>>Cyrano
Thank you so much. Feel free to use my painting! It was made for the story.
My Deviantart is https://malawichild.deviantart.com

>>teacorgi
>>Filler
>>CoffeeMinion

Thanks so much for the feedback.
Proportions are the bane of my existence.. I really need to work on them!

It feels good to be back in 'draw-off' again

>>PaulAsaran
>>Zaid Val'Roa
>>GroaningGreyAgony
>>Icenrose
>>MLPmatthewl419

I apologize for my long overdue response!

Thank you all so much for your feedback. I do wish I had spent a little more time on this piece to just to neaten everything up a little and work on proportions.

Things I need to invest in right now: A scanner (so I'm not taking pictures of these on my phone,) and better time management.

I do always find it challenging to create a piece based off of someone else's writing, without being able to do it collaboratively with them. I want to be able to bring their vision to reality, rather than my interpretation of it.

I really appreciate hearing all of your critiques and opinions! It helps make me a better artist :)

>>Zaid Val'Roa
>>Monokeras
>>Miller Minus
>>Fenton
>>Pascoite

Honestly, I am just really excited that I didn't come dead last.
Thank you all so much for your feedback and critiques. Just being able to go back after reading all of your input really gave me a lot of clarity, and I feel like I learned a lot.
Additionally, I definitely did not have enough time to proofread this as carefully as I wanted to, and I totally agree that the ending was unnecessary and a little cringey.

Am I going to have to write this round?! It's really not advisable but I suppose I can try?...

Edit: An attempt was at least made but I couldn't make the deadline >_< Oh well! This means I get to spend all day reading ... :)

I will try not to reiterate too much what others have said.

I feel as if the pacing was a little bit off. The beginning seemed drawn out, leading to a rather abrupt end. There were a few moments where Luna slipped into a more casual way of speaking which were noticeable but not painfully so, and didn't take me out of the story.

I did like the ending, however. While it was a little rushed and awkward I did get a sense of something from the ending. You can try to be supportive and caring, but in the end you can't change people. They have to be willing to change themselves.

>>Trick_Question
Twilight snuggling Rarity came totally out of left field and it never developed further. That isn't normal behavior for women, and it seems clear you weren't trying to ship them.

I think this could easily be seen as Twi expressing friendly affection. Someone who has a more difficult time articulating their feelings would instead rely on forms of physical contact to convey them.


Overall, I really liked it. I see a lot potential in the story and I think if you are able to set aside some more time for your writing (I know it's easier said than done) you can do really well.