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No Turning Back · FiM Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
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Lines Uncrossed
For the second time that week, I had less than five minutes to save my friends.

My trainers squealed as skidded around an corridor and the students of Canterlot High leapt out of my way with practiced ease. Most of them didn’t even look up from their phones; I didn’t dwell on the fact they were becoming accustomed to magical catastrophes.

“Sunset Shimmer!”

I let out a strangled yell and slammed on the breaks moments before I ran face first into a camera.

“Miss Shimmer, what do you think of the rainbow phenomena around the west wing?” Shutter Snap said in a rush, as the camera was joined by a microphone.

Cursing Rainbow Dash, I tried to fix my face in a neutral smile. “No idea what you’re talking about,” I said, glancing at my watch. Three minutes ten left.

“Oh come on, Sunset,” Shutter pressed, wiggling his eyebrows. “Half the school knows something is going on. Why keep us out in the cold?”

I stamped down on the urge to roll my eyes. Shutter Snap, and his stoic cameraman, were dancing on my final nerve. The pair were mostly harmless, barely out of their teens themselves but could not keep their camera to themselves. Shutter was light skinned, wore his bright blue hair slicked back in an alarming quiff and thought he was god’s gift to the world.

“Because there’s nothing going on,” I snapped. “You are quite literally chasing rainbows. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m running late.”

I fainted left and, as the camera swung round to track me, ducked right under Shutter’s outstreached arm. I was sprinting down the corridor before they could even turn.

“You can’t run from the truth!” Shutter Snap called after me, melodramatic to a fault. I ignored him. Two minutes and fifty.

Finding Fluttershy was never an easy task, the girl had an alarming ability to go unnoticed in plain sight, but after a year as her friend I’d begun to learn her haunts. Bursting through a backdoor I raced across the gardens, searching for a familiar flash of pink hair. The second shyest girl in our school, however, was nowhere to be seen.

“Wallflower!” I cried in relief, spying the shyest. The girl knelt next to her garden, a trowel in one hand and potted flower in the other. She looked up in surprise as I staggered to a halt in front of her, gasping for breath. “Flutter... Where... Monster... Equestria problem.”

Wallflower put a hand on her hip and fixed me with a glare. The flowers would have been more threatening, but I got the intent. Besides, it was unwise the underestimate the girl who’d nearly expunged me from existence earlier in the week. “I don’t think she wants to talk to anyone.”

I resolved to take up Rainbow on one of her gym trips as I gasped. “Look, I know we said some things we shouldn’t have said. But this is an genuine crisis. Please, I just need to know where she’s hiding.”

Frowning, Wallflower pointed at a narrow copse of trees. Pausing only to thank her, I was off like a shot. It was only when I spotted a flicker of pink through the trees that I slowed my breakneck pace.

“Hey,” I called out softley, slowing to a walk. “Fluttershy.”

“Go away,” she murmured. “I don’t want to talk.”

Fluttershy was sat in the nook of the tree, Angel Bunny clasped close to her chest. There were tear stains on her cheeks but her eyes were dry. “It never does any good.”

I sighed, running my hand through my hair. I didn’t have time to be diplomatic, and if we were honest not the skill. I could be manipulative, callous and scheme with the best of them, but those weren’t skills I liked to lean on. Glancing at my watch--one minute fifty three--I considered whether brute force would work. Fluttershy was an easy mark, insecure and anxious. Insinuations of cowardice and the girls turning on her would get her moving in ten seconds flat.

Instead, I crouched down next to her. “Look. Rainbow never thinks before she speaks,” I began, wringing my hands. Twilight, Princess that is, always says friendship comes from the heart. I found it hard to find sometimes.

“I know.”

“Right, and she didn’t really mean to say you’re slow. I mean, she literally leaves rainbows when she runs--that’s something I’ve really got to talk to her about.” I gave a sheepish smile. “Sorry, that’s off track. It’s not a problem that... I mean you’re great doing what you do. If that makes sense.”

Fluttershy said nothing, her eyes distant as she stroked Angel. I swear the rabbit was shooting me a stink eye. I tried my best to ignore him.

“We just... want you to do your best. We’re your friends, Fluttershy. Just because Coach Straight Shot can’t see that you’ve got your own tallents doesn’t mean that they aren’t there. Heck, how many times have you saved the world now?” One of those times was from me but I decided not to mention that.

A long sigh escaped Fluttershy. “I don’t like being the shy one,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “The one who has to just... deal with everything.”

I bit my lip. Damn you Rainbow Dash, how can you know a girl for years and still screw things up so badly?

“We’re sorry,” I blurted out. “Coach Shot’s an ass and Rainbow can’t lose gracefully to save her life. Please don’t think it’s anything more than that.”

Angel’s glower deepened even while Fluttershy’s face stayed wooden. “I know. Dash can’t be anything but what she is. It still hurts.”

For a long moment we were silent as I tried to figure out why the girls sent me of all people. Rarity would have been a far better choice, or Pinkie or even Applejack on a good day. With a deep sigh I dropped to the ground.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say,” I admitted. “We didn’t mean to hurt you. What can I say to fix this?”

Fluttershy didn’t reply. My five minute clock counted down to zero and beyond as I sat there, trying to find the right words. They never came, instead I ended up losing a staring contest with Angel.

An explosion shook the ground beneath our feet. I leapt up, scanning the horizon, and with a shriek threw myself to the floor. A basketball that was also on fire hurtled through the space my head just vacated.

“What?” Fluttershy exclaimed, clutching Angel closer.

I flashed a sheepish smile, as another barrange of ballistic athletics equipment burst from a hole in the gym wall. “Ah, right, I forgot to mention. Coach Sure Shot found an Equestrian artifact after class and is now trying to destroy the school because you failed to make a three pointer.”

For a moment, Fluttershy seemed taken aback. “Maybe you should have lead with that.”

I diplomatically said nothing. Instead, pausing only to put Angel somewhere safe, we set off at a run to once again save the world from magic run amock.




With a deep sigh, I closed the door and slammed my head against the cool wood. “Finally,” I said, with a low groan.

“Having fun, Sugarcube?” Applejack asked. The girls were sat around a lab benche, one piled high with unidentified wires, screens and a few magic crystals. Twilight didn’t officially have a lab in school, but she’d perfected the art of assembling the pile of technological do-dads in her locker into one in under ten minutes. I wasn’t sure if the science teachers were angry that we kept stealing their classrooms or envious of Twilight’s setup.

“Shutter Snap again,” I grumbled, not looking up from the door. “He’s particularly persistent today.”

“Well, someone did blow a large hole in the gymnasium,” Twilight observed, failing to keep the accusatory note from her voice.”

“Hey!” Rainbow exclaimed. “I just dodged. Someone was supposed to be blocking that kind of thing.”

Rarity huffed. “I was attempting to block a veritable barrage of golf balls, thank you very much.”

Sighing, I locked the door. “It doesn’t matter girls,” I said, turning and taking a seat with the rest of them. “We won. Principal Celestia--” It still felt weird to say that. “--has already claimed on the insurance. I believe this one was a metalworking project gone horribly wrong.”

“I’m somewhat alarmed by how many plausible ways she’s come up with for wanton property damage.” Twilight did not look up from her machine as she spoke. I couldn’t make heads or tails of the arcane and electronic abomination she’d mashed together. Reputedly, it was a magic tracker.

“There’s a story there, somewhere.” I shrugged. “She’s also trying to put Shutter Snap off the trail, for now I’ve set the CMC on them.”

There was a collective round of winces. The CMC, when they got an idea in their heads, were somehow even more destructive than my group of friends, and we fought magical inclusions on a regular basis.

“So, even if they find anything, they’re not going to have a working camera, clever,” Applejack said, nodding. “Though, it’ll probably be me that ends up paying for a new one.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” I replied, with a tired sigh.

“Why is Principal Celestia even allowing them to poke around anyway?” Rainbow Dash demand. “It seems to me that ‘paranormal investigators’--” She made air quotes. “--are the last thing we need.”

I shrugged. “Apparently they’re the least competent she could find. There’s hundreds of people trying to investigate this place. If someone fails to find anything...” I let the sentence hang. I wasn’t quite so sure Celestia’s clever plan was going to work. Sure, it made sense to discredit the conspiracy theorists by giving at least one team free roam. But we were up to one magical catastrophe a week, and they weren’t always easy to hide.

Rainbow Dash crossed her arms and huffed. “I still don’t like it.”

“We’re not flush with options,” Applejack countered. And wasn’t that the truth.

“What have you found out about the artifact?” I asked Twilight, in an attempt to bring us on to a brighter topic.

Twilight startled. “Oh, yes.” She reached into the mass of circuits and plucked out the artifact. It was shaped like an oversized arrowhead, about the size of my palm, and encrusted with runic sigils. “Well it’s really quite an interesting piece. It’s a quite a bit cruder than Wallflower’s Memory Stone, but not a spontaneous piece of magic like Juniper’s mirror. I believe it was supposed to make things more accurate, that is, before Coach Straight Shot got his hands on it.”

I frowned. The artifact reminded me of something. Reaching out, I took the lump of stone and turned it over in my hands. The runes were ancient but recognisable as Equestrian, even if they predated the Unification of the Tribes.

“You’re right. This is an accuracy charm, I’ve seen a few in the Royal Archives. Ancient pegasi used them to shoot from leagues away.” I traced the keystone rune, luxuriating in the faint buzz of magic. “They’re pretty rare these days,” I continued. “Magical artifacts in general have fallen out of favour. I don’t think anypony’s made one in generations.”

“Why?” Twilight asked. “It seems like it could be useful.”

“Certainly would have helped Fluttershy’s shooting,” Rainbow interjected. We all shot her a glare. “What? It’s true.”

Fluttershy sighed. “Applejack?”

“With pleasure.” She cuffed Rainbow Dash over the head, eliciting a startled squark.

“What was that for.”

“Tact, darling,” Rarity murmured.

“Anyway…” I cut in before they could get going. Fluttershy’s ability to talk down possessed gym teachers far overshadowed her inability to sink three point baskets, in my opinion. “To answer Twilight's question, they don’t get used much because artifacts tend to make people want to use them, and the longer they’ve been left alone the worse it gets. This one feels sated, for now.”

I passed the arrowhead back to Twilight, who wrapped it in some tissue paper.

Rarity cleared her through. “If I might interject, I feel the more important question is; how did Sure Shot come about this accuracy charm?”

Rainbow Dash leaned over and nudged Pinkie Pie in the ribs. “Ten bucks says it fell through a portal.”

“I’ll take that bet,” Pinkie whispered back, grinning. In the same breath she turned to the table and announced, “It’s been on his desk for years. He said it was a graduation present.”

“Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “You can’t make a bet when you know the answer.”

“Really? But that’s the best time.”

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, trying to keep a lid of my temper. I loved my friends, but there were times when they could be so childish. “Can we please focus,” I snapped. “We were almost destroyed by yet another magical monster today.”

“Yeah, and we whooped his evil ass!” Rainbow and Pinkie high five.

“He was just a little worked up,” Fluttershy murmured, the girls ignored her.

“And, he was the second one this week,” I continued, shooting Rainbow and Pinkie a dirty look. “That makes a grand total of five different magical apocalypses we’ve stopped, not including my own.”

Twilight raised her hand. “Are we really counting Wallflower as a magical apocalypse? She just wanted some friends.”

I took a deep, steadying breath. “She used a relic made by a sorceress that took a good shot at conquering Equestria. She could have done anything with that stone, like erasing the President’s mind.”

“Like that’d make a difference,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

Again, I ignored her. “My point is, well, I guess that this is getting worse. An accuracy charm isn’t even supposed to be that dangerous, but if more Equestrian magic is seeping in...” Well, it was going to be the end of the world. A long sigh escaped me and I caught the looks of concern on my friend’s faces. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it all dramatic.”

Rarity stood, stepped around the bench and pulled me into a hug. I leant into the warmth and the heavy scent of perfume. “It is fine, darling. It has not exactly been a relaxing. I think what we need is a break.”

I blinked. “A break? Rarity, I just said that this is a crisis.”

“And one that we have risen to face every time,” she replied, with a warm smile. “I believe you told us yourself that we’d been given these powers for a reason. I am sure that, no matter how hard things get, there will be nothing we can’t handle.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but couldn’t come up with a good argument. Instead I let out deep breath, unclenching my shoulders and slumping in my seat. Somehow my friends always knew the right thing to say to make things better.




“I can’t handle this!” Rarity screeched, straining to see her reflection in one of her crystal shields. Her hand mirror lay in shards at her feet; she’d snapped the handle.

The peace and calm had lasted all of three days. We were back in Twilight’s lab--sans equipment for once--and all worse for wear after our last adventure.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Twilight assured her, her smile a little too forced. She continued to run a wet brush through Rarity’s hair, it was doing little to dislodge the soot stains and a lot to highlight the sindge marks.

“This is a disaster!” Rarity wailed. “I’m ruined! What kind of beastly creature would consider such an assault on fabulocity?”

Twilight paused mid stroke. “Fabulocity?”

Applejack leaned over to me. “Hey, Sunset. Rarity’s supposed to be a unicorn on the other side of the status, right?”

I cocked a brow at her.

“Cause right now she sounds like a drama llama.”

A half bag of make-up was hurled across the room at her and we had to duck.

“Hey girls!” Pinkie called out, in a sing-song voice, skipping into the room with Rainbow and Fluttershy in tow. “Look who’s got a shiny new home. It’s Peewee!”

The adolecent phoenix let out an enthusiastic trill, flapping its stubby wings and sending a shower of sparks across his cage. Everyone bar Fluttershy--who cooed appreciatively--recoiled from the bird. Rainbow Dash hefted her fire extinguisher and pointed it at Peewee, giving him a sour look.

“You named it?” Rarity said, icily.

“Actually, he already had a name,” Fluttershy replied, reaching into the cage and giving the phoenix a scratch under the chin. Peewee leaned into her hand, like a contented cat. “He knows Princess Twilight.”

A tendril of fear coiled around my stomach. “He’s from Equestria?”

The phoenix nodded, enthusiastically.

“Damn. That’s really bad.” Phoenixes are intensely magical creatures, as I’d learned when attempting to revenge prank Philomena, but they were still more physical than the random spells we’d seen so far.

“We can just take him home, right?” Fluttershy asked, biting her lower lip. “I promised him.”

“That’s not the problem The problem is he even found his way here.” Sighing, I shook my head. “I’ll take him through the statue as soon as class starts, as long as someone call tell Principal Celestia where I am.”

A sudden knocking at the door startled everyone. I did a quick headcount and, seeing we were all present, gestured frantically at Peewee and the windows. Quick as a flash, Rainbow grabbed the cage and vanished in a rainbow blur. I waited a few heartbeats for her contrail to dissipate and then went to the door.

“Good morning, Sunset Shimmer,” Shutter Snap exclaimed, with his usual unwelcome enthusiasm. He pushed his way through the doorway, followed by his camera. He paused, frowning at the soot stains on my jacket. “Oh, has something happened?”

He tried to keep the smug smile off his face but failed miserably. I put a hand of my hip and cocked my head. “I lost a fight with my hair straighteners.”

“All of you?” Shutter looked pointedly at Rarity. Rarity glowered, hefting her recovered makeup bag.

“It was an epic battle. What do you want, Shutter?”

“Oh, just doing a bit of snooping,” he continued. “Did you girls happen to hear about all the activity here over the weekend? Bright lights, unearthly calls, burn marks on the athletics pitch.”

As it happened, we had. Phoenixes are not subtle birds; being almost immortal does not lead to strong survival instincts. “Some of the senior kids smoking, I bet.”

Shutter snorted. “Yeah, right... You know it's strange. There’s lots of strange things going on at this school. Loads of the kids will talk your ear off about the weird stuff they’ve seen. You girls though, never say a word. Even if all the stories put you right in the middle.”

Panic flickered across my face as I realised the critical flaw in our ‘denial’ strategy. “What’s your point?” I asked, hastily.

“No point, just an observation.” Shutter took another long look around the room and, seeing nothing, shrugged. “Catch you later, girls.”

I waited for the door to close behind him.

“Ponyfeathers!” I swore. Rubbing the bridge of my nose, I took a deep breath and tried to calm my burgeoning stress headache.

“Maybe Celestia should kick him out already,” Applejack muttered, glaring at the door.

I sighed. “Applejack, if Shutter Snap is starting to piece things together then any idiot can. We’ve got to do something.”




Equestria was disconcerting to visit. While I was getting some practice shifting from a dexterous ape to a magical equine and back, it never got easier. It wasn’t just the switch in stance, it was the magic. Everything felt more alive in Equestria. There was a tingle at the base of my horn, a well of untapped potential that I could reach into at any time and bend to my will. It was rather like gaining a new limb, one that I lost every time I stepped back through the mirror.

I shook my head and tried to clear my thoughts. I was lucky I had good friends waiting for me back home, otherwise the temptation to stay would have been all the stronger.

“Who’s a good phoenix, you are. Yes you are.” Princess Twilight patted Peewee on the head, as the bird squealed with excitement. The young phoenix was perched on the armrest of her throne and luxuriating under all the attention. “Now, you’ve learned better than to go through strange portals?”

Peewee puffed himself up to his full height, about eight inches, and gave a grave nod.

“Well then, Spike’s in the kitchen if you want to--” Peewee exploded in a burst of flame and vanished. “Huh, I didn’t think he’d be old enough to teleport.”

“Trust me, he’s figured it out.” I huffed, the mirror had removed most of my singes. I would have to hide that feature from Rarity. “That wasn’t the only reason I came, however. The magic problem on Earth is getting worse.”

Princess Twilight frowned. “Worse? I thought you’d handled Straight Shot incident.”

“There shouldn’t have been an ‘incident’,” I snapped, then immediately felt guilty. It wasn’t my place to yell at the Princess. “Sorry. I mean... well look at this.” I levitated the artifact out of my saddlebag and dropped it onto the table.

Frowning, Twilight picked it up in her magic and drew it closer. “Huh, a pre-unification accuracy charm. Remarkably well preserved, but not rare. You found this on Earth?”

I nodded. “Yeah. You see the problem with this?”

“Uh, not really. I guess it does mean that more than the occasional lost relic and monster has been dumped through the Mirror.”

That was something I had to talk to Twilight about at some point. I wasn’t comfortable with Equestria using my adopted home as a dumping ground. Although, humanity would have done the same if they’d known it was an option.

“It’s completely generic,” I told her. “It’s not some forgotten bit of sorcery of ancient monster. It’s just a rock that channels magic, and there now enough magic on Earth that it works fine.”

It took a few moments for that to sink in, but when it did Princess Twilight’s mouth opened into a little ‘o’ in shock. “Ah. That’s not good.”

“Yeah.” I shook my head. “I think this is my fault.”

“Oh no. Sunset you can’t blame yourself for this,” Twilight exclaimed, leaning forwards.

“Well who did drag the Element of Magic into another world?” I shot back, snarling. More angry at myself than the Princess. “Who thought it’d be a great idea to use teenagers as an army? Who’s been fighting fire with fire and expecting not to get burned? Huh!”

Twilight paused, seeming to consider her words for a moment. “We thought your geodes would be the way to help.”

“No, I thought it would help.” I slammed a hoof down. “And, as usual, it hasn’t worked. Earth is going to keep becoming more magical and... and I don’t think they can cope.”

“Equestria copes just fine with the magic.”

“Earth doesn’t,” I said, shaking my head. “They’re not used to it. Even the other Twilight, with good intentions, was nearly consumed by it. We’ve both grown up in a magical world, we know what lines to cross and which ones eat your soul. They don’t. If Earth keeps becoming more magical a lot of people are going to get hurt. Some are going to die. Some are going to find even worse fates.”

Princess Twilight shuddered. She’d been the same school as me. History was littered with the bones of unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies alike who’d reached beyond their limits. Magic schools paraded these dire warnings in front of the students to dissuade such notions, sometimes using the literal bones. The idea of an entire civilisation butting up against all those lethal limit at once was terrifying.

Friendship is magic, but that doesn’t mean that magic is friendly.

“Okay.” Twilight took a deep breath. “We can fix this.”

I raised my brow.

“I’m serious,” she continued. “If magic is in enough quantity to power simple runes then we can set up magical defences. We can ward the whole area, keep magic bottled up near the statue where you and your friends can deal with any emergent phenomena.”

I frowned. It was an okay plan. I had no idea how effective it would be--my brand of magic was always more direct--but if anyone could pull it off it was Magic incarnate, Princess Twilight. Another flicker of guilt flashed through me, once again I was running to a Princess to help solve the problems I’d created. Every time I figured I’d got ahead of my own stupidity, something went wrong and I had to go hat in hand, begging for help. It hurt to do it, but the look what happened the last time I tried to strike out on my own.

“And what do we do if that fails?” I asked, leaving the ‘when’ unspoken.

Twilight grimaced. “We’ll deal with that if it comes to it,” she assure me.

I met her with a measured gaze. “Really?”

“We don’t need to borrow trouble, Sunset.”

Trouble had already found us. I shook my head. “Well, while you’re hitting the books. Why not at least find a way of sealing a portal. Permanently.”




“I have to say, I expected this would take longer,” Twilight, human brand, said, peering out of the window at the portal.

Princess Twilight moved fast when motivated. Within two weeks--during which a boy from the entomology club went crazy over a crush and nearly turned himself into a changeling and four separate magical creatures showed up on the grounds--she’d drawn up, constructed and installed an entire arcane network.

It was not subtle. Beyond the latticework of runes that had been painted in gold and silver on the statue itself, she’d sunk a six tiered ring of steel and gems deep into the earth. Principal Celestia was branding it as a modern art installation donated by a wealthy benefactor. A lie that was beautiful for being true save for a few crucial missing details.

“Well, you two are geniuses,” I observed, not looking up from the ream of documentation. It was genius. The first layer of defences would keep Equestrian magic bound in the statue. The second would keep and spillover within the circles. Finally, and far more subtly, a ring around the school grounds would bottle up any magic that had already seeped into the human world. The school was going to bear the brunt for a few years while the magic exhausted itself, but that was something we could deal with.

“Flatterer,” Twilight shot back, smiling as she turned away from the window. “I couldn’t even begin to build something like this.”

I shrugged. “You didn’t go to magic school. Although, I did and you’ve built more magical devices than I ever had.” Partly, because my ever burning flame project was vetoed by Princess Celestia. “I’m sure you could if you had access to the right books.”

“Does it look like it’ll work?” Twilight asked, sitting opposite me and craning her neck to get a better look at the papers.

I shrugged. “You know, it kind of does. I don’t really want to get my hopes up after the last week, but we might have dodged a bullet.”

“What’s this going to do to all the magic still on Earth?”

“Not much,” I admitted, grimacing. “Our geodes have enough juice to run for years. Although, it would be nice if Rainbow Dash stopped using hers to get to school when she sleeps in.”

Twilight winced. It wouldn’t be so bad if she didn’t leave a literal rainbow trail pointing straight at us. “How about Spike?” she enquired, trying to sound casual.

“He’ll be as sassy as ever.” I smirked. “Don’t worry, he’s halfway to being Equestrian. Magic twists, it doesn’t take."

Before she could ask about that one, and open up a three hour discussion on magic, an alarm went off. Twilight whipped out her phone.

“Shoot. I’m seeing Shutter Snap in five minutes,” she exclaimed.

“Wait, what?” I honestly couldn’t think of a reason to give him the time of day. “Why?”

“Because he made a good point about us seven being a wall of silence. I figured I’d show him some of my equipment, explain what I’ve been doing and showing him that there’s nothing to detect.”

I frowned. “Your equipment regularly detects magic.”

Twilight smiled, and pulled a circuit board out of her pocket. “Not without this gain-amplifier.”

“Heh.” Simple yet genius, a classic Twilight move. “See, I knew there was a reason people call you Purple Smart.”

“They call me what?”

I was saved from having to explain that one by the arrival of Shutter Snap. After making my excuses and refusing an interview for the fifth and hopefully final time, I decided to go to the library and get a start on my homework early for once. While I didn’t begrudge saving the world on a regular basis, it did a number on my GPA.

I’d barely read one page of my reading assignment before Trixie interrupted.

“Sunset Shimmer!” she bellowed, slamming the doors open. She ignored the librarian shooting her a filthy look and strode over to my table. “The Great and Powerful Trixie needs to speak to you.”

“So speak, don’t shout,” I grumbled. I liked Trixie, but did she have to be so... Trixie all the time?

Trixie glanced around, and seeming to notice that every eye in the library was on her. “I need to speak with you, alone,” she amended.

I cocked my head. Trixie never ceded an audience. Without another word I packed up my stuff and we found an empty classroom.

“So, Trixie, what’s this about?” I asked, closing the door behind us.

Trixie paused, pursing her lips as she seemed to struggle for words.

“There’s nothing up my sleeves, you see?” she began, pulling open the sleeves of her hoodie so I could get a proper look. I nodded. “You’d think so, but... abracadabra!” She reached in and pulled out a long, pink silk scarf with a flourish. She let it flutter to the floor.

I applauded politely. I quite enjoyed the human art of sleight of hand; Equestria never developed the art, we used flashy magic as a substitute. “Cool trick. I may have seen you do it before, though.”

“Sunset, there was nothing up my sleeves.”

It took an embarrassingly long time for me to process that. With a rising sense of horror I snatched up the silk scarf and pulled hard. The thread tore, the loose ends boiling away like morning dew as the magic was exposed to open air.

A great many words ran through my head. “Ponyfeathers,” I settled on, in lue of some inventive curses. Curses would have been unwise. It was a shame because I could feel the panic welling up inside of me.

With practiced ease I reached for that knott of power that usually rested in the base of my horn. It took a moment to find it--it seemed to settle around the lower knuckles for some reason--but the moment I did the familiar buzz of magic began to fill me. I let the remains of the scarf go, and caught it in a blue haze of levitation magic.

Tixie and I shared a look.

“I don’t suppose this will be permanent?” Trixie said, after a long moment. “Because Trixie can see a lot of potential for this.”

“It won’t be permanent,” I assured her. “I can fix this. I promise.”




I planned to meet the girls after class. Unfortuantly, the amature dematics society was perfoming a rendition of Wicked and so we had to stop a rampaging witch first. Pinkie Pie was turned into a alligator but got better. Somehow.

“Girls, we have a serious situation on our hands,” I began, as Applejack locked the door. Twilight was fussing over her machine, which squealed in protest every few seconds. “The plan didn’t work.”

Rainbow Dash snorted. “When do they ever?” We all looked at her. “What?”

Sighing, I decided to ignore that one. If only it wasn’t true.

“Technically it did work,” Twilight interjected, not looking up. “We penned up magic on school grounds. We just underestimated the sheer volume that entailed. Look.” She switched on a screen. Overlayed on a map of the school were the three circles Princess Twilight had installed, each glowing brighter than the next. “Each circle has reduced the amount of magic seeping through, but not stopped the flow. The first two circles are already near saturated and within the third circle things are becoming intensely magical. We’re already seeing side-effects.”

I flicked my fingers, summoning a small swarm of sparks around my hand. “Its magical enough that pretty much anyone can now cast spells, geodes or no geodes. Fortunately, no one really knows how but this is a serious problem, girls. We can’t keep this under wraps much longer.”

Twilight cleared her throat. “Actually, it’s even worse than that.” I looked over in surprise, this was a new bombshell. “The magic levels in the school is growing fast. There’s a very real risk that magic will start bleeding into the town within a few days.”

“Um, what does that mean?” Fluttershy began, hesitantly.

I stared at the screen for a long moment, trying to force a solution into being through sheer force of will. Nothing changed. “It means that...” I let out a bitter sigh. “It means that we can’t do this anymore. We can’t keep fighting magical creatures like it's some kind of game. We’re going to have to seal the portal.”

Absolute silence descended on the room. The girls looked horrified, well all except Pinkie Pie.

“Aww, does this mean I can’t keep swapping with pony-me?” she asked, pouting.

That got a half hearted chuckle out of me. At least until I remembered who I was talking to. “Wait, seriously?”

“Only a couple weekends here and there.”

I spent a long moment trying to figure out if she was joking, then decided that I didn't want to know. I’d never be able to tell, anyway.

“Sunset, are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Rarity’s poise never slipped, but there was a definite fragile note to her voice. “Are you...”

“Yeah,” I cut in. “To make sure the magic doesn’t spread everything Equestrian we can find will have to be on the other side. That’ll have to include me.”

“What!” Rainbow Dash yelled. “That’s not fair! You’ve got just as right to be here as anyone else. There’s got to be another way.”

“No. There isn’t,” I replied, too tired to put any force behind my voice. “We’ve tried all the other options.”

“Surely there’s something we can do,” Rarity protested. “Things have been dark before but together--”

“Together we blasted everything with magic and made the problem go away,” I snapped. “We can’t fix too much magic by throwing more magic at the problem.” And honestly, I was a fool to ever think it would.

“You can’t be serious,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “You’re just giving up!”

I slammed my fist down on the bench, sending bright orange flames racing up and down my arm. “I am taking the only option I have left!” I roared. I took a deep breath. “Please...” My voice was just a whimper. “Don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

“No. We are not giving,” Rainbow declared, full of determination. I was going to miss her bullheadedness--from a distance. She cast around for support, but there was little coming. Fluttershy had retreated behind her hair, Pinkie Pie’s smile had become fixed and glassy and Applejack was looking anywhere but at me. “Come on, Twilight. We can fix this. Every magical monster we’ve fought so far we’ve beaten hands down. ”

Twilight sighed. She stalled for a moment, polishing her glasses. “We could, in theory, contain this within more circles--” She held up a hand before Rainbow could butt in. “--but things will only get worse. As the area becomes saturated in magic the kind of phenomena we’ve been facing are just going to become more frequent until... well, until we’re don’t nothing but fighting them.”

“And I’m not going to do that to you girls,” I cut in. “I’m not making you all do this for the rest of your lives.”

Applejack huffed. “We’re happy to help, sugarcube,” she interjected. “Don’t ever think different.”

That was the problem. “You all have lives. Dreams. Families. I’m not going to tie you to this school for the rest of your lives just to fix my damn mistake.” I shook my head. There were more tears in my eyes than I’d like to admit. “No. Only one person should pay the price for my stupidity. And that’s me.”

Without a single word between them the girls gathered me into the center of a group hug. It was a bitter sweet kind of warmth, and one that I was sure I’d miss for the rest of my life.




A little over twelve hours later I found myself four hooves. A whirl of packing, frantic searches for Equestrian junk and one very much appreciated surprise party had left me exhausted. There had been a lot of tears, hugging and promises to write that I’d already broken. The diary, along with our geodes, were one of the many things I’d placed in my bags before crossing the portal.

“And these are the bedrooms,” Princess Twilight continued. She’d written up a list of places to show me in her castle and, just like my Twilight, would follow it regardless of how little interest I’d shown.

“Right...”

“Mine is over here, and Spike’s is just next door. Spike is generally the better bet if you want something, he’s got a much better sense of the castle than me. Just don’t call on him too late, he’s still a baby dragon and needs his sleep.”

I was pretty sure dragons slept years if you let them, but couldn’t muster the energy to point it out. “Okay.”

“Now, I’ve got a nice little room for you down the corridor.” Twilight beamed as we made our way down the crystal hallway. “I know its not home, but I want you to consider it as such. At least until you’re ready to find a place of your own.”

A ghost of a smile flitted across my lips. “Already trying to get rid of me?” I said. I tried to come across as playful; it didn’t work.

Twilight winced. “Well... I do already have two reformed unicorns living under my roof. Fortunately, Trixie hasn’t moved in as well. I’m not sure I could take sharing a breakfast table with her.”

Having spent breakfast with my Trixie I-- I cut that thought off. Trixie was just one of the many people I would never see again.

We stopped in front of one of the identical doors. “And this is your room.” Princess Twilight turned, and looked me up and down. “Sunset, I know this isn’t exactly a good time for you. But I’ve always believed that, no matter how bleak things get, they will get better if you let them.”

It was a nice thought, one that I’d have loved to believe not twenty four hours before. I couldn’t, though, not when it felt like somepony had taken a rusty knife to my soul.

“Twilight,” I said, shaking my head. “I appreciate everything you’ve done, but right now I really want to be alone.”

Without another word, I stepped around her and entered the--my--room. Like everything in Twilight’s Crystal Palace it was huge, glittering and richly adorned. My eyes slid over the decorations without pause and went straight to the bed. My body followed it a few moments later and I paused only to dump my saddlebags in a heap next to the nightstand.

“Umm.” Twilight hovered at the threshold. “It's only nine in the morning, Sunset.”

I raised my head and fix her with a dead stare. “I spent all night packing and just finished sealing away the only friends I have in the world. I’m going to sleep until it stops hurting.”

Dropping my head back on the pillow, I proceeded to ignore the Princess until she finally went away. Perhaps it was petulant of me. In fact, it was downright rude, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. The wound was too raw. I’d lost everything I cared about, after all. My friends, my home, and even my motorcycle which I was sure Rainbow Dash had already managed to ding.

Somehow I slept, and when I opened my eyes Celestia had lowered the sun. I spared a moment to thank Princess Luna for the lack of dreams, when I heard my door creak open. My ear flicked as I tried to make out the hoofsteps, but they were unfamiliar.

With a huff, I rolled oven and then did a double take as set eyes on the unicorn. There were two things I noticed about her immediately, one was she sheer size and the second was the broken stub of a horn on her brow. I did my level best not to stare.

“Don’t worry, everypony stares,” she said, stepping further inside. “I’m Tempest Shadow, Starlight said I was to welcome you to the ‘Reformed Unicorns Club’.” She delivered the line deadpan. “We were wondering if you would join us for dinner.”

I sighed. “No. I don’t feel hungry.”

A long silence stretched between us, and I had a strange sense that Tempest was eying me up for something. I blinked first.

“What, what is it?”

Tempest nodded. “It hurts, doesn’t it. Giving up everything you ever worked for?”

I didn’t dignify that with a response.

“I’ve done it a few times myself. It doesn't get any easier. Not all wounds heal.” She tapped her broken horn. A shudder ran down my spine. I’d lost my magic in the human world but to see a horn sundered... “I’m sorry,” I said, automatically.

“Don’t be. You’re hurting. I know how it feels. At least you’re hurting for the right reasons.”

I let out a bitter laugh. “It’s remarkable how little that helps.”

Tempest nodded, then paused. “Is that supposed to be glowing?” she pointed at my bag.

Whipping round, I spotted my saddlebags shining and grabbed it in my magic. It was a mistake, the flap popped open and six sparks of light shot out. I gaped for a moment as my friend’s geodes raced past Tempest and through the door. Swearing, I grabbed my own and set off at a blind run through the corridors after them, Tempest at my side. There was no doubt in my mind just where the errant stones were going, but I hoped against hope that I was wrong anyway.

The mirror sat in the far corner of Twilight lab surrounded by arcane bindings and a with a note pinned to the front that read: ‘Please do not touch. This means you, Spike!’. The geodes ignored both and slammed into the binding like an alicorn’s hammer. Magic blazed into life as the shield tried to hold off the stones, but it lasted only a moment. With a crack that was audible in Canterlot the spell shattered and the geodes streaked though.

I didn’t pause in my gallop. I leapt through the mirror after them, despite Tempest crying out a warning.

The moment of transition was no less disconcerting and I fell flat on my face the moment I was flug out of the statue. I landed with a crash in the middle of Princess Twilight’s failed warding, right next to the six geodes. The damned rocks had decided that they were no longer homesick and they lay there, inert.

“I hate you,” I informed the rocks, snatching them up.

“Sunset?” I looked up and found myself staring down the lense of a camera. Shutter Snap was staring at me open mouthed, his microphone hanging loosely at his side, seemingly forgotten. “Did you just come through the statue?”

It was not my day. Groaning, I pushed myself to my feet. “Let me guess, you got that on camera?”

“Actually... No. We were too busy filming that.” He pointed up into the sky at the bright sparks dueling in the sky. It took just a moment for me to identify a ponied up Rainbow Dash and what looked like a corrupted version of the Shadowbolts, back for what must have been round three.

I glanced down at the geodes. They didn’t respond, but I could sense the smug satisfaction pouring off them.

“Right.” Sealing the portal hadn’t been enough. Of course, since when do my plans ever work? Some selfish part of me was relieved. I couldn’t stop the magic, I’d never had a chance. It was time to accept that.

I took a deep breath. “Well, denial has ceased to be an option. Mind if I answer all your questions after I save my friends?”

Shutter looked back and me, then up at the sky. “Yeah... Don’t let me stop you.”

“Great.” I slipped on my geode and set off at a sprint, leaving the bewildered paranormal researchers in my wake.




“So. Where do we want to start?”

It was a beautiful sunny day in Canterlot. Rainbow Dash had made sure of it, kicking all the offending clouds out of existence. I sat with my friends at my side in front of Shutter Snap’s camera, trying and failing to keep my nerves under wraps. Applejack’s solid hand on my shoulder was the only thing keeping me from diving under a desk.

“Why not the beginning?”

I snorted, taking great interest in the camera man’s shoes. “That’s a long way back. But I guess the short version is: long ago, in the magical land of Equestria and foolish unicorn made a stupid mistake. She used a mirror to travel to a far off land where she sought power.” I took a deep breath; Rarity’s hand found my other shoulder. “She didn’t find it, and in her attempts to steal magic itself she, and by that I mean I, broke the world.”

“My friends and I have spent a months now trying to fix this.” I looked up at last, into the lends. “And it’s time to admit that I can’t. I, and I alone--” Twilight opened her mouth to protest but I shot her a look. She may not have helped, but sure as tataurs didn’t throw the first stone. “--brought magic into this world. We’ve managed to hold back the flood for a few months, but it’s not enough. Things are going to change. It’s going to be painful, wonderful and terrifying all at the same time and the world at the end is going to be different.”

A shudder ran through me. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie’s hands found their way to my shoulders.

“I can’t promise that it’ll be a better one. I can’t promise that things will be okay. Some lines can never be uncrossed and... I’m sorry.”

I bowed my head. Fluttershy and Twilight’s hands took mine and I found the strength to look into the camera again.

“I can’t fix my mistake. But I, and my friends, will do everything in our power to help. That I can promise.”

Something exploded outside.

I shared a look with my friends before we all set off at a sprint. Perhaps not to save the world, but it wouldn’t be for lack of trying.
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#1 ·
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Lovely read. This has set the bar quite high for the rest of the entries. A solid story all around, and most of the shortcomings can be chalked up to not having enough room to expand them, such as developing Shutter Snap's role as a minor antagonist in the story, and perhaps giving a bit more depth to each of the magical incidents the girls have to deal with, though I think they work quite well as a plot element to reinforce the central conflict.

Nevertheless, there is one aspect I think makes the story as a whole shine a bit less, and that's the resolution (or lack thereof). The magical disturbances on Earth become so frequent that as time goes on, they won't be able to contain all of them, which is why Sunset makes the sacrifice of staying in Equestria and having the portal closed. However, once this doesn't work, she decides to just go back to Earth and keep fighting the battle they already know they can't win in the long run.

We're never told why sealing the portal didn't work, nor are we told what is going to be the plan when the magic becomes too much for the girls to handle. There are a few small hints, but we're not given a solid answer and that robs the ending of the impact it could otherwise have.

Word of advice, though. There were several noticeable typos early on, so that was distracting.

Still, this was a great story, and others will have a rough time topping it.
#2 ·
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Punchy opening line.

Some typos early on. (It's "feinted", not "fainted.")

Wallflower... hmm, timeline feels wrong. Sunset just said she'd only been friends with Fluttershy a year. Surely more time has passed in EQG-verse. Maybe I'm wrong though.

"Coach Sure Shot found an Equestrian artifact after class and is now trying to destroy the school because you failed to make a three pointer.” That made me smirk, but setting a to-the-second countdown clock on the story... She said she had exactly so much time to save her friends. Clearly, her friends didn't die or whatever when that time ran out so the counting clock here feels like a cheap trick.

“You can’t make a bet when you know the answer.”
“Really? But that’s the best time.” Heh... perfect!

A lot more typos creeping in. All minor, but they start to stand out.

Halfway through the story, and I'm not quite sure what the story is about yet. It seemed to be a one-off crisis they were about to face, but now it's crisis-of-the-week. It's reading well enough to keep me going, but its lost the hook.

Sealing the portal... Yeah, it took a while to get to this, but that adds some weight to the story finally.

I'm really liking (well, hating rather) the sadness and depression after Sunset seals the portal. Very well done emotions here.

Having Tempest here... a bit odd at first (the movie felt like a weird fanfic to me) but it makes sense.

The seal was broken that quickly and easily? Seems an odd turn, narratively.

Okay, and a very rushed epilogue.


So, the second half of this story is pretty great. There's some really powerful emotions in cutting yourself off forever from your friends and your old life. That feels like it needs to be the core of this story. Unfortunately, it's only about 1/4 of it by length at most.

The first half has some good lines and (typos aside) is well written technically, but it doesn't really set up the bigger problem soon enough. Now that I've finished the story, I can see how it's TRYING to set up the "More and more things keep coming through" but it really needs to be more explicit that things are getting worse, because it kind of comes off a as humorous "oh no, not again... it must be Saturday" kind of joke we've seen before. Some better foreshadowing that Sunset knows (or suspects) she'll have to seal the portal and go home would be good.

The bit in Equestria needs to last longer. Sunset's pain felt very real, and I'd love to see that explored more in depth. Having Tempest there... there's a lot of stuff, a lot of suffering (and healing) that could really take this story to the next level.

The end... I sense you ran out of time. That the stones start sparking and just blast through the seal in moments basically the same day is just sloppy writing. The reunion with friends and her chosen world just feels unearned. We needed to see Sunset come to terms with things better, learn some "lesson" about losing friendships, before the story rewards her with the reunion.

Still, I blame it all on a rushed author (as the typos at the end get even worse.)

But yeah, a really solid core to the story here, with characters that felt real. The "directors cut" of this should come out amazing!
#3 · 3
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Alright, author, let's talk about your opening!

For the second time that week, I had less than five minutes to save my friends.


Yes, yes, good! Your hook is very grabby and sets up a compelling in medias res

My trainers squealed as skidded around an corridor


Augh, no, no. *facehoof*

I have a tendency in my reviews to focus aggressively on opening lines because you only get one chance to make a first impression. If your opening hooks a reader, they'll spot you the little stumbles later on because they're invested in where the story is going. If your opening repels a reader, they're going to wince with every tiny little typo as they're dragged further and further away from suspension of disbelief. These typos, later on in the story, would barely be worthy of mention; in the second sentence, they're like showing up to a first date late in a food-stained T-shirt.

It took you 24 words to break me out of the story hard enough that I'm down here typing commentary instead of enjoying what you wrote. Proofread your opening few paragraphs!

I know the Writeoffs don't allow you the luxury of editing; I know that this was probably submitted with just a few minutes left on the clock. You don't have time to go back over your story sometimes. I don't care. Make time. Proofread your opening paragraphs. The rest of the story can go hang. Make a good first impression.

*cough* That said.



Friendship is magic, but that doesn’t mean that magic is friendly.


This is an awesome line.

“Sunset Shimmer!” she bellowed, slamming the doors open. She ignored the librarian shooting her a filthy look and strode over to my table. “The Great and Powerful Trixie needs to speak to you.”

“So speak, don’t shout,” I grumbled. I liked Trixie, but did she have to be so... Trixie all the time?


So is this. And, for that matter, your last line. (See, this is what you want me breaking out of the story to do: tell you how much I'm enjoying it!)

As to the story as a whole … mostly I'll be echoing previous commenters, especially in that this really kicks into gear with the central crisis, and Sunset's emotions once on the other side of the portal are a really solid addition to the story. The early going feels rough for the reasons previously outlined. (I, too, was disappointed that the five-minute clock expired with nothing but some property damage; which also raises the question of, how did Sunset know that it would take five minutes, to the second, for the gym teacher to power up?) The bit about the geodes breaking back through didn't bother me like it did the others, though, and I don't have any particular problem with the pacing on the last half. For me, the part that could use the most editing focus (aside from the prominent typos) would be the first half, slimming it down and getting it more aligned with the "magic is getting out of control" core.

Characterwise, I liked Tempest in her brief appearance. For the most part, everyone's voices seemed fine, although Applejack's "drama llama" thing seemed oddly out of character to me.

Unrelated to anything you can edit: Be aware that if you publish this to FIMFic, it's likely to draw comparisons to FanOfMostEverything's Oversaturated World continuity (in much the same way that my Paint it Black got seen as a retread of Estee's Black Friday story). This isn't a knock on your story, and I'm not factoring it into my scoring at all; just worth preparing yourself for someone having prominently beaten you to the idea. :\

On the whole, this has some hard-hitting lines and a solid central core. Its surface presentation needs a lot of love, but that's among the easier things to fix post-Writeoffs. Good job getting this together.

Tier: Strong
#4 · 1
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Genre: Oversaturated

Thoughts: I hate to say it, but this story doesn't work for me for the most part. I've been trying not to just post “me too” in my reviews, but in this case, I feel like the earlier reviewers have done a great job of pointing out things to work on, and I don't feel like I'm going to add a lot more by trying to expand that list.

Where I break with them, though, is in ranking this against the other stories in contention. Unfortunately the pacing and spelling issues here (coupled with the length) just end up being enough to lose me, even if I could see the core ideas having potential.

Tier: Keep Developing
#5 · 3
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There is a lot going on in this story. Much of what I see here is good, particularly the dialogue and interactions between the Humane Seven (though I'm skeptical that they'd engage in mocking Fluttershy's athletic abilities, even playfully), but there are so many elements at play here, and they don't come together harmoniously. The story feels like an assemblage of ideas that were thrown together without paying any thought to how well they'd mesh -- at least, within an eight thousand word limit.

And many of those ideas could be expanded into full-length stories of their own. The paparazzo investigating the school, Fluttershy withdrawing from the group, Sunset severing herself from her friends and going home, even meeting Tempest Shadow (whose cameo feels, I'm sorry to say, extremely forced, in a story that already has too much going on in it), among so so many other things...

This story has a sense of scope, and drama, that is impossible to effectively convey within the constraints of the writeoff. And that's sad, because while I can see the potential for greatness, it's being shoved into a slot that's far too narrow to accommodate it. You're strangling your idea, author.

...Also, minor note, but I really don't care for this line.

I raised my head and fix her with a dead stare. “I spent all night packing and just finished sealing away the only friends I have in the world. I’m going to sleep until it stops hurting.”


Which does an incredible disservice to Twilight, and the friendship Sunset has with her.

Look, I don't want to discourage the author of this piece; you've got ambition, and that's great. That's wonderful, even. Take this idea, and develop it slowly, and deliberately, and you could have a damn good character-centric epic on your hands.

But it's just not working as it is right now, I'm sorry.