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Becoming Something Like Familiar · Poetry Minific ·
Organised by Anon Y Mous
Word limit 15–1000
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What You Will Mean To Me
Not knowing you will be
As gentle and empty
As every day I've wasted already.
I will not dream of you
I won't wonder after you
Nothing will draw me to your eyes.
But on the day we finally meet
Though I won't suddenly feel complete
I think it will be something like familiar.

Getting to know you will be
A pallid journey to see
The inner lives we plan to share.
Like stagnant water pooling over
Like fields of only clover
We'll note each other only tepidly.
And on the day I think it's love
Though no trumpets scream above
I think it will be something like familiar.

Loving you will be
Though I'd try to say "happy"
An ultimately useless use of time.
We'll be better off than separately
At least we'll say that constantly
Every morning and night we have to share.
And on the day it all turns sour
Though I know not day or hour
I think it will be something like familiar.

Hating you will be
The most you've ever felt for me
And the day I realize that I'll laugh for hours.
Screaming and silence around
As the most energy to abound
Between us for all our time together.
And when it all collapses
In rage but not in gaspses
I think it will finally be new.

And love was never there to remain
But I'll feel burning in my veins
The only fire I'll know my whole life.
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#1 ·
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It looks like you're going for an AABCCDEEF rhyme scheme in the longer stanzas, but it just so happened that the B element rhymed with the A in the first one, which set up different expectations. Minor thing, but it might be better to avoid unintentional rhymes. There's no set rhythm, which is fine. The only really lazy rhyme is "you" with itself.

As a plot, I like the progression from not knowing each other to meeting to loving to breaking up. Though you might have gotten the characters crossed at one point; the "Hating you will be / The most you've ever felt for me" doesn't quite make sense to me. Maybe you meant "hating me"? The uses of "gaspses" as an obvious mutilation for rhyme's sake lends a humorous note, and I notice that the narrator is always speaking in future tense, so it has me thinking he's not actually gone through any of it yet and is fully projecting it into the future.

In the end, this seems to be a take on the "better to have loved and lost" trope, which is nice. The one thing I'm struggling with is how the last long stanza switches from familiar to new. I would have guessed it was because he had only imagined the good parts to that point, but that isn't so; he's already mentioned things going sour before using anther "familiar." So I'm a little lost as to what that part of it means.