Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
So, first up!
The Alleles of Harmony
My first thought is that Twilight's going to be here a while if she's reading through somepony's entire genetic code. But then, this is a story, and it's okay to let things like that slide. I have to give the author some wiggle room or we'll spend all day nit-picking our fics to death.
It seems that Twilight is attempting to repopulate Ponyville with genetically enhanced ponies, apparently following some sort of disaster. Spike's dialogue implies that this is a retelling of the show's premier, with Celestia asking her to 'make friends,' something Twilight has apparently taken very literally.
There's a rough editing mistake toward the end, the "(did something)" draft. That happens with minifics, though, and I don't hold it against the author either. We're all in a rush.
What I have trouble getting over, though, is the abrupt ending. I know 750 words isn't much, and minifics are usually more of a gesture drawing than a real story, but you need to try and include all of the elements so the reader can fill in the details with their minds. This story doesn't get that far -- it's just Twilight making clone ponies, Spike doesn't like it, and... that's it. We're left with nothing else. No character development, major choices, conflicts resolved or averted, etc. It just presents an interesting idea, then ends.
That's how a lot of minifics suffer and die, sadly. It's why they're so hard.
Still, the idea was interesting, so credit for that.
The Alleles of Harmony
My first thought is that Twilight's going to be here a while if she's reading through somepony's entire genetic code. But then, this is a story, and it's okay to let things like that slide. I have to give the author some wiggle room or we'll spend all day nit-picking our fics to death.
It seems that Twilight is attempting to repopulate Ponyville with genetically enhanced ponies, apparently following some sort of disaster. Spike's dialogue implies that this is a retelling of the show's premier, with Celestia asking her to 'make friends,' something Twilight has apparently taken very literally.
There's a rough editing mistake toward the end, the "(did something)" draft. That happens with minifics, though, and I don't hold it against the author either. We're all in a rush.
What I have trouble getting over, though, is the abrupt ending. I know 750 words isn't much, and minifics are usually more of a gesture drawing than a real story, but you need to try and include all of the elements so the reader can fill in the details with their minds. This story doesn't get that far -- it's just Twilight making clone ponies, Spike doesn't like it, and... that's it. We're left with nothing else. No character development, major choices, conflicts resolved or averted, etc. It just presents an interesting idea, then ends.
That's how a lot of minifics suffer and die, sadly. It's why they're so hard.
Still, the idea was interesting, so credit for that.
>>Cold in Gardez
Gotta agree with Cold in Gardez here. It’s a good start to a (possibly) far longer and definitely intriguing fic, but it unfortunately ends far too abruptly and right before the plot actually begins. The execution would have worked wonders had this been a short story round, though.
Gotta agree with Cold in Gardez here. It’s a good start to a (possibly) far longer and definitely intriguing fic, but it unfortunately ends far too abruptly and right before the plot actually begins. The execution would have worked wonders had this been a short story round, though.
Others have established that this doesn’t do anything with its interesting premise other than raise it. I do appreciate the pun at the end, and it would be fun to see this AU expanded, but right now this story is barely more than a blastocyst.
I think the idea is solid and the ending is fun. I think it could have played up a little bit more on a mad scientist level especially when it's revealed that she's working to "improve" the perfect code. In fact it could have played with a lot of the possibilities that the story presents and I think that if this were a longer fic I'd probably like it more than I do.
This started as a one-line joke idea, and then I thought I could make something a little more serious out of it. luckily the pun didn't overshadow the whole story, like I was afraid it would, so at least that worked fine.
my intention here was to suggest a tragic end... Twilight's merely producing slightly-different copies of herself, instead of the diverse cast of friends in the canon show. no continuation intended here, this will all be doomed to failure, so no season 3 princess wings for her! (there is the loose thread that connected this to the prompt in my mind)
no one seemed to pick up on this. probably means it's my fault in the execution.
my intention here was to suggest a tragic end... Twilight's merely producing slightly-different copies of herself, instead of the diverse cast of friends in the canon show. no continuation intended here, this will all be doomed to failure, so no season 3 princess wings for her! (there is the loose thread that connected this to the prompt in my mind)
no one seemed to pick up on this. probably means it's my fault in the execution.