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>>Zaid Val'Roa
That'll just make my day. As soon as I touch up the story that is. I haven't actually worked on it since I first submitted it.
This writing contest can really suck it out of you can't it?
Ps. I almost added the word "now" to the end of the title, but I thought that would have been a little too on the nose.
That'll just make my day. As soon as I touch up the story that is. I haven't actually worked on it since I first submitted it.
This writing contest can really suck it out of you can't it?
Ps. I almost added the word "now" to the end of the title, but I thought that would have been a little too on the nose.
Well. Even though my story bombed, at least it inspired the art that won. That's a victory right there =(^.^)=
Now I'm gonna go and sleep this off, Adieu.
Now I'm gonna go and sleep this off, Adieu.
Well. I at least read and voted on all the stories on my slate, even if I didn't get in a review on all of them.
Are you happy writeoff.me? Are you!? I spent ever spare moment over the last two weeks pouring my heart into to you, writing for you. Reading for you. reviewing for you! And now I'm 30 chapters behind in my East-horse and Dashing-Apples!! How dare you! You take my heart and leave be bereft, I am want for more, but left empty instead, well enough I say! No more of my life will you have, back to FimFiction where I can be safe in the works of others. Adieu, farewell and goodbye...
Call me.
Are you happy writeoff.me? Are you!? I spent ever spare moment over the last two weeks pouring my heart into to you, writing for you. Reading for you. reviewing for you! And now I'm 30 chapters behind in my East-horse and Dashing-Apples!! How dare you! You take my heart and leave be bereft, I am want for more, but left empty instead, well enough I say! No more of my life will you have, back to FimFiction where I can be safe in the works of others. Adieu, farewell and goodbye...
Call me.
At first this story seemed sorta over the top dramatic. Then the twist... You are some hell-a good. All the things in the story that seemed like Sunset being super over the top drama queen, was the perfect set up for that paradigm shift of a twist.
>>WillowWren
I'd love to get anymore feedback on my story, learning is the reason we're here right?
I'd love to get anymore feedback on my story, learning is the reason we're here right?
This work really captures the feel of the story. Having Twilight be seen as so small, standing on the edge of the precipice. It hits all the right keys. Thank you for making such art.
I can't believe I got a piece of art done for my story, and such a good one to boot. Now I feel almost obligated to fix the problems in this story, and then post it on fimfiction. If for no other reason than to show off this artwork, if you'd be willing to loan it to me.
>>Zaid Val'Roa
>>Winston
>>regidar
>>ToXikyogHurt
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Trick_Question
First of all, I want to thank you all for your honest and straightforward reviews of my story. I can't tell you how much it means to me that I can actually write on a site like this, and have my work seen by writers who will give it a good look over and tell me what is lacking.
After each review, I'd take what was said, and with that in mind, I'd reread my story again, trying to see it from the perspective of that person, or at least trying to see it in a new light. Doing this let me really see my writing with new eyes.
Although I submitted the prompt for this round, I didn't really have anything specific in mind for it. Other than that it was a quote I liked, and I'm a fan of post apocalyptic stories. When it got picked, I saw it as a sign that I should take the dive, and actually submit a story.
I ended up procrastinating till almost the last hour to start working on it.
I've been told that the best way to write is to make an outline of what I want to happen, and then flesh out that idea. This led me to simply stare at my screen for over an hour with nothing to show for it. So I did the only thing that has ever worked for me. I just started writing, and let it take me where it would.
Other than the vague concept of Twilight thinking about jumping off a cliff, I started with no idea how this was going to play out, or even what the tone of the story was going to be. Shoot, I didn't even know if she was going to jump or not.
>>Zaid Val'Roa
Self reflection is something I like in a story as well. Although looking back at it, doing almost the whole story in that manner was perhaps a miscalculation on my part.
And as for horses doing horse things. I always saw them as being more like cats, and small enough to sit on laps.
>>Winston
Yeah, my grammar is atrocious. Commas confuse me. Semicolons make me wonder, and I've been told that in general, talk like Yoda I do. I have a lot of work to go in that regards.
As for having something more unique for Celestia to talk to Twilight about as far as death. I wanted to avoid putting anything here that wasn't fact. I wanted to make it clear that she wasn't telling her an opinion or belief. But a fact. The universe is vast. Energy can't be destroyed. These are things that are irrefutable.
I guess this story just ended up not being about the questions of life and death, as much as it is about Twiligh's need to know. Something that I feel I didn't set up well was the depth of that need. I fell into that old trap of knowing what motivated a character, thus forgetting to explain that to my reader.
>>regidar
This feel of Twilight being uninterested is a failing on my part. I wanted to try writing her here as a form of high functioning sociopath. I wanted to make a version of her that looked at the world, and didn't quit gel with the emotions of those around her. I just forgot to tell any of this to the readers. So her reactions to the things going on have this unexplained sense of detachment from her. Again, a failing on my part to properly represent her character.
>>ToXikyogHurt
I think setting the scene is a vary important part of the story, it sets the mood for the whole work to come. That and I do love me some scenery-porn.
I love the irony of the fact that it seemed like her tryst was a form of setup for the child at the end, when in fact it was the other way around. Nearing the end, I really didn't want Twilight to jump, so I looked back at that part, and thought what better to ground Twi in reality, and pull her back from her existential crisis, than that.
The point of the scene with the lover was to show an example of how Twilight could do silly things in her need to find things out. I didn't even think of using for this. Which is why it would feel sloppy in that regards.
I have a lot of shortcomings as a writer, but the one that bugs me the most is my inability to write in the proper perspective. In the scene where Twilight looks back to the time her grandmother died, what I wanted to do was set up the genesis of this question. I was not sure if I could shift the story into a flashback without breaking the perspective. So I did it as her actively thinking back, a mistake in retrospect.
And yes, as a fan of mlp, I can understand your frustration with me explaining who Twilight Sparkle is, and how she thinks. I just don't want to fall into the fan fiction trap of working with characters the readers would already know inside and out. What I was trying to do was write a story that a non fan could read and not get lost in. The only question my non mlp fan asked was "who is Pinkie Pie?"
>>CoffeeMinion
Thanks for the praise on that last scene. I think how a story is ended is paramount to the execution of it as a whole. It was for me, the easiest to write. Or, at least came the easiest, with no need for second guessing or rewriting.
I tried to do as much showing as I could in a story existing solely in the mind of the character. Anything that had to do with her emotions, or how she reacted to the idea of certain things, I tried to do through subtle hints in her movement, and the scenery around here. In retrospect, perhaps a little too subtle.
>>Trick_Question
A true point about Twilight not realy seeming to be the type to kill herself out of curiosity. I was going to try and portray her in the the light of being somebody that can get hung up on an idea and not let it go. She would get overly obsessed over it, not being able to let go of it. As I said previously, I simply forgot to.
As I was writing this story, it was telling me what kind of story it wanted to be. Wow, that sounds really corny, but is true nonetheless.
After finishing it, I found that it was a story about how people can get lost in the big things, the great questions in life. When in truth, in the day-to-day of our lives, it doesn't really matter. When compared to the love of her child, and the responsibility of taking care of her, all the knowledge in the world can't even compair. Hopfuly one day, I can do justice to that idea.
>>Winston
>>regidar
>>ToXikyogHurt
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Trick_Question
First of all, I want to thank you all for your honest and straightforward reviews of my story. I can't tell you how much it means to me that I can actually write on a site like this, and have my work seen by writers who will give it a good look over and tell me what is lacking.
After each review, I'd take what was said, and with that in mind, I'd reread my story again, trying to see it from the perspective of that person, or at least trying to see it in a new light. Doing this let me really see my writing with new eyes.
Although I submitted the prompt for this round, I didn't really have anything specific in mind for it. Other than that it was a quote I liked, and I'm a fan of post apocalyptic stories. When it got picked, I saw it as a sign that I should take the dive, and actually submit a story.
I ended up procrastinating till almost the last hour to start working on it.
I've been told that the best way to write is to make an outline of what I want to happen, and then flesh out that idea. This led me to simply stare at my screen for over an hour with nothing to show for it. So I did the only thing that has ever worked for me. I just started writing, and let it take me where it would.
Other than the vague concept of Twilight thinking about jumping off a cliff, I started with no idea how this was going to play out, or even what the tone of the story was going to be. Shoot, I didn't even know if she was going to jump or not.
>>Zaid Val'Roa
Self reflection is something I like in a story as well. Although looking back at it, doing almost the whole story in that manner was perhaps a miscalculation on my part.
And as for horses doing horse things. I always saw them as being more like cats, and small enough to sit on laps.
>>Winston
Yeah, my grammar is atrocious. Commas confuse me. Semicolons make me wonder, and I've been told that in general, talk like Yoda I do. I have a lot of work to go in that regards.
As for having something more unique for Celestia to talk to Twilight about as far as death. I wanted to avoid putting anything here that wasn't fact. I wanted to make it clear that she wasn't telling her an opinion or belief. But a fact. The universe is vast. Energy can't be destroyed. These are things that are irrefutable.
I guess this story just ended up not being about the questions of life and death, as much as it is about Twiligh's need to know. Something that I feel I didn't set up well was the depth of that need. I fell into that old trap of knowing what motivated a character, thus forgetting to explain that to my reader.
>>regidar
This feel of Twilight being uninterested is a failing on my part. I wanted to try writing her here as a form of high functioning sociopath. I wanted to make a version of her that looked at the world, and didn't quit gel with the emotions of those around her. I just forgot to tell any of this to the readers. So her reactions to the things going on have this unexplained sense of detachment from her. Again, a failing on my part to properly represent her character.
>>ToXikyogHurt
I think setting the scene is a vary important part of the story, it sets the mood for the whole work to come. That and I do love me some scenery-porn.
I love the irony of the fact that it seemed like her tryst was a form of setup for the child at the end, when in fact it was the other way around. Nearing the end, I really didn't want Twilight to jump, so I looked back at that part, and thought what better to ground Twi in reality, and pull her back from her existential crisis, than that.
The point of the scene with the lover was to show an example of how Twilight could do silly things in her need to find things out. I didn't even think of using for this. Which is why it would feel sloppy in that regards.
I have a lot of shortcomings as a writer, but the one that bugs me the most is my inability to write in the proper perspective. In the scene where Twilight looks back to the time her grandmother died, what I wanted to do was set up the genesis of this question. I was not sure if I could shift the story into a flashback without breaking the perspective. So I did it as her actively thinking back, a mistake in retrospect.
And yes, as a fan of mlp, I can understand your frustration with me explaining who Twilight Sparkle is, and how she thinks. I just don't want to fall into the fan fiction trap of working with characters the readers would already know inside and out. What I was trying to do was write a story that a non fan could read and not get lost in. The only question my non mlp fan asked was "who is Pinkie Pie?"
>>CoffeeMinion
Thanks for the praise on that last scene. I think how a story is ended is paramount to the execution of it as a whole. It was for me, the easiest to write. Or, at least came the easiest, with no need for second guessing or rewriting.
I tried to do as much showing as I could in a story existing solely in the mind of the character. Anything that had to do with her emotions, or how she reacted to the idea of certain things, I tried to do through subtle hints in her movement, and the scenery around here. In retrospect, perhaps a little too subtle.
>>Trick_Question
A true point about Twilight not realy seeming to be the type to kill herself out of curiosity. I was going to try and portray her in the the light of being somebody that can get hung up on an idea and not let it go. She would get overly obsessed over it, not being able to let go of it. As I said previously, I simply forgot to.
As I was writing this story, it was telling me what kind of story it wanted to be. Wow, that sounds really corny, but is true nonetheless.
After finishing it, I found that it was a story about how people can get lost in the big things, the great questions in life. When in truth, in the day-to-day of our lives, it doesn't really matter. When compared to the love of her child, and the responsibility of taking care of her, all the knowledge in the world can't even compair. Hopfuly one day, I can do justice to that idea.
This was, perhaps the funniest thing I've read during this competition. It perfectly encapsulate the idea of a night out on the town. Two friends having fun, getting a little sauced, and ending up in the drunk tank.
I like the little touches, like how Twilight giggles as she drunkenly teleports in and out of the cell.
This story plays with the idea of Fame and popularity. A common idea pointed out by fans of the show. The question of why the main six, Twilight especially, aren't famous. Or more famous than thay're portrayed.
I think a lot of that is Justified in The Narrative of the show, by trying to avoid being obnoxious. As I'm sure if the show is nothing but the main six being hounded by Paparazzi, many would lose interest very quickly. Although this was touched upon in that one episode recently.
But the fun thing about this story is that it completely subverts that entire idea with Luna's revelation of the law at the end. Very well done.
I like the little touches, like how Twilight giggles as she drunkenly teleports in and out of the cell.
This story plays with the idea of Fame and popularity. A common idea pointed out by fans of the show. The question of why the main six, Twilight especially, aren't famous. Or more famous than thay're portrayed.
I think a lot of that is Justified in The Narrative of the show, by trying to avoid being obnoxious. As I'm sure if the show is nothing but the main six being hounded by Paparazzi, many would lose interest very quickly. Although this was touched upon in that one episode recently.
But the fun thing about this story is that it completely subverts that entire idea with Luna's revelation of the law at the end. Very well done.
>>ToXikyogHurt
Don't worry, I said as much as I think needs being said. I wasn't lamenting the fact of not being able to give criticism. Just that after reading your comment, I realized that you had noted upon every point that I wanted to make. I think that your feelings on this story were so close to mine, that I didn't simply want to be echoing them.
Not breaking anonymity, because you've made quite a few reviews, but even your critique of my story was exactly what I felt it was lacking as well.
Don't worry, I said as much as I think needs being said. I wasn't lamenting the fact of not being able to give criticism. Just that after reading your comment, I realized that you had noted upon every point that I wanted to make. I think that your feelings on this story were so close to mine, that I didn't simply want to be echoing them.
Not breaking anonymity, because you've made quite a few reviews, but even your critique of my story was exactly what I felt it was lacking as well.
Fun little story to read. As was stated before, you could have spent some more time flushing out the relationship between the two main characters.
I must say, I really enjoyed Midnight Sparkle in this. Not so much an evil version of Twilight, as a snarky version of her. Would that make her Midnight Snarkle? Her character is definitely the best part about this entire story.
The odd closet homicidal Tendencies of Fluttershy did seem off-putting and out of place, but I'm guessing they were played for comedy. It may have just missed the target with me.
I must say, I really enjoyed Midnight Sparkle in this. Not so much an evil version of Twilight, as a snarky version of her. Would that make her Midnight Snarkle? Her character is definitely the best part about this entire story.
The odd closet homicidal Tendencies of Fluttershy did seem off-putting and out of place, but I'm guessing they were played for comedy. It may have just missed the target with me.
Not much else to say that hasn't been said before. I honestly wish I had gotten to this story earlier, so that I could have given some original criticism. >>ToXikyogHurt already said most of what I think needs being said.
I did very much enjoy reading the story, parentheses a side. A nice bit of kefka-isk lovecraftian body horror never goes wrong with me. My only complaint is that I've seen Concepts like this - it's always Fluttershy isn't it?- done better. And I think there was one too many line breaks. It kept distracting me from the narrative, and pulling me out of the story. Other than that, very well written.
This is probably going to get one of my top spots.
I did very much enjoy reading the story, parentheses a side. A nice bit of kefka-isk lovecraftian body horror never goes wrong with me. My only complaint is that I've seen Concepts like this - it's always Fluttershy isn't it?- done better. And I think there was one too many line breaks. It kept distracting me from the narrative, and pulling me out of the story. Other than that, very well written.
This is probably going to get one of my top spots.
This story bugged me while I was reading it, the whole premise reminded me so much of the first part of Yu-Yu-hakusho, simple without the likable protagonist.. I felt like it was just missing being a story I'd like, it just kept hitting little bumps that nudged me the wrong way.
I didn't like this version of Sunset in the slightest. Not that she was a character written to have an unlikable personality, she was more like that stupid coworker that you have to be around at work, but wouldn't give the time of day in passing. Just unpleasant andself-absorbed in the worst kind of way. I mean, you would think that Dying and being told that she had a chance not to go to hell be be a bit of a humbling experience, but no. She might as well be Lumpy Space Princess/Ponyhead for all the F's she gives. When you make a character in a story that you want to be the protagonist of the work, while also being unpleasant, try to give them some kind of redeeming trait, or at least don't make it painful to read them.
I found that any detail I was hoping would be expounded on, was instead ignored, skipped over or rushed so that the story could get to where it was going.
Sorry to be so abrupt, this story just sorta rubbed me the wrong way I guess. The writing itself was well done, and I don't think enough people write about Human Sunset. It's a good idea for a story, I just think it could be better executed.
I didn't like this version of Sunset in the slightest. Not that she was a character written to have an unlikable personality, she was more like that stupid coworker that you have to be around at work, but wouldn't give the time of day in passing. Just unpleasant andself-absorbed in the worst kind of way. I mean, you would think that Dying and being told that she had a chance not to go to hell be be a bit of a humbling experience, but no. She might as well be Lumpy Space Princess/Ponyhead for all the F's she gives. When you make a character in a story that you want to be the protagonist of the work, while also being unpleasant, try to give them some kind of redeeming trait, or at least don't make it painful to read them.
I found that any detail I was hoping would be expounded on, was instead ignored, skipped over or rushed so that the story could get to where it was going.
Sorry to be so abrupt, this story just sorta rubbed me the wrong way I guess. The writing itself was well done, and I don't think enough people write about Human Sunset. It's a good idea for a story, I just think it could be better executed.
Sorry, but I've got little to add that hasn't already been stated by those more able to express the same points I would have made. A good story. Interesting use of the prompt, and not too fond of the excessive inner monologue.
I think I see why you used Moondancer though. It's like having a more cynical, salty version of Twilight. You get to play around with how she might act a bit more because of her limited development, but avoid the need to invent some random OC for the occasion. When you say "Moondancer" It brings to mind all the things we know about her -Abrupt, cynical and unwilling to put up with nonsense- without having to spell all these details out.
One other thing that bugged me was that the shopkeeper, Wing (thank you for not naming him Wong) Seemed to be going for that over-the-top Chinese mystery pawnshop owner. But somewhere in the middle of the story, his act seems to slip a little. It seemed that once you got the introduction down, you forgot to keep writing him in that manner.
I think I see why you used Moondancer though. It's like having a more cynical, salty version of Twilight. You get to play around with how she might act a bit more because of her limited development, but avoid the need to invent some random OC for the occasion. When you say "Moondancer" It brings to mind all the things we know about her -Abrupt, cynical and unwilling to put up with nonsense- without having to spell all these details out.
One other thing that bugged me was that the shopkeeper, Wing (thank you for not naming him Wong) Seemed to be going for that over-the-top Chinese mystery pawnshop owner. But somewhere in the middle of the story, his act seems to slip a little. It seemed that once you got the introduction down, you forgot to keep writing him in that manner.
>>GaPJaxie
Ok, I see better where you're coming from now. I agree completely about Dash's mindset in this story. It's written almost as an apologetic defense of her dark desires. Having read some of the things you point it out about the story's misuse of humor when trying to talk about deep subject matter, did bother me. I was just wasn't able to figure out why until seeing your comment.
When I saw the brevity of your previous comment, I simply didn't understand the context of your dislike, or where you're coming from. Thanks for the reply.
Ok, I see better where you're coming from now. I agree completely about Dash's mindset in this story. It's written almost as an apologetic defense of her dark desires. Having read some of the things you point it out about the story's misuse of humor when trying to talk about deep subject matter, did bother me. I was just wasn't able to figure out why until seeing your comment.
When I saw the brevity of your previous comment, I simply didn't understand the context of your dislike, or where you're coming from. Thanks for the reply.
This wasn't even one of the stories on my set list, but after spotting >>GaPJaxie(An author I've read and respected for years now) give such a cold, two line reaction and instant rejection of this story, I just had to see what it could possibly be about, to garner such a reaction.
Having read it, I guess I can sort of understand the knee-jerkiness of the reaction. But I can't say that I agree with it. Not even a few months ago I had given a heated rebuttal to something of a similar reaction a fan had left on a story I was reading. Not the same kind of situation as here, simply similar in that the angry comenter was upset for what I thought of as a silly reason was all. Instead of judging a work of writing on its merits or style, they chose instead to get angry about the direction the narrative took. It didn't agree with their head canon you see. And so, they became vary rude about it.
Now I'm not saying that this is anything like the same thing here, it's just that it seemed similar to me. Instead of looking at the work as a piece of writing about a super heavy and uncomfortable subject, like pedophilia. GaP Jaxie, you seem to have looked at the idea the story set up (icky as it is) and judged the work on how you felt about that subject, instead of the skill of it as a work. If you find you can't judge this without letting those feelings cloud your opinion, perhaps you should take >>horizon's advice and simple abstain from voting on it.
And now I am going to go hide myself and hope you won't think too much less of me for disagreeing with you on a matter that you seem to feel so strongly on. As I said before, I really am a huge fan.
Having read it, I guess I can sort of understand the knee-jerkiness of the reaction. But I can't say that I agree with it. Not even a few months ago I had given a heated rebuttal to something of a similar reaction a fan had left on a story I was reading. Not the same kind of situation as here, simply similar in that the angry comenter was upset for what I thought of as a silly reason was all. Instead of judging a work of writing on its merits or style, they chose instead to get angry about the direction the narrative took. It didn't agree with their head canon you see. And so, they became vary rude about it.
Now I'm not saying that this is anything like the same thing here, it's just that it seemed similar to me. Instead of looking at the work as a piece of writing about a super heavy and uncomfortable subject, like pedophilia. GaP Jaxie, you seem to have looked at the idea the story set up (icky as it is) and judged the work on how you felt about that subject, instead of the skill of it as a work. If you find you can't judge this without letting those feelings cloud your opinion, perhaps you should take >>horizon's advice and simple abstain from voting on it.
And now I am going to go hide myself and hope you won't think too much less of me for disagreeing with you on a matter that you seem to feel so strongly on. As I said before, I really am a huge fan.
This is a really great idea for a story, and given more time to expand upon that idea and flesh out the telling, I'm sure I'd love to add it to my favorites. But as it is right now, it feels a little weak in the storytelling department. I'm particularly bugged by the narrative short cut of someone bringing up a hitherto unheard of, non-cannon parental or historical figure by simple name dropping them, and having someone else respond with said person's canonical connection as a question.
It just feels like a cop out, and whenever I see it done, I instantly and unreasonably hate the new character through association.
I will tell you what Princess Fyreflye told me so long ago."
"Mother?" the sisters gasped at once.
It just feels like a cop out, and whenever I see it done, I instantly and unreasonably hate the new character through association.
I agree with >>CoffeeMinion on a lot about this story. I like how it portrayed the idea of emptiness after a big break-up like this. And I'm guessing that you chose not to show a lot of how Sunset was feeling about this to try and keep up a sense of mystery about what was going on, choosing to let us guess by showing us a morning routine bereft of Twilight. The only problem for me was that there wasn't a super big emotional payoff because I'd guessed where this was going from the opening paragraphs. Vary well written though I must say, Far better then I could do to be honest, so take anything I say with a grain of salt.
All right, crackpot Theory time. My theory is that the reason Glitter's first name wasn't said until the very end, during the post Epiphany moment, was because she's not really Twilight's daughter.
Twilight and Discord did a Fusion Dance, and formed the inseparable new life-form known as Twilight Glitter. All of the scenes with Twilight's confusion and Glitter's reluctance was the Persona of Twilight psyche merging together with the cognitive whole to create the new life-form.
Yeah... I'll go with that.
Twilight and Discord did a Fusion Dance, and formed the inseparable new life-form known as Twilight Glitter. All of the scenes with Twilight's confusion and Glitter's reluctance was the Persona of Twilight psyche merging together with the cognitive whole to create the new life-form.
Yeah... I'll go with that.
I like this look into the world of music in Canterlot. I can't say that I know enough about how music works to be able to audibiilze what the music might sound like, but this is simply a restriction on writing about music in a story.
The seeming dichotomy of the bar is an idea I'd like to see more done on in the future. Here it seemed like most of this story was about one persons story that happened in the bar, and not so much about the bar itself.
The seeming dichotomy of the bar is an idea I'd like to see more done on in the future. Here it seemed like most of this story was about one persons story that happened in the bar, and not so much about the bar itself.
This made me lough in all the best ways. I loved the banter between Celestia and Twilight. It made the elder princess feel more "human" in a way that a lot for fics fail to achieve. Also, of course Twilight stops the heat death of the universe, of course she dose. She's to stubborn not to.
I told myself I'd get a good nights sleep, and worry about all this in the morning. But screw that noise. This is the first thing I've really done that wasn't part of a group tribute fic to a man who loves Disney princess way too much.
I couldn't sleep right now if I took half a bottle of pills.
I couldn't sleep right now if I took half a bottle of pills.
Just finished. Wasn't sure I could get anything done. Only worked on it tonight, and it sorta wrote itself as I worked. Hope it's up to snuff.
Oh... Wow, didn't expect my prompt to win... Now I wish I had come up with a story to go with it.
Saw Cold in Gardez's plug for this. Not sure if I'm up to it, but if you never try, how will you know. Right?
Paging WIP