out so it wasn’t just Earth with the substitution filter s/human/pony.

>>ArgonMatrix
>> both Aether and Eddy (odd names, but I can dig it)
>>Caliaponia
>> One part that did give me a little bit of dissonance was the names. While they were definitely 'pony', Eddy pops into my mind much more readily as a human boy than a unicorn filly.

I actually had a lot of trouble thinking up names for these two characters. It took half an hour wasted of pondering until I thought up Aether, a unicorn who studied astronomy and the aethereal; and Eddy Current, a pegasus who liked to conjure whirlpools or something like that. Of course, in the end this didn’t make it into the story due to having nothing to do with the actual story.

>>Bad Horse
>> I didn't like it the first time I read it, because it "didn't go anywhere". When I re-read it, not expecting it to go anywhere, I liked it a lot. :P

I think this “not going anywhere” is becoming a tendency of mine. Whoops. (hint for guessing in future Writeoffs :P)

Kidding aside, I couldn’t think of any other way to end the fic that made sense to me. Even from the planning stage, I didn’t see Aether as the type of pony who could have her deep-seated cynicism be completely reversed in 750 words. So I went the lazy route and had an anti-climax instead. When submission time rolled around, I thought more people would point it out, but I suppose not.

>>TheCyanRecluse
>> You see, I'm one of those terrible people who pretty much never buy merchandise for anything. Despite being a fan, I don't own a single piece of MLP merchandise. Heck, I used to be a big fan of the show Gargoyles in my youth... And I think the only merchandise I own from that fandom is the season one and two DVDs. So in short, I am a marketers worst nightmare, and have never stared at a toy in the store, pondering the philisophical implications of purchasing it.

Believe it or not, I own literally no MLP merch at all as well, apart from the MLP comics that my friend bought from a Humble Comics Bundle. I might get a plushie should I have the cash, though.