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The Other Side · FiM Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
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Fire Burns Both Ways
Friendship Magic is a truly incredible force, able to warp the very fabric of reality around itself, yet only the choicest ponies can wield this power. No one regulates its use, and no one knows by what criteria the chosen ones are indeed chosen. Only moral qualifications seem necessary, yet the chosen ones are not always exemplars of virtue.

All of this is fundamentally wrong.

I grew up on a small sheep farm. It was a peaceful life, but my family presumed for some reason that I hated it, and so told me stories to help me “escape”. These stories were the stuff of nightmares. “Chosen ones” who were really no better, or even worse, than the ordinary characters they encountered. Whole civilizations reduced to mere damsels in distress. What contempt these storytellers must have had! Nevertheless, the so-called chosen ones were made special. They were treated like royalty.

I can think of no meaner insult to my fellow country ponies. My ordinary fellow country ponies.

Imagine my horror when I learned that such “chosen ones” exist in real life! Worse, they are helped by rare artefacts designed to channel “Friendship Magic”, the most powerful magic known to ponydom. This is simply horrible! The fate of millions of ponies should not rest with the actions of one! Either everyone should decide their own fates, or no one should.

I will right this injustice. The world needs its shepherdess. These insignificant little sheep can wait.

- Arcadia Charm.





The desert around Double Diamond’s village was a dead warzone. Boulders lay scattered and half-buried in the sands. Mountains stood guard on the horizon: in the other direction, the sheer hopelessness of open dunes, beyond which the heat haze concealed all.

The village remained as a pathetic oasis in the midst of Nature’s wreckage; two strips of houses led up to a single tree. And that was it. So small, the out-of-town ponies had once said, that it wouldn’t even show up on the map.

And for years and years, this had been Double’s only home. Until old Starlight had left, taking her insanity with her, he’d scarcely believed a full Equestria existed at all. Not beyond his little home. No more real than the stories he’d read in the papers every day.

Now that they were free of Starlight’s insanity…




It has been three years since I left my farm, and though I miss my family greatly, I know I am doing the right thing. Over the years, I have tracked down and captured many ancient artefacts containing so-called Friendship Magic. Out in the world, I have learned much about my fellow ponies. A few wish to see this magic shared fairly among ponydom, but most regard my work as an abomination. Apparently, to tamper with Friendship Magic is to out oneself as clueless on the nature of friendship itself. Will the insults never cease?

For the time being, I find it prudent to keep my experiments a secret. This modest little commune will serve as our base for now. Hopefully, we can make something beautiful out of such humble beginnings.





Double chewed his muffin, peered over the newspaper, and inspected Sugar Belle for the slightest sign of non-emancipation.

Clearing the nearby table of plates, she blushed. “Um? Double? You’re doing it again?”

“Hm?” Double blinked as though waking up. Suddenly, he seemed way too close to her, and threw on a guilty little smile. “Oh. I’m sorry, Sugar Belle. Old habits die hard.”

Double hid behind his newspaper; he’d long since learned from mirrors that his own blush could put a rose to shame.

Apologizing for every syllable, Sugar’s voice tiptoed on. “Are you reading anything interesting?”

Tensed, Double quickly checked his answer first. “Stuff from the next town over.”

“Oh yes. Of course.” A nervous cough. “What… kind of stuff, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“Stuff about the wider world,” he said, far more confidently. He even lowered the paper to meet her blinking gaze. “Now we’re running our own lives without Starlight, it’s very important we know everything there is to know about the wider world.”

“I agree.” She nodded enthusiastically. “It’s just strange to see you’re the only one reading newspapers.”

Double shrugged and hid again. In truth, he’d always read the newspapers from the other towns. When Starlight had ruled the village, she’d entrusted him – and him alone! – to keep an eye on the news. On the doings of Princess Celestia, on the major cities with their inventions, and on the stories of heroism and bravery that everyone loved to talk about when they thought no one in the village was listening.

At the time, he’d burst with pride. To be entrusted to handle the subversive news of the outer world! A real honour!

But, she’d told him, he wasn’t special for it. Anyone could have done it. He merely happened to be her lucky choice.

It was – It had been very important not to be special. They had to be equal. “Equal” and “special” were fundamental opposites.

“Have you ever seen Canterlot?” whispered Sugar quickly.

For a moment, Double was caught off-guard. She’d spoken as though they were spies swapping national secrets.

“I’ve always wanted to go,” she continued before he’d even moved his lips. “It must be so exciting to see Princess Celestia in person! And to see all the stained glass windows showing the brave deeds she’s done! And they say she keeps a museum of ancient artefacts full of powerful magic!”

Double forced a smile onto his face. “That sounds fantastic. Why don’t you go? You could send us photographs and letters every day.”

Nothing but the click of plates piling up and mugs being stacked. Somehow, he sensed this was the wrong answer.

“I couldn’t,” she said eventually, when he’d started reading the sports column. “What about Night Glider, or Party Favor? I’m sure they’d like to go too.”

Double nodded to himself. Thankfully, he wasn’t the only one having difficulties.

“It’s OK,” he said in a gentle voice. “We don’t have to do everything together. You can go as your own pony, if you really want to go. Everyone’s got their special interests and wishes, right?”

“Oh. Of course. Right.”

“Right.”

Double beamed after her before she disappeared inside. Thank goodness he was around to keep an eye on his friends, or else they’d never be properly emancipated.




My friend Match has broken off from our commune in order to found her own nearby. I'm inspiring others! More ponies left wishing to try their own experiments with my artefacts. I am truly happy for them, and wish them the best of luck.





Under cover of midnight darkness, in a room shrouded and still, Double looked across the lantern to the glowing faces of the other three ponies. Sugar sat opposite; having served fruitcake, she now kept silent like a servant trapped in a meeting of masters. On either side, Party Favor and Night Glider chewed and spoke alternately.

“What if Starlight isn’t the only one?” Party shoved another slice into his mouth and struggled to chew.

“Yeah!” said Night, pausing only to lick her plate of crumbs. “We saw the maps you brought over, Double D. This desert is huge. There could be more villages out there we don’t know about.”

Party winced under the effort of swallowing. “And if so,” he said, “then there might be more ponies in secret communes like ours. They could be trapped against their will. Or worse: brainwashed!”

“Why else do you think Starlight founded the village here?” said Night. “Because –”

“Because it’s the perfect place to hide from Celestia!” finished Party.

Double squirmed on his seat. He’d insisted on this square table arrangement so that none of them could be considered the leader, yet all eyes aimed at him. After all, he’d been the second-in-command that Starlight officially didn’t have.

“Well…” He wondered if part of him was flattered by all this attention, and pushed his uneaten cake away. “I think you’re right, but I’d like to hear what Sugar has to say.”

Sugar waved the words away. “I… don’t… really have an opinion.”

To her right, Party patted her on the forelimb. “It’s OK, Sugar. We’re truly equals now. But special, of course. If you don’t agree, it’s OK to say so.”

To her left, Night smirked and winked. “No one’s hiding anything. We did talk about this to everyone in town. All we want is your special view on it.”

Double saw the downturned face opposite lower itself further. Ever since the flight of Starlight, Sugar had struggled with the idea of disagreeing with anyone. Old habits die hard.

“I… just… don’t know.” Sugar leaned down and took a bite out of her own slice: a sure sign of disquiet.

Thumping the table, Double met the returning looks of Night and Party. “Let’s leave her alone, guys. Maybe not wanting to share all her thoughts is her specialty.”

“But,” began Party, “we won’t mind this time if she tells us.”

“That’s right: we won’t. And that’s why we won’t force her to tell us either. We’re all truly equal.”

And we’re special too,” said Night at once.

Helpless staring ensued. Not one of them, he could tell, had thought it’d be this hard post-Starlight. Thank goodness he was around to help, or heavens knew where they’d be without him.




Success! The love of my followers can no longer be in doubt. For years, we have learned how to reach the sheer heights of friendship amongst ourselves, the better to manipulate the Friendship Magic. Such brothers and sisters! Such love and devotion! So many lives saved and personal treasures sacrificed in the name of friendship!

To honour the blessed state we have now achieved, I hereby rename myself as “Amity”. We shall all be cleansed by the fires of friendship!

Finally, the magic is ours to shape as we will! Such miraculous feats I have never known! We no longer even import our food and supplies, but create them from nothing. Even our cutie marks are nothing against this power; I have destroyed them utterly.

And best of all, we can now share the magic even with non-initiates. Once we try more tests, I am sure we'll be ready. My dream is soon to become a reality!





The next morning, Double sat at the end of the only road in the village, stared up at the lonely tree, and chewed his lip.

When Starlight had “ruled” the village – though she’d never called it “ruling”, all of them being equal and whatnot, and she’d insisted any of them could’ve done the supervising if they’d wanted to – when she’d ruled the village, she’d happily welcomed stray ponies who’d wandered in. She’d happily encouraged the town to talk about the peace and harmony their new lives together had enjoyed. And if all else failed, she’d happily ripped the cutie marks off their flanks and given them new ones of the same boring, safe, meaningful equals sign.

To do that, she’d needed magic.

Powerful magic.

And sure, if the out-of-towners were telling the truth, then powerful magic was rare among unicorns. Part of him had hated hearing this. Sure, Starlight had reduced the villagers to fearful shells in the name of equality, but at least the magic she’d used had been available for everyone. The Staff of Sameness had been right. No one had owned it. In theory, even he could have wielded it.

Yeah, he thought bitterly. Just like in theory, I could have supervised the whole town.

Yet supposing Starlight hadn’t been the only powerful unicorn out there? After all, she’d been bested by another one, who’d freed the village. Double tried to focus on lots of other details, but that one stood out to him. There’d been powerful unicorns. Not unicorn. Unicorns. In the plural.

Supposing there were others?

Supposing they found another village, deep within the desert, controlled by another unicorn like Starlight? They couldn’t just wait for a second unicorn to come in and set things right. Sugar was a unicorn, and definitely not strong enough.

And in a way, this was heroic questing. From all the papers he’d read and the stories he’d heard, the best pony to have on a heroic quest was a princess. Princesses were experts. They got results.

He stood up. He’d decided.

He’d call in an expert.




My friends are intrigued. Match’s commune has achieved Friendship Magic liberation by a totally different process. Instead of self-sacrifice, they have opted for secrets-sharing and intimacy, using their pasts to unite them in the present. This seems a strange idea, but I cannot argue with the results; their spells rival ours. Great news indeed! This has inspired me to try the same technique.

Our power has grown. We’ve even learned to shape the world around us. I erected an enchanted hedge as an effective magical barrier while we practise our talents, though of course it shall need constant maintenance.

Next, I shall create a Cave of Remembrance for our memories. Sadly, that feat requires more power.





“You did what?” said Party and Night in unison.

Evening: in the middle of the street. Double preferred to watch the sun go down below the desert rather than watch their two faces widen any more.

“It makes perfect sense,” Double said patiently, as though he hadn’t said this umpteen times around the village today. “I went to the nearest town and sent a letter to Canterlot. Of all the princesses we know about, only one has lived so long and seen and done so much. It’s actually amazing what the newspapers say she’s done.”

“But this was supposed to be our special mission!” said Night, stamping a hoof. “We know what it’s like to have to look over our shoulders every time we wanted to talk about cutie marks or special talents! Now we can do something about it!”

“We are,” said Double, bowing hastily. “We’re helping any ponies who might be out there. We’re just doing it cleverly, that’s all.”

Party narrowed his eyes. Not hard to fathom his thoughts: when ponies in this village had looked over their shoulders every time they’d wanted to talk, Double had been the one pony they’d feared would be right behind them, eavesdropping. Nonchalantly reading the newspaper, nonchalantly inspecting the shop’s goods, nonchalantly smelling the dead flowers on their windowsills…

Remembering all that, Double didn’t dare say anything. He’d just taken matters into his own hooves again. Good grief, he thought, I really am turning into a leader…

“Um,” said a quiet voice.

At once, Party and Night stepped aside. Sugar shuffled into their cluster like a stray looking for food. Most of her body crouched or tensed ready to bolt, but her face and eyes were alight with hunger.

“Sugar?” Party said gently.

“I think Double’s right,” she said, trying not to quaver. “Starlight was dangerous. Maybe other ponies will be too.”

“We’re not gonna get a princess on our side!” said Night. “I bet that letter takes weeks to get through! Princesses probably get thousands a day! And what makes you think she’ll take it seriously?”

To everyone’s surprise – Night and Party shifted aside urgently – Sugar actually stood taller against these words.

“A princess came for us,” said Sugar, and the natural quake in her voice now trembled with tectonic strength, “when she found out about us. So they’ll come for other ponies in the desert.”

“But Princess Twilight didn’t even know why she’d come here!” said Night, but Double saw the uncertainty weakening the defences across her face.

“Yet still she came,” said Sugar. “Look, we don’t know what’s out there, and neither do the princesses. We'll explain our plan to them. If any of us think ponies need help, though, we’ll help them. Won’t we?”

Double leaned towards her, almost took a step forwards. Whether through rage or shock, Sugar trembled where she stood, stand tall though she did.

“My thoughts exactly!” He beamed at her. “And we can help them too. After all, the princesses might know how to cast spells and handle quests, but we know how to help the poor ponies see the truth.”

Sugar’s very lips trembled with suppressed emotion. Instead, she and Double nodded to each other. As equals.




These offshoot communes are becoming worrisome. They once shared their research with us freely, but now we struggle to get any news out of them, and what little we receive is delivered with reluctance and suspicion. They erect communal towers for protection. Such power!

All the same, I hear the ponies within the communes are reaping the benefits of their experiments, and when all is said and done, are we not united in spirit?





One week passed before they received a reply. A flash of light. A shower of sparkles. A scroll materialized, hovering over Double’s head while he ate shortcake at Sugar’s café.

He read it there and then. He read it out to Sugar when she came over. Then he showed it to all the ponies in town.

Princess Celestia was coming.

Nonetheless, the next day, before sunrise, after a rushed breakfast of crumpets and milk, only he and Sugar were waiting, as per the instructions, looking up expectantly, there at the edge of the desert.

Princess Celestia: the anti-Starlight, once upon a time.

When Starlight had “ruled” the village, she’d told of the living insult that was Princess Celestia. Ponies, after all, should not be special. They should not put on airs. All ponydom should not be subject to the will of one so-called “superior”. Thanks to her unique sun-based magic, her noble rank, and her astonishingly vast political power, Princess Celestia had spat on all three ideals.

On everything Starlight – the village – had stood for.

Double had read about her exploits weekly. Hard not to, when she was involved in monster battles and threatening wars and ambitious crimes and terrifyingly occult disasters so often that – he’d learned from one editorial piece – she had specific government departments set up, each specialized in a particular kind of crisis.

Of course, a mare who swung the sun round the world like an Equestrian Games hammer-thrower was usually enough to settle a dispute. Still, she was kept busy by a constant flux of overconfident troublemakers, few of which posed much of a challenge to her.

In short, she was perfect.

Obviously, back when Starlight had “ruled”, he’d booed and hissed Princess Celestia’s name the same as everyone else had. But privately, he wanted to shake her by the hoof. He’d spent most of his early life trying to be awesome, and Celestia was already a grandmaster of awesome. Heck, she was old enough to have met every grandmaster of awesome.

“Look!” shouted Sugar.

Double followed her pointing hoof.

He gasped.

Rising with the sun, the blaze of light was a star, a small dot of purity burning the eyes until they glowed purple with afterimages. As he forced himself to watch – and yet couldn’t look away – he saw the blaze swallow the sky, saw the silhouette of wings gently ease into his vision as though the figure inside the blazing light was quenching the fire. Graceful legs slid into focus, a proud chest manifested above, and between a banner of a mane and a sword of a horn, the muzzle of Princess Celestia bore a discreet smile beneath a modest crown.

Four golden horseshoes hit the earth before them. Immediately, Sugar and Double bent their knees.

A wing shot out. “No need,” said a voice used to serenading sunsets. “Here, we can dispense with formalities. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Sugar Belle and Double Diamond.”

Hardly daring to believe he was doing what the old him would have denounced as heresy, Double spoke to the princess.

“Y-Y-You kn-know our n-n-n-names?”

For such idiocy, he should have hit himself. Fortunately, Princess Celestia nodded as though he’d made a keen philosophical point.

Using a wing, she gestured to the desert beyond. “Now, shall we begin our quest? We can discuss matters along the way.”

Whereupon, Sugar fainted.




Disaster! Three of our communes began fighting each other last night. Many crops were spoiled, and try as I might, I couldn’t stop the fighting. Every single pony in these communes was destroyed come daybreak.

How could this happen? They were fellow crusaders!





They marched through the desert, and yet felt no heat. Not even the drying of skin: Double suspected the princess was using her sun-based magic to channel the hot wind, or something like that.

Beside him, Princess Celestia strode as though she owned the desert. Deep down, Double both wished she did and wished she didn’t. Too many memories of Starlight strode alongside her.

Further along, Sugar stumbled in a trance. Either the heat was reaching her regardless, or the blush was brightening the closer it got to Celestia.

Celestia popped a doughnut into her mouth and chewed for a while. “I must say, Sugar Belle, these treats are among the finest I’ve ever tasted. You work as a baker, am I right?”

Sugar’s reply was too squeaky to make out.

“How did you know our names?” said Double.

Celestia said, “Princess Twilight informed me of the village’s existence shortly after its liberation. I must say it was quite alarming to learn so much was happening right under my nose. Your suggestion was timely; I’d recently been planning an expedition to this desert.”

“Wow,” breathed Sugar. “And did you really do all those things the newspapers said you did?”

A tiny smile twisted up around Celestia’s muzzle. “Most of them. Journalists can exaggerate a little.”

“Wait.” Double peered past the princess. “Sugar, you used to read newspapers?”

“Huh?” Sugar looked panicky for a moment. “Well… Um…”

“Right under my nose?”

“Things were… different… back then. Anyway… everyone was doing it really.” Hastily, she added, “And what stories they told! Princess Celestia, you were an inspiration! All the time I was under Starlight’s wing – well, not literally a wing, she was a unicorn – I always wondered what it would be like to have a sun for a cutie mark.”

Double’s indignation faltered under Celestia’s tinkling laugh. What am I doing? he thought. I was just Starlight’s spy! I shouldn’t care now! That’s bad history!

Yet his pride gave his heart a sullen kick. They’d been reading subversive literature! Without Starlight’s warrant! Right under my nose!

Celestia said, “It’s a delight. Raising the sun daily is an awe-inspiring experience every time. Of course, it’s also quite draining; I generally try not to do it over breakfast!”

More laughter tinkled like bells. Sugar dared a chuckle.

“We have many fine delicatessens in Canterlot, if you ever want to visit,” said Celestia. “I promise you’ll find many new ideas worth your while, so you can experiment and share your creations with your fellow ponies. I’d be more than happy to accommodate another world-class baker.”

Double’s mind had taken notes before he realized what he was doing. Every word they’d said sounded like subversion and treason to his ears. Starlight had always preached that experimentation was the work of ponies trying to stir up controversy, and arguments, and heartbreak.

But I’ve moved past all that! Stop policing, Double! He kept telling himself this over and over, wishing he’d listen to himself. Yet still he eavesdropped on their conversation, taking notes, no matter how much he tried to stop himself.

Then… “We’re here,” said Celestia suddenly. Her voice was an axe.

Disturbed from his inner tussle, Double looked at her face, then at Sugar’s gape, and then up ahead.




What is going on? More communes broke out into magical fighting today. Some ponies even escaped the hedge barrier to flee. Yet the love within each commune is strong. If so, then why can’t the communes get along with each other? It’s senseless!

Match recommended I put up magical protection in case my own commune is targeted. I don’t want to arouse suspicion, but if the fighting continues, I will have to relent for the sake of peace. My closest friends must never be endangered.

Now I’ll confront the other communes. These fools must come to a compromise!

I’d best tell them what is what.





Deep in the desert, Double found sand, and rock, and sand, and rock, and sand, and rock, and sand. And a hedge.

A hedge that rose higher than even Princess Celestia, and which encircled a city-sized space. They found that out by walking for a full hour round it before they discovered the arched entrance.

And fields, full of rotten compost and overgrown shrubbery and a few gnarled trees that looked like vine clumps being forced to stand up. Once, there had been clear paths, but the encroaching creeper grass had started the conquest of greenery here too.

And two towers.

There had been ten more, arranged within this encircled world like numbers on a colossal clock. Vines, weathering, and age had reduced these towers to rubble.

The two stood opposite each other, as though determined to get as far away as possible without breaching the hedge. Vines clung to them, promising conquest.

Both towers were black. Not because of the choice of stone – they’d obviously been based on the ivory towers of Canterlot – but because of scorch marks running from foot to peak. Even the iron fences encircling the nearest tower were black with soot. Patches of greenery around them were ashen.

Celestia proceeded, horn aglow and aiming, warhorse body tensed to strike. Double and Sugar crept along behind her, glancing about.

“It looks abandoned,” whispered Double. “There’s no one here. Let’s go.”

“Double!” hissed Sugar, outraged. “We have to check! Ponies could still live here – Look!”

One of the windows upstairs flared orange, as though due to a passing light.

All three of them stopped. They stared up at it. Nothing else happened.

“Stay close,” commanded Celestia.

The other two drew so close they almost pressed themselves against her rear legs. Careful step by careful step, the three of them inched forwards, past the gate, across the crunching ashes of burnt grass, towards the gaping doorway with no door…

From inside came the echo of a yell.

They waited. Double’s heart began to quicken.

The other two watched Celestia step through first, and then scurried after her. Double had to blink to adjust to the sudden shadow, and hold his breath against the stench of rotting wood.




I have created our own communal tower, as advised. No one except Match is allowed beyond the border of our communal protection now. The risks are simply too great. Already, six communes have collapsed; two more are at war with each other.

They no longer listen to me. These pathetic insects do grow tiresome!

My friends have helped me to sleep through all this noise. Helped me with my nightmares too. I have been blessed beyond what I deserve to have such comforting, gentle souls on my side.





Corridors and doorways surrounded them. Even here, vines clung to the walls. Torch brackets bulged with creepers.

Someone was shouting. Very far away. Double hastily stepped in front of Sugar, confident in the fact that Celestia stood in front of them both.

“There’s a lot of magic here.” Beyond Celestia’s silhouette, a golden light spell framed her horn. “No one could change the desert this much without it. If I say flee, be prepared to flee. Understood?”

Double stammered out a “yes”. Sugar barely managed to stammer.

They heard thundering hooves. A distant roar. And then –

“I SAID STAY BACK!” someone yelled.

Double yelled as Celestia swung round, horn aglow, and for a moment thought she was aiming at him –

“Get down!” she shouted.

He grabbed Sugar and pulled her down just as a unicorn stumbled and fell onto the floor beside them. Briefly, he noticed its horn flare.

The unicorn shot to its hooves. Wide eyes flashed in the darkness. It stepped towards Celestia, and under the golden glow, its face twisted itself through sheer panic.

“Calm down,” said Celestia soothingly. “We’re here to help.”

The unicorn’s gaze shot to Sugar. If it were possible, its face cracked widening so much.

“You!”

There was a blast behind them. Instantly, Double rolled over and jumped to his feet and spun round.

Where there had been another wall, now only fire remained. Roaring walls of tortured light thrashing and twisting in torment. Even from here, his skin was awash with waves of sheer heat.

Sugar screamed.

While the floor and ceiling cracked, an outline coalesced from the flames. The suggestion of pony stepped forwards, alight from horn to hooves. Only two eyes glared at them, pitiless as Bunsen burner flames and blue as ice under intense beams.

It didn’t roar. When it opened its mouth and exposed a blue vault to the heart of hell, the sound was a more concentrated rumble and growl, as of crackling wildfire building up to the infernal cry of forest-consuming fury.

“NO!” The unicorn flailed trying to gallop away. “SAVE ME!”

Celestia aimed her horn at the same time the floor collapsed. Before Double could cry out, there was a flash of gold overhead.

And as the floor gave out beneath him, he vanished – screaming – into subterranean darkness.




Match’s commune is the only other one left. Disgusting warmonger she is, crawling over to our defences and polluting us with their demands. I no longer care. Self-defence? Match fought. She defiled herself.

My commune has surpassed friendship. Our bonds are beyond the understanding of pathetic mortals with no hearts. I don’t even know why such petty traitors deserve our fire.

I sent Match scurrying to her tower with a carefully aimed warning shot. More mercy than she deserves. Hopefully, they will now cease to disturb us.





Aches and bruises screamed at him from all over. A few pebbles tumbled down beside him. Hard earth pressed against his side.

Double groaned and rose off the floor. Dimly, he heard voices nearby.

The weaker groans of Sugar made him turn around: just in time to see her shakily get to her hooves.

“Hey, are you OK?” He hurried over.

Dust cascaded from her mane. One smile twitched across her lips. She nodded once.

Both of them turned around, and as they did so, they noticed in the darkness a pool of glowing aquamarine. Ethereal light shone under their muzzles. Both of them stared, entranced by the shifting lines of waves and disturbances unseen.

Heavy breathing drew close.

“What just happened?” said Double.

“Thank you for saving me!” said a breathy voice nearby; Double saw the unicorn from before step into view on the edge of the pool, right next to him. She lit her horn and panted before continuing. “Boy, what luck! If you three hadn’t shown up, I’d be barbecue by now!”

“No, I mean what just happened?”

“Yeah,” whispered Sugar. “I remember the fire…”

“That was no ordinary fire!” hissed the breathy voice, suddenly gripped by fear. “Didn’t you see the pony shape!? That was an aethon! A fire demon!”

Double looked around. So much darkness, and yet here and there the aquamarine light caught ridges and stalactites…

“Are we in a cave?” he said.

“Yes!” A thump: the unicorn had sat down. “The Cave of Remembrance! It’s right under the communal towers.”

“I’m sorry. What are communal towers?”

“Those towers in the overgrown area! There are only two now, thanks to that monster!”

“Monster?”

“The aethon! The aethon! Do keep up!”

Double cringed; after a while, that voice became as pleasant as a jab with a needle. “Is that why the towers are all burnt?”

“Oh, you have no idea! That… thing has been chasing me from one tower to another for years! It’s taken all my magic to repel it!”

“Are you all right?” said Sugar, and Double was surprised to realize he hadn’t bothered to even think of asking that question. After all, the poor unicorn was still panting in between bouts of speaking.

More panting. “I’m fine! Fine! I’m used to running by NOW!”

The unicorn lunged forwards before Double could yell, and he was seized by the shoulders.

“It’s the cause of all this strife! We were going to build a perfect paradise here, one where all ponies would be equals, and then that thing… that thing came and started hunting us! We panicked! We thought one of the others must have sent it!”

“Liar,” whispered Sugar.

Blinking, Double tried to prise the unicorn off without actually doing so, in case he caused offence. “One of the –?”

“I’m the only one left now! Oh, how foolish we were! Treating each other like enemies, when we should have seen the true enemy all along! It’ll find me, you know! It always does! Always, always, always, I run and hide, run and hide, run and hide! I swear it can smell me! I’ve not spoken to another soul in years!”

“Years?” Finally, Double broke free of a grip tightening like jaws. “How come you never escaped?”

“Are you mad!? Nothing but desert beyond those hedges, as far as the eye can see! I’d perish in a day!”

“But the desert isn’t that big…”

Only then did Double meet the unicorn’s eye, and immediately he wished he hadn’t. Veins protruded like roots. Pinprick pupils pinned him down. He swore they even bulged in time with the hyperventilating breaths of sheer terror. Those eyes could easily look beyond the hedge and see nothing but deadly desert. Those eyes could see anything.

He swallowed. “Well… it’s OK now. You’re here with us. We came to find poor ponies in the desert.”

The unicorn blinked. “You did!?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course we did! We thought there might be trouble out here, and we wanted to give other ponies a chance.” Realizing he hadn’t involved her yet, he added, “Didn’t we, Sugar? Sugar?”

Behind him, Sugar stared into the pool. He cocked his head at her.

“Sugar?” he said, more loudly this time.

“Hm?” She looked up at him. “Oh. Sorry. I thought I saw something.”

“You can see anything in the Pool of Remembrance!” Instantly, the unicorn zipped over and held onto her shoulders tightly. “Don’t look in there! It’ll turn your mind! AAH!”

The unicorn threw herself away; Sugar stumbled, almost toppled into the pool… Double rushed forwards to grab her… Brusquely, she brushed him aside, righting herself.

Out of the darkness overhead, gold and red comets burst forth. They collided with a crash. Sparks flew. Flames plumed. Trails of screaming fire blazed behind them as they circled each other and hit the floor of the cave nearby.

Gold vanished, revealing Celestia braced for attack. Red condensed into the blazing body of the aethon, and its two blue eyes swung around.

And found them. Standing there. Right on the poolside.

Without thought, Double stood between it and Sugar. Nearby, the unicorn whimpered.

The aethon crackled, silently judging them. Briefly, Double swore the glare swung round to him, then to Sugar, and finally to the unicorn whimpering where she’d fallen.

Both eyes flared red.

Then it screamed. A wall of fire burst out and cascaded around it, from ceiling to floor, distorting rock and making the stalactites glow under volcanic stress.

Double swallowed. Of all the times he’d seen Starlight burning with fury, he’d childishly wondered what she’d look like if she had burst into flames. Now the answer branded his mind and burnt and left marks he’d never, ever wash out of his memory.

To his relief, Celestia zipped into the gap between them. The aethon, the wall of fire, the burning blue eyes came stalking.

“This is your last chance to back down!” Celestia lowered her head and thus her horn. “I mean you no harm! We came on a mission of peace to help lost ponies!”

The aethon stopped and glared at her. For a moment, the wall of fire shrank down to a flaming bar on either side.

Celestia’s shield burst forth a second before the jet of flame surged forwards and swallowed her utterly. Answering gold threads of magic curled round and tightened as nets across the aethon, but the flames merely oozed through and congealed back into shape. Soon, fire and gold splashed and crashed against each other.

Double gaped. “It’s so strong. How is it so strong?”

“Double?” said Sugar.

“It just can’t be this strong. It’s fighting a princess!”

“Double?”

“Where does that power come from?”

“Double!”

“Maybe we should escape now!”

Double!

He blinked and turned around. “What? What?”

“Look in the pool!”

Amid the roar of fire and the shriek of gold, Double followed her gaze and peered into the undulating waters.

“I don’t see anything,” he said. “Look, we gotta get out of here –”

Irritably, Sugar pointed. “It’s right there! Don’t you see it?”

“We don’t have time for this.”

“Double! I’m not being funny! There really is something under the surface! Will you just look?”

Double waved a hoof angrily. “I already did.”

“No, look from here. Where I am!”

Surprisingly, she grabbed his foreleg and tugged him over. As she did so, his gaze brushed the water and, amid the aquamarine flex and flow, he saw a shape.

“Ah, now I see it,” he said, forgetting even to struggle out of her grip. “But so what? Isn’t it just a box?”

“No! I know these things! My family used to keep them! They’re secret boxes! Someone kept secrets in those things. There was this separate compartment –” But then her confidence failed her; she closed her lips tight and blushed out of sheer horrified embarrassment.

Double almost burned with embarrassment back. Up till now, Sugar had never even hinted at her life before Starlight. And to his consternation, he knew he’d never asked.

“You think it’s important?” he said.

“I want to find out. I’m curious.”

“Right now?”

“Any clues would be helpful.”

“What about what that unicorn told us?”

“No. I think there’s more to it than that. Help me, will you?”

Checking the endless crash of gold and red beyond, Double shrugged. Why not try it now? Maybe she’s onto something I don’t understand. I can’t keep being the leader like this.

“OK,” he said, taking a breath. “What do you want me to do?”

“I’ll fish it out,” she said, lighting up her horn. “And then you open it. You’re a strong stallion. I’m sure you can crack it open.”

They glanced at the unicorn lying nearby. Unlike them, she was too transfixed on the fight – gibbering and curling up with each blow – to notice them.

A splash, and the box was on the bank. A crack, and Double’s hoof had its side broken open.

“There are scorch marks on it,” he said doubtfully.

Sugar’s spell levitated its contents between them. “Papers,” she said, flicking through them. “Looks like a diary to me. I was right! These are secrets!”

“What do they say!? What’s in them?” Double peered over her shoulder.

They read on in silence. He noticed how the earlier pages were crisp and clear, only to lead to pages flecked with suspicious drops, and then, right at the end, scorched edges.

The first began:

Friendship Magic is a truly incredible force, able to warp the very fabric of reality around itself, yet only the choicest ponies can wield this power…


He read on, feeling his jaw sag as he did so.

“Oh my,” he said.

Eventually, he came to the last one. Charred edges. Tears dotting the page.




Match has destroyed me.

Match has destroyed us.

Match was destroying everyone.

Match has destroyed me.

Match has destroyed us.

Match was destroying everyone.

MATCH HAS DESTROYED ME.

MATCH HAS DESTROYED US.

MATCH WAS DESTROYING EVERYONE.


Match. Will. PAY!!!!!





An explosion ripped through Double’s ears. He returned to the present and looked back in time to see Celestia land on all fours, skid along the ground, and grunt as she stopped, smoking, inches away from them.

Undimmed, the aethon and its wall of fire closed in…

To Double’s horror, Sugar hurried around Celestia and raised a hoof. “Amity!”

The aethon took a step forwards. Then it stopped.

“Amity! Arcadia! Those were your names, weren’t they?”

Double and Celestia rushed forwards, but Sugar yelled, “WAIT!” at them, and they hung back uncertainly.

Fires crackled all over the aethon’s body. Sugar met it glare for glare.

“I know what you’ve been through! You lost some good friends too, long ago. You would have died for them. You loved them so much you would have died a hundred deaths for them, wouldn’t you? But they were taken from you first!”

Double gaped at her. He swore there were tears fighting not to be shed in the voice.

“I know what that feels like!” Sugar took several breaths while the fires burned impassively before her. “I know how horrible it is when all that squabbling and fighting costs you so much. We never wanted that! We wanted to stay away from fighting. It wasn’t worth getting involved. It’s not fair. Why should they be taken away, and all those other ponies carry on? Why does the world pick on us, and not them!? Why did everyone have to be so different!?

“Sugar…” Double stepped forwards and stood by her. He had a vague idea of holding her shoulder in case she collapsed, yet she carried on despite the slow crumbling of her voice and the leaks in her eyes.

“You wanted to drown your memories too! But you can't! You wanted to stop the pain; you gave in to the fire. But I saw where that inner fire led. If you let it burn you, it’ll take over. I destroyed my life here trying to find a new one, and that meant being controlled by someone else’s tricks. Starlight knew how to smother fires and pour oil over them when she needed to, and I was under her control all the time. I hated that life! I kept telling myself it’d get better, it’d be all worth it, but I was wrong.”

Double bit his lip. In all the time he’d known her, had watched her suspiciously, had made sure her fake smile under Starlight never faltered, he’d never thought to ask about her life…

The aethon’s eyes dimmed; blue blazes simmered to empty holes.

“You don’t want revenge! You want our friends back! I’m sorry, Amity! They’re gone! This is all that’s left!”

Horn aglow, Sugar levitated the papers over to the creature and laid them down carefully before its crackling hooves. All the while, its dying eyes followed them and its head tilted down as though bowed in prayer.

Furthermore, as he watched, Double swore he saw the aethon shrinking.

“I’m really, really sorry!” Sugar wiped her eyes. “You can’t get them back. You have to try and build a new life now. We can help you. We want to help you. But we can’t if you don’t want us to. It’s all up to you now. We’re willing to listen. I wish I could do more.”

Now there was no mistaking it; the aethon’s flames dwindled so far it had become almost a stick figure. The gaping holes where its eyes had been shrank as though under narrowing eyelids.

Celestia stepped between him and Sugar; glowing gold, her magic raised the ruins of the box and the papers, and slid the latter into the former before offering the lot to the aethon. It simply stared up at her.

Feeling he ought to do something, Double walked forwards and plucked the box out of the air. Gingerly, he held it up to the empty eyes.

The burning head shook side-to-side.

“You don’t want it?” he said quietly.

A fiery hoof pointed. He followed it to the poolside.

“You want us to put it back?”

A nod.

“And then what? Would you like to come home with us? We’d be happy to give you somewhere to stay.”

Another side-to-side shake.

Uncertain, but determined nonetheless, he carried the box over to the pool and placed it on the side, then looked past Celestia’s blank face and Sugar’s shiny eyes to the aethon. Which shook its head.

“Where, then?” he said. “In the pool?”

Nod.

Shrugging, he placed a hoof on the box and pushed it into the waters. Instantly, even the silhouette vanished beneath the waves.

“Now what?” he said.

Cautiously, the aethon stepped forwards, slowed to a stop beside him, and sat down. Its fiery blue mouth opened.

It – Amity – said in a voice crackling with heat, “Go.

“But what about you?”

Amity turned her head away. “I? A shepherdess. With no flock.

“What does that mean?”

It means this! Insignificant little sheep! I can wait! Leave me be. Please. I… need time to… reminisce.

Before he could open his mouth to protest, Double felt a cold hoof on his shoulder. Overhead, Celestia said, “Very well. We shall respect your wishes.”

The cold hoof vanished. He heard steps disappearing behind him, and with one last glance at Amity, at her flickering reflection in the water, and at a box he knew he had no hope of seeing now, he turned and followed the princess away from the glowing pool.

Sugar fell into step beside him. Up ahead, Celestia’s magic tingled through the air and the unicorn – Match, he realized – squealed and kicked, suddenly in midair.




As they strode through the arch of the hedge, the world behind them shimmered. Double instantly turned to watch; greenery, towers, and blackened ruins faded like hallucinations, once more leaving nothing but desert sands, desert rocks, and a suspicious tingle in midair.

Beside him, he heard the unicorn Match whimper while Celestia said, “I know you, Little Matchstick Mare. I knew all about Arcadia’s travels from years ago before she and her followers disappeared. She saved you from the gutters of Manehattan. How did you repay her?

“I had to defend myself!” Match gibbered and moaned. “They were all – They were all turning! I had to save myself! Even my friends turned on me! I got them first, though! I got everyone! I nearly got Amity! I had to! Them or me!”

“She’s lost her mind,” muttered Double in disgust.

“Isolation breeds paranoia.” Celestia levitated Match – gibbering at empty air, at horrors only she could see – and grimaced. “It’s common for ponies to feel they’re not being treated fairly under Equestrian rule. I try not to discourage them. Everyone in the world has a right to an opinion. But sometimes I wonder if I should do more to make ponies understand.”

“Understand what?” said Double, in what he hoped was a respectful manner.

Celestia glanced from him to the silent Sugar and back. “That in our efforts to do good, we often forget how it looks to the other side. Match saw only fear and suspicion. Amity, only privilege and hardship. You’d be surprised how different the world looks a mere foot to your left.”

Double looked to his left and saw Sugar, not looking up at him, trudging alongside them. I never asked… All this time, and I never asked…

I never asked anyone where they came from, or why they joined. I just made sure they stayed.

He had a new quest now. And it started when he turned to Sugar and said, “Would you like to talk?”

Silence answered.

“Please give me a chance,” he said gently.

And after a while she looked at him, and smiled.

They began to talk.
« Prev   14   Next »
#1 · 1
· · >>Miller Minus >>BlueChameleonVI
I'm usually one to hate chopping up your story into little chunks, and I'm usually one to hate journal/epistolary asides, but I have to say, I really, really enjoyed Arcadia's sidestory. I think it did a great job of flowing into and complementing the rising tension of the main plot. Nicely done!

Still, I do have some concerns about the meat and bones of this story. To be blunt, the first half does not read like the adventure story that this actually is. You play with some interesting ideas about Independence and trust, but all of that kind of evaporates shortly after Celestia shows up. As a result, the last 1/3 of the story feel quite different from the first 1/3.

I'm also having trouble with the climax. Spoiler: Sorry, but I did not find it compelling that the conflict resolves itself after the villain gets a a "I understand you now!" speech. It's a bit of a cliche, especially with MLP fanfiction. I would suggest revisiting elements of the resolution by making the themes in the first half not only present, but critical to solving the conflict. It would make the whole thing hang together much more satisfyingly, in my opinion.

Like I said earlier, I liked the rise of tension, and I liked the journal entries as well. If you spruce up the story to stick the landing a bit better, I'd say you'll have a real page-turner on your hands.
#2 · 1
· · >>BlueChameleonVI
Testing, testing.

EDIT: Alright then! I've made some comments for all the fics I've read. Spoilers: This is my opinion! I want to leave constructive criticism, but I also want to say what I like and don't like, so I want to make that clear before I start.

EDIT EDIT: Here's my last review. Hooray!

Good Stuff: Arcadia/Amity is a great character, heroic and noble in her own mind but also kind of condescending and self-absorbed. She's a good tragic figure, and I really liked that we don't know if she'll ever get a happy ending. That's kind of thoughtful but sad too. Double and Sugar had a great relationshiip after Starlight, and it was realistic how everyone still struggled to live new lives after she left and still has an influence on them. I disagree with Bachiavellian and think the trust and independence issues keep going strong right up to the end. Double constantly being a policeman looking out for Sugar sold it for me, because he has to learn to see it from her point of view at the end. The story kept up the tension well, and got nicely tragic and horrifying in the second half.

Bad Stuff: Sugar took a big jump thinking the aethon was Amity, didn't she? The speech was OK because the connection and backstories sold it emotionally, but I feel like Celestia or Double should have had a bigger role in getting through to Amity instead of Sugar doing all the work. I also feel like some things weren't clear, like how exactly Match got the communes to fight and why no one found the hedge before. The first half is a bit slow, and the really short journal entries felt like they should be longer to balance out the Double-Sugar bits.

Verdict: Top Contender. The story has great characters, thoughtful ideas, some neat tragedy and horror bits, and a strong build-up to the conclusion, though I think it does has its odd moments that need checking again.
#3 · 1
· · >>BlueChameleonVI
I love reading stories like this one, because it's obvious that the author was having a lot of fun writing it. It shines in every scene. There's genuine thought and imagination put into it, the action is bumping, and most importantly, there are no scenes that have been rushed in order to get to the other scenes that the author likes better, which is very hard for a lot of authors. I'm especially guilty a lot of the time, so it's lovely to see the "all my scenes are equal" mindset in practice.

The next step of this, in my very individual opinion, is to apply that excitement to... I guess you could call it story theory? Things like character arcs, structure, tone, promises, plot complexity... The things that either help a reader follow along, or just engage them outright. Because with stories like these, self indulgence can be hard to avoid, and sometimes cliches get missed, and the like, simply because it hits a point where the excitement blinds you.

For a specific note for this story: Diamond's character arc felt less like an arc and more like a roller coaster. I like that it's called an arc because it implies bending in another direction, while also having a fairly clear trend (once you've seen it all unfold!) With diamond there's several things happening that seem to interfere with each other. Is his story about recovery from starlight? His affection for Sugar Belle? Wait, is he turning evil again? Is he trying to be brave when he's really not? What's his story about, is the question. How will he get from A to B? And if you want to do all of these arcs, how can they connect to and support one another?

Other than that, see >>Bachiavellian's comment above. I felt the same way, especially regarding tone. The first chapter of a book, or scene of a short story, should set the tone of the rest of the story. Unless there is some gradual yet shocking tone transformation planned further on, but that's a whole different beast...

Thanks for writing! And good luck!
#4 · 1
· · >>BlueChameleonVI
The word I'd use:

For this one, author, is "sprawling." I mean, you used every word the contest allowed you to use, and the story still needs more room to spread out. My only suggestion, then, is that you let it spread out. Give Double Diamond's arc the space it needs and nail down all the details of how the narrative gets from the beginning to the end. 'Cause you've got all the seeds here and a lot of the sprouts. Now you just need to let it grow.

Mike