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Show rules for this event
AB: Arrogance Broadcasting
“Still black-and-white, sir?” Mister Paunch stared at the TV. Of course, their station worked under a severe budget, and he’d anticipated this, just in case. Still, he’d lost an advantage.
Donny, sadly, never minced words.
“Yeah,” said Donny, scratching his… trousers. “I thought about it, but… Why bother with colour? Shit’s expensive to set up, and if you need a load of glitzy shit-paste, people think you’re hiding bollocks.”
“Yes, sir. Only… I believe colour’s also another medium for expression?”
“Sure it bloody is. Now tell me what you think of this. Tilton made it himself, the clever bastard!”
Beaming proudly, Donny flourished the remote and turned on the TV.
After a pause, he added, “Well? Tell me what you think. Useable?”
“Yes, sir… Hm… So it’s a man in white outline, on a black background. He’s sitting in a box. There’s a lightbulb over his head, I think? And a cord to pull?”
“And…?”
“And… it’s a diagram of a lift, sir? A thriller, about to reveal a monster in the shadows? A meditation position? The bulb’s a visual pun on enlightenment?” Mister Paunch began to sweat. He didn’t like the look Donny gave him. It was not a look that respected his intelligence, or that believed he had any.
“Fuck, no.”
“Only… it’s holding on that picture awfully long, sir. Is it building suspense?”
Donny groaned irritably. “No, actually. It’s symbolic of the trials of loneliness!”
“Is it, sir?”
“Course it is, dumbass. What, you thought that box was an accident or something?”
“Sorry, sir.” Mister Paunch coughed, trying to do so in a polite manner. “Um, sir? I don’t suppose my view is at least an informative alternative to consid–?”
“Are you considering mine?”
“Now I am, sir. Now I know it.”
“Ha! Little late for sucking up.” Donny grinned again. “Seriously? Just admit you’re too retarded to understand it.”
“Too what, sir?” Mister Paunch wilted. And there it is. The low point of no return. Still: nothing ventured…
“That’s what I thought.”
“Sir?”
Donny rubbed his hands. “Got something good for me?”
“Hopefully, sir. I wanted to show it in full colour, true, but I hope the original intention shines through –”
“Yeah, I love your bitching enthusiasm and all, but less of the onanism, right? Toss it in and I’ll be the judge, ‘kay?”
With shaking fingers, Mister Paunch set up the film.
They watched it for twelve seconds.
“Of course,” said Mister Paunch hastily, “we use other markers to distinguish the people. The featureless people at the back are, as it were, meant to represent different emotions, simple emotions, to contrast with the main character in the foreground. Her feelings are complex, as is her artwork. I suppose it too is a symbolic representation of the way a suite of hard-to-untangle emotions can isolate you in an oversimplified world of masks –”
“What a waste.” Donny clicked; the TV went off. “It’s just a shit-ton of blah.”
“Uh…” Mister Paunch licked his lips nervously.
“What?”
“You didn’t notice the symbolic –?”
“Look, if you have to explain it ‘cause a person can’t get it first time, it just plain means nothing. How do you expect it’ll fare on ratings? See, your basic TV-watcher isn’t going to rewind, get out pen and paper, try and figure this shit out. It shows up, whoosh, it’s gone. You gotta think realistically.”
Mister Paunch’s jaw dropped.
It quickly went back up for a grimace as Donny scratched a very private area.
God, Donny. Sometimes, you really are just… “crude!”
But years ago, Donny had been the hero of the station. No one made programs like he did. Then, post-promotion, no one had picked programs like he did. Only, somewhere along the way, no one else could make or pick programs like he did, either. According to him. And him alone.
Mister Paunch stood by his side, nonetheless, long past the point when everyone else had given up and gossiped about him.
Donny knew what they said. He knew he played up the “crude” a bit. And then it went too far the other way, and they forgot who he used to be.
“Paunch?”
“Yes, sir?”
“I’ve reconsidered… yeah…”
“Sir?”
“Get that bastard Tilton in here. He’s due a promotion.”
Mister Paunch shuffled out.
One day, Donny would be his heroic self again. And Mister Paunch would still be standing there when that day came, having never wavered.
He wished that day would come sooner.
Donny, sadly, never minced words.
“Yeah,” said Donny, scratching his… trousers. “I thought about it, but… Why bother with colour? Shit’s expensive to set up, and if you need a load of glitzy shit-paste, people think you’re hiding bollocks.”
“Yes, sir. Only… I believe colour’s also another medium for expression?”
“Sure it bloody is. Now tell me what you think of this. Tilton made it himself, the clever bastard!”
Beaming proudly, Donny flourished the remote and turned on the TV.
After a pause, he added, “Well? Tell me what you think. Useable?”
“Yes, sir… Hm… So it’s a man in white outline, on a black background. He’s sitting in a box. There’s a lightbulb over his head, I think? And a cord to pull?”
“And…?”
“And… it’s a diagram of a lift, sir? A thriller, about to reveal a monster in the shadows? A meditation position? The bulb’s a visual pun on enlightenment?” Mister Paunch began to sweat. He didn’t like the look Donny gave him. It was not a look that respected his intelligence, or that believed he had any.
“Fuck, no.”
“Only… it’s holding on that picture awfully long, sir. Is it building suspense?”
Donny groaned irritably. “No, actually. It’s symbolic of the trials of loneliness!”
“Is it, sir?”
“Course it is, dumbass. What, you thought that box was an accident or something?”
“Sorry, sir.” Mister Paunch coughed, trying to do so in a polite manner. “Um, sir? I don’t suppose my view is at least an informative alternative to consid–?”
“Are you considering mine?”
“Now I am, sir. Now I know it.”
“Ha! Little late for sucking up.” Donny grinned again. “Seriously? Just admit you’re too retarded to understand it.”
“Too what, sir?” Mister Paunch wilted. And there it is. The low point of no return. Still: nothing ventured…
“That’s what I thought.”
“Sir?”
Donny rubbed his hands. “Got something good for me?”
“Hopefully, sir. I wanted to show it in full colour, true, but I hope the original intention shines through –”
“Yeah, I love your bitching enthusiasm and all, but less of the onanism, right? Toss it in and I’ll be the judge, ‘kay?”
With shaking fingers, Mister Paunch set up the film.
They watched it for twelve seconds.
“Of course,” said Mister Paunch hastily, “we use other markers to distinguish the people. The featureless people at the back are, as it were, meant to represent different emotions, simple emotions, to contrast with the main character in the foreground. Her feelings are complex, as is her artwork. I suppose it too is a symbolic representation of the way a suite of hard-to-untangle emotions can isolate you in an oversimplified world of masks –”
“What a waste.” Donny clicked; the TV went off. “It’s just a shit-ton of blah.”
“Uh…” Mister Paunch licked his lips nervously.
“What?”
“You didn’t notice the symbolic –?”
“Look, if you have to explain it ‘cause a person can’t get it first time, it just plain means nothing. How do you expect it’ll fare on ratings? See, your basic TV-watcher isn’t going to rewind, get out pen and paper, try and figure this shit out. It shows up, whoosh, it’s gone. You gotta think realistically.”
Mister Paunch’s jaw dropped.
It quickly went back up for a grimace as Donny scratched a very private area.
God, Donny. Sometimes, you really are just… “crude!”
But years ago, Donny had been the hero of the station. No one made programs like he did. Then, post-promotion, no one had picked programs like he did. Only, somewhere along the way, no one else could make or pick programs like he did, either. According to him. And him alone.
Mister Paunch stood by his side, nonetheless, long past the point when everyone else had given up and gossiped about him.
Donny knew what they said. He knew he played up the “crude” a bit. And then it went too far the other way, and they forgot who he used to be.
“Paunch?”
“Yes, sir?”
“I’ve reconsidered… yeah…”
“Sir?”
“Get that bastard Tilton in here. He’s due a promotion.”
Mister Paunch shuffled out.
One day, Donny would be his heroic self again. And Mister Paunch would still be standing there when that day came, having never wavered.
He wished that day would come sooner.
Pics
The characters here are really strongly voiced, which really made it easy to keep track of who was talking, especially in the early part of the story when the reader's still getting their bearings.
I'm afraid this is another entry that I didn't really understand the purpose of. It reads easily, succeeds in making me dislike Donny, but the payoff feels odd. Firstly, the fact that we never see Donny do anything remotely admirable here makes it hard to care when we're told (almost 3/4 way through the story) that he used to be a swell guy. In fact, the Donny you portray seems so hopelessly despicable and incompetent that I find myself frustrated at Paunch for sticking with him. I suspect you want us to feel empathy toward's Pauch's situation, but I can't help but feel like he must be stupid to let himself be such a doormat.
I really think that you need to make Donny at least a little sympathetic for your payoff to work. Humanizing him a bit (even while keeping all the nasty things he hurls at Paunch) will go a long way in making Paunch's absolute faith in Donny seem more tragic and less plain silly.
I'm afraid this is another entry that I didn't really understand the purpose of. It reads easily, succeeds in making me dislike Donny, but the payoff feels odd. Firstly, the fact that we never see Donny do anything remotely admirable here makes it hard to care when we're told (almost 3/4 way through the story) that he used to be a swell guy. In fact, the Donny you portray seems so hopelessly despicable and incompetent that I find myself frustrated at Paunch for sticking with him. I suspect you want us to feel empathy toward's Pauch's situation, but I can't help but feel like he must be stupid to let himself be such a doormat.
I really think that you need to make Donny at least a little sympathetic for your payoff to work. Humanizing him a bit (even while keeping all the nasty things he hurls at Paunch) will go a long way in making Paunch's absolute faith in Donny seem more tragic and less plain silly.
This is meh. Bachi says the characters are strongly voiced, which may be true, but frankly, I don’t care. They don’t act or interact in a meaningful way, or at least in a way that caught my attention. I skimmed through this and really I can’t even say what it was written for or what the takeaway is. It seems to me it’s been written only for the sake of fitting into one of the pictures.
Sorry author, but this left me really unconcerned.
Sorry author, but this left me really unconcerned.
I had to give this a second read to understand what was going on, for three reasons. First off, the character names seemed backwards. The title "Mister" usually implies somebody with some measure of authority—especially in fiction—and Donny is almost a name that demands authority, but the -ny at the end makes me think subordinate, or errand boy. So I kept mixing up who was who. Reason number two, is that the perspectives are jumping between both of them interchangeably, so I can't get rooted into who's who. And three, there's very little scene description, so it almost feels like it takes place in a vacuum, with only two people, a remote, and a TV set. All this added up to confusion in my read-through.
You had good voicing and dialogue, and the flow of the conversation was good too, although I think it faltered there in the middle, when Paunch has an internal thought, and Donny says, "Got something good for me?" Because that feels like a conversation starter. not a transition between two separate thoughts.
At the end of the day, I can't say I understood what was going on, which could be for those three reasons. But what are they doing? Selecting images to show on a live television? Pilots or something? Why did you pick these two images in particular?
Sorry, Author, but I'm not sure what's going on here. But thanks for writing anyhow, and best of luck in the shakedown!
You had good voicing and dialogue, and the flow of the conversation was good too, although I think it faltered there in the middle, when Paunch has an internal thought, and Donny says, "Got something good for me?" Because that feels like a conversation starter. not a transition between two separate thoughts.
At the end of the day, I can't say I understood what was going on, which could be for those three reasons. But what are they doing? Selecting images to show on a live television? Pilots or something? Why did you pick these two images in particular?
Sorry, Author, but I'm not sure what's going on here. But thanks for writing anyhow, and best of luck in the shakedown!
Alternate Title: Network 2: The Second Part
You know, with the right framing I'd really like this as a tragic character piece. There's a story here about a once-decent man who was corrupted by the savage world of TV business.
Donny, mean as he is, is a well-written character, in that I'm going to distinctly remember him when looking back on all these entries; he's certainly one of the more interesting protagonists of this round. Paunch also functions well as a foil to him, someone who could easily be a downtrodden housewife (even though I'm not sure why he sticks around).
The problem is that what would make Donny a tragic character is outright told to us toward the end in a mini-exposition dump. It's a very clumsy (lol) way of trying to tie the characters and supposed theme of the story together, and it just feels rushed.
Part of me wonders why this isn't something like Netflix or Buzzfeed, which are only gaining relevance in today's world as traditional TV networks are losing their grip, but then that would become pretty dated, wouldn't it? Better to keep things abstract so that the central idea isn't damaged by dated baggage.
I guess what holds this entry back is how it presents its theme, in that it doesn't do a very thorough job. It took me a while, despite what the title implied, to get what was going on. Not because I was confused but because the story waits until the last few paragraphs to reveal itself, and in a clunky way at that.
It does does have some of the best dialogue this round, for a story that relies so heavily on dialogue, and I'll argue with anyone who says otherwise. You've got me at your defense in that regard, author.
You know, with the right framing I'd really like this as a tragic character piece. There's a story here about a once-decent man who was corrupted by the savage world of TV business.
Donny, mean as he is, is a well-written character, in that I'm going to distinctly remember him when looking back on all these entries; he's certainly one of the more interesting protagonists of this round. Paunch also functions well as a foil to him, someone who could easily be a downtrodden housewife (even though I'm not sure why he sticks around).
The problem is that what would make Donny a tragic character is outright told to us toward the end in a mini-exposition dump. It's a very clumsy (lol) way of trying to tie the characters and supposed theme of the story together, and it just feels rushed.
Part of me wonders why this isn't something like Netflix or Buzzfeed, which are only gaining relevance in today's world as traditional TV networks are losing their grip, but then that would become pretty dated, wouldn't it? Better to keep things abstract so that the central idea isn't damaged by dated baggage.
I guess what holds this entry back is how it presents its theme, in that it doesn't do a very thorough job. It took me a while, despite what the title implied, to get what was going on. Not because I was confused but because the story waits until the last few paragraphs to reveal itself, and in a clunky way at that.
It does does have some of the best dialogue this round, for a story that relies so heavily on dialogue, and I'll argue with anyone who says otherwise. You've got me at your defense in that regard, author.