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And That Will Be Enough · Original Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
Show rules for this event
The Beast of the Fog
The community of Marsale was having an issue. The people of the hamlet were panicking. Out at the outskirts, rumors of a white beast being sighted were spreading fast. Years of unease with the natives, fighting hostile foreign powers and interference from their sovereign crown had left the colonists on edge. This was also the first year the fall crops were bountiful. Now a beast was coming and they feared it would cause headaches along with all manner of mischief. No one knew what possible horrors would come from this creature.

The beast was spotted crossing a foggy field in the morning. A church based study function was being held on the edge of it. At a far distance this looked like it walked on four legs and was the size of a little (non cartoon) pony. The coloring of the fur was white as pure snow. As it came closer across the field, the creature appeared to be a large canine. It's fluffy tail wag back and forth. In its mouth the beast carried a metal bowl. The canine seemed to move with a purpose as it approached.
The first person to meet this creature was a boy named Michael William Sue, and he wasn't a fearless child. Instead he was just oblivious as the boy just woke up from vigorously ignoring the lesson. Michael paid no mind to the fleeing people and promptly walked into white mass. So hard and clumsily he walked into it, that fell on his backside with an “oof”.

“Woah there err... boy,” Michael guessed.

The canine shook its head back and forth.

“Girl?” he guessed again.

The canine nodded her head vigorously as the bowl dropped to the ground.

While Michael was a lazy boy, he was not a stupid one. The canine could easily eat him up there. Looking around, the boy pick up a picnic basket and emptied it into the bowl before him. The she beast ate in great haste and barked for more. Michael obliged and found a couple more food-filled baskets as the creature, who he figured was a dog or wolf of some type, chowed down.

Finished eating, the white canine left the field with her bowl as the boy followed. She walked around the hamlet and went door to door to what Michael felt as akin to begging. The creature dubbed “Maya”, because the boy thought she looked like one, would drop its bowl at a door and scratch it until it opened. Michael then explained it would be in the family's best interest to give Maya its fill. Fortunately for each of them the dog was not a picky eater and would leave with one bowl full. Lastly she would bark in thanks and continue on her way.

By noon Maya seemed to have its fill and explored the hamlet further. For all purposes Maya seemed well behaved and playful. By this time the people were less wary but still weirded out by the sheer size of her. Speculation as to if it had an owner or not was one topic among quite a few. Where did she come from? What kind of canine was she? When would she get tired of playing catch? Who is going to clean up all those droppings? None of these questions were answered except for the droppings as Michael was tasked later to clean them up.

At the end of the day, Maya bounded off into the fields and left. An attempt to track her down failed as her tracks disappeared over a stream. She was not seen again that year or the one after that. For Michael's lifetime and a bit beyond it, the oddity that was Maya, was never seen hence. Stories and theories spread within the community over time.

Speaking of it, time trotted on and the community of Marsale was having an issue. The people of the village were panicking. The area was to be incorporated into the new nation and a census taker was due to arrive within hours. Some of the citizens wanted to show their best and display the generations of growth along with progress. Others were wary that they traded one tyrant for another and they did not want anything to do with this. Meanwhile rumors of a large white wolf was sighted on the wintry outskirts. Those who passed down the stories of old knew that hungry Maya had returned to eat.

Christopher Lee Noonan was making his way across the newly formed country. The man's purpose was to count every man, woman and child. He was a veteran of the losing side, but found work with the new government. The man figured if they were going to go though with this stupid republic experiment that they might as will get on the correct foot.

Speaking of feet, the long trek across the strangely foggy winter mess was putting Christopher on edge. He traveled all morning from the settlement yonder over. The man wanted to get his mission done within a reasonable time. It was early afternoon when he came to the village proper. He passed by a crude sign painted “Welcome Mr. Noonan” and around him he saw people running around worried or confused.

Walking up to a random hurried old woman he asked, “Pardon me Miss? What is going on here?”

“Maya the beast has just arrived and she hungers!” she said as she left him in haste.

This reply confused Christopher a bit as it didn't tell him who or what Maya was. His confusion was short as he sensed something was behind him. He turned around and was faced with a creature whose head came up to his shoulders. It was white, dog shaped and had a bowl that was small for its mouth. It seemed to want something from him. As a hardened man Christopher was not worried, but still this was quite weird to him.

“Maya? Are you hungry there girl?” he guessed.

Maya nodded her head vigorously as the small bowl of the mouth dropped to the ground. She trotted off, the man picked up the bowl and followed her. She would go door to beg for food and he would ask the occupants questions. He learned the story and took notes. This continued on until every house in the village proper was visited. Maya then played around with the more at ease villagers as they saw that the huge wolf would not eat them.

Christopher complied more notes and eventually Maya disappeared into the fog. Staying for a couple of days, the man got to know the community better and promised to return when his mission was done. He did, settled down and spent his last decades there in peace. In time he died soundly in his sleep. After his funeral, the villagers and his family discovered in his belongings an account of Maya's visit and his research into what he thought she was. They published copies and over time the people would share the tales with each other, along to their children.

Time rolled on and the community of Marsale was having an issue. The people of the town were panicking. While the springtime brought a welcome change, the better weather also brought seedier outside elements. The county's open roads were a haven for bikers, drag racers and rockers. Most of these machine heads were not trouble makers but there were always a few bad apples. These were the people who would cause problems. Meanwhile over the local radio, reports from callers were coming in that a great white dog was sighted in the fields. Maya the ever ravenous had come to feast.

And so she did.

Out on the roads was a young woman named Sandy P Thompson. An out of towner, she was a car enthusiast ever since she was a little girl. Her father raised her after the tragic death of her mother and he was a mechanic. By the time she was legal to drive, she could drive better than most and knew how to take or put back together a vehicle. She was here today to show off her ride and make bank doing so. Being an experienced hustler and excellent driver, she was well on her way on cleaning out the pockets of the crowd.

Also there was a young man by the name of Norbert Noonan. A local who wished to get to know the young woman, he hoped that Sandy would notice him. He didn't think so since he only had an old jalopy that wasn't fit for racing. In the distance behind him he noticed that Maya was running towards the small gathering of racers they were a part of. At this point in her life she was big as a car.

Maya came up to the group, and most scattered and ran except for Sandy and Norbert. The younf man spoke up, “Oh wow! The stories were true of Maya.”

“What is this dog?” asked Sandy, confused but not really bothered. She had money to win.

“This is the legendary beast Maya 'The Bottomless Pit', the dog that could eat!”

Maya barked and wagged her massive tail happily.

“Ha, sure... seems friendly enough.”

“Yeah, and she is strong and fast too.”


“Look at her legs and size. I would bet on it!”

“Would you,” Sandy smirked.

Norbert straightened up and replied, “Yes. She could beat your ride anytime.”

“This is nuts, but alright. Let's race for a drink and all the cash in your pockets.”

The young woman got a rope from the back of the trunk and gave it to the young man. She told him to use it to ride on the car sized dog. And so he did much to the pleasant surprise of Sandy. Norbert whispered to Maya to do her best. The man and the woman agreed to race to the end of the road on the count of her car's third horn beep.

Sandy blared the horn once and Maya started right away. Cursing, the young woman placed the metal to the pedal and gave chase. She quickly caught up to the speeding hound.

“You're a dirty cheat you mutt,” Sandy taunted Maya.

The dog just barked back.

Sandy quickly gain the lead, but her car's right tire was having an issue. She drove over a nail and the stress on the tire made it pop. The young woman lost control and flipped her car over into the foggy fields. The top of the car skidded to a halt and Sandy found she was stuck inside her metal beast.

The young man and his improvised steed stop in the field next to the upside down car. “Are you okay in there Sandy?” he asked while Maya barked.

“Yeah I am okay. I am just stuck here!”

“Hang on. I'll push it over.” the man said as he got off the dog.

Norbert underestimated his strength and could not budge her car. Seeing him struggle, Maya lent her paws and flipped over the vehicle with ease.

Sandy checked her car in silence and determined it just needed some body work along with a few other repairs. “Looks like I owe you a drink, Norb'. What will you have?”

“I was thinking we could go for a milkshake?” he smiled shyly.

“More of a beer girl, but that would be nice too,” she smiled back.

Sensing this was a moment for the two, Maya bounded off into the foggy fields. They walked back to his run down but working car and shared a milkshake later on. Within time the two got to know each other better, married, had children, and lived a good long life until a car accident (blown tire) took their lives at a ripe old age. Still, their tale of the race was written down and talked about throughout the community for years.

Time flowed on and the community of Marsale was having an issue. The people of the small city were panicking. The power and many of the utilities were failing. Years of national economic mismanagement, bio terror attacks and world conflicts had left the former citizens struggling to survive and divided. The area was under lockdown by the emergency corporate state militia. Also rumors of a huge white canine being sighted were spreading fast despite the collapse of the electronic communication network. The legendary monster Maya had returned and woe to all who denied its desire to consume.

Jerome York, newly promoted commander in the corporate state militia, was having a bad day. A few angry mobs was forming outside the defensive perimeter of the compound. The fog was getting thick and making it hard to track them. His commander he served under was found dead due to alcohol poisoning. The high up corporate suit called Bates living in the compound was texting every five minutes complaining about the most mundane things. Morale, man power and competency was at an all time low. The only thing going for Jerome was superior firepower and tech, for now.

The sun started setting and the fog grew thicker and the search lights started to flicker as his communication device blared up “Commander, I need you to keep watch as we load the convoy. We need to make sure these food supplies get to HQ in the capital,” Bates yelled on the other end.

“Sure thing Mr. Bates,” Jerome sighed. He was tired of this shit.

The fog was now a wall of white and chats could be heard coming from it. His communication lines went dead. Something big was breaking through the fog and approaching the wall as the cameras started to fail. He really didn't want live gun fire now. The tired human left his command post and walked to the entrance to get a better look.

As he walked up to the entrance could hear chanting clearly now: “Feed the beast, feed the beast, feed the beast.”

It was a nice change from “Give us back our food!” or “Death to The Man!” or whatever. Behind the gate he could see the convoy as it was being loaded up. The compound forces had their guns point outward. Many were panicked or confused. Beyond the gate a house sized white dog was sitting, waiting at the entrance. Jerome wondered if he was high?

Looking at around at the possible mayhem, the new commander needed to de escalate this, “Guns down people! Let me handle this!”
Jerome calmly went through the gate and asked, “Alright there, what are you?”

The white beast looked down at the man expectantly. He could hear chants of “Maya! Her name is Maya! Feed the beast!” behind her in the fog.

“You're Maya?”

The dog nodded its huge head up and down.

Behind him he could hear, “Shoot the monster now! We have a schedule to keep! Shoot!”

It was Bates' voice and this got on the commander's nerves. He shouted back, “Hold your fire and let me handle this!”

Maya cocked it's head to ask what was going on.

“Okay. What do you want?” he asked, not expecting an answer. But one came as a small metal bowl dropped from her mouth. Must have been under her tongue he figured.

“You are hungry, right? Don't think I'm authorized to fill your bowl Maya,” he replied.

Chants of “Give us our food!” and “Feed the beast!” were getting louder. The dog was getting visibly stressed.

“Order! Fucking order! Shut up! Shut up and let me talk to her. Let me talk to Maya!” he shouted back. Slowly the chanting quieted down to a murmur. “Thank you!”

Maya barked as a voice right behind Jerome yelled, “What are you waiting for, commander? Shoot this thing. Order your men to open fire now!”

“Mr. Bates... thinking and considering the situation we have here, that if we gave her a truck full...”

“No! No, fucking no! These shipments go to the HQ in the capital!”

“... out of the hundreds we have in the compound would be a good idea. Don't know where she came from, but I get that if we feed her that she'll let us on our merry way,” Jerome stated calmly as he frowned.

Bates was pissed when he suggested this. He walked in front of Jerome and shouted “You little shit cunt! I said no! Not one drop of food!”

“The food we took from the people?”

Bates pulled out his gun and pointed it at him, “You fucking traitorous asshole! You will follow orders. Next you will shoot this white freak! Then will clear these trespassing mob out of here!”

“Think you need to calm down sir, and think about what you are saying because...”

“No. No! NO! Follow my orders,” Bates ranted and raved. So pissed he was that he turned towards the dog, forgot he had a gun (that most likely would tickle Maya) and kicked her.

Maya was having none of that at all. She looked down at the small suited man, opened her mouth and ate him in one quick gulp. She burped out his gun and the crowds became silent.

Jerome smiled, “Good girl.”

The commander turned to his men, “With Mr. Bates resignation, I am in charge here. Weapons down and tell the suits here to relax. Or else. We are going to feed Maya.”

The man then turned to the crowd, “We are going to feed Maya, and then we will return back the food we were storing for you. Right? Everything is going to be nice and peaceful like.”

Jerome turned to Maya, “Hey there doggo, just leave some for the rest of us. Okay?”

The house sized dog wagged its tail and replied with a happy bark.

The compound opened up, and the dog and crowd entered calmly. True to the request made, Maya only ate a truck full or two. Then she parted swiftly into the night fog. Communication with the HQ in the capital was lost that night along with power. Their world became a bit smaller. A quick agreement was made between the groups to try to work together and plans were made to distribute the food. While it couldn't be said it was smooth sailing, life slowly over time became normalized and better.

Time passed on. The communities of East Marsale, West Marsale, Down Maya Market, Holy Funk, and Shady Acres were having an issue. The people of the united hamlets were panicking – kinda. Generations of rebuilding had paid off and peace and stability reigned at last. The fall harvest were at record best and there were talks of finishing electrifying the county. The annual great fall festival was going to be great. There were those few who were on the lookout for the mythical guardian spirit because sooner or later she would appear again. And she did.

Maya the good girl had returned and it's belly would be filled.
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#1 ·
The beginning feels a little unfocused. There's talk of "an issue," but then it goes on to talk about multiple things going wrong. The singular tends to mean there's one major problem, but I can't sort out from your list which would be the predominant one. By the end of the first page, I'm seeing some formatting and editing errors. You go back and forth making it sound like the dog eats its fill at each house and that it takes all the houses together, so be careful how you word it. And speaking of word choice, pay attention to how often/close together you repeat words. For instance, you use "seemed" a lot.

This is a bit of an advanced topic, but also take care with who the narration seems to represent. If you're having the narrator express a character's internal thoughts, not as a quote but as direct narration, that means the narrator is taking on the character's identity. But then that means you're restricted to that character and can't tell me things he wouldn't know. So you go from the narrator seeming to be in Michael's POV, but then tells me what other townspeople are thinking (which he couldn't know).

I presume from "the losing side" that Christopher is from this town, and so it'd make sense he knows who Maya is, but that may be a bit too subtle. If that's not what you intended, then I'm not sure how he would have heard of her.

There are a lot of little ironies, and can't tell whether I'm supposed to take them as humorous.

I'm not even sure what happened. There's not really a progression of things being learned from one part of the story to the next, so it didn't feel like it was leading anywhere. And then the last line feels like it's supposed to be ominous, yet I don't see why it would be. I'm more confused than anything.
#2 ·
This story reads a little bit like Native American folklore. There isn't very much emphasis on irony but for progression it relies instead on a certain sense of wonder associated with natural phenomena. Its central mythic creature has personal characteristics while the actual people are more transient, in effect pointing to an abundant presence v. a concern with history or even 'intra-historia'.

The prose blows by me a bit; almost everything is summary. It's as though the objective of the speaker is to "get it over with". The relationship between the people and Maya is ambiguous; from a narrative perspective, this is probably my biggest issue with the story. The use of multiple episodes is to provide parallel instances of a thing; in one episode, they are afraid of her, then in another she is a sort of national mascot. But it's not clear how the change develops, or what it signifies.