Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Dubs describes me as "an intense literary analyst". I describe me as "a room of monkeys with typewriters."
Just a note: as I've said in both reviews, I wasn't really planning on engaging much with ponyfic these days, but I gave the stories this round a read on a whim and had a great time with them both and thought someone ought to say something about them? I'm not sure I'll vote though because, like I said on Orchard, I feel a lot less qualified on ponyfic these days, and honestly they're both very compelling pieces doing very different things and I don't really want to choose between them.
Awww I love this! I am a sucker for the fun of magical worldbuilding, and of any story that lets us see truly different schools of magic and their philosophies. And I am a sucker for the trope of someone viewing another field through the lens of their own biases without even realising it. MLP always gave a great worldbuilding foundation for that sort of thing in fanworks, and this piece was a nice reminder of that.
You build the characters well. It's an interesting choice, using... OCs? I think they're OCs look I've been out of this fandom for years and Google isn't the most helpful these days. Certainly an interesting choice not to use the main cast for this, and I mean that in a good way, especially with Honeygold's entire character just being Applejack stripped of the weight and meaning that comes with being Applejack. I actually... really like that? It's a clever tool, and it serves this story very well.
Anyway yeah this was really good and I liked it a lot! Sorry I don't have much more to say than that—I'm very much only on the periphery of this fandom these days, so I don't feel I have a load to say, but I didn't want this going by without any comment at all because it deserves having nice things said about it.
You build the characters well. It's an interesting choice, using... OCs? I think they're OCs look I've been out of this fandom for years and Google isn't the most helpful these days. Certainly an interesting choice not to use the main cast for this, and I mean that in a good way, especially with Honeygold's entire character just being Applejack stripped of the weight and meaning that comes with being Applejack. I actually... really like that? It's a clever tool, and it serves this story very well.
Anyway yeah this was really good and I liked it a lot! Sorry I don't have much more to say than that—I'm very much only on the periphery of this fandom these days, so I don't feel I have a load to say, but I didn't want this going by without any comment at all because it deserves having nice things said about it.
I wasn't planning on doing anything with the pony rounds this year, but I wouldn't want the first second writeoff of the new year to go without reviews...
This piece is my introduction to Ginsberg, and though I'd like to take more time to examine Howl in more depth at some point I thought it was worth noting that I thought this piece held up quite nicely to the scrutiny of an audience who doesn't know the source material. This piece is haunted. It's haunted by the poem it draws inspiration from, it's haunted by the loneliness of an empty forum, and it's haunted by the memories of a fandom that has shrunk and faded as time has passed. Its metatextuality is both unsubtle and clothed in defensive layers of irony, but I found the glint of sincerity at its heart quite lovely: that moment when you peel back and just lay bare what you wanted to say, no frills, is honestly just nice. I like that kind of thing.
I won't be too wordy for once, but just wanted to leave a note to say I read this and enjoyed it, which given the content of the piece I felt was quite appropriate.
Also it's very funny that this round got another entry.
This piece is my introduction to Ginsberg, and though I'd like to take more time to examine Howl in more depth at some point I thought it was worth noting that I thought this piece held up quite nicely to the scrutiny of an audience who doesn't know the source material. This piece is haunted. It's haunted by the poem it draws inspiration from, it's haunted by the loneliness of an empty forum, and it's haunted by the memories of a fandom that has shrunk and faded as time has passed. Its metatextuality is both unsubtle and clothed in defensive layers of irony, but I found the glint of sincerity at its heart quite lovely: that moment when you peel back and just lay bare what you wanted to say, no frills, is honestly just nice. I like that kind of thing.
I won't be too wordy for once, but just wanted to leave a note to say I read this and enjoyed it, which given the content of the piece I felt was quite appropriate.
Also it's very funny that this round got another entry.
Oh, what's this? A poem about not being able to throw away things because you're sentimentally attached, not to them but to the past when you were attached to them?
Joking aside, this was an... odd piece. I'm not sure why this piece is structured the way that it is: that extra line after the first quatrain, before the ABCB pattern starts up again, which really throws off the pacing (especially in a piece as strictly metered as this, where I always feel the alternating not-rhyme/rhyme lines each have their own kind of weight to them). And the juxtaposition of the almost gothic, old-fashioned (affectionate) voice with the down-to-earth mundanity of "moldy socks" didn't hit for me, I'm afraid.
"He now is me, I can't be he" bring to mind deliberately obtuse nonsense verse. It's very Lewis Carroll, or Beatles (and of course I'm now learning Lennon was inspired by Carroll when writing I Am The Walrus). It hits the reader out of nowhere with a sentence that is deliberately hard to parse... and yet. And yet, that line & the next bring such a softness to the poem, such a quiet reflection on the nature of self and change. And yes, again, maybe this hits harder for me as someone who only uses "he" to talk about myself in past tense, not present. Maybe that's not really an intended feeling at all. But it brings that sense of peace and understanding of the self for me as a result, so...
How can I not like this piece? It's not about hoarding or sentimentality, not really. It's about honouring who you once were, long after you've changed and become someone new. That final couplet is so lovely, so tender, and I have no doubt it's going to become a permanent part of my lexicon. I may have had issues with this piece's rough edges, but it still speaks to me so clearly and that's more than enough.
What's going on?
> I am in this poem and I don't like it.
Joking aside, this was an... odd piece. I'm not sure why this piece is structured the way that it is: that extra line after the first quatrain, before the ABCB pattern starts up again, which really throws off the pacing (especially in a piece as strictly metered as this, where I always feel the alternating not-rhyme/rhyme lines each have their own kind of weight to them). And the juxtaposition of the almost gothic, old-fashioned (affectionate) voice with the down-to-earth mundanity of "moldy socks" didn't hit for me, I'm afraid.
"He now is me, I can't be he" bring to mind deliberately obtuse nonsense verse. It's very Lewis Carroll, or Beatles (and of course I'm now learning Lennon was inspired by Carroll when writing I Am The Walrus). It hits the reader out of nowhere with a sentence that is deliberately hard to parse... and yet. And yet, that line & the next bring such a softness to the poem, such a quiet reflection on the nature of self and change. And yes, again, maybe this hits harder for me as someone who only uses "he" to talk about myself in past tense, not present. Maybe that's not really an intended feeling at all. But it brings that sense of peace and understanding of the self for me as a result, so...
How can I not like this piece? It's not about hoarding or sentimentality, not really. It's about honouring who you once were, long after you've changed and become someone new. That final couplet is so lovely, so tender, and I have no doubt it's going to become a permanent part of my lexicon. I may have had issues with this piece's rough edges, but it still speaks to me so clearly and that's more than enough.
Oh, what a fun little piece! It reminds me a little of the poetry of Spike Milligan, a comic whose work I grew up surrounded by, which perhaps leaves me in a little of a warm and homely headspace that other readers might not get. But it helps! This piece is tied so strongly to a sense of the mundane—little discomforts, the everyday agony of a plan not quite thought-through.
The style here drifts a little away from the mundane, I think—and I'm not sure if that always works in favour of the piece or not? In places it absolutely works: "the massive sofa comes" is such a lovely line that has grandeur enough to spare, and sells the way that these problems seem to take up our whole world while we live them; "hope drained to the dregs" gives us such a dramatic turn, too, that deepens this feeling. Not sure it quite works for "raises lumps / that no ice packs can numb"—there's something about "lumps" with no qualifications that feels off to me, just a tad too grand somehow.
A minor nitpick, to be sure. To be honest, I love this one! It's well crafted, succinct, and does exactly what it needs to do.
The style here drifts a little away from the mundane, I think—and I'm not sure if that always works in favour of the piece or not? In places it absolutely works: "the massive sofa comes" is such a lovely line that has grandeur enough to spare, and sells the way that these problems seem to take up our whole world while we live them; "hope drained to the dregs" gives us such a dramatic turn, too, that deepens this feeling. Not sure it quite works for "raises lumps / that no ice packs can numb"—there's something about "lumps" with no qualifications that feels off to me, just a tad too grand somehow.
A minor nitpick, to be sure. To be honest, I love this one! It's well crafted, succinct, and does exactly what it needs to do.
This sonnet oozes style. Enjambment throughout, combined with a few feet that feel a little more phyrric than iambic, give the piece a very natural flow: it really adds to that feeling of getting lectured by a curious expert in long-forgotten lore. That tone is set so early on with the second line, which is such a great line! You hit the reader with a total context change, and while we're still processing move into an aside that establishes a narrative voice, which together leave the audience in exactly the right frame of mind for that voice to work.
And the idea! What a cool thought, that the ghosts of the nymphs still haunt the objects we've made from... well, them, I suppose? The idea here is almost an inversion of an exorcism: add more spirits to calm the angered one. There's something really cool there, honestly, in the tone of communal care. And it's still somehow just as haunting, just as uncomfortable, as the permanent banishment of an exorcism—is a permanent binding truly any kinder to the nymphs?
That idea is... perhaps a bit grand for the form. We set up a lesson that feels deep, but the length constraint here handicaps our narrator from getting into any real depth. By the end of stanza three, I'm not feeling ready to wrap up: I want more, I want to keep listening to this lost knowledge and drinking in this arcane carpentry. Something of a shame to come away from it in that moment—but it's not necessarily a bad thing. I'd think a final couplet that felt dismissive could make it really work? Picture the old teacher saying "that's enough for today. leave me alone, I'm tired" kinda thing, and we would feel the same melancholy as the student we're embodying.
It's the final couplet where this piece fell down for me. On reflection, I do think it's trying for that same dismissive feeling my gut says this should end on, but the sudden hard cut to YouTube Self Promotion language was jarring. It feels almost like a feghoot, in that I don't feel I'm in on the joke but rather the joke is at my expense for wanting more? I'm not sure about that one, author. Maybe I've totally misread what you were going for with the rest of the piece? But it undermines the piece's biggest strengths for me without giving us something equally strong in return. Bit of a shame, really, cos I loved the rest so much!
And the idea! What a cool thought, that the ghosts of the nymphs still haunt the objects we've made from... well, them, I suppose? The idea here is almost an inversion of an exorcism: add more spirits to calm the angered one. There's something really cool there, honestly, in the tone of communal care. And it's still somehow just as haunting, just as uncomfortable, as the permanent banishment of an exorcism—is a permanent binding truly any kinder to the nymphs?
That idea is... perhaps a bit grand for the form. We set up a lesson that feels deep, but the length constraint here handicaps our narrator from getting into any real depth. By the end of stanza three, I'm not feeling ready to wrap up: I want more, I want to keep listening to this lost knowledge and drinking in this arcane carpentry. Something of a shame to come away from it in that moment—but it's not necessarily a bad thing. I'd think a final couplet that felt dismissive could make it really work? Picture the old teacher saying "that's enough for today. leave me alone, I'm tired" kinda thing, and we would feel the same melancholy as the student we're embodying.
It's the final couplet where this piece fell down for me. On reflection, I do think it's trying for that same dismissive feeling my gut says this should end on, but the sudden hard cut to YouTube Self Promotion language was jarring. It feels almost like a feghoot, in that I don't feel I'm in on the joke but rather the joke is at my expense for wanting more? I'm not sure about that one, author. Maybe I've totally misread what you were going for with the rest of the piece? But it undermines the piece's biggest strengths for me without giving us something equally strong in return. Bit of a shame, really, cos I loved the rest so much!
Damn and this time I get to say "I agree with Pascoite". It's really a blast from the past for me tonight!
Author, this was really neat! Jeroum's voice is really well-defined as a single-minded hunter dead-set on a mission, and Laskuthur makes for a fun villain. Who doesn't love to see a villain taken down a notch or two by something they didn't see coming? The penultimate paragraph in particular is a delight. Is this moment a bit of an overdone trope? Yes. Because it's good entertainment. Obviously.
I must say though that I found some of the style choice, particularly the more archaic and floral aspects of the prose, just a bit off. I like the idea here, and it does help sell the fantasy elements in a way, and it works for a lot of the piece (especially Laskuthur's voice), but there's a few places where the prose seems to straddle the line of the archaic and the modern in a way that made me feel a little unstuck in time? "Abuzzing" was a particular offender for ending a clause that felt a little over the top, and having a bit of a softly poetic sound to it that almost hard threw me into a kind of lyrical headspace? And the following clause managed to combine "thence" and "with a yank", and at that point you'd kinda lost me for a bit, if I'm honest. I think the piece would benefit from a more consistently archaic voice, perhaps toning down the lyricism which feels at odds with the grim and determined attitude of Jeroum.
That said: loved the story here. Like I said on The Way of Water, I love a story with a protagonist blindsiding their antagonist, and while this story is a slower burn that takes the reader along for the ride with the aftermath I think it still very much presses those buttons for me. Pascoite's discussion of the pacing aside, I like that overall the piece kept a fairly relentless march forward, and that's part of why the voicing hit so well for me despite my issues with some of the wordings. And there's something really quite beautiful about this elegant solution to the problem of vampires: it's a story of, in a sense, both Nature and Time taking back something that typically is presented as opposed to them both. A poetic justice, as well as a cool way to overcome a difficult obstacle. The note of hope and beauty that the piece ends on is spot-on, and really sells that theme.
In conclusion: I liked this one too! The magic felt genuinely awe-inspiring, as good magic should, and the relief at defeating the villain was palpable - impressive, in the word limit. I'm very glad to have popped my head into the writeoff again 'cos this was a fun read. Now if you could kindly explain the title to me I'll be even happier, because I'm even more lost after googling Dweomer than I was before I looked it up 🥲
Author, this was really neat! Jeroum's voice is really well-defined as a single-minded hunter dead-set on a mission, and Laskuthur makes for a fun villain. Who doesn't love to see a villain taken down a notch or two by something they didn't see coming? The penultimate paragraph in particular is a delight. Is this moment a bit of an overdone trope? Yes. Because it's good entertainment. Obviously.
I must say though that I found some of the style choice, particularly the more archaic and floral aspects of the prose, just a bit off. I like the idea here, and it does help sell the fantasy elements in a way, and it works for a lot of the piece (especially Laskuthur's voice), but there's a few places where the prose seems to straddle the line of the archaic and the modern in a way that made me feel a little unstuck in time? "Abuzzing" was a particular offender for ending a clause that felt a little over the top, and having a bit of a softly poetic sound to it that almost hard threw me into a kind of lyrical headspace? And the following clause managed to combine "thence" and "with a yank", and at that point you'd kinda lost me for a bit, if I'm honest. I think the piece would benefit from a more consistently archaic voice, perhaps toning down the lyricism which feels at odds with the grim and determined attitude of Jeroum.
That said: loved the story here. Like I said on The Way of Water, I love a story with a protagonist blindsiding their antagonist, and while this story is a slower burn that takes the reader along for the ride with the aftermath I think it still very much presses those buttons for me. Pascoite's discussion of the pacing aside, I like that overall the piece kept a fairly relentless march forward, and that's part of why the voicing hit so well for me despite my issues with some of the wordings. And there's something really quite beautiful about this elegant solution to the problem of vampires: it's a story of, in a sense, both Nature and Time taking back something that typically is presented as opposed to them both. A poetic justice, as well as a cool way to overcome a difficult obstacle. The note of hope and beauty that the piece ends on is spot-on, and really sells that theme.
In conclusion: I liked this one too! The magic felt genuinely awe-inspiring, as good magic should, and the relief at defeating the villain was palpable - impressive, in the word limit. I'm very glad to have popped my head into the writeoff again 'cos this was a fun read. Now if you could kindly explain the title to me I'll be even happier, because I'm even more lost after googling Dweomer than I was before I looked it up 🥲
Hey, this was cute! I love a little story of mental oneupmanship, and though this one is quite compressed (as is the nature of minifics. gosh, I've missed these) I thoroughly enjoyed our protagonist's little bait and switch trap on Creosote.
I am feeling extremely nostalgic as I get to say "I disagree with Pascoite", but... I disagree with Pascoite about the implied presence of the audience. To me, this story has almost a gentle fourth wall break to the narration - less metafiction, but more the charm of a story winking as it acknowledges it's audience. Very "*record scratch* *freeze frame* yep, that's me" etc etc. But in this case, I think it really works without being corny at all - in fact, that style of narrative is here really reworked to build character for our protagonist, and it gives very good "smug wizard" vibes.
I think my main issue with this one is that it feels a tad too constrained by the format? It's complete, and it works, but I'm left craving something that was a bit more of a back-and-forth, or something that had a bit more room to foreshadow the solution. But for what it was, I really enjoyed it anyway - even as I was reading through, I didn't make the hydrogen -> water connection until it was spelled out, and that helped reinforce the sense of smug but competent wizard for our protagonist that is exactly what I crave from this sort of story. So it's not so much a problem as something that leaves me craving more, so all things considered that's pretty good!
Speaking of things leaving me craving more: aaaaa how dare you name drop this cool magic mouse mentor figure in the first paragraph literally just to set up the premise and then throw her away 😭 it's economical and works, but have you considered that she's really precious to me? Jokes aside, it was a cool way to structure this story! I've talked before (oh my god years ago why did I stop doing this) about how much I adore a story that never quite lets the audience catch their balance, and you nail it here with this opening, which sets the tone very well. Reading this story feels like being lead along a narrow path at great speed, knowing that if the person leading me slows down I'm going to lose my balance and fall but trusting them not to, and that trust is very well placed.
In conclusion: hi I liked this! This was cool! The magic system was cool! Delva was cool! Really fun, no particular complaints, and damn does it feel good to read minifics again - in no small part due to this one's strengths. Sorry for rambling it's very late here.
I am feeling extremely nostalgic as I get to say "I disagree with Pascoite", but... I disagree with Pascoite about the implied presence of the audience. To me, this story has almost a gentle fourth wall break to the narration - less metafiction, but more the charm of a story winking as it acknowledges it's audience. Very "*record scratch* *freeze frame* yep, that's me" etc etc. But in this case, I think it really works without being corny at all - in fact, that style of narrative is here really reworked to build character for our protagonist, and it gives very good "smug wizard" vibes.
I think my main issue with this one is that it feels a tad too constrained by the format? It's complete, and it works, but I'm left craving something that was a bit more of a back-and-forth, or something that had a bit more room to foreshadow the solution. But for what it was, I really enjoyed it anyway - even as I was reading through, I didn't make the hydrogen -> water connection until it was spelled out, and that helped reinforce the sense of smug but competent wizard for our protagonist that is exactly what I crave from this sort of story. So it's not so much a problem as something that leaves me craving more, so all things considered that's pretty good!
Speaking of things leaving me craving more: aaaaa how dare you name drop this cool magic mouse mentor figure in the first paragraph literally just to set up the premise and then throw her away 😭 it's economical and works, but have you considered that she's really precious to me? Jokes aside, it was a cool way to structure this story! I've talked before (oh my god years ago why did I stop doing this) about how much I adore a story that never quite lets the audience catch their balance, and you nail it here with this opening, which sets the tone very well. Reading this story feels like being lead along a narrow path at great speed, knowing that if the person leading me slows down I'm going to lose my balance and fall but trusting them not to, and that trust is very well placed.
In conclusion: hi I liked this! This was cool! The magic system was cool! Delva was cool! Really fun, no particular complaints, and damn does it feel good to read minifics again - in no small part due to this one's strengths. Sorry for rambling it's very late here.
Hey gang! This is probably going to be the last She-Ra writeoff for a while. The last few rounds have had pretty low entries, and being the only person to enter several contests in a row is kinda emotionally draining? That said, I spotted some discussion last round where someone wanted to give entering a go, so I figured it'd be rude to just end things there 😅
I want to take a moment now to thank everyone who has entered She-Ra rounds in the past - y'all are amazing, your entries are amazing, and you've made this little experiment in She-Ra fanfic contestery so worthwhile.
Most importantly though, I wanna give a huge shout out to Pascoite. Pasco has commented on pretty much every She-Ra fic entered in every round we've run, providing great insight and commentary that never fails to make me, at least, stop and think about things I could be doing better. And all of that without (to my knowledge) ever entering a round! What an absolute legend - thank you so much for all that hard work 🤩
And I would be remiss if I didn't thank the staff of the She-Ra discord server. Though we've stopped working together as the events just weren't drawing the interest we'd hoped, they have been nothing but patient and kind from the moment I messaged them asking if they could help us promote these contests.
So thank you, everyone! I hope anyone who wants to can enjoy this round, and I wish you all the best of luck with your entries. Stay safe, stay anonymous, and have fun ❤
~Quill
I want to take a moment now to thank everyone who has entered She-Ra rounds in the past - y'all are amazing, your entries are amazing, and you've made this little experiment in She-Ra fanfic contestery so worthwhile.
Most importantly though, I wanna give a huge shout out to Pascoite. Pasco has commented on pretty much every She-Ra fic entered in every round we've run, providing great insight and commentary that never fails to make me, at least, stop and think about things I could be doing better. And all of that without (to my knowledge) ever entering a round! What an absolute legend - thank you so much for all that hard work 🤩
And I would be remiss if I didn't thank the staff of the She-Ra discord server. Though we've stopped working together as the events just weren't drawing the interest we'd hoped, they have been nothing but patient and kind from the moment I messaged them asking if they could help us promote these contests.
So thank you, everyone! I hope anyone who wants to can enjoy this round, and I wish you all the best of luck with your entries. Stay safe, stay anonymous, and have fun ❤
~Quill
Hey everyone! This minific round I've extended the writing time slightly, because 4th July is a date I recognise, and I'm not even American 😛 Hopefully that'll give people a bit more time on what would otherwise be a potentially busy weekend.
As always: good luck, stay anonymous, and have fun x
As always: good luck, stay anonymous, and have fun x
Hey folks - special one-off She-Ra round thrown into the schedule as a few people felt that there wasn't enough time between the season 5 release and the last contest! To make things a little more fun & accessible, I've dropped the minimum word count to 1k, and we're trying out a simultaneous pic & fic round so everyone can get in on the fun.
As always, keep your entries anonymous, drop me a message if you've got questions, and have fun ❤
As always, keep your entries anonymous, drop me a message if you've got questions, and have fun ❤
Hello everyone! It's time for a She-Ra writeoff—and our first writeoff since the show has finished! A few quick housekeeping notes from me:
• New users, make sure you're familiar with the event rules before starting, but feel free to ask questions. If you have any questions regarding the anonymity rule and are worried about asking them in public for fear of accidentally breaking it, feel free to contact me on any platform you can find me on (I'm in both the writeoff discord and the She-Ra discord, and I run our woefully un-followed twitter and tumblr accounts!)
• While there's no rules against writing/drawing entries with season five spoilers in them (and this is fully expected!), please don't submit prompts with spoilers in them! When the prompt goes live, the URL of the event will include the prompt name, and I don't want to spoil people while trying to promote the event.
Other than that, I hope everyone has a fun contest! Looking forward to seeing all of your entries <3
• New users, make sure you're familiar with the event rules before starting, but feel free to ask questions. If you have any questions regarding the anonymity rule and are worried about asking them in public for fear of accidentally breaking it, feel free to contact me on any platform you can find me on (I'm in both the writeoff discord and the She-Ra discord, and I run our woefully un-followed twitter and tumblr accounts!)
• While there's no rules against writing/drawing entries with season five spoilers in them (and this is fully expected!), please don't submit prompts with spoilers in them! When the prompt goes live, the URL of the event will include the prompt name, and I don't want to spoil people while trying to promote the event.
Other than that, I hope everyone has a fun contest! Looking forward to seeing all of your entries <3
Last She-Ra writeoff before season 5! Good luck everyone 😃
Unless we decide to have, like, a special hype writeoff... A hypeoff.
Unless we decide to have, like, a special hype writeoff... A hypeoff.
Actually popping in again, because I haven't really looked at other comments before making mine this round, but I wanna provide some balance and a different perspective here.
>>Pascoite talks about importing relationships wholesale from canon (e.g. Hordak and Entrapta, Mermista and Sea Hawk) as if that's a bad thing, but imo this is one of the strongest things about fanfiction. Even in an AU as distant as this one, fanfic allows us to know that our readers will make certain assumptions and connections, because we can assume a knowledge of canon (otherwise, why would you read the fic?) I think this piece does a fantastic job of delineating between the things which can't be assumed in context of a she-ra writeoff and things that can - the author knows to go ham on the anime exposition, not just because it suits the anime genre but also because the audience may be unfamiliar, but gracefully steps back from any and all she-ra exposition beyond "here's how to translate from canon to AU".
Every fanfic I have ever praised for pushing the boundaries of the medium and being generally amazing art has known this. Every single one uses assumed reader knowledge in incredible ways. It's the greatest strength of the medium! So while I can understand the criticism from a general writing improvement perspective, I did feel the need to drop in and gently disagree on that front - I think it's one of the things this fic did really well.
>>Pascoite talks about importing relationships wholesale from canon (e.g. Hordak and Entrapta, Mermista and Sea Hawk) as if that's a bad thing, but imo this is one of the strongest things about fanfiction. Even in an AU as distant as this one, fanfic allows us to know that our readers will make certain assumptions and connections, because we can assume a knowledge of canon (otherwise, why would you read the fic?) I think this piece does a fantastic job of delineating between the things which can't be assumed in context of a she-ra writeoff and things that can - the author knows to go ham on the anime exposition, not just because it suits the anime genre but also because the audience may be unfamiliar, but gracefully steps back from any and all she-ra exposition beyond "here's how to translate from canon to AU".
Every fanfic I have ever praised for pushing the boundaries of the medium and being generally amazing art has known this. Every single one uses assumed reader knowledge in incredible ways. It's the greatest strength of the medium! So while I can understand the criticism from a general writing improvement perspective, I did feel the need to drop in and gently disagree on that front - I think it's one of the things this fic did really well.
This fic is pure, unadulterated anime. Whether that's a good thing or not will probably vary by reader, but I don't think I've ever read a story that so faithfully recreates the experience of anime for a reader: from varied, interesting fight sequences, to slow exposition of world rules that seem to constantly shift in service of the need for tension and drama, I can safely say that this is the second most anime writeoff entry I have ever read.
Even though I could vaguely recognise the title as a reference to an anime I haven't seen, I never felt like I was lost in the crossover - okay, I did, but in that "anime logic doesn't make sense" kinda way rather than feeling like I was missing a reference, which was Good, Actually. The constant twists and turns kept me on my toes as a reader, and the AU changes were absolutely fantastic. We don't get enough AUs in the writeoff, imo. We should have more.
I wanna criticise the ending for pulling a "it was just a dream" style twist, but actually:
a) it was signposted
b) it was well-written and cute
c) it made me laugh
d) adora is an anime nerd lmao
So I won't do that. Instead I'll just say that I think this fic could work just as well with a serious ending (despite being an affectionate parody? of anime tropes, it stands alone really well and could carry on strength of writing alone) as it could with the funny one, and I trust the author to have picked the one they like the most. Because when two things work just as well as each other, that's really the only decision that matters.
I liked this piece a lot: really well done, author. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and have a small breakdown over trying to rank this round, because all of the stories were amazing and I don't know how to judge them aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Even though I could vaguely recognise the title as a reference to an anime I haven't seen, I never felt like I was lost in the crossover - okay, I did, but in that "anime logic doesn't make sense" kinda way rather than feeling like I was missing a reference, which was Good, Actually. The constant twists and turns kept me on my toes as a reader, and the AU changes were absolutely fantastic. We don't get enough AUs in the writeoff, imo. We should have more.
I wanna criticise the ending for pulling a "it was just a dream" style twist, but actually:
a) it was signposted
b) it was well-written and cute
c) it made me laugh
d) adora is an anime nerd lmao
So I won't do that. Instead I'll just say that I think this fic could work just as well with a serious ending (despite being an affectionate parody? of anime tropes, it stands alone really well and could carry on strength of writing alone) as it could with the funny one, and I trust the author to have picked the one they like the most. Because when two things work just as well as each other, that's really the only decision that matters.
I liked this piece a lot: really well done, author. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and have a small breakdown over trying to rank this round, because all of the stories were amazing and I don't know how to judge them aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
In this house, we love and respect Mr Bones ☠
This was a cute entry. Kinda feels like a little dig at the fandom ("hey, remember all those theories that Kyle was He-Man back in S1?") but if it is, it doesn't come across as mean-spirited at all.
I do think this story needs more unity - I can kinda see how the last two scenes link, but beyond setting up the Skeletor joke I'm not quite sure why the first scene is there (though don't get me wrong - just as a standalone scene, I kinda love it. Bit messy, but cute and fun). The timeskips are relatively buried, too, which isn't a bad thing but it does make the story's structure a little murkier.
All in all, though, a decent entry with a solid idea behind it. I enjoyed it!
This was a cute entry. Kinda feels like a little dig at the fandom ("hey, remember all those theories that Kyle was He-Man back in S1?") but if it is, it doesn't come across as mean-spirited at all.
I do think this story needs more unity - I can kinda see how the last two scenes link, but beyond setting up the Skeletor joke I'm not quite sure why the first scene is there (though don't get me wrong - just as a standalone scene, I kinda love it. Bit messy, but cute and fun). The timeskips are relatively buried, too, which isn't a bad thing but it does make the story's structure a little murkier.
All in all, though, a decent entry with a solid idea behind it. I enjoyed it!
This is gorgeous.
You know, I had real doubts during the opening scene of this story. And I'll be honest, author: if I were reading this elsewhere, I likely wouldn't have made it past that scene - between the run-on sentences of the opening paragraphs lacking any punch and the "we killed Bow" joke not quite landing (I blame the medium - it would have worked great in an actual episode, imo, but feels off in fic), I really struggled to get into this one.
But oh my god, am I glad I did.
The conversation with Varnish was an absolute delight to read. Soft, caring, and fleshing out Best Boy with just the right level of detail? I love it. Really solid work there, author. I'd quite my favourite bits, but... I'm just gonna gesture wildly at the last dozen paragraphs or so instead. They're pretty great.
You know, I had real doubts during the opening scene of this story. And I'll be honest, author: if I were reading this elsewhere, I likely wouldn't have made it past that scene - between the run-on sentences of the opening paragraphs lacking any punch and the "we killed Bow" joke not quite landing (I blame the medium - it would have worked great in an actual episode, imo, but feels off in fic), I really struggled to get into this one.
But oh my god, am I glad I did.
The conversation with Varnish was an absolute delight to read. Soft, caring, and fleshing out Best Boy with just the right level of detail? I love it. Really solid work there, author. I'd quite my favourite bits, but... I'm just gonna gesture wildly at the last dozen paragraphs or so instead. They're pretty great.
It took me slightly too long to realise this was in AU territory, which I will attribute to sleepiness, and which absolutely made the ending hurt more.
Besides formatting/editing nitpicks, I have no real complaints here. Maybe I'm still emotionally stabilising myself, but that ending threw every worry I had about this story being nothing more than fluff* out the window. Really good job, author!
*which isn't even a complaint. I like fluff!
Besides formatting/editing nitpicks, I have no real complaints here. Maybe I'm still emotionally stabilising myself, but that ending threw every worry I had about this story being nothing more than fluff* out the window. Really good job, author!
*which isn't even a complaint. I like fluff!
Hey everyone, it's time for another She-Ra writeoff. Usual caveats apply: don't tell anyone what you wrote/drew until the site does, be good to each other, and drop me a note (here or on discord) if you have any questions!
Good luck 😁
Good luck 😁
Hey everyone! Welcome to another She-Ra writeoff (gosh, it feels like it's been ages). Friendly reminder as always to stay anonymous on your entry(/ies) until the site reveals who's who at the end of the contest.
Good luck, have fun & drop me a note if you have any questions! 😄
Good luck, have fun & drop me a note if you have any questions! 😄
oops this one snuck up on me
Friendly reminder for any new folks that entries must remain anonymous until the site reveals authorship at the end of the contest, and that we have round discussion both in the writeoff discord chat linked in the header and over in the She-Ra fan discord (you'll need the writeoff role to see the channel in the latter!)
Best of luck to all our entrants!
>>No_Raisin
You should probably go do that. There's at least a few moments I remember watching and thinking "Raisin's gonna love this."
Friendly reminder for any new folks that entries must remain anonymous until the site reveals authorship at the end of the contest, and that we have round discussion both in the writeoff discord chat linked in the header and over in the She-Ra fan discord (you'll need the writeoff role to see the channel in the latter!)
Best of luck to all our entrants!
>>No_Raisin
You should probably go do that. There's at least a few moments I remember watching and thinking "Raisin's gonna love this."
I'm gonna chime in to disagree with the other commenters here: I love that this piece tones down the emotions of the scene, and that the resolution is boiled down to "We can talk about it tomorrow"—the conversation George and Lance have in this piece is not an easy one, and I think the decision not to address it through to a resolution was a sensible one, given the format restrictions. I also like that the piece feels sleepy. It's a lovely tone, imo, and the sort of creative decision that works well for minifics.
Other than that, I'm in agreement with >>No_Raisin and >>LoftyWithers on the strengths of this piece. It's a lovely moment between two characters who I'm glad are getting much-deserved attention and a really fun take on the prompt. My own personal gripe is that the prose doesn't quite match up to the strength of the dialogue—I don't really get any sense that the prose changes pace at all, here, and the pace you've set is a pretty slow one! I like the choice of pace, don't get me wrong, but I'd love to see a little bit of variety here and there to spice it up and keep interest going.
Overall, though, this is a solid entry and a genuinely lovely bit of fanfiction. Shout out to the decision to repeat the "Lance waited" motif—I think it could be tidier, but that was a really good choice and one that I thoroughly enjoyed.
Other than that, I'm in agreement with >>No_Raisin and >>LoftyWithers on the strengths of this piece. It's a lovely moment between two characters who I'm glad are getting much-deserved attention and a really fun take on the prompt. My own personal gripe is that the prose doesn't quite match up to the strength of the dialogue—I don't really get any sense that the prose changes pace at all, here, and the pace you've set is a pretty slow one! I like the choice of pace, don't get me wrong, but I'd love to see a little bit of variety here and there to spice it up and keep interest going.
Overall, though, this is a solid entry and a genuinely lovely bit of fanfiction. Shout out to the decision to repeat the "Lance waited" motif—I think it could be tidier, but that was a really good choice and one that I thoroughly enjoyed.
Paging WIP