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Hm, from this perspective, I'm not sure whether this is a staircase or some pavers that just stop. The latter would seem to be more thematic, particularly in that the path at the end also looks like it's obstructed and not more obviously a path than heading to the right.
The architecture strikes me as foreign, but all the Jeeps would suggest otherwise (as well as knowing who the likely photographer is and where he likely shot it). It's kind of an odd juxtaposition in that it looks like a place where you'd expect activity, but there is none, and it being residential also wouldn't automatically mean activity. Probably it's that the buildings look ambiguous to me as to whether they're houses or bars/storefronts that don't open until later.
The beginning was a little rough. You name one character, but then a vague "they" soon after places at least one more there. Given that Morgan remains the only named one for some time, I have to presume the limited narration is in his perspective and that the direct thought is his. Unless you're being non-gender-specific in calling Morgan "they" (such are the dangers of ambiguous pronouns). I'm not even sure once you get to the bike, since you mention "they" dismounting; it could be two people on one bike.
That opening scene could stand to be more impactful. It immediately starts off saying that things look abandoned and wrong, and the rest of the scene gets descriptive of that without adding anything. The additional details don't paint a different picture than the first bit of description, and there's no escalation.
A few small editing things, like a missing word and a slip into present tense.
Okay, you lost me at the end. When you had Quinn reach for Morgan and even formatted it as if there was a twist going on, I kind of expected it to be that Morgan was one of the Others and would attack Quinn. But I have no idea what happened at the end, and for all the exposition Quinn dropped, I still don't have any context for what the Others are or why any of this is happening. So I liked the atmosphere, but I couldn't figure this one out.
That opening scene could stand to be more impactful. It immediately starts off saying that things look abandoned and wrong, and the rest of the scene gets descriptive of that without adding anything. The additional details don't paint a different picture than the first bit of description, and there's no escalation.
A few small editing things, like a missing word and a slip into present tense.
Okay, you lost me at the end. When you had Quinn reach for Morgan and even formatted it as if there was a twist going on, I kind of expected it to be that Morgan was one of the Others and would attack Quinn. But I have no idea what happened at the end, and for all the exposition Quinn dropped, I still don't have any context for what the Others are or why any of this is happening. So I liked the atmosphere, but I couldn't figure this one out.
Hm, I'm not having good luck here. I'm afraid I didn't understand this one either. I'm not sure what statistics have to do with the situation, as it seems to be a pretty binary occurrence. Things can leave or not depending on whether they're above a mass threshold, and some of the obvious things to try aren't mentioned, like if you watch a person walk away, can you still see them in the distance as they reappear behind you? It also just sets up a situation without doing anything with it, so I don't know what the ending means. I was trying to decide whether this would have been submitted before the pope's death so I'd know whether the mention of him was pointed in any way, but assuming either case, I can't find an additional meaning it gives the story, unless it's that they're resigned to divine intervention being the only way out. I just don't know what the message is here.
I like the atmosphere here, but I'm not convinced the narrator wouldn't have voluntarily gone through the door until now. He'd been trying it earlier, already knew he was in a dire situation, and nothing's been set up to say this creature couldn't have lied to him to entice him to enter, which disarms whatever rules or mechanism he apparently wants/needs to follow. It's hurting plausibility for me a bit as well in that he's been there for days, yet what he's doing to plug the holes doesn't sound like it'd work well, and at the end, the monsters suddenly get more effective at tearing the place apart in a way that I don't know why they couldn't before. Good idea, and the one entry where I could fully understand what was happening (and thus it has the strongest plot for me), but needs a little work as to how the logic of it hangs together.
On the road but will add some reviews...
This seems to be a very compact joke, too dry to be a shaggy dog story. In a short round like this one such things have a place, the minifics have no room for extra meat on their bones, but this one has no wider meaning beyond its punchline, so the whole story stands on how well that was received. I can acknowledge the clever setup but in the end I didn't laugh, so there's where we stand. 6.8 non-Euclidian points.
This seems to be a very compact joke, too dry to be a shaggy dog story. In a short round like this one such things have a place, the minifics have no room for extra meat on their bones, but this one has no wider meaning beyond its punchline, so the whole story stands on how well that was received. I can acknowledge the clever setup but in the end I didn't laugh, so there's where we stand. 6.8 non-Euclidian points.
Creepy otherworld exploration, but I am also somewhat bewildered by the end. Is the calamity that affected the parallel world about to strike here too? What have the Others to do with the Sun? Mysteries that are perhaps solvable, could one shift tab over to another draft. 4.7 And He Built A Crooked House points.
This seems like a tonal piece, standard 'zombies eating my house' with a touch of Spooky Door. One little bite of horror. 1.83 Narnia points.
>>Pascoite
Yeah, I struggled with the format/the wordcount limit. My draft was actually about 1500 words, and I had to cut about half the story, primarily from the beginning (which would have made the pace slower, and Morgan's situation and perspective clearer, I think). But also from toward-the-end; the conversation was slower, and there were a few more hints of worldbuilding. The very end was pretty much just vibes, though.
Yeah, I struggled with the format/the wordcount limit. My draft was actually about 1500 words, and I had to cut about half the story, primarily from the beginning (which would have made the pace slower, and Morgan's situation and perspective clearer, I think). But also from toward-the-end; the conversation was slower, and there were a few more hints of worldbuilding. The very end was pretty much just vibes, though.
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Thanks for the creepiness/weirdness points! And yeah, I was mostly just Weird-fiction vibing at the very end. I didn't have some specific cataclysm or apocalypse worldbuilding in mind. I can say that this was meant to be forward-then-backward time-travel, not a parallel world. Also, there's meant to be Something Weird about (as in concerning, not necessarily in, save for Morgan being in it) the town, and about Morgan, that drew the Others there and to the region, and from there to the country and the world. And that's why Quinn is especially surprised to find another human right here. For the Others, I had a vague sense of their being harbinger- and/or reaper-monsters, which either came from the Sun or were messing with the Sun.
Thanks for the creepiness/weirdness points! And yeah, I was mostly just Weird-fiction vibing at the very end. I didn't have some specific cataclysm or apocalypse worldbuilding in mind. I can say that this was meant to be forward-then-backward time-travel, not a parallel world. Also, there's meant to be Something Weird about (as in concerning, not necessarily in, save for Morgan being in it) the town, and about Morgan, that drew the Others there and to the region, and from there to the country and the world. And that's why Quinn is especially surprised to find another human right here. For the Others, I had a vague sense of their being harbinger- and/or reaper-monsters, which either came from the Sun or were messing with the Sun.
>>Pascoite
Thanks for the feedback! The point of the story is just to set up a fairly stupid joke, namely "what if all roads literally led to Rome?"
In retrospect, I think I bungled the punchline a bit: "Right now, all roads lead to Rome" would have better expressed the double meaning.
Wrote this after the Pope's death, but did not intend a reference thereto: the mention of the Vatican is just to set up the punchline by establishing that the characters are in Rome specifically.
The thing I had in mind with Pete's research was that he and his team were trying to figure out a physical process by which the phenomenon could be occurring. On reread, I don't think the dialogue lines up with that very well, for which I have no explanation but to say that I must have crossed some mental wires while writing.
Thanks for the feedback! The point of the story is just to set up a fairly stupid joke, namely "what if all roads literally led to Rome?"
In retrospect, I think I bungled the punchline a bit: "Right now, all roads lead to Rome" would have better expressed the double meaning.
Wrote this after the Pope's death, but did not intend a reference thereto: the mention of the Vatican is just to set up the punchline by establishing that the characters are in Rome specifically.
The thing I had in mind with Pete's research was that he and his team were trying to figure out a physical process by which the phenomenon could be occurring. On reread, I don't think the dialogue lines up with that very well, for which I have no explanation but to say that I must have crossed some mental wires while writing.
>>Pascoite
The Last Free Breath
Atmosphere was my main aim, as well as a literal door from which nothing emerged. It does stand in need of some tightening up, much as the protagonist's house... Thanks for the kind words and critique!
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Fake review! Haven't had occasion for one of these in a long time...
The Last Free Breath
Atmosphere was my main aim, as well as a literal door from which nothing emerged. It does stand in need of some tightening up, much as the protagonist's house... Thanks for the kind words and critique!
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Fake review! Haven't had occasion for one of these in a long time...
>>Pascoite
Paved with Intentions
Thanks for reviewing the art, Pascoite!
This is an old stairway on a hillside in Newton NJ, in a wooded pathway by a graveyard. The stairs and associated path were overtaken by time and it is no longer clear where they were supposed to go. I used to go and sit on them while taking a walk to stimulate my creativity.
Paved with Intentions
Thanks for reviewing the art, Pascoite!
This is an old stairway on a hillside in Newton NJ, in a wooded pathway by a graveyard. The stairs and associated path were overtaken by time and it is no longer clear where they were supposed to go. I used to go and sit on them while taking a walk to stimulate my creativity.
>>Pascoite
Empty Faces
These are some old facades in Cedar Key, FL. They likely have some historical or economical reason for not being demolished or restored, but their gloomy mood caught my eye and seemed to fit the story's mood of abandonment.
Empty Faces
These are some old facades in Cedar Key, FL. They likely have some historical or economical reason for not being demolished or restored, but their gloomy mood caught my eye and seemed to fit the story's mood of abandonment.