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"if you'd be like a job"
The "be" is extraneous there, right?
"though not, of course, at her heels since she has regular animal feet instead of human feet so it's just her toes on the ground with her heels sticking out behind her above my head even when I'm sitting up"
This struck me a little odd, since there are no humans in the story and Esker doesn't live around any, so why is a human-shaped foot his primary frame of reference? You do have him aware of his audience, and maybe he knows his audience is human?
"when I wasn't broken or on fire of something similar"
Was that "of" supposed to be a second "or"?
"we quickly found ourselves"
"I'd found my voice by then."
Pretty soon to repeat that word already.
This sure sounds like other similarly cute things you've entered before, and it just might fit in really well with all the Cluny lore. Fun read, and the only thing it left me wishing for (and you probably didn't have the time/space to add it) is some demonstration of the relationship. A lot of it comes out well enough through anecdote and reference, but it might be nice to see an example of Esker actually helping Basilon and being useful. Without that, I'm wondering whether he ever is or Basilon just humors him.
The "be" is extraneous there, right?
"though not, of course, at her heels since she has regular animal feet instead of human feet so it's just her toes on the ground with her heels sticking out behind her above my head even when I'm sitting up"
This struck me a little odd, since there are no humans in the story and Esker doesn't live around any, so why is a human-shaped foot his primary frame of reference? You do have him aware of his audience, and maybe he knows his audience is human?
"when I wasn't broken or on fire of something similar"
Was that "of" supposed to be a second "or"?
"we quickly found ourselves"
"I'd found my voice by then."
Pretty soon to repeat that word already.
This sure sounds like other similarly cute things you've entered before, and it just might fit in really well with all the Cluny lore. Fun read, and the only thing it left me wishing for (and you probably didn't have the time/space to add it) is some demonstration of the relationship. A lot of it comes out well enough through anecdote and reference, but it might be nice to see an example of Esker actually helping Basilon and being useful. Without that, I'm wondering whether he ever is or Basilon just humors him.