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Tomorrow the Sun Will Set · Original Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
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#1 ·
Household member got covid and we had to cancel all our plans for the weekend. Good time to stay inside and write, I suppose.
#2 · 1
I'm in.
#3 · 1
I’m sorry, this was written on the back of an envelope. I was caught into a chemistry experiment and almost forgot about this round. So please don’t be too harsh :)
Now going back to my filtration… :p
#4 · 1
· on Out, Out Brief Candle · >>GroaningGreyAgony
The nature of the message makes it sound like the aliens are already aware of humans, which makes me wonder if this is one of those plots where human life was seeded here long ago by another race.

The setup is good, but there's no payoff, though the reader is invited to suppose one. Maybe things will be all rosy when Earth gets there. To me, the last line sounds vaguely sinister, almost like this is a "To Serve Man" situation.

This is probably me, but the "chasing the message that arrived for us" put me in a mind of literal chasing, but then it'd be the other way around: us chasing a message we sent back, and depending on how hyperdrive works and whatever the communication technology is, possibly arriving before it and not having a chance to get their response first. Or getting it partway there and changing our minds mid-journey... And then it becomes unclear whether the last paragraph is the only response we got from them. I'd guess not, since another communication is mentioned where "we will leave the system to them." And does that mean we'll be gone without a use for it anymore, so they're coming to use it for their own purposes?

Either way, it's vague about whether this is a good thing or bad thing, which could be doable, except it's also vague about being vague—as I said, I don't know how to take that last line. I don't even get a sense of the speaker's attitude toward all this. He sounds so matter-of-fact, so I guess he's satisfied everything will go fine. He doesn't seem nervous or excited, though a case could be made for resigned acceptance.

Good atmosphere and details of the setting.
#5 · 1
· on Eviction
Odd to see both stories have so similar a plot.

This comes to a more definite conclusion, and one with a more likely bad outcome. Is this a case of everyone being evacuated or just a select few? For the bacteria to be able to traverse the space between planets, and to find a target so small, it makes me wonder if they've become intelligent. Especially in that case, they should realize that killing off their only food source is a bad move.

It's confusing the issue to bring up AI at all, as it's not relevant to the plot, and it seemed to me to imply that AI was somehow a factor in how the bacteria came about. For that matter, how are bacteria so easily winning the evolution game with nothing else evolving a way to counter them, especially with humans having enough technology to accomplish large-scale interplanetary, if not interstellar, travel?

It's going to be hard to vote this time. It's clearer what the stakes are in this story, but the other feels like it's got more of the big picture.
#6 ·
· on Out, Out Brief Candle · >>Pascoite
Out, Out Brief Candle

Thanks for the kind words! I admit this one is a bit obscure. The heart of it was a visualization, a sort of internal music video, that I developed long ago while listening to Life in a Northern Town. The sense of isolation from the song combined with the hopeful dynamic flow led me to imagining a project by which the Earth-Luna system might become an enormous spacecraft sailing off through the universe. For the story I added a few bare details to roughly pin the project to the background and set it all in motion towards some ambiguous goal; my little mental movie never had the planet reaching any destination but instead breaching the boundaries of the cosmos and sailing off to some glorious infinity, independent and proud. Not sure what to do with it from here, but thank you very much for reading!
#7 ·
· on Out, Out Brief Candle
I love that song! The video to it always struck me as weird until I concluded that some of it was filmed in the UK and some in the US, though I'm not sure that makes sense for the song's story. Dream Academy, one of the better one-hit wonders.