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Returned From Sabbatical · FiM Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
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Outdoor Reunion
‘I still don’t understand what we’re doing here’, Twilight protested.

She looked round, but saw nothing she’d not already seen: a flat meadow divided by a large track of barren earth.

‘Weeee!’ Celestia squeaked. She was hopping round in a mockery of Pinkie Pie’s famous antics.

Twilight scratched her head. Suddenly Celestia froze and peered at the horizon.

‘There, there, there!’ she cried, pointing straight at the sky.

Twilight squinted. She made out a twinkling star, very faint against the backdrop of the cloudless sky. ’What is that?’ she asked.

It looked as if the star was getting brighter by the minute.

‘Weee!’ Celestia squeaked again. ‘My sister!’

Twilight’s eyes almost bulged out. ‘Your WHAT?’

Celestia turned towards Twilight. ‘My sister Luna! Didn’t I tell you about her?’

‘Err…’ Twilight hesitated. ‘I think I’d remember if you had.’

Meanwhile, the star had morphed into a large spacecraft, although still shrunk by the distance.

‘Where does she come from?’ Twilight asked again.

Celestia shrugged. ‘Why, from the moon of course!’

‘Your sister has been travelling to the moon?!’ Twilight exclaimed.

‘Travelling? Oh Twilight, you’re so comical at times. No, not travelling, living! She comes back after a millenium there!’

Twilight’s jaw dropped. ‘Are you telling me your sister has been living ONE THOUSAND YEARS on the moon?’

‘Yes, that’s right!’ Celestia replied. ‘Weeee!’ she squeaked and resumed gambolling like a flea.

The spacecraft completed its approach and landed with a screech. It braked hard and ground to a halt abreast of the two ponies. This close, it looked gigantic. A gangway swivelled out of the fuselage, unfolded and smashed into the ground. The hatch above it hinged open to a patch of darkness, from which a medium-sized blue alicorn loomed out. She blinked several times, reached into a pouch and fished out sunglasses that she put on.

‘LUNA!! LUNA!! I’M HERE! COME DOWN AND LET’S HUG!’ Celestia yapped.

‘WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?’ Luna boomed from her lofty platform, swaying her head to and fro. ‘WHERE IS THE CROWD? WHERE IS THE PRESS? WHERE ARE THE SERVANTS?’

Celestia cocked her head towards Twilight. ‘Things have changed a little since her departure’, she whispered.

Luna walked down the gangway to the ground. Celestia rushed towards her, but a burst of Luna’s magic deflected her and she crashed a few feet beyond her target.

Twilight couldn’t withhold a slight snicker.

‘Come down, sis’’ Luna said, as Celestia was pulling herself up. ‘What’s this mess?’ She looked at Twilight. ‘If that is all the welcome party you’ve been able to gather, I’d rather fly back! Did everyone else die?’ Addressing Twilight: ‘And who are you, by the way? I don’t recognise you.’

‘She’s Twilight Sparkle,’ Celestia answered before Twilight could. ‘My new pupil.’

‘Aha!’ Luna said. ‘What happened to the previous one? Did you eat her up, as you used to before I left?’ She giggled.

‘Uh…’ Celestia hesitated, suddenly embarrassed.

Luna ogled at Twilight and walked round her. ‘You still have good taste, even after a millenium’, she said. She poked Twilight in the flank. ‘This one is a bit lanky, though. I prefer them more… plump?’ She bent over to Twilight’s ear. ‘Leave that old goody-two-shoes of my sister,’ she whispered. ‘Come with me. I’ll teach you unbelievable magic and… much more!’

Twilight felt herself blush, ever so slightly.

‘Heyyy!’ Celestia protested. ‘I was first. I have dibs on her!’

‘Pfff…’ Luna huffed and winked at Twilight. She shuffled away. ‘Always so possessive’, she grumbled.

Celestia harrumphed. ‘So! Tell me, how was your stay?’

‘Refreshing’, Luna replied.

‘What did you do?’

‘I supervised the building of that lido resort we discussed before my departure, remember?’

‘On the shore of Mare Tranquillitatis?’

‘Precisely. I added two extras of my own accord, though.’

‘Namely?’ Celestia asked.

‘A casino, for once.’

‘A what?!’ Celestia exclaimed.

‘A place where ponies gamble’, Luna explained.

‘Sounds exciting’, Celestia said.

‘Also a handy way to refill the treasury chests…’

‘What’s the second extra?’

‘A nudist beach’, Luna replied.

‘But,’ Celestia remarked, ‘we don’t wear any clothes!’

‘You’re such a killjoy, sister. That at least has not changed.’

Perplexed, Twilight watched Celestia and Luna ambling away. The alicorns suddenly disappeared in a flash of light.

Twilight scratched her head. She examined the spacecraft, with its door left wide open, and took a step towards it. Then she stopped, shook her head, rolled her eyes and, turning back, trotted off.
« Prev   9   Next »
#1 · 2
· · >>Monokeras
I'm pretty sure this story set out to try to be the wildest, craziest entry of the bunch, and I'm pretty sure it succeeded. From almost the very first line all the way to the very end, this was a roller coaster that consistently slapped expectations in the face.

This definitely excels at being wacky, but I'm not sure how well that translates into humor for me. Unfortunately, the jokes didn't really land for me. There's something about these kinds of absurdist, surreal comedies that don't usually find purchase with me, and I'm still not sure if it's because I just personally don't jive with them or if they're objectively that much harder to pull off than other kinds of comedy. I think that when you throw any semblance of expectations or boundaries into the wind, it becomes harder to establish the escalating sense of ridiculousness that a lot of comedies are based around.

Like I said before, I'm no big fan of my own ability to judge and review comedy, so all I can definitively say is that this one didn't quite hit for me. I wish I could go into the reasons more without simply spouting on about my personal tastes in comedy, but I hope this helps with understanding how my particular experience went.

Thank you for writing!
#2 · 2
· · >>Monokeras >>Monokeras
Well, I know exactly who wrote this one.

I'm gonna echo Bachi and say that the story's humor didn't click with me. The funniest part of the story was the concept of Luna coming back to Earth in a literal spaceship, not with magic.
#3 · 2
· · >>Monokeras
I laughed a bit right here:
Did you eat her up, as you used to before I left?’ She giggled.

I read it as literal cannibalism for a moment. Really sold the
‘Things have changed a little since her departure’
Luna's rocking big SWAG YOLO energy here, which is funny to see. And spaceships are rarely not cool, so points!

But, unfortunately, yeah the humor mostly didn't quite sit with me, over all. Celestia's obviously excited, but her childish glee is too exaggerated. Twilight by contrast seems too unbothered by all this nonsense after her initial reaction. There's that little moment at the end where it looks like she's thinking of exploring the ship, which yeah is absolutely up her alley, but then she just trots away.
Celestia rushed towards her, but a burst of Luna’s magic deflected her and she crashed a few feet beyond her target.
Did make me laugh though. Physical comedy is hard to do, but sometimes it's worth it.
#4 · 1
· · >>Dubs_Rewatcher

So Dubs, how did you guess me? :)
#5 · 2
The first giveaway was using single quote marks in place of regular quotation marks

The second giveaway was that this is exactly 100% your style of humor 😉
#6 · 2
So, there’s nothing much to say about this piece. It was a lot of fun for me to write, and as the famous Stereopony, I didn’t expect it to fare well, so I’m pretty unfazed by its ranking, lol :) I’m just happy you found at least one or two lines funny, and thanks Rao for finding more than that :) I’ll try and complete it to reach the 1000 words mark and post it on FIM, just, you know, to fly a kite.

Great job guys, I love you all :)