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The writing's good, but I'm only vaguely aware of what's going on. A power struggle, something akin to mafia, if not that precisely. The characterization is fine, but I'm predisposed not to like mafioso stuff, so I don't know how helpful I can be. The father is characterized well, but the narrator isn't much, so it's tough to develop a rooting interest. The other issue I had is that barely into the story, I know what the conflict and the stakes are, and the rest of it doesn't develop that anymore. Hold something in reserve to dole out through the story so there's a continuous plot arc.
I don't know what AMTO is, so some of this may go over my head. I kind of have the same issue with this story as the first one I read. It quickly becomes clear what the conflict and stakes are, then not much else happens for the rest of the story. There's an effect that sometimes happens in stories as well where every conflict that comes up is immediately and easily fixed, which just conditions the reader to expect that there will be no real obstacles to success. Every objection the father comes up with is put down right away by an explanation from the mother or son, and the dad accepts each one in turn. And while the ending finds a solution that would seem to be acceptable to all involved, it's also anticlimactic, so it kind of fizzles. The one thing that does get slowly developed throughout is the context of what's happening with this war, but it's still pretty vague. The strong point is the logical thread, which makes it all stick together as a believable situation.
I was mostly lost. Initially, this reminded me of another write-off entry, but I can't put my finger on which one. The narrator seems to be looking through a place where people have been petrified, but instead of speaking to the world in general, it fixates on one person, with us later finding out... it's the protagonist himself? And all the statues are him at different points in his life? It also seems to be at points both ahead and behind him at times, and I can't figure out how both past and future him would be turned to stone. I just don't know what's going on. The ending makes me think it's one of those situations where someone is desperately trying to change the one minute event in a timeline that will fix it all, but I don't have any clues as to what the larger situation is. Nicely evocative and atmospheric, but it mostly went over my head.
Probably something to do with the Medici, I suppose. Florence was known during the Middle Ages to witness bloody feuds between ruling families. Wasn't Machiavelli at the service of some Tuscany family?
That being said, much like Pasco, I’m failing to see what the plot is, and it reads as too-short an except from a larger story. Also the scene largely feels disconnected from the background in a way.
That being said, much like Pasco, I’m failing to see what the plot is, and it reads as too-short an except from a larger story. Also the scene largely feels disconnected from the background in a way.
Much like Pasco, I first thought this was about someone turning back home in Pompeii after the Vesuvius eruption, salt statues of Sodom and Gomorrah, or a story of the same ilk. Late into the story I suddenly realised this was not space, but time, and the guy is exploring the land of his memories where past experiences are sort of frozen and represented by statues. I’m not sure what the small figures represent, though. Kids? Or maybe characters in a novel or writing of sorts.
The problem for me is that the arc is too vague. Or too little is said to help the reader home in on what the context is. We don’t know where the protagonist comes from, neither what he intends to do that needs pausing and fishing up strength and inspiration from his past. As Pasco puts its, it’s atmospheric, but too airy in the end.
The problem for me is that the arc is too vague. Or too little is said to help the reader home in on what the context is. We don’t know where the protagonist comes from, neither what he intends to do that needs pausing and fishing up strength and inspiration from his past. As Pasco puts its, it’s atmospheric, but too airy in the end.
>>Pascoite, >>Monokeras
I apologize for any confusion, this story event was scheduled on my birthday and I felt that I could indulge myself with something autobiographical.
In the past year, I resurrected an old artistic project of mine which had been abandoned for various reasons a decade ago. I've taken the liberty of posting some of the art from this work on various art rounds. The way in which I construct this work is analogous to arranging puppets on a stage, which explains the references to the smaller figures.
The process of looking into the past at prior stages of life and the gathering up of what a prior self had left unfinished is what I wished to convey. Also, in this quiescent period of the Writeoff's history, I feel less reticent about referencing my other creative work.
Thank you for your patience and the very kind comments!
I apologize for any confusion, this story event was scheduled on my birthday and I felt that I could indulge myself with something autobiographical.
In the past year, I resurrected an old artistic project of mine which had been abandoned for various reasons a decade ago. I've taken the liberty of posting some of the art from this work on various art rounds. The way in which I construct this work is analogous to arranging puppets on a stage, which explains the references to the smaller figures.
The process of looking into the past at prior stages of life and the gathering up of what a prior self had left unfinished is what I wished to convey. Also, in this quiescent period of the Writeoff's history, I feel less reticent about referencing my other creative work.
Thank you for your patience and the very kind comments!