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Winner of the WriteOff Worst Writer aWard
#26577 ·
· on AMTO
>>Pascoite
I just realised I didn't explain it. Advanced Military Training and Operations.
#26576 · 1
· on Put Out of Mind · >>GroaningGreyAgony
Much like Pasco, I first thought this was about someone turning back home in Pompeii after the Vesuvius eruption, salt statues of Sodom and Gomorrah, or a story of the same ilk. Late into the story I suddenly realised this was not space, but time, and the guy is exploring the land of his memories where past experiences are sort of frozen and represented by statues. I’m not sure what the small figures represent, though. Kids? Or maybe characters in a novel or writing of sorts.

The problem for me is that the arc is too vague. Or too little is said to help the reader home in on what the context is. We don’t know where the protagonist comes from, neither what he intends to do that needs pausing and fishing up strength and inspiration from his past. As Pasco puts its, it’s atmospheric, but too airy in the end.
#26575 ·
· on Above the Flames
Probably something to do with the Medici, I suppose. Florence was known during the Middle Ages to witness bloody feuds between ruling families. Wasn't Machiavelli at the service of some Tuscany family?

That being said, much like Pasco, I’m failing to see what the plot is, and it reads as too-short an except from a larger story. Also the scene largely feels disconnected from the background in a way.
#26500 ·
·
Ooh three fics!
#26410 · 1
·
I’m sorry, this was written on the back of an envelope. I was caught into a chemistry experiment and almost forgot about this round. So please don’t be too harsh :)
Now going back to my filtration… :p
#26387 · 1
·
Completely winged. Whipped up in less than an hour. I apologise for that shoddy stuff.
#26352 ·
· on Cultivate Your Gardens
It’s an interesting slice of life. I don’t really think that multiverse theory is actually true, but there would be an infinite number of them, and, as you know, nature doesn’t like infinites.

It never happened to me, to be frank. Sometimes I have escaped a bad situation by the skin of my teeth, but I just seem to move on and leave the ghosts behind. Must be my rationalism. They don’t stick to me as they do to other people. I shake them off.

>>Pascoite
Did you see the movie called ‘Get out!’? It begins exactly like that.
#26349 ·
·
Lol, guessing won’t be too difficult this round! ;)
#26329 · 1
· on Flickering Flames Escaping Marble Halls
least it grow too large. You want lest, not least. There are a couple of other typos here and there, too. Nothing very egregious, but it definitely needs polishing.

Interesting that we have two entries about Sunset Shimmer this round. This one obviously takes place after its peer. It’s not badly written but the stylistic choices (stream of consciousness) as well as the layout combine to render the text quite stodgy.

I'd say my main gripe is that we’re not really explained the reason of her act. We know she has desire of greatness, but with what you write, albeit we infer that her ambition has somehow been curbed by Celestia, we don’t really know the true motive for her escape. Even the vision in the mirror is just a sketch, and we don’t really understand why she got lured.

In brief, it is a bit rushed and incomplete. I would like it to be expanded, but you’ll probably only succeed in having people telling you it’s just a mere rewriting of something we are already all acquainted with… :/
#26324 · 1
· on A Shot in the Dork · >>GroaningGreyAgony
This is hilariously good. It’s spot on the kind of zany crazy absurd slapstick humour I dote on. Of course, I had myself mulled over something related to alcohol, given the prompt, but didn't come up with anything usable. I’m glad I finally turned to another pathway, because it probably wouldn't have held its own against your fic anyway.

Good coinage with the ‘Polychromatic Aviator’, but I don’t get the final ‘croon ye’. Also, I like your Luna in the last paragraph. 100% matches my own model of her. Also, nice quoting of esters as aromatic components, but don’t forget about aldehydes (almond, benzaldehyde), ketones (raspberries) and, yes, even other alcohols (menthol, eucalyptol…). Not to mention terpenes. Anyways, I’m fussing about details. Your fault, chemistry is my cup of tea recently.

That being said, the text is still a bit rough in several places, such as ‘inquired’ used maybe out of place, ‘flumphed’, ‘mustache’, etc. I’m not a big fan of ‘port for teleport, but I can get over that easily.

Overall, this is a blast to read, and goes directly atop my (mini-)slate. Thanks for writing!

Edit: also what is ‘salzbier’? 'Salted beer’ in German, but that doesn’t sound very appealing.
#26323 · 2
· on Megan Williams · >>Heavy_Mole
Ha. This one is fun. There are some debatable stylistic choices, such as the use of some unusual words, but it’s overall a nice piece. Maybe I would’ve opted for a different narrator PoV, something like a dairy of sorts. My biggest gripe is the obvious lack of conclusion. What does she decide to do at the end? Go back to the normal world, or stay in Equestria until the end?

Now I don’t know Megan enough to decide whether this sounds realistic or not. But I’d be interested in having her opinion.

[EDIT] Oh and by the way, is that final device something like an iPad? Because, you know, big MacIntosh AppleJack hardware, etc. :p
#26321 · 2
·
Ok, it’s in. GGA will be happy.
#26319 ·
· on Trouble Brewing
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Try citric or sulphamic acids.
They’re both used in the standard descaling packs you find at your regular hardware store.
#26316 ·
· · >>GroaningGreyAgony
JC, is there only one day to write?
#26314 ·
· on Trouble Brewing · >>GroaningGreyAgony
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Please next time use something else than vinegar. It leaves a horrible taste behind!
Do not try concentrated sulphuric acid, unless you want to dispose of it :p
#26312 · 2
· on Kick the Bullet
>>Pascoite
>>Heavy_Mole

Thanks a bunch for your comments and appreciation ! ♡

I had several ideas for this prompt, amongst which the chemical solution I already mentioned somewhere, but none of those would gel except the ‘reverse causality’ aspect. Besides, I had much to do at the weekend so I had to cobble those few words together quite quickly.

I thought the idea of a potential murderer talking theoretical physics with their victim before killing them would potentially elicit a sort of comical effect, but, unless you overlooked it in your respective reviews, that turned out to be a dud.

In any case, the Janus model exposed here is derived from the works of the French astrophysicist Jean-Pierre Petit, which has over the years become a Pariah first because of his unorthodox theory, and second for his (wild) belief in the Ummo conspiracy, info about which you can find here

Turning back to Janus model, the idea is that the Big-Bang created two universes instead of one, both of which are — as exposed in the text – sort of glued one to the other like two sides of a sheet are. Our universe is composed of matter only, while all the antimatter created in the original blast has been collected on the other side.

Both sides are submitted to the same gravitational law, i.e. the Einstein equation, resulting in the exact metaphor I used: if you suppose that matter (or antimatter) creates wells in the space-time fabric, then these wells will appear as knolls on the other side, and will ‘repel’ matter rather than attract it. So to be more precise, gravitation is always attractive between particles located on the same side (be they matter or antimatter) and negative between particles located on the opposite sides. This model claims to explain the shape of spiral galaxies, the distribution of matter at cosmic scale, and the acceleration of the expansion as recently observed. Whereas the current accepted ‘dogma’ has to recourse to highly speculative notions such as ‘dark energy’ or ‘dark matter’ to explain these phenomena, none of which has been observed or confirmed so far.

I don’t pretend Jean-Pierre Petit speaks the truth, just that the idea is interesting enough to warrant further study (much like the Alcubierre metric for faster-than-light™ travel), a position which the current scientific community is apparently not willing to share. That same community, however, has devoted the recent decades to the exploration of a crazy theory (Strings) which, in the end, is current abandoned because of its inability to produce any meaningful answer (as well as being unscientific according to Popper's accepted criteria).

For the rest of the story, I was sort of inspired by my childhood watching of the now iconic series ‘The Wild Wild West’, that you may have heard about.

I’ll be back to comment on Heavy's story. Thanks again so much for your love and dedication! ♡
#26307 · 1
· on Our Charter
Sorry I’m a bit late but will comment on the story before the end of the weekend
#26305 · 1
· on Trouble Brewing · >>GroaningGreyAgony
I like this one because I’m quite fond of home repair. That’s typically the kind of thing I could do at a weekend.

To be really nitpicky, I don’t see the point of disassembling the machine to descale it. Filling the reservoir with acidic water and starting a ‘dry’ run would do the trick. After all, that’s how most coffee machines are descaled. Your protagonist has a fondness for overkill. Also using vinegar to descale coffee machines is a very bad idea. It leaves a horrible taste even after a few rinses. Better use a tasteless acid, like citric or sulphamic acid.

I also had the idea to treat ‘solution’ in the prompt as a chemistry term. But I couldn't really derive anything useful from it except maybe some criminal trying to get rid of a corpse by dissolving it in lye, and flushing everything. But that wasn't really able to fit into 750 mL… oops words, sorry.
#26304 ·
· on Trouble Brewing
>>Pascoite
Please neither of those! :)
Isn’t there a third, more pleasant, option?

In any case, I’m going to join you in reviewing the stories today. Thanks for your staunch commitment all over these years.
#26300 ·
· on Trouble Brewing · >>Pascoite
>>Pascoite
Pasco you’re my personal hero.
#26296 · 1
·
I have a hectic weekend ahead, but I’ll do my best to take part.
#26279 ·
·
Oh God I should write something, but I’ve not the slightest idea about it, and now it’s too late.
#26276 ·
·
>>GroaningGreyAgony
I can’t wait to discover your art.
#26274 · 2
· · >>GroaningGreyAgony
Darn, my prompt won.
I will have to write something, then. Morally obliged
#26272 · 1
· on F For Fantastical
>>Pascoite

Hi Pasco.

My apologies. I didn’t know (or, rather, notice) that you had no interest in the FiM rounds any more. Fair enough, I mainly use them as an extra opportunity to write.

I didn’t know you were roving on Discord either, I’d be chuffed to bits if we could chat from time to time over there.

Take care, and thanks for your answer!
Paging WIP