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A Shaggy GEN3RIC_V1AGRA# Story
To:██████████████@gmail.com
Subject:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Dear friend:
I am wealthy businessman from Ukranian and i am writing to you with an offer of great riches for your immediate assistence. I am possessing 500,000,000 US dollars in US goverment bonds which i need to move to US. For this i must charter a plane and security to move these US goverment bonds to US which i must do discreetly for i am in disfavor of Ukranian goverment. As i need to pay cash and have only bonds which cannot be made into cash in Ukranian i am writing to you discreetly to wire 50,000 US dollars to █████████████,████████ for which you will recieve 10 per cent of the 500,000,000 of US dollars(50,000,000). I am asking you this because i know you can be discreet and i cannot ask anyone close to me or the goverment of Ukranian will stop me leaving. Please wire 50,000 US dollars to █████████████,████████ in 4to6 business days and you will recieve 10 per cent of the 500,000,000 of US dollars(50,000,000) very soon in 2 weeks from recipt or less.
Godbless,
████████
To:█████████████@ukr.net
Subject:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Get fucked.
To:██████████████@gmail.com
Subject:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Dear friend:
I am sorry you feel that way but please be aware that i am wealthy businessman from Ukranian and am not online troll farm. Please wire 50,000 US dollars to █████████████,████████ for which you will recieve 10 per cent of the 500,000,000 of US dollars(50,000,000) very soon in 2 weeks from recipt or less.
Godbless,
████████
To:█████████████@ukr.net
Subject:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Okay guy, real talk: has following up on “get fucked” ever gotten you any money? Like, ever? Because I thought I made it pretty clear you aren’t getting shit from me.
To:██████████████@gmail.com
Subject:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Dear friend:
Since you ask for real and are aware to not send money, i will tell you i am not for real wealthy business man from Ukranian. I am 17 years old student at ██████ university who has learned some english from internet and also spongebob. I am from a poor family and schooling is expensive. I do not recieve the 50,000 US dollars i am payed 15 hryvna for every hour to write english emails which is less than 1 US dollars for every hour so i all the time reply to emails because then it is more hours i work and schooling is expensive.
Godbless,
████████
To:█████████████@ukr.net
Subject:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Man, surely you can find a better job than this. I get you’re a broke-ass student, but this shit’s unethical.
Also, I just looked up Ukraine’s (protip: the country’s name is “Ukraine,” not “Ukrainian”) minimum wage, and it’s like twice what you’re making. If you’re gonna do illegal shit, shouldn’t you at least get paid for it?
To:██████████████@gmail.com
Subject:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Dear friend:
It is true i am making very small money but i am from poor family and schooling is expensive. My parents owe very much money and i need to work for certain people or else things will not be safe. I am hoping to finish schooling and find a real job but i cannot find a real job until the money is payed and it is more money every month. I must be keeping safe for everyone.
Godbless,
████████
To:█████████████@ukr.net
Subject:Subject: Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Fuck, dude, that's some mafioso shit. Is this for real?
To:██████████████@gmail.com
Subject:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Dear friend:
Please do not fear for me, if i do this work everyone is safe and someday maybe i not have to do this work.
Godbless,
████████
To:█████████████@ukr.net
Subject:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Dude, there’s got to be something you can do. I’d heard Ukraine’s corrupt, but Jesus. Can you send an anonymous tip to the local police or something?
To:██████████████@gmail.com
Subject:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Dear friend:
Please do not fear for me, if i do this work everyone is safe and someday maybe i will not have to do this work. I cannot writing to police, they are involved as is normal in Ukranian.
However, there is way you can help! If i can pay off my familys debt, everyone is safe and i will not have to do this work. Please wire 50,000 US dollars to █████████████,████████ in 4to6 business days.
Godbless,
████████
To:█████████████@ukr.net
Subject:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
...Get fucked.
Subject:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Dear friend:
I am wealthy businessman from Ukranian and i am writing to you with an offer of great riches for your immediate assistence. I am possessing 500,000,000 US dollars in US goverment bonds which i need to move to US. For this i must charter a plane and security to move these US goverment bonds to US which i must do discreetly for i am in disfavor of Ukranian goverment. As i need to pay cash and have only bonds which cannot be made into cash in Ukranian i am writing to you discreetly to wire 50,000 US dollars to █████████████,████████ for which you will recieve 10 per cent of the 500,000,000 of US dollars(50,000,000). I am asking you this because i know you can be discreet and i cannot ask anyone close to me or the goverment of Ukranian will stop me leaving. Please wire 50,000 US dollars to █████████████,████████ in 4to6 business days and you will recieve 10 per cent of the 500,000,000 of US dollars(50,000,000) very soon in 2 weeks from recipt or less.
Godbless,
████████
To:█████████████@ukr.net
Subject:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Get fucked.
To:██████████████@gmail.com
Subject:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Dear friend:
I am sorry you feel that way but please be aware that i am wealthy businessman from Ukranian and am not online troll farm. Please wire 50,000 US dollars to █████████████,████████ for which you will recieve 10 per cent of the 500,000,000 of US dollars(50,000,000) very soon in 2 weeks from recipt or less.
Godbless,
████████
To:█████████████@ukr.net
Subject:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Okay guy, real talk: has following up on “get fucked” ever gotten you any money? Like, ever? Because I thought I made it pretty clear you aren’t getting shit from me.
To:██████████████@gmail.com
Subject:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Dear friend:
Since you ask for real and are aware to not send money, i will tell you i am not for real wealthy business man from Ukranian. I am 17 years old student at ██████ university who has learned some english from internet and also spongebob. I am from a poor family and schooling is expensive. I do not recieve the 50,000 US dollars i am payed 15 hryvna for every hour to write english emails which is less than 1 US dollars for every hour so i all the time reply to emails because then it is more hours i work and schooling is expensive.
Godbless,
████████
To:█████████████@ukr.net
Subject:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Man, surely you can find a better job than this. I get you’re a broke-ass student, but this shit’s unethical.
Also, I just looked up Ukraine’s (protip: the country’s name is “Ukraine,” not “Ukrainian”) minimum wage, and it’s like twice what you’re making. If you’re gonna do illegal shit, shouldn’t you at least get paid for it?
To:██████████████@gmail.com
Subject:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Dear friend:
It is true i am making very small money but i am from poor family and schooling is expensive. My parents owe very much money and i need to work for certain people or else things will not be safe. I am hoping to finish schooling and find a real job but i cannot find a real job until the money is payed and it is more money every month. I must be keeping safe for everyone.
Godbless,
████████
To:█████████████@ukr.net
Subject:Subject: Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Fuck, dude, that's some mafioso shit. Is this for real?
To:██████████████@gmail.com
Subject:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Dear friend:
Please do not fear for me, if i do this work everyone is safe and someday maybe i not have to do this work.
Godbless,
████████
To:█████████████@ukr.net
Subject:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Dude, there’s got to be something you can do. I’d heard Ukraine’s corrupt, but Jesus. Can you send an anonymous tip to the local police or something?
To:██████████████@gmail.com
Subject:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
Dear friend:
Please do not fear for me, if i do this work everyone is safe and someday maybe i will not have to do this work. I cannot writing to police, they are involved as is normal in Ukranian.
However, there is way you can help! If i can pay off my familys debt, everyone is safe and i will not have to do this work. Please wire 50,000 US dollars to █████████████,████████ in 4to6 business days.
Godbless,
████████
To:█████████████@ukr.net
Subject:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:RE:Re:IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDS YOUR INVESTMENT
...Get fucked.
Okay, I giggled at the last two e-mails. This is an awfully insubstantial "story," which I suppose I should have expected from the title, but I do wish that you'd done more with the middle section; if @ukr could drag @gmail along for a few more messages, slowly drawing out this whole tragic story, before springing the twist, that'd make said twist even more of a groaner. As long as I'm on the subject, this feels realistic enough that I wonder if it's not far-fetched enough; I could almost see this exchange actually happening, which is simultaneously great for your sense of verisimilitude, but also leaves the comedy feeling a little lighter than it's probably meant to be.
But again, the end made me laugh, and that's clearly what you were going for. More broadly, this may be a story of rather simple goals, but I think it's fair to say it accomplishes them. So in that vein: mission accomplished!
But again, the end made me laugh, and that's clearly what you were going for. More broadly, this may be a story of rather simple goals, but I think it's fair to say it accomplishes them. So in that vein: mission accomplished!
I'll agree with >>Chris:
And how nice it is to see you around these semi-deserted parts, sir!--that this is pretty silly but pretty weightless, too. I kept hoping for more twists, like some whole Joel WIllie/Ben Taylor story, but, well, it's just a minific, after all, I suppose...
Still, I'll second the idea of @ukr playing @gmail more, dropping hints about the Ukrainian stuff more slowly and grudgingly to get @gmail more emotionally involved. But yeah, it's fun.
Mike
And how nice it is to see you around these semi-deserted parts, sir!--that this is pretty silly but pretty weightless, too. I kept hoping for more twists, like some whole Joel WIllie/Ben Taylor story, but, well, it's just a minific, after all, I suppose...
Still, I'll second the idea of @ukr playing @gmail more, dropping hints about the Ukrainian stuff more slowly and grudgingly to get @gmail more emotionally involved. But yeah, it's fun.
Mike