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Goes to work, writes boring technical stuff. Comes home, writes interesting pone stuff. Wishes he'd quit video games so he could also write original stuff.
>>Meridian_Prime >>Miller Minus >>Light_Striker >>scifipony >>Posh >>CoffeeMinion
I must confess, I wrote this for only two reasons. First, to finally be able to say I entered a Writeoff again. Second, to practice my dialogue. Nope, that's it. All I wanted. And, given the general response, I think I nailed it on both counts. The fact the story didn't do so well this Writeoff is of no consequence, because everyone seems to agree that the one area I cared about did well. That being said...
This was the third idea I had when I saw the prompt, but all my ideas stemmed from one source. That source was Pinkie popping up in a mirror and saying "And you were doing so well." One must ask: how did she do that? Obviously, nobody questions Pinkie Pie. But for this story, I operated under the idea that as a filly she accidentally slipped into a 'mirror realm' where a poor, unfortunate soul (so sad, so true) was trapped but able to open portals throughout the world via mirrors, thus providing its only friend the method.
Was this vague? Absolutely, and I certainly could have done a better job of translating my intentions. Perhaps when/if I transfer this to FIMFiction I'll expand upon it a little. I fully acknowledge all the problems pointed out and am knocking myself upside the head for missing them, because they're pretty obvious.
Still, I am happy with this, because it achieved my primary goals. My thanks to those who commented and congratulations to the winners! And a good luck to the artists, too.
I must confess, I wrote this for only two reasons. First, to finally be able to say I entered a Writeoff again. Second, to practice my dialogue. Nope, that's it. All I wanted. And, given the general response, I think I nailed it on both counts. The fact the story didn't do so well this Writeoff is of no consequence, because everyone seems to agree that the one area I cared about did well. That being said...
This was the third idea I had when I saw the prompt, but all my ideas stemmed from one source. That source was Pinkie popping up in a mirror and saying "And you were doing so well." One must ask: how did she do that? Obviously, nobody questions Pinkie Pie. But for this story, I operated under the idea that as a filly she accidentally slipped into a 'mirror realm' where a poor, unfortunate soul (so sad, so true) was trapped but able to open portals throughout the world via mirrors, thus providing its only friend the method.
Was this vague? Absolutely, and I certainly could have done a better job of translating my intentions. Perhaps when/if I transfer this to FIMFiction I'll expand upon it a little. I fully acknowledge all the problems pointed out and am knocking myself upside the head for missing them, because they're pretty obvious.
Still, I am happy with this, because it achieved my primary goals. My thanks to those who commented and congratulations to the winners! And a good luck to the artists, too.
So, this Writeoff was particularly hard to judge. I always feel a little guilty with these things, because there are a lot of great stories here that deserve recognition, and yet have to be bumped down to a seemingly poor rating because that other one was slightly better. As much as I love these things, I hate that downside. Maybe this weekend when I start my "reading vacation" I'll go through these one-at-a-time and give my thoughts on each, but I just didn't have the time this week.
What's curious to me is that my two favorites by a large margin were Apple Horse's stories. Didn't see that coming.
What's curious to me is that my two favorites by a large margin were Apple Horse's stories. Didn't see that coming.
Doggonit! I wanted to join this one and forgot until just now.
Dang it. I'm gonna have to get someone to start poking me over these things...
Dang it. I'm gonna have to get someone to start poking me over these things...
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
Geez, that's not what I was going for at all. I just saw the parallels to the real world that I'd never associated with the School of Friendship before and felt the urge poke at one of my major annoyances: the modern Americanracket education system. I actually really liked the story.
the only comment I've ever received that legit made me regret writing a fic
Geez, that's not what I was going for at all. I just saw the parallels to the real world that I'd never associated with the School of Friendship before and felt the urge poke at one of my major annoyances: the modern American
All I can think about right now is A.K. Yearling and Bruce Wayne sitting in the latter's foyer, sipping on glasses of Apple Family Cider and sharing stories of past doctor's visits and other cover story topics.
Someone needs to write that, like, yesterday.
Someone needs to write that, like, yesterday.
King Gorderia was decidedly not a griffon who wondered about his future. He owned the future. Quite officially, in fact: He had his attendant draft up a deed and everything. There was a parade.
Thank you, author, for giving my coworkers the opportunity to stare at the crazy guy and wonder what's so funny.
Congratulations, Ocellus! You just graduated from one of America's absolutely worthless colleges on an equally worthless liberal arts degree! Don't worry, your value as a worker was determined the instant you decided to study something nobody needs in a field nobody cares about from a school known more for its political correctness and adherence to diversity at the cost of properly preparing you for the real world. Enjoy your lifetime of minimum wage, and be happy you're at least getting that.
Feeling like a Monday but someday I'll be Saturday night.
It's a shame this one didn't appear in my first slate, even after adding three or four extras. Very nicely done, author. Alas, there's nothing to be said beyond what others already have.
It's a shame this one didn't appear in my first slate, even after adding three or four extras. Very nicely done, author. Alas, there's nothing to be said beyond what others already have.
Huh. You know, I think this may be the first time I've ever not made it into the finals? Does that count as a milestone? I'm gonna count it as a milestone. Yay, milestone! Congrats to those who moved on.
>>FanOfMostEverything >>No_Raisin >>BlueChameleonVI >>Trick_Question >>Bachiavellian
I fascinates me that nobody got what I was really doing with this story, and even applied vastly off meanings to it.
For reasons I honestly can't claim to know, I found myself thinking about how the average, ordinary, everyday pony might view the princesses, and as an extension of that, how average, ordinary, everyday people look upon their idols. Twilight Sparkle's adoration of Celestia in the first season, the way she just lit up at the very idea of her mentor, is a good example. But I didn't want to use Twilight Sparkle, that was too easy. So instead I went with randomly generated OC #136078.
The whole point of the story was nothing more than showing how a regular run-of-the-mill pony, who was otherwise having a bad day, could suddenly feel on top of the world just because one of the princesses happened to notice she existed. And praised her, bonus! Is this not how people in the real world behave around their heroes? Would a vehement Trump backer not gush if he walked into the room? Would a liberal acolyte not become a grinning mess if Hillary Clinton walked up and shook their hand? I just wanted to capture that little moment of joy for a pony.
All that being said, I can see there are issues to be had. My intent wasn't clear. Everyone expected a lesson or a moral to the story, and I didn't offer one. That's entirely on me. I suppose I also could have made Luna more friendly or chatty with Push Broom, but that would have defied the seminal point: the idol doesn't need to do anything but be present and say a word or two of acknowledgement to make the pony's month. It's a shame people took this as Push Broom being a social slave or self-punishing or any of the other negative connotations, which are not even remotely related to what's happening here. And again, that's probably on me for choosing this particular setting and not clarifying the intent.
But I digress. I'm supposed to be working right now anyway. My thanks to everyone who commented! You've all given me a little more to think about. Which, really, is the reason I enter these contests in the first place.
>>FanOfMostEverything >>No_Raisin >>BlueChameleonVI >>Trick_Question >>Bachiavellian
I fascinates me that nobody got what I was really doing with this story, and even applied vastly off meanings to it.
For reasons I honestly can't claim to know, I found myself thinking about how the average, ordinary, everyday pony might view the princesses, and as an extension of that, how average, ordinary, everyday people look upon their idols. Twilight Sparkle's adoration of Celestia in the first season, the way she just lit up at the very idea of her mentor, is a good example. But I didn't want to use Twilight Sparkle, that was too easy. So instead I went with randomly generated OC #136078.
The whole point of the story was nothing more than showing how a regular run-of-the-mill pony, who was otherwise having a bad day, could suddenly feel on top of the world just because one of the princesses happened to notice she existed. And praised her, bonus! Is this not how people in the real world behave around their heroes? Would a vehement Trump backer not gush if he walked into the room? Would a liberal acolyte not become a grinning mess if Hillary Clinton walked up and shook their hand? I just wanted to capture that little moment of joy for a pony.
All that being said, I can see there are issues to be had. My intent wasn't clear. Everyone expected a lesson or a moral to the story, and I didn't offer one. That's entirely on me. I suppose I also could have made Luna more friendly or chatty with Push Broom, but that would have defied the seminal point: the idol doesn't need to do anything but be present and say a word or two of acknowledgement to make the pony's month. It's a shame people took this as Push Broom being a social slave or self-punishing or any of the other negative connotations, which are not even remotely related to what's happening here. And again, that's probably on me for choosing this particular setting and not clarifying the intent.
But I digress. I'm supposed to be working right now anyway. My thanks to everyone who commented! You've all given me a little more to think about. Which, really, is the reason I enter these contests in the first place.
I normally loathe stories of this nature.
...
But this one made me chuckle. That's telling enough.
...
But this one made me chuckle. That's telling enough.
Alright, author, time to get ambitious: I expect a story on FIMFiction with at least one diary entry for each of the Mane 6, Spike, possibly each of the Princesses, and at least three for Trixie (opening, interlude, and conclusion). Even if only half are written with the skill of this, it would be a wonderful addition.
Interesting. And unusual in its manner, given that it interprets the dragon as reasonable from the get-go. Still, I find it creative enough in concept and moral. I'd like to see someone take this idea and turn it into something much bigger, a multi-chapter story that lets us get into the dragon's and the pony's heads so that the events feel less contrived.
Despite my hesitation to praise it to high heaven, it's certainly a solid entry and the best one I've read so far.
Despite my hesitation to praise it to high heaven, it's certainly a solid entry and the best one I've read so far.
Having been in Japan for a few months at a time, I see nothing particularly stereotypical about this, although I agree with >>Miller Minus that's it's not particularly Japanese either. I also don't see anything particularly eye-catching. I might have appreciated it more if the reason for Celestia's illness was more transparent (the wasabi, perhaps?).
What did the opening scene do for the overall story? You could have started with the dinner and been fine, even had more word room to spice it up.
On the whole, it's not bad, but it doesn't stand out either. Firm middle ground placement for me.
On an unrelated note, I can confirm that the Japanese really know how to make cake. Seriously, their desserts are awesome.
What did the opening scene do for the overall story? You could have started with the dinner and been fine, even had more word room to spice it up.
On the whole, it's not bad, but it doesn't stand out either. Firm middle ground placement for me.
On an unrelated note, I can confirm that the Japanese really know how to make cake. Seriously, their desserts are awesome.
tfw: You reread your story just for the heck of it only to notice the typos that surely weren't there before. [facepalm]
I'm in. Feeling overall 'meh' about my entry this time, but it was good to write something new.
Good luck, everyone!
Good luck, everyone!
>>Hap
I was thinking along similar lines as I wrote the story. In fact, I thought the common image of God as a loving father, which is alluded to in the story, would be enough to make the analogy clear. Seems that was not so, at least for some.
I was thinking along similar lines as I wrote the story. In fact, I thought the common image of God as a loving father, which is alluded to in the story, would be enough to make the analogy clear. Seems that was not so, at least for some.
>>Hap
>>HiTime
>>Monokeras
It amuses me that someone saw this as "wordsmithed" considering I slapped it together in about 30 minutes.
Many thanks for the comments! It was interesting getting the different interpretations, but it appears my vagueness has foiled me again. The concept for this story was of a man witnessing the funeral of his father from a distance (specifically across a lake), unable to attend for being blacklisted by the rest of his family. I don't know when it became a devil analogy, but the moment that started I ran with it. I did have a few spots that specifically identified the man being buried as the narrator's father, but cut them out at the last minute thinking they were too direct. Silly me.
But really, for this contest my entire process was: See prompt > get concept > write stream of thoughts > minor cleanup > submit. If I had taken the time to stop and review the story again an hour or two later this might have been better, but I think it went well all things considered.
>>HiTime
>>Monokeras
It amuses me that someone saw this as "wordsmithed" considering I slapped it together in about 30 minutes.
Many thanks for the comments! It was interesting getting the different interpretations, but it appears my vagueness has foiled me again. The concept for this story was of a man witnessing the funeral of his father from a distance (specifically across a lake), unable to attend for being blacklisted by the rest of his family. I don't know when it became a devil analogy, but the moment that started I ran with it. I did have a few spots that specifically identified the man being buried as the narrator's father, but cut them out at the last minute thinking they were too direct. Silly me.
But really, for this contest my entire process was: See prompt > get concept > write stream of thoughts > minor cleanup > submit. If I had taken the time to stop and review the story again an hour or two later this might have been better, but I think it went well all things considered.
Why, hello, Background Person. I don't suppose you play the lyre and are haunted by a particular melody from deep within your soul?
I've been silent up to now with the stories I've been reading, but this smells of mystery in a way that has my interest. Given the prompt, the (undoubtedly intentional) off nature of the story title, and the events within, I'm sure there's something going down here. My first assumption is that the guard did something 'untoward' with his crossbow last night. The fact that he had to pause to answer John's questions tells me he hadn't expected any to pierce through his strong man stance and was in need of an alibi, if a flimsy one.
And this thing with the ring. What does it mean, "disguising" the ring? Why would you need to disguise a signet? What is this guard really doing, and how much of it is John in on? Because he must be in on something. You don't disguise a signet's presence without damn good reason.
I don't think anything in this story is coincidence. I wouldn't be surprised if even the characters' names were carefully chosen. But it's still too vague to get a full grasp on, so as much as I love the sense of mystery that hit me with this one, I'm afraid it's seeming unsolvability is a bit of a detriment.
Of course, I could be looking too deep into the situation.
And this thing with the ring. What does it mean, "disguising" the ring? Why would you need to disguise a signet? What is this guard really doing, and how much of it is John in on? Because he must be in on something. You don't disguise a signet's presence without damn good reason.
I don't think anything in this story is coincidence. I wouldn't be surprised if even the characters' names were carefully chosen. But it's still too vague to get a full grasp on, so as much as I love the sense of mystery that hit me with this one, I'm afraid it's seeming unsolvability is a bit of a detriment.
Of course, I could be looking too deep into the situation.
Congrats, TheRiverSings! I avoided commenting on this for obvious reasons, but I must say I am happy with the way she turned out.
Paging WIP