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I've responded to all the worthwhile comments I received. Thank you to those who made the effort to give constructive feedback.
That said, I am now invoking my right as an author to revoke any and all publishing rights granted to WriteOff as part of posting my work here. I've deleted the story and will be publishing it elsewhere.
Some may think this is extreme, but I want to make a statement about acceptable treatment of members in a writing community.
Actions have consequences, and the consequence of one individual's appalling behavior and has resulted in my decision to leave this place.
I encourage others to do the same if they feel so inclined.
That said, I am now invoking my right as an author to revoke any and all publishing rights granted to WriteOff as part of posting my work here. I've deleted the story and will be publishing it elsewhere.
Some may think this is extreme, but I want to make a statement about acceptable treatment of members in a writing community.
Actions have consequences, and the consequence of one individual's appalling behavior and has resulted in my decision to leave this place.
I encourage others to do the same if they feel so inclined.
>>QuillScratch
I'll keep it brief and just say the song was added 100% after the fact. I had about 25 words left under the limit and wanted to toss in a dash of extra flavor that fit with the tone of the fic. I'm glad it came across the right way for you.
It was meant to pair with the image of She-Ra's golden aura: made of limitless undying love and shining around her like a million suns. Paraphrasing that line directly in the body fic would have been cheesy/disruptive, though.
Great points about the sentence length/variation. This was definitely a side-effect of the word length limit. I cut out some conjunctions to save on words, but I will bolster that and make the sentences more fluid when I edit and republish this.
I see what you mean about the dialogue with Catra being called out for turning into Shadow Weaver and how that's confusing in the context. What I really meant here was that, it's more of Catra's actions that make her like Shadow Weaver. She's manipulating, power-hungry, and cruel. Adora is saddened by watching Catra devolve and chooses this moment to comment on it. It will be clarified in the next draft!
Thank you for your thoughtful and constructive review. It felt like a breath of fresh air.
I'll keep it brief and just say the song was added 100% after the fact. I had about 25 words left under the limit and wanted to toss in a dash of extra flavor that fit with the tone of the fic. I'm glad it came across the right way for you.
It was meant to pair with the image of She-Ra's golden aura: made of limitless undying love and shining around her like a million suns. Paraphrasing that line directly in the body fic would have been cheesy/disruptive, though.
Great points about the sentence length/variation. This was definitely a side-effect of the word length limit. I cut out some conjunctions to save on words, but I will bolster that and make the sentences more fluid when I edit and republish this.
I see what you mean about the dialogue with Catra being called out for turning into Shadow Weaver and how that's confusing in the context. What I really meant here was that, it's more of Catra's actions that make her like Shadow Weaver. She's manipulating, power-hungry, and cruel. Adora is saddened by watching Catra devolve and chooses this moment to comment on it. It will be clarified in the next draft!
Thank you for your thoughtful and constructive review. It felt like a breath of fresh air.
>>Lazer
Yes, good good. I'm glad the imagery rang true for you.
I was trying to convey a sense of something larger going on around it, and this was just a single scene/snapshot from it.
As mentioned, my intent is to expand this fic and possibly integrate it into another one I have planned already.
Yes, good good. I'm glad the imagery rang true for you.
I was trying to convey a sense of something larger going on around it, and this was just a single scene/snapshot from it.
As mentioned, my intent is to expand this fic and possibly integrate it into another one I have planned already.
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
I have no idea what that is but it sounds like some kind of MLP thing and also a compliment so... thanks?
I have no idea what that is but it sounds like some kind of MLP thing and also a compliment so... thanks?
>>salamander
Thank you, thank you. Nothing like walking into a minific and unexpectedly getting a hard dose of FEELINGS to the face, eh?
Very good feedback about the "POV" issues, I definitely noticed what you meant after rereading it. That is the tricky thing when writing two characters who have the same pronouns and are interacting very closely with one another, I find.
It's ultimately written from a 3rd-person Omniscient Narrator's POV, and Catra's and Adora's actions are being described by that entity watching the scene. So it sounds like it's just a matter of clarifying certain actions and which character they belong to.
Thank you, thank you. Nothing like walking into a minific and unexpectedly getting a hard dose of FEELINGS to the face, eh?
Very good feedback about the "POV" issues, I definitely noticed what you meant after rereading it. That is the tricky thing when writing two characters who have the same pronouns and are interacting very closely with one another, I find.
It's ultimately written from a 3rd-person Omniscient Narrator's POV, and Catra's and Adora's actions are being described by that entity watching the scene. So it sounds like it's just a matter of clarifying certain actions and which character they belong to.
>>KriegsaffeNo9
I said I was going to try and challenge myself with this contest, so I did. This concept was very difficult to execute effectively within the word limit.
You're absolutely right in that it strains against its word limit. It wants to be more and have deeper narration to build around the core scene, but those words man... just not enough of 'em.
I wanted to capture a very specific moment here that spoke to the theme of the contest, that was sort of my driving goal with this. I said "What happens if Adora is beyond tired and about to fall over from physical exhaustion? What sort of situation would cause that?" and then took it to its natural conclusion.
I said I was going to try and challenge myself with this contest, so I did. This concept was very difficult to execute effectively within the word limit.
You're absolutely right in that it strains against its word limit. It wants to be more and have deeper narration to build around the core scene, but those words man... just not enough of 'em.
I wanted to capture a very specific moment here that spoke to the theme of the contest, that was sort of my driving goal with this. I said "What happens if Adora is beyond tired and about to fall over from physical exhaustion? What sort of situation would cause that?" and then took it to its natural conclusion.
>>BearPigs
I don't think you look too deep into things at all. That's pretty much exactly how I intended for it to come across, haha. So glad to hear you enjoyed the fic!
Adora's in a dire situation and knows she's not going to last much longer. Catra is the one driving the push for destruction (she maybe even defeated/dethroned Hordak offscreen at this point) and she's completely lost herself trying to prove...whatever it is Catra wants to prove. That she's stronger than anyone, I guess?
But yeah, I plan to expand and possibly continue this later. Trying to fit it all into 750 words meant some other good details I had planned were left out.
I don't think you look too deep into things at all. That's pretty much exactly how I intended for it to come across, haha. So glad to hear you enjoyed the fic!
Adora's in a dire situation and knows she's not going to last much longer. Catra is the one driving the push for destruction (she maybe even defeated/dethroned Hordak offscreen at this point) and she's completely lost herself trying to prove...whatever it is Catra wants to prove. That she's stronger than anyone, I guess?
But yeah, I plan to expand and possibly continue this later. Trying to fit it all into 750 words meant some other good details I had planned were left out.
>>Miller Minus
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I understand what you are saying with regards to feedback and being able to receive it as an author. I've taken part in plenty of other writers' workshops before, this isn't a new concept to me.
What I can't abide by is someone like Pascoite coming along to freely insult, belittle, and dismiss my fellow writers (as Posh observed and commented). None of us should have to accept that sort of treatment--I absolutely refuse to. It's simpler to just shut the door on that kind of abuse by not participating. I will go someplace where this kind of toxic behavior is unwelcome, which clearly isn't the case here at WriteOff...
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I understand what you are saying with regards to feedback and being able to receive it as an author. I've taken part in plenty of other writers' workshops before, this isn't a new concept to me.
What I can't abide by is someone like Pascoite coming along to freely insult, belittle, and dismiss my fellow writers (as Posh observed and commented). None of us should have to accept that sort of treatment--I absolutely refuse to. It's simpler to just shut the door on that kind of abuse by not participating. I will go someplace where this kind of toxic behavior is unwelcome, which clearly isn't the case here at WriteOff...
>>>>Pascoite
If this is the kind of feedback culture that exists here for WriteOff, I never want to be a part of this place.
Rather than write a response full of vitriol and righteous-indignation, I'm going to take the high road and walk away permanently.
Learn to think before you speak, because you've just discouraged and driven away a lot of new authors with your hostile commentary.
>>Posh
Thank you for writing what several of us have been wanting to say in the wake of these reviews, it's nice to know that someone else here feels the same about the nature of feedback that was given on every fic in this round.
If this is the kind of feedback culture that exists here for WriteOff, I never want to be a part of this place.
Rather than write a response full of vitriol and righteous-indignation, I'm going to take the high road and walk away permanently.
Learn to think before you speak, because you've just discouraged and driven away a lot of new authors with your hostile commentary.
>>Posh
Thank you for writing what several of us have been wanting to say in the wake of these reviews, it's nice to know that someone else here feels the same about the nature of feedback that was given on every fic in this round.
Super Pal Trio dynamic at the beginning was well-executed! You seem to have a good grasp on these characters.
Did you run up against the word-count limit and have to slice out a paragraph, though? There's a bit of a disconnect between the first and second scenes. The one with Adora seems minimally sketched out and kind of hard to follow or contextualize.
Salamander already hit on some of the key points regarding grammar and formatting. I think given enough editing time, this one will shine.
Did you run up against the word-count limit and have to slice out a paragraph, though? There's a bit of a disconnect between the first and second scenes. The one with Adora seems minimally sketched out and kind of hard to follow or contextualize.
Salamander already hit on some of the key points regarding grammar and formatting. I think given enough editing time, this one will shine.
Ah, so at last we learn Shadow Weaver's fate after she's dethroned by Catra. Great take on this.
I realize the show hid her motivations for 'adopting' Adora, but having it illustrated in this context is a great way to explore her character further.
Bonus points for the mythology tie-in. Minus points for making feel somewhat sad for this terrible abusive person.
I realize the show hid her motivations for 'adopting' Adora, but having it illustrated in this context is a great way to explore her character further.
Bonus points for the mythology tie-in. Minus points for making feel somewhat sad for this terrible abusive person.
Great imagery and prose here. You gave us a very interesting portrait of Catra's mentality about all the canon events we've seen thusfar. I like how it only reinforces the audience's desire to empathize with her. It's one of the most compelling things about Catra as a character, I think.
Echoing what salamander said, the aesthetic choice with the formatting/capitalization was interesting but kind of distracting in my opinion. Take that for what it's worth
It's borderline poetic as a whole, though. I wonder if you weren't considering doing this in verse if there had been more time for it? Would be interesting to see a remix of this after the contest is done.
Echoing what salamander said, the aesthetic choice with the formatting/capitalization was interesting but kind of distracting in my opinion. Take that for what it's worth
It's borderline poetic as a whole, though. I wonder if you weren't considering doing this in verse if there had been more time for it? Would be interesting to see a remix of this after the contest is done.
Very clever! You nailed Scorpia's voice and the formatting was a great added touch.
I hope this one gets picked up by a few people in the next round so we can see some Scorpia-style stickfigure drawings of Force Captain Catra.
(P.S. #11 was my favorite one in the list)
I hope this one gets picked up by a few people in the next round so we can see some Scorpia-style stickfigure drawings of Force Captain Catra.
(P.S. #11 was my favorite one in the list)
Adora, what are you doing? You went full Mara, man. Never go full Mara.
Kriegs summed it up quite well, but the sheer density of powerful imagery packed into this fic was quite a feat. Apocalyptic battle, Adora basically on death's door, She-Ra stretching her powers to the limit by trying to be everywhere at once, Catra getting called out for turning into Shadow Weaver, and the whole "mortal freezes in awe upon seeing a divine being's full power manifested". I like all of these things.
My only real feedback is that this fic should be longer. There should be more.
In conclusion: fic fucked me up in such a good way.
Kriegs summed it up quite well, but the sheer density of powerful imagery packed into this fic was quite a feat. Apocalyptic battle, Adora basically on death's door, She-Ra stretching her powers to the limit by trying to be everywhere at once, Catra getting called out for turning into Shadow Weaver, and the whole "mortal freezes in awe upon seeing a divine being's full power manifested". I like all of these things.
My only real feedback is that this fic should be longer. There should be more.
In conclusion: fic fucked me up in such a good way.
You took the low-hanging-fruit option for this prompt and ratcheted the surreal experience of extreme sleep deprivation all the way up to 11. I'm very impressed with the characterization for the Super Pal Trio--they remain in-character despite being in an altered state of consciousness where they'd be prone to act out of character. A+ name choice for the drug, it evokes the perfect image for the experience.
Watching Catra come unglued was oddly satisfying and equally disturbing. In conclusion, very well done.
Watching Catra come unglued was oddly satisfying and equally disturbing. In conclusion, very well done.
ADVENTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!
Thank you for this gem. I enjoy that you ran with the idea of illustrating that Sea Hawk is "Actually A Really Good Dude" that the show established after the first episode he was in. Mermista being outwardly annoyed with him, but inwardly grateful is such a fun dynamic to play with and I really think you did very well at capturing that in your fic.
Poor Mermista's never going to get her beauty sleep at this rate, though. "Ughhhhhh"
Thank you for this gem. I enjoy that you ran with the idea of illustrating that Sea Hawk is "Actually A Really Good Dude" that the show established after the first episode he was in. Mermista being outwardly annoyed with him, but inwardly grateful is such a fun dynamic to play with and I really think you did very well at capturing that in your fic.
Poor Mermista's never going to get her beauty sleep at this rate, though. "Ughhhhhh"
Ahhhhh, delicious Glimmadora fluff. Nothing like some quality hurt/comfort to quench one's thirst.
I think you picked a really great subplot to explore here, one that we were kind of just left hanging with because the season ended. I like to think that Glimmer isn't just magically "fixed", at the very least she has some trauma or unresolved issues because of her experience. Gotta work those kinds of things out, kiddo.
That said, my main piece of feedback would be some of her lines and characterization seem off. "Stop being so obsessed with me" is a bit incongruous here, because it's not like we've had enough of their interactions outside of the scope of the scene to know that Adora is acting "obsessive." Plus, Adora's kneejerk reaction to that seems a bit too doormat-like for her at this stage in the story. Instead of apologizing, I think she'd push back a little (i.e. "Glimmer... how could you say that? I'm your friend.")
Feel me?
Well done overall, I'm definitely glad that this ship got some love in the contest!
I think you picked a really great subplot to explore here, one that we were kind of just left hanging with because the season ended. I like to think that Glimmer isn't just magically "fixed", at the very least she has some trauma or unresolved issues because of her experience. Gotta work those kinds of things out, kiddo.
That said, my main piece of feedback would be some of her lines and characterization seem off. "Stop being so obsessed with me" is a bit incongruous here, because it's not like we've had enough of their interactions outside of the scope of the scene to know that Adora is acting "obsessive." Plus, Adora's kneejerk reaction to that seems a bit too doormat-like for her at this stage in the story. Instead of apologizing, I think she'd push back a little (i.e. "Glimmer... how could you say that? I'm your friend.")
Feel me?
Well done overall, I'm definitely glad that this ship got some love in the contest!
Paging WIP