Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.

Are You There? · Poetry Short Short ·
Organised by Anon Y Mous
Word limit 100–2000
Show rules for this event
Chin Money Bags Chud
Foolish Chin ringing the door bell
Hoping that he doesn't have to yell
Trying to win the love
Of this greedy Chud
It is just another day in hell

Greedy Chud opens the door to rain
Front of Chin stands man who is not sane
The fool can not love Chin
Thinks the man acts above him
Door slams and the dream goes down the drain

Chin not stupid and fool no more
Learned an important lesson at the door
Can not buy love with cash
It just make you the ass
Now he proudly walks back home less poor
« Prev   3   Next »
#1 ·
Kind of a limerick format but without the regular meter and tight rhymes. In the end, I'm not sure what happened. Chin thought he could buy Chud's love but got the door slammed in his face, and now he's at least glad he's not out the money? On the surface, that's fine, but there's not enough context to see how it all applies to these two characters specifically. I need a rooting interest in Chin before I care what happens to him. Unless it's more of an aesop thing, but even then it's fairly vague as a moral.