Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Flickering Flames Escaping Marble Halls
She could never go back to the streets. No never. She's too good for that. She's too powerful now. Never again, but she had to do something.
Her heart pounds in her chest from her latest, her thoughts stutter, and last audiance with her mentor ... ex-mentor now. She falters, as their relationship always felt like it could've been more, but it seems those feelings were only ever one-sided. A flickering flame burning against a marble heart.
She remembers the vison of greatness shown in the mirror and the building tension with her mentor, wondering when would she just be good enough to see it realized. Until it all came to a head with the recent moment burned into her mind. A white goddess towering firm and a defiant flame to be battered aside least it grow too large. The only one she ever looked up to now nothing, dashed by the hope of her destiny that she too could stand tall besides her only guiding light till the stars dim. Now without her guidance what is she without her? Another tear falls at the heated memory of her dreams crushed under the weight of the sun. Eyes shut tight, burning anger at her own weakness. How can it hurt so much?
Sparks burn at her horn, emotions begging for action. A deep breath, and she forces her mana down and coaxes it into a semi-stable state.
No! She earned her place for harmony's sake. For she is the most powerful unicorn in generations. Turtored by the sun herself. A passionate spitfire and a cunning spellsmith. A mana pool only rivled by the sun, powerful magics, and complex spells to bear, hardly any could stand against her. No one has the right to deny her her greatness. She was Sunset Shimmer afterall, and she would blaze her path to the greatness that was undoubtedly waiting.
Pity party aside, safe in her room, for now, her eyes dart around her things while trying to keep the memories at bay. She must focus on the now and messily throws her most precious effects together. Her eyes stop her frantic searching and land on a once cherished faux leather book on her dresser. A bit lip and a quick swipe, its thrown in her bag despite its heavy weight, too rushed for regrets now.
So she runs, fueled by anger and desperation, cursing with each clop of her hooves on the marble floors. Then, cursing the adrenaline, her horn lets out a patterned burst, silencing the echoing noise.
With her destiny at stake, she can't think of any other path. The mirror consumes her thoughts with echos of greatness, and she knows it's her only shot at escaping from Celestia's infulence.
After spending so long agonizing over the mirror's vision and how to make it return or give any other sights, she memorized every inch of its physical and enchanted properties. It holds many mysteries and facits but she knows for sure that it's keyed to the cycles of the moon and that it's going to be near its climax tonight, and she needs answers.
She runs through the halls, slowing down and keeping a confident face when she has to pass a few maids. Through the winding and criss-crossing passageways, she comes to a quiet and almost dusty wing of the castle. The magical lock is familiar now after so many visits, and she opens and closes it with ease and without a trace.
There lies her last hope, and it shines brighter than she's ever seen before, with a magical aura bursting with a thousand colors behind it. Though to her disappointment her refection, neigh nothing shows in the mirror. Her aurasence however, is going crazy next to it, shining brighter than ever. So she cautiously puts a hoof to it in examination to find it shimmering like the surface of a pond.
Her destiny lies in wait; surely the mirror is ushering her on, so with no other leads, she steels her heart and, with a fire in her eyes, steps inside to her only hope towards greatness.
Her heart pounds in her chest from her latest, her thoughts stutter, and last audiance with her mentor ... ex-mentor now. She falters, as their relationship always felt like it could've been more, but it seems those feelings were only ever one-sided. A flickering flame burning against a marble heart.
She remembers the vison of greatness shown in the mirror and the building tension with her mentor, wondering when would she just be good enough to see it realized. Until it all came to a head with the recent moment burned into her mind. A white goddess towering firm and a defiant flame to be battered aside least it grow too large. The only one she ever looked up to now nothing, dashed by the hope of her destiny that she too could stand tall besides her only guiding light till the stars dim. Now without her guidance what is she without her? Another tear falls at the heated memory of her dreams crushed under the weight of the sun. Eyes shut tight, burning anger at her own weakness. How can it hurt so much?
Sparks burn at her horn, emotions begging for action. A deep breath, and she forces her mana down and coaxes it into a semi-stable state.
No! She earned her place for harmony's sake. For she is the most powerful unicorn in generations. Turtored by the sun herself. A passionate spitfire and a cunning spellsmith. A mana pool only rivled by the sun, powerful magics, and complex spells to bear, hardly any could stand against her. No one has the right to deny her her greatness. She was Sunset Shimmer afterall, and she would blaze her path to the greatness that was undoubtedly waiting.
Pity party aside, safe in her room, for now, her eyes dart around her things while trying to keep the memories at bay. She must focus on the now and messily throws her most precious effects together. Her eyes stop her frantic searching and land on a once cherished faux leather book on her dresser. A bit lip and a quick swipe, its thrown in her bag despite its heavy weight, too rushed for regrets now.
So she runs, fueled by anger and desperation, cursing with each clop of her hooves on the marble floors. Then, cursing the adrenaline, her horn lets out a patterned burst, silencing the echoing noise.
With her destiny at stake, she can't think of any other path. The mirror consumes her thoughts with echos of greatness, and she knows it's her only shot at escaping from Celestia's infulence.
After spending so long agonizing over the mirror's vision and how to make it return or give any other sights, she memorized every inch of its physical and enchanted properties. It holds many mysteries and facits but she knows for sure that it's keyed to the cycles of the moon and that it's going to be near its climax tonight, and she needs answers.
She runs through the halls, slowing down and keeping a confident face when she has to pass a few maids. Through the winding and criss-crossing passageways, she comes to a quiet and almost dusty wing of the castle. The magical lock is familiar now after so many visits, and she opens and closes it with ease and without a trace.
There lies her last hope, and it shines brighter than she's ever seen before, with a magical aura bursting with a thousand colors behind it. Though to her disappointment her refection, neigh nothing shows in the mirror. Her aurasence however, is going crazy next to it, shining brighter than ever. So she cautiously puts a hoof to it in examination to find it shimmering like the surface of a pond.
Her destiny lies in wait; surely the mirror is ushering her on, so with no other leads, she steels her heart and, with a fire in her eyes, steps inside to her only hope towards greatness.
→ least it grow too large. You want lest, not least. There are a couple of other typos here and there, too. Nothing very egregious, but it definitely needs polishing.
Interesting that we have two entries about Sunset Shimmer this round. This one obviously takes place after its peer. It’s not badly written but the stylistic choices (stream of consciousness) as well as the layout combine to render the text quite stodgy.
I'd say my main gripe is that we’re not really explained the reason of her act. We know she has desire of greatness, but with what you write, albeit we infer that her ambition has somehow been curbed by Celestia, we don’t really know the true motive for her escape. Even the vision in the mirror is just a sketch, and we don’t really understand why she got lured.
In brief, it is a bit rushed and incomplete. I would like it to be expanded, but you’ll probably only succeed in having people telling you it’s just a mere rewriting of something we are already all acquainted with… :/
Interesting that we have two entries about Sunset Shimmer this round. This one obviously takes place after its peer. It’s not badly written but the stylistic choices (stream of consciousness) as well as the layout combine to render the text quite stodgy.
I'd say my main gripe is that we’re not really explained the reason of her act. We know she has desire of greatness, but with what you write, albeit we infer that her ambition has somehow been curbed by Celestia, we don’t really know the true motive for her escape. Even the vision in the mirror is just a sketch, and we don’t really understand why she got lured.
In brief, it is a bit rushed and incomplete. I would like it to be expanded, but you’ll probably only succeed in having people telling you it’s just a mere rewriting of something we are already all acquainted with… :/
Sunset is wavering between spurned self-doubt and manufactured bravado. Then, there is the chaotic element of stepping across the interdimensional mirror. That could be good for a story, but here what we get is a description of a scene which most of your readers are probably already familiar with. Take these things that interest you about Sunset and find a way to turn it into action.