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Winner of the WriteOff Worst Writer aWard
Joined on
#20342 ·
· on The Burning
>>No_Raisin
💙
#20326 · 1
· on Rebirth
>>PinoyPony
Nah, this fully deserved its place in the finals. You’re adorable, and I’m really beholden to you for what you say, but it was fair. And don’t worry, I’ll get over it.

Or not. :P

#20311 ·
· on The Burning · >>No_Raisin
>>Cold in Gardez
But seriously, why would you burn a body for fuel?

I get behind Cold on that. I agree that might not be very efficient. You have first to evaporate all the water, and, IIRC, body is about 70 to 80% water. Take out bones, which are ininflammable, from the dry corpse, and you’re left with very little to warm you with.

IMO, you'd spend more calories boiling the water out of the body than you would get from the burning of the then dried-up remains. Clearly, you have a point here, Cold.
#20291 ·
·
>>Pascoite
I meant last line of my post-mortem recap'!
#20288 · 2
· · >>Pascoite
Good luck to the finalists!

“That”
>>No_Raisin
>>WritingSpirit
>>Bachiavellian
I wanted to write a story about climate change.
Thanks for the praise guys, but apparently the silent majority hated it. Also see last line.

Epide(r)mic
>>Anon Y Mous
>>Miller Minus
>>No_Raisin
>>Baal Bunny
>>AndrewRogue

Must really have shit in the eyes to let so many typos creep in. I’m interested in knowing what was wrong with the words, so that I may use them appropriately in the future. Not being a native sometimes shows egregiously.

I wanted here to slip in an invisible PoV change: at first, the narrator suggests the monsters come after his blood, and when he becomes one, the monsters switch sides but they’re still after his blood. I hope I could build on this, but obviously the format was too short and I sorely lack the necessary talent to write that sort of plot anyway.

Finally, I’m sorry Raisin, but since neither stories made it, I’ll axe both of them. I appreciate you plea, though. But the cleaver has fallen: rm -f *
#20235 ·
· on United Violence and Crime Organization
>>GroaningGreyAgony
>>Bachiavellian
>>Miller Minus
Uh, thanks for commenting. This drawing was hacked in ten minutes, so fast I didn't even notice that I'd used orange instead of red. Hark hark.

Probably deserved last place. I feel sorry for Baal.
#20190 ·
· on California Just Legalized Supervillainy. It May Be A Good Idea.
Well, I will be somewhat forthright and blunt. I don’t give a shit about superheroes, so that was just a nonsensical, boring rambling all the way. Don’t take that personally, author. You write well, your grammar is correct and you’re skilled. It’s just that you picked up a theme that doesn’t resonate with me in the slightest. It could be a masterpiece of modern prose, it would leave me unconcerned anyway.

I would like to abstain, but I can’t, having already done so on the two poems I was foisted. So, well, this won’t land very high, but not bottom slate either.
#20189 ·
· on The Chromovore
First off, the title manages to rub me the wrong way. I explain: chromo- is a Greek prefix/name. -vore is a Latin suffix/name. You just can’t glue them together and get away with murder. Either you want *chromophage, which is all Greek, or *colorvore, which is all Latin. But *colorphage or *chromovore are bad neologisms.

Chromophage is swanky, though.

Anyways. The story is pretty drab, eh. I mean, it’s in the same vein as The Beast, a very literal and straightforward way to write about the picture you used as inspiration. The takeaway is a very classical one: don’t give up to {despair, evil, hate}, if you stand fast and draw on the power of {hope, good, love}, you’ll win.

Besides, the theory that transpires here, namely that colors are figments of our imagination, is not true. I mean, it is true that the harsh reality is light wavelength. But color is a perception. As all perceptions, it takes places inside the brain, and can sometimes be the result of internal stimulation, like when you dream your eyes are closed yet you see images. That doesn’t make it a figment: color exists as a stimulus, insomuch as a stimulus is a flow of neurotransmitters hopping from axones to dendrites via synapses in your brain. It’s a very real phenomenon. Sever the visual cortex from someone's brain, and there’s a good chance that every sensation of color will be gone, despite imagination still working.

Now I agree that this process takes places at a non-verbal level, whereby it would remain unchanged even if we called red green and green blue, etc.

* The (*) before a word is a sign conventionally used by linguists to tag words that are not attested, be they fancy formations or simply because they existed in a langage that was not written, like Gaulish or Indo-European, for example.
#20188 ·
· on Lecture: A World Without Dentists
This is so close to Those Purple Days, by Lord Fotheringay-Phipps. About the same sort of humo(u)r.
I should rank them the same, but since I can’t, I will have to draw lots to know which one gets on top of the other.

I think it could be Cassius's, but just out of the remark on French people. But it isn't because there are small typos Cassius prolly wouldn't make, we all know how fussy he is about misplaced quotes and other punctuation incorrectnesses.

Also, I wonder what Quill would think of this.

Also, we never know why the dentists decided to kill themselves. Tooth times. :/
#20187 ·
· on Confusion Fusion
Yeah, I mean, I pretty agree with what was said above. It’s hardly funny. I mean, it’s not badly written, but the reveal is pretty much lame. Colorblindness is tested for in about all the jobs that deal with colors. Don’t try to be a train engineer if you’re colorblind, for example. No dice. I wonder if you can be a pilot, btw, irrespective of what your visual acuity/sharpness is.

I’m not sure what colorblindness you depict, btw, but blue/yellow conflation is pretty rare. Guy basically seem to see only one color (Achromatopsia) which is even rarer.

In any case, all the fic is built around the twist, but the twist itself is far from punchy, that’s why it comes across as wishy-washy.
#20184 · 1
· on Sibling Ribaldry · >>WritingSpirit
WORTHLESS REVIEWS (THE CONTINUATION THEREOF)

I could dispute what >>Cassius wrote. Cassius claims that the line “Not if I fuck you first!” suggests something had been going between the two siblings. The middle paragraph where the author explains how the brother's been deliberately severing their relation for years doesn’t seem to go this way, though. Also this could refer to their (alluded to) petty thefts. This is debatable.

Hmm… Anyways, as usual with such stories, the message delivered here is pretty strong. The real question is whether the whole scene is plausible or not, or, in other terms, if you really tried hard to put yourself in your protagonists' shoes or just pulled off a cliché. My answer is: I don’t know, but I would rather lend on the “half cliché” side.

However, what really ruins it to me is the last line. I know you had to find a clincher but the one you choose definitely doesn’t fit. I can’t really tell you why, but, as you said, this has to be a cathartic experience. Suggesting it can be done twice means it doesn’t fit the bill. It’s like it recasts the whole deed in a different context. I can’t be more precise, but there’s something definitely off there.

So, yeah, that’s that. Good effort, but needs slight refinement to be yet more effective.
#20181 ·
· on Those Purple Days, by Lord Fotheringay-Phipps
Well it’s zany and absurd, but I’d say not sany or absurd enough. I’m not exactly sure why and how, but fact is after the first smile, it reads more like a mishmash of disjointed facts than a whole. You lost my attention quite quickly.

Maybe the form you choose, an impersonal narrative, doesn’t help to connect.

To use another metaphor, it’s like you had an idea for a broth, put a lot of ingredients inside, but the result is not as savo(u)ry as you had wished it to be. Comes out as a pile up of different flavo(u)rs instead of a nice blending together.

So, well – can’t really say where this will land on my slate. If I could, I would abstain, but I already used my two slots for poetry. So… We’ll see, I guess.
#20170 ·
· on The Beast of Luscioucr
Overall, that’s not bad, and I agree with what >>No_Raisin says here about the initial description of the village, which is pretty nice.

The story, however, is too on the nose for me. I mean, you took that picture and bolstered your story on it in such an obvious way that when I arrived half-way through it, I had the picture right in front of me and couldn't get rid of it.

Cassius asks if this is bad. I mean, it’s not bad per se. Somehow it bugged me. Maybe because this is too straight an interpretation, so straight that I find it devoid of originality? I was expecting more subtlety, maybe. I’m not sure.

Sorry, author.

(Yeah #100, last message of the first page!)
#20169 · 1
· on All I'm Saying Is, It Could Work · >>Samey90
Well, first, paving a room with smooth concrete sounds a bit odd to my ears. "Paved" evokes cobbles, not concrete. Layered? Covered? Coated? W/e, anyway who cares?

The dialogue feels like talking heads, because nothing really much happens aside from it. Also, please, avoid Equestria in OF rounds. It’s like you can’t get rid of your pony plushie when getting out in the real world.

Otherwise… It’s pretty linear and one-track. I mean, we know pretty much from the start they’ll be stupid enough to push the button, because otherwise the end would be quite bland, wouldn't it?

So, yeah, there’s some good lines in this, but it’s not super peachy either.

PS: Cassius had to explain me the video game references that I obviously didn't get. Let it be repeated here that you’re not supposed to write for a clique or a happy-few. If you put “dog-whistle” like sentences in your fic, that’s bad. Subsequently demoted the ranking by a few notches to account for this :/
#20167 ·
· on AB: Arrogance Broadcasting
This is meh. Bachi says the characters are strongly voiced, which may be true, but frankly, I don’t care. They don’t act or interact in a meaningful way, or at least in a way that caught my attention. I skimmed through this and really I can’t even say what it was written for or what the takeaway is. It seems to me it’s been written only for the sake of fitting into one of the pictures.

Sorry author, but this left me really unconcerned.
#20143 ·
· on A Chromaday Carol · >>Baal Bunny
>>Samey90
In all fairness, I could probably detect bad poetry easily. But, to give all poetry a fair shake, I prefer to abstain on all poems, rather than upbraid the bad ones and abstain on the good.
#20133 ·
· on A Chromaday Carol · >>Samey90
Same as the Dragon entry → ABSTAIN.
#20132 ·
· on Poems About Dragons
I don’t rank poetry → ABSTAIN.
#20131 ·
· on A Nice Walk at Night
WORTHLESS REVIEWS (#5 IN THE SERIES)
READ ONLY IF YOU HAVE TIME TO KILL, AND MAYBE NOT EVEN THEN

Cassius thinks this is about the actual murderer, but I’m sure it’s just about what the fic' pretends to be: John Doe walking in the street and falling prey to a murderous impulse lit up by the sudden memory of a criminal being on the lam, and wondering what how it would feel to be in his (her?) shoes. Experience that moment of power you might feel when you kill someone else, not much unlike what (I imagine) happens with your first smoke or shot, just to try out and experience what the others do.

So it’s an interesting psychological portrait, and it’s fairly well written, except the lead is totally pointless to me, and ruins the hook. First, where are we? Portland, OR or Portland, MA? Cassius keeps claiming no one gives a fuck about Portland, MA, I insist that that city has a right to exist besides being a simple placeholder for "Maine's capital city". The decor (night, rain) is pretty much caricatural. And, frankly, we don’t really care where this takes place. Don’t lose words to describe a decor if you don’t build on it afterwards. Here, the most important thing is what the guy sees and what happens inside his head. You should have begun there like: “She was, what? Nineteen, twenty? and I was following her along the gloomy street.”
#20130 · 1
· on The Burning · >>No_Raisin
WORTHLESS REVIEWS (#4 IN THE SERIES)
READ ONLY IF YOU HAVE TIME TO KILL, AND MAYBE NOT EVEN THEN

Okay.

First of all, I acknowledge the writing is good, but I fail to see why Andrew pushed it from "good" to "sublime". Blame my lack of English expertise, maybe. After all, you can’t expect an uncouth yokel like me to praise Leonardo's paintings or Shakespeare’s plays, right?

In any case, I debated a long time with Cassius over this one, especially about the takeaway. And while we almost concur – not that the message was so hard to dredge up – here also I’m just about lukewarm about it. The gist of it, if I follow Cassius’s path, is "savagery wipes out all civilization" or "savagery brings about more savagery", which somehow clicks in with the prompt. Yet, I think this is both a very somber and quite biased way of seeing things. The best counterexample being how our species managed to rise from the mud. This might be the case in isolated spots, but even in a post-apocalyptic, totally destitute society, I think there would be people eager to recover what little knowledge had survived.

Besides, I found that message a mite trite.

I’m going to be stoned for this – let me pick up my armor – but I think this will land in the middle of my slate. It’s not bad, but I can’t really say I was enthused. But don’t worry, author: true English speakers will rank it much higher than I do. :)
#20102 · 1
· on Too Pure by Half
Ahem. I’m not really into fantasy these days. But, even though, the story is quite bland. I mean, there’s no real plot or real stake. It just a mi-stake (rimshot!), and we’re done. You could’ve used the extra words to give a sort of background or some other information about the characters. As it is now, I don’t really see why I should care or get invested in both of them, unfortunately.
#20100 · 1
· on Colourless Blues · >>WritingSpirit
This one reminds me a lot of The Sixth Sense. I don’t know what to think. I don’t really understand if the girl is living or dead, or what happens to her. There seems to be two different arcs interwoven: the “medium” boy and his friend who’s doomed to grow up, but I can’t really tell how they relate. It’s muddled.

Overall, it’s not bad, and I appreciate the gloomy atmosphere. But it’s really too confused for me. Don’t take it personally: I’m a dope.
#20097 · 1
· on The Coyote of Roseview Park · >>Miller Minus
Well, well.
Never trust a mangy canine.

It’d say this one is pretty much average. Not bad, mind you, but not riveting either. The first part, when you try to tell us why Casey foundit necessary to go after the coyote feels superfluous to me, at least. I mean, we don’t reall care much. We care about what happens to her.

And then, the story is – I mean it’s okay. We get an early feeling that something will go awry, and it does. No surprise here, that’s why I say it’s not particularly imaginative.

Middle slate, I’d say, but all will depend on how the other stories fare.
#20071 · 2
· · >>Rao >>Hagdal Hohensalza >>Anon Y Mous
What?
A WriteOff during Thanksgiving's week?
Is this doomed to bomb?
#19775 ·
·
>>Pascoite
I didn't. Promised.

What, no BCIV?
Paging WIP