Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
The Unseen Clockwork of Illumination
Though solar photon fly at speed of light,
As it is wont to do, yet still it steers
A staggered path within the sun. In flight,
It meets with so much matter that for years
It fumbles in a strange statistic plight
Until the churning plasma fades and clears,
Then sets forth as a speeding bullet might,
To take its ardent path for other spheres.
And so at contest’s start, when at the height
Of vigor, still the erring little sprite
Of some idea dances in the gears
Of idle thoughts, but never quite appears
So that it can inspire me to write
‘Til the last hour of the final night.
As it is wont to do, yet still it steers
A staggered path within the sun. In flight,
It meets with so much matter that for years
It fumbles in a strange statistic plight
Until the churning plasma fades and clears,
Then sets forth as a speeding bullet might,
To take its ardent path for other spheres.
And so at contest’s start, when at the height
Of vigor, still the erring little sprite
Of some idea dances in the gears
Of idle thoughts, but never quite appears
So that it can inspire me to write
‘Til the last hour of the final night.
Rhymes are all clean, but the rhythm is forced in places, like where you had to italicize "the" to make it be stressed, and it's also odd to see "inspire" as 3 syllables.
As to meaning, I like the equating of the random path a photon follows when escaping the sun to the way writing ideas escape the brain. Simple but well-stated.
As to meaning, I like the equating of the random path a photon follows when escaping the sun to the way writing ideas escape the brain. Simple but well-stated.