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Words That We Couldn't Say · Original Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
Show rules for this event
#1 ·
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I am in.
#2 · 1
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Completely winged. Whipped up in less than an hour. I apologise for that shoddy stuff.
#3 ·
· on The Unspeakable Convocation
Nice fakeout that seems to be serious at the beginning. There's some repetitive language, like them gathering in a circle around the circle. Not a lot to say about this—it was amusing. I just wonder that someone who can conjure a pizza delivery can't whip up some fire to reheat it...

I don't get a sense for how many people are here, but it seemed more than just a few, so would one pizza be enough for them all?

I guess the only suggestion I'd make is about the disk/wedge phrasing. It's confusing at first, and I'm betting it's because you didn't want to make the reveal until later, except that happens just one line later, so I'm not sure it's worth that description to buy you one more line. I think it would be equally funny, and it'd avoid the awkward wording (which still sounds odd even after the reveal).
#4 ·
· on Sunday Morning
It's contradictory to narrate breaking off when the dialogue ended with an ellipsis. They're opposite effects. A few details of phrasing here and there are off a bit or seem archaic. Why is "I bit my lips" in past tense? Also, you usually only bite one of them.

The pacing feels a bit off. The long-ish intro might work for a lengthier story, but it takes up more room here than it needs to. It creates atmosphere well enough, but none of that ends up being important, so I'm just waiting to find out what's going on here. By the time Daphne speaks, it's pretty clearly implied what the situation is, and then nothing else develops through the last half. It just confirms what's already been heavily foreshadowed and doesn't take it anywhere else. I like the mood it creates, but honestly, if this had been just the paragraph that begins with "Look," I wouldn't get anything less out of it. Make the rest of it consequential.
#5 ·
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The prompt reminds me of the old days when Starman Theta and I would frequently submit song titles from the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack.