>>GaPJaxie

You may write something about a potential Generation 5 of My Little Pony if you want

Oh, we could have done a pitch for G5? Oh well, that ship has sailed.

>>This is a game I lost
I mean, I guess the story isn't all that great, but I would kill to get to play around in that setting with Star Trek or Doctor Who. Or Rick and Morty, even.

Like, why do people need to steal time? If they can manipulate temporal energy like this, what other kind of inventions are a part of this world? Did time break somehow? Or maybe it will break and they get turned into statues and it's an origin for the Weeping Angels.

Dang, this feels incredibly personal. I hope everything is okay in your life, buddy.

This story does a terrific job of capturing the unpleasant monotony of something like this. I didn't catch a lot of this when my Grandmother died, because I was out of the state. It all does still feel familiar and biting. Great job!

>>This is a game I lost
More like Redwall and Discworld at the same time.

HOLY CRAP I LOVE THIS OH MY GOSH

I like the Gaslamp Tech angle you took, but the story felt a little slow. Taking a more lighthearted, comedic tone might have been better. Still great!

"Very." I felt the magic swirl in my chest, and took another gulp of my drink. The burn of the rum couldn't cut the chill in my lungs, but it did take the edge off. "You may have heard of Incursions before."

"Fuck."

"Yeah."

Okay, this was great. I got a solid John Constantine vibe from this (though I really should read Hellblaiser, I've only seen him on the DCW) and I like all the details the world has. Pretty solid!

This is a beautiful episode of Doctor Who waiting to happen.

Ohmygosh, I loved this story. The setting invites so many questions, the government is so evil but in a completely understandable way and it's not another cookie-cutter Orwellian Future, it's something really creative and new. I love everything about this.

I really like myths and legends, and this had a very good cosmic feel to it. Good job!

Hm. I did like some of the creativity in play here, especially the notion of a cop in a magic land. It wasn't quite perfect; The IRL stuff bugged me a little (though I'm not sure why) and the title is a big spoiler. The sheer coincidence of Sarah finding her grandson is a little hard to swallow. I think just saving someone's little kid, making that metaphorically about saving her son, and then her leaving to go on a quest would have been better,.

>>This is a game I lost
Oh, don't forget The Iron Horse. I would back Turning Test against any other A.I as the most interesting and well-developed robot ever written.

Anyway, I agree that the idea of a "To Kill a Mockingbird" style story about a girl and her robot is something that appeals to me, but it needs a little more expansion and worldbuilding to really stand out. I hope you revisit this idea in the future.

Some editing flaws, and it sorta alternates between really good lines and kinda ackward ones.


It sounds like something an old geezer would right, and I love geezers.

I feel like this has already won. I especially liked how the little girl's side was written.b