I think:

What made me stumble so badly here was the genre expectation. The story's set up as a police procedural, but it doesn't end like a police procedural because no answers are provided--no answers, as near as I can tell, are even hinted at. A golem, investigating a crime, comes across another golem without the proper animating word on its forehead. This brings up all kinds of questions, none of which are answered because that's when the story stops.

Funny, though, that you and I bounced so hard off each other's stories. I mean, my usual method of "author guessing" is to take the two stories I like best, assign one to you and the other to Cold in Gardez, and then work my way on from there. :)

Mike

“So another review another day. Better get started.” Remedy begins as he stretches his hooves out above the keyboard. Shaking his limbs loose. The pearly white tips flew off in a flurry. Typing away at the keys. The keyboard clicked away as Remedy was distracted in his work. Just as all was calm and quiet in his room. A small speck of a spark hovered about in the center of the room. Remi looks to his screen and expects some type of glitch. Only to realize that the sound was coming from a different source than his desk.

“The fuc-!” His words were cut off short as he made eye contact with the small ball of light. Which blew into a large crackling one. Clear sharp electrical patterns dazzled the air as it sizzled and fizzed at the ground below it. Remedy covered his eyes and found it unbearable to watch any longer. When the sounds faded, Remi opened his eyes and saw something he didn’t expect.

“The fuc-!?” Remi’s lips were shut close. Once again interrupted, yet by an entirely different. Staring back at Remi over his desk was another white colt who looked just like him. Exempt the fact that this one looked to be manic and his mane frizzled about from the conductive science that brought him here.

“Don’t say it!” Ordered the time traveling pony.

“PAH!-Say what? Fuc-?” Remi threw his leg over the intruder’s and spoke out when his lips were freed.

“-No the review you moron!” The traveler butted in once more. Raising his volume to show how stern he was in his intent. “The review! People with be mad at you!” He drew his other leg over the shoved one, rubbing at the searing of a small bruise.

“So?”

“This could alter the timeline! Do you not understand how drastic the situation is right now?!”

“I just wanna do the review.” Remi grimaced not at all entertained by these antics.

“You fool!”

“Excuse me?! Fine! What purpose do I have to be here anyways?! People disagree in this place all the time! Just why in the great wide world of Azetroth, would you be doing here? World peace isn’t the issue. We’re not inciting or starting a war! Just why, oh, WHY?! Are you here?!”

“Fine.” The dramatic visitor’s facade is broken as he crosses his legs over his chest. Standing right above the edge of his other’s desk. “I thought this would make a great intro to the review so I went back in time to make it interesting.”

“Thought so! So who’s time machine?” Remi placed his head along his hooves and prepped himself for a little casual conversation with his future self.

“What do you mean 'who's'? I jacked a ride on it.”

“You, meaning I will, steal a time machine?” Remi’s mouth moved with his chin laying upon his bent hooves. Allowing his head to bounce up and down in quite the sassy tone. Still not trusting this other Remi’s answers.

“Pft! Hell no! Just hopped in and let er rip!” The traveler pumped his right arm into the air behind him. Congratulating himself on an epic job well done. “So did it work?”

“We have yet to find out. By the way, looking handsome there, Slick!” Remi commented pushing back against the edge of his desk in awe of his other. The time induced partner looked bad with a blushing smile and swayed to his side.

“Bah! It’s nothing! You look gorgeous too!” Waving a hoof to bring an imaginary shove to the polite comment.

“ ‘We’ look gorgeous!” Correcting the Stranger with his own stance and a bashful smile as well.

“Okay, guess my job’s done here.”

“Yeah, we got to see each others’ butts and you made an intro that I will have to do or yada yada! Time Paradox!”

“Yeah! See sexy!” With a flash he was gone. Torn back into this dimension without so much of the same spark of chaos that singed Remi’s room. Remi gave a sigh and flopped back down into his chair without a single graceful movement.

“That was weird. Like really fuc- I HAVE A BONER?!” Gasping silently to himself. His face scrunched into something of pure realization. Suspended in his own works, he looked down. Growling at his own mentality. For being so overly open minded it was freaky even to him.

NEGATIVES
-Wording
The context of some of the wording in this story seem to be a bit off. It’s understandable though, that English is not the Author’s primary language. Several sentences seem to come out as outlandish and seem to not make much sense. Which give the feel of going over a bumpy road. The wording could have some look throughs before being published out to an audience. While the ride wasn’t the smoothest, the content clearly shined through these minor errors. It is a problem having your reader stop and think about what the author truly meant in his own story and words. Though it wasn’t a problem for me, as the events were alluring enough to pull be right back in after I did take a pause here and there. Most readers can ignore these details and go right into what the story is meant for. To tell a tale that is fun and entertaining. And this story doesn’t lack any one of these two.

-Character
This element seems to not be a big one. Though I must point out something that seemed to bother me as the story progressed. In the story it is hinted from time to time about our main character, John, doesn’t seem to belong in this one particular story. That story being of course the religious tale of Saint Joan of Arc Church. From the equipment being used, Carbide arrow tips, compass, a metal plating that seems to belong to a teleporter or time machine, and a gas bomb, to the phrases John uses. Tend to make him feel very off in the story. Which is only specified at the ending of the story. Which reveals John to be a robotic agent meant to stop intervention in a timeline. This was really complex and could have been stated at the start of the tale. The story is told in 2nd person overview and I understand the author wanted it kept as a surprise, but it gave way to so much confusion that I took those as errors in the thought process behind John seriously. Even with John being an android, why did he often times make mistakes? Almost letting his secret revealed to Joan by saying the wrong thing. Using tools such as his compass and, very strangely tipped, arrows to give away what he was or what he was doing. Back in those days magic was seen as evil. This would have made Joan freak out even that day and age, for only the devil promises such power. The part that left me the most confused was John climbing down the chimney. For one, it’s hot, two it’s suffocating. I kept thinking “Why the hell would he do this?”. Only to find out that the fire and lack of oxygen had no effect on him at all. I really think this would have been a much smoother read if things were highlighted from the beginning. The readers got clues during John and Joan’s journey, so we know he’s from the future. The robot bit completely threw me off. The story’s angle is being told from the character’s words. The character is telling the story. So why leave out the fact of what he was doing there at the end? This would have made John a much more enjoyable character and would have been much easier to follow along with.

-Main Setting
The main setting of the story takes place in the cold of a winter end somewhere between two countries as Joan makes her journey across miles and miles of land to see a single person. I feel in love with the world John and Joan was in. Everything was a glade of a very tall and cold forest. The glade had been used in the story giving way for a bit of ice in it’s scenes. Which is not bad, except for the fact that the temperature doesn’t seem to be a problem for these two. The setting was given as an icy autumn type of scenario. Which should give way to problems for making fire through all the moisture. It felt as though the story returned to a regular forest setting over time. With the characters being able to hunt for a lot of choices as far as food goes and able to sleep out in the open without freezing to death. The animals I thought didn’t seem to act like animals. They gave no trouble or real chase for their own safety and ignored several primal thoughts to flow through the story more as intended items. But what I did enjoy out of the settings was, the mannerisms brought out by Joan. The way she spoke and acted fit the time period very well. Making her highly enjoyable to read. (Probably because she got naked half the time for me. WOO HOO!) Maybe if it’s pointed out that the snow is melting through their journey it would make much more sense. Though the word Glade is used in the beginning of the story. Thus setting the reader up for an icy or partially snowy environment.

POSITIVES
-Adventure
The sense of the journey was thrilling. We didn’t get a lot of thrilling stories this round, making this one quite a shoe-in, only if several things were shifted around and looked over. You are introduced into a scene that feels like a hunter is setting up for kill, a special one at that. Only for it to be turned into a covert operation that is meant to restore a cut in the timeline. Just the feeling of John alone traversing about with bow and arrow in hand was so much fun. It gave way to a medieval approach that felt realistic to read, during a time of high strung political tensions that would eventually lead to war. John’s destiny, or mission, is to escort a single defenseless girl across a country. What might they run into? Would John turn on this poor girl? Will they ever reach their destination? Sadly this is a short story contest, but this alone could turn into such a good read. Giving way for so much more detail that could made quite the adventure for these two. This alone made the story compelling. From fighting to a bit of sneaking and even a bit of survival with hunting and navigation. John did it all. To protect this one girl who holds a great destiny. Much like certain tales that feature a single ring and several hobbits. My only negative feedback on this. Is that the adventure part was too short. I wanted it to continue to see what else might have happened. A small romance maybe for forbidden love elements. Or near death experiences. Maybe even Joan investigating why her escort never ate or slept. This was the interesting part of the story that could have been stretched out more.

-Surprise
John: I knew you were coming!
Joan: How so?
John: Because I come from the FUTURE!
Joan: Ooooooooo!
John: To help you with your Mission!
Joan” OoOoOoOoO!
John: And I am a ROBOT!
Joan: OOOOOOOOOO!
The twists and turns! They come at all angles! Always giving you something more to learn about from the story. To keep you on edge to and continue to challenge your mind. Even with everything you knew until this point, you strive for the complete truth. The author here does this well, by adding in elements and scenes that eventually lead to the ending of the story. Highlights of the story are plentiful. From John meeting Joan, John being from the future, John attacking the one person Joan needs to see, John admitting he’s a robot agent, and from John’s last scene where Joan sees him one final time. The events unravel a little rough, but in the end it makes sense and gives way for a job well done to the special agent, whom I wanna see more of. Now that I know who he is and what he does. I can’t wait to read his other adventures. Coupled with a sense of mystery being solved within the adventure is and has been a proven successful writing plotline. Which can easily create a fanbase and make more stories. John felt like a hero in a comic book. Something that actually came out quite witty in certain aspects and wasn’t some overpowered person that needed some life lessons. Though the style of this comes out choppy, it’s expected until the real story behind John is hashed out. Even when superheroes came out, they were shunned and thought to be ridiculous. IE Spiderman, Batman, Hulk. Now they’re the biggest things on the screen. With weird superheroes coming out of the woodworks. One such hero being “Squirrelgirl”. I wish I was making this up. I’m not, sadly. She may become popular, who knows? My point is every hero starts out somewhere. And John! John is a hero. You can expect the next installments, if there are any, to hold more surprises. I look forward to them.

Wow. This is my longest review yet. I had a lot to say. Most of them pointing out to what I liked about this piece, more than anything. We don’t get a lot of comic type material these days. So it’s good to see a genuine take on this time of story. I really wish there was more adventure types out there. Though we seem to be pushing more towards slice of life and mystical stuff. It’s fine and dandy, but when I read I want my heart and mind to emanate the heat of a boiling pot. To roil over to the point where I can’t contain it anymore. We have a lot of good stories where we can sit down and read it before we sleep. Some even were just entertaining that tend to make you wanna share it with someone. This one felt like I would want to stay updated with it. Just to see how this all turns out with John in the end. While all the other stories got a good natural end to their adventures, with no other way to continue them, or they just continues on as a loop. John’s adventure doesn’t end. It doesn’t even feel like the high point of his career either. So let me know when you make another one. I’m official a fanboy of this series.

For anyone that's interested, I've just completed the rewrite of this initial section of the story. If you'd like to see it, PM me on fimfiction, and I'll send you the link.