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Morlock
Hello there, are you from Up Above? Oh my oh my, you must be from Up Above! I'm so honored to be your Eyes. Nobody has been eyes for... for... a lot of time. I don't know how much, but I can ask a Manager. They know it and can tell. Let me think where I can get a Manager.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm wasting your time. You know how long it has been, you come from Up Above. I promise I will be good Eyes for you now and don't waste your time anymore. What did they say Eyes had to do? One moment, let me go to the Tables of Law.
Let's see. There, becoming Eyes means you want to see what we do. Sorry for the Tables, we had to copy them a couple of times because sometimes the dust and the smoke eat away at them. And then there was the Big Fire thirty six thousand and nine hundred thirteen shifts ago. I know because it was terrible and now we all remember it so it doesn't happen again. I personally have applied the Big Fire Prevention Procedures once. It was as Dave was distracted and had used his welder near the Black Water Tank six three oh oh five. It was a very silly thing to do because the thank pump has been broken for fifty shifts and he should have known from the Procedures to not do it.
I burned my lower hands badly, but I applied the Big Fire Prevention Procedures and we could even repair the welder then. The Manager even congratulated me because we didn't have to compile the Equipment Replacement Requests. Compiling the request was his job and he does it really good, but there must be a Manager somewhere else who isn't so good at his job because we never get any new Equipment and then have to put together stuff with what we have here.
I'm not complaining, no no, but can you look if there is somebody who doesn't do his job? We would be very grateful. Not that we aren't grateful Did I already told you that I'm honored to be your Eyes?
Anyway, we repaired the welder. Dave was too burnt to be eaten, so we had to put him in the farm.
The farm is something the Smarts came up with. They are very good at their job, it was a very good thing you made them. The farm came when you stopped to use the Organic Disposing Pipes. I'm sure you had your reasons, and very important reasons, but we had a bit of problems there because the Recyclers didn't have new biomass to do their work. So the Smarts came up with the farm. We put there all the waste and then we grow mushrooms and mold and then we feed the Recycler. We are almost there, then I can show you.
Here we are. See those are the mushrooms. I know they are not very tall, but we can make a lot of them. We had to use a bit of the steam for the heat. But we don't use much of it. I swear, just enough for the farm, and there's more than enough for Up Above. You don't use much of it anyway. Oh my oh my, I'm sorry, I don't want to say anything with that, only that we had to do it. If you don't like it say so and we'll dismantle everything and fix it and put things back. Only, maybe start to use the Organic Disposing Pipes again so we can feed the Recycler. Or don't, you know what is right and we will do good work. But at the moment we have to do it this way.
There is a Smart, maybe I can ask him if we can put everything back. Hello Smart. Hello. Uh, seems to be one of those who don't talk. We got more of them every time. Don't know why. But they are still good. They don't talk, but when we give them a problem they solve it. They are very good. Look.
Hey, smart, can we dismantle the farm and still feed the Recycler? See how he begins to shake? That means he is thinking. It will take some time, when he has an idea he will write it. That's the reason for all those pieces of chalk there. We get them from some of the Water Treatment Tanks. He will surely find a solution. Or not, then he will fall over and we can eat him. Or put him in the farm.
I know what comes next. I will bring you to Mother! After that I have to go to my shift, and you can see that too. But first Mother. Mother has been often sick, but we fixed her every time. Not me, I'm too young, but my brothers fixed her lots of times. Let's see. Look, there on the wall, each time somebody fixed mother he has written about it. I know that some fixes don't have the right Maintenance Code, but there were new things we had to try and we can't invent new Codes. The Manager told me about it, new Codes come only from Up Above. We have sent a couple of New Code Requests, but we never got an answer. I think the same one that loses our Equipment Requests does a sloppy job on that. If you find him it would be great.
And here is Mother. They told me that once she had a lot of glass tubes, but some broke and we didn't know how to fix them, so we used steel. We know steel, so we fixed her. She is healthy now. And I'm going to have new brothers too. I think she will give birth any moment now. You know it because all the Obstetrics around the Womb. I can't go there because they are very grumpy, but you can see it from here too.
That was a good batch. Five Dave and three Stephen. We needed a bit more Dave, he is clumsy and sometimes we don't have any before a new birth, but he is very good with the welder. That means we can finally fix Reactor four. Stephen is very good at cleaning the Water Treatment, but we have a lot of him now, that's why the Obstetrics are strangling him. We get to eat him at the end of the shift, that will be good.
The screaming is also normal. I know that filling Dave's head shouldn't make him scream, but we don't know how to stop it. The problem began a lot of shifts ago. Maybe you can tell us how to fix it. That would be very good.
Uh, I have to go to my shift now. I'll show you what I do. I maintain the hydraulics. It's very important, because if the hydraulics stop then a lot of things can't be moved anymore and then everything stops. And we can't let things stop.
I know that some of the corridors are a bit dark, but we can't use too much power for silly things like light in the corridors. The Manager told me that our thorium reserves will start to run low in only fifty thousand shifts, so we are trying to cut back on unnecessary power. We managed to stop a reactor. It took a lot of time and a lot of Erik and Tom got so sick that we couldn't even use them for the farm, but we did it. Now the thorium will last at least for another ten thousand shifts, or so the Manager said.
All the Tom and Erik are in a special heap. The Smarts made a special mushroom that should fix them, then we can in a couple of hundred of shifts put them in the farm.
On that wall the Manager writes what we have to do today. He does it before every shift so everybody does something useful. And there is my entry. Let's see, I have to fix the pumps for the flood-gates form three-oh-five-two to three-oh-five-seven. That's almost a whole sector! This is gonna be a good shift. I can show you what a good work we do now. There will also be Nick. That's good, I can't really work with switch-boxes. I tried once, but I'm not smart enough. But pumps I can fix.
Hey Nick, we are gonna have an awesome shift! I'm being Eyes for someone from Up Above. Really, I swear. No, he doesn't talk, but I can feel it. It's exactly like what the Manager told us. Come on, let's show him what a good work we do.
Yeah, I was at the birth. We got five new Dave. I know, we can fix the Reactor. I don't think we will turn it on, but we can fix it. That should also be your field, right? Reactors have electrical stuff, so you should go there then.
Well, they were filling the heads, so probably in another two shifts we will begin. Ask the Manager maybe.
Sorry if I ignored you, I'm so stupid, I'm your Eyes, I shouldn't chat with Nick. Please, don't be angry at us, we are great workers. Even if we chat sometimes. And the rules don't say anything about chatting. Sometimes the Manager gets angry, but I don't think it's prohibited. If it's prohibited let me know and I won't chat anymore. I promise.
There's the gates. They are very important, as they control one of the only six main water channels here. We use the channels for everything. To get water, to transport some of the heavy stuff, to cultivate algae. The flood-gates here broke thirty-five shifts ago, and we had to send a Request for Spare Parts. You didn't answer so we gathered some pieces here and there to fix them ourselves. That's what we always do. When we don't get the pieces we need we ask Dave to fix them. They have a forge near the lambda Workshop Cluster. I told you we always need Dave.
So we have to fix the pumps here. Nothing strange, usual wear and tear. We have to do it every four hundred shifts at least. Now look, I'll show you what a good work we do here.
And that was the last one. We should be done here. Hey, Nick, can you connect the gates to the grid? Yeah, up there. Now, be careful... And done. Do you hear how they sing? We did a good job.
See, I told you we were good and—Nick! Behind you! The gate is moving. Oh my oh my. Hang in there!
I'm here Nick. Don't know where the opening command came from. Yeah, I'm still the Eyes for Up Above. We did a god work, they have seen it. The gate opened the right way. I don't think we can repair you, and we will have to clean all that blood. Can't let the mechanics rust. I know it's not your fault. I'm sure they know it Up Above too. So, what should I use? Monkey wrench? OK, don't move now, I don't want to miss your head.
Well, I hoped I could walk back with Nick. He is fun. We may need a new batch of him too. I hope Mother is gestating him. Now I'll have to go back and fill an Accident Report, then the Manager will send a cleaning crew and someone to get Nick for the farm. I don't think we can eat him, too much lubricant, but the mushrooms don't have problems with that.
Time to go back, just you and me.
Can I ask you something? I know I'm old, and that parts of me doesn't work anymore as they should. Wear and tear will claim me in another hundred or two hundred shifts. But, are you there? I'm sure I'm feeling you, but it has been such a long time. Not even the Manager is old enough to remember the last communication from Up Above. Did we do something wrong? We are good workers, we make all the gears turn and the water flow and the pumps beat. Please, tell me you are there. Give me some sign we did good. Please.
Hello? Hello?
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm wasting your time. You know how long it has been, you come from Up Above. I promise I will be good Eyes for you now and don't waste your time anymore. What did they say Eyes had to do? One moment, let me go to the Tables of Law.
Let's see. There, becoming Eyes means you want to see what we do. Sorry for the Tables, we had to copy them a couple of times because sometimes the dust and the smoke eat away at them. And then there was the Big Fire thirty six thousand and nine hundred thirteen shifts ago. I know because it was terrible and now we all remember it so it doesn't happen again. I personally have applied the Big Fire Prevention Procedures once. It was as Dave was distracted and had used his welder near the Black Water Tank six three oh oh five. It was a very silly thing to do because the thank pump has been broken for fifty shifts and he should have known from the Procedures to not do it.
I burned my lower hands badly, but I applied the Big Fire Prevention Procedures and we could even repair the welder then. The Manager even congratulated me because we didn't have to compile the Equipment Replacement Requests. Compiling the request was his job and he does it really good, but there must be a Manager somewhere else who isn't so good at his job because we never get any new Equipment and then have to put together stuff with what we have here.
I'm not complaining, no no, but can you look if there is somebody who doesn't do his job? We would be very grateful. Not that we aren't grateful Did I already told you that I'm honored to be your Eyes?
Anyway, we repaired the welder. Dave was too burnt to be eaten, so we had to put him in the farm.
The farm is something the Smarts came up with. They are very good at their job, it was a very good thing you made them. The farm came when you stopped to use the Organic Disposing Pipes. I'm sure you had your reasons, and very important reasons, but we had a bit of problems there because the Recyclers didn't have new biomass to do their work. So the Smarts came up with the farm. We put there all the waste and then we grow mushrooms and mold and then we feed the Recycler. We are almost there, then I can show you.
Here we are. See those are the mushrooms. I know they are not very tall, but we can make a lot of them. We had to use a bit of the steam for the heat. But we don't use much of it. I swear, just enough for the farm, and there's more than enough for Up Above. You don't use much of it anyway. Oh my oh my, I'm sorry, I don't want to say anything with that, only that we had to do it. If you don't like it say so and we'll dismantle everything and fix it and put things back. Only, maybe start to use the Organic Disposing Pipes again so we can feed the Recycler. Or don't, you know what is right and we will do good work. But at the moment we have to do it this way.
There is a Smart, maybe I can ask him if we can put everything back. Hello Smart. Hello. Uh, seems to be one of those who don't talk. We got more of them every time. Don't know why. But they are still good. They don't talk, but when we give them a problem they solve it. They are very good. Look.
Hey, smart, can we dismantle the farm and still feed the Recycler? See how he begins to shake? That means he is thinking. It will take some time, when he has an idea he will write it. That's the reason for all those pieces of chalk there. We get them from some of the Water Treatment Tanks. He will surely find a solution. Or not, then he will fall over and we can eat him. Or put him in the farm.
I know what comes next. I will bring you to Mother! After that I have to go to my shift, and you can see that too. But first Mother. Mother has been often sick, but we fixed her every time. Not me, I'm too young, but my brothers fixed her lots of times. Let's see. Look, there on the wall, each time somebody fixed mother he has written about it. I know that some fixes don't have the right Maintenance Code, but there were new things we had to try and we can't invent new Codes. The Manager told me about it, new Codes come only from Up Above. We have sent a couple of New Code Requests, but we never got an answer. I think the same one that loses our Equipment Requests does a sloppy job on that. If you find him it would be great.
And here is Mother. They told me that once she had a lot of glass tubes, but some broke and we didn't know how to fix them, so we used steel. We know steel, so we fixed her. She is healthy now. And I'm going to have new brothers too. I think she will give birth any moment now. You know it because all the Obstetrics around the Womb. I can't go there because they are very grumpy, but you can see it from here too.
That was a good batch. Five Dave and three Stephen. We needed a bit more Dave, he is clumsy and sometimes we don't have any before a new birth, but he is very good with the welder. That means we can finally fix Reactor four. Stephen is very good at cleaning the Water Treatment, but we have a lot of him now, that's why the Obstetrics are strangling him. We get to eat him at the end of the shift, that will be good.
The screaming is also normal. I know that filling Dave's head shouldn't make him scream, but we don't know how to stop it. The problem began a lot of shifts ago. Maybe you can tell us how to fix it. That would be very good.
Uh, I have to go to my shift now. I'll show you what I do. I maintain the hydraulics. It's very important, because if the hydraulics stop then a lot of things can't be moved anymore and then everything stops. And we can't let things stop.
I know that some of the corridors are a bit dark, but we can't use too much power for silly things like light in the corridors. The Manager told me that our thorium reserves will start to run low in only fifty thousand shifts, so we are trying to cut back on unnecessary power. We managed to stop a reactor. It took a lot of time and a lot of Erik and Tom got so sick that we couldn't even use them for the farm, but we did it. Now the thorium will last at least for another ten thousand shifts, or so the Manager said.
All the Tom and Erik are in a special heap. The Smarts made a special mushroom that should fix them, then we can in a couple of hundred of shifts put them in the farm.
On that wall the Manager writes what we have to do today. He does it before every shift so everybody does something useful. And there is my entry. Let's see, I have to fix the pumps for the flood-gates form three-oh-five-two to three-oh-five-seven. That's almost a whole sector! This is gonna be a good shift. I can show you what a good work we do now. There will also be Nick. That's good, I can't really work with switch-boxes. I tried once, but I'm not smart enough. But pumps I can fix.
Hey Nick, we are gonna have an awesome shift! I'm being Eyes for someone from Up Above. Really, I swear. No, he doesn't talk, but I can feel it. It's exactly like what the Manager told us. Come on, let's show him what a good work we do.
Yeah, I was at the birth. We got five new Dave. I know, we can fix the Reactor. I don't think we will turn it on, but we can fix it. That should also be your field, right? Reactors have electrical stuff, so you should go there then.
Well, they were filling the heads, so probably in another two shifts we will begin. Ask the Manager maybe.
Sorry if I ignored you, I'm so stupid, I'm your Eyes, I shouldn't chat with Nick. Please, don't be angry at us, we are great workers. Even if we chat sometimes. And the rules don't say anything about chatting. Sometimes the Manager gets angry, but I don't think it's prohibited. If it's prohibited let me know and I won't chat anymore. I promise.
There's the gates. They are very important, as they control one of the only six main water channels here. We use the channels for everything. To get water, to transport some of the heavy stuff, to cultivate algae. The flood-gates here broke thirty-five shifts ago, and we had to send a Request for Spare Parts. You didn't answer so we gathered some pieces here and there to fix them ourselves. That's what we always do. When we don't get the pieces we need we ask Dave to fix them. They have a forge near the lambda Workshop Cluster. I told you we always need Dave.
So we have to fix the pumps here. Nothing strange, usual wear and tear. We have to do it every four hundred shifts at least. Now look, I'll show you what a good work we do here.
And that was the last one. We should be done here. Hey, Nick, can you connect the gates to the grid? Yeah, up there. Now, be careful... And done. Do you hear how they sing? We did a good job.
See, I told you we were good and—Nick! Behind you! The gate is moving. Oh my oh my. Hang in there!
I'm here Nick. Don't know where the opening command came from. Yeah, I'm still the Eyes for Up Above. We did a god work, they have seen it. The gate opened the right way. I don't think we can repair you, and we will have to clean all that blood. Can't let the mechanics rust. I know it's not your fault. I'm sure they know it Up Above too. So, what should I use? Monkey wrench? OK, don't move now, I don't want to miss your head.
Well, I hoped I could walk back with Nick. He is fun. We may need a new batch of him too. I hope Mother is gestating him. Now I'll have to go back and fill an Accident Report, then the Manager will send a cleaning crew and someone to get Nick for the farm. I don't think we can eat him, too much lubricant, but the mushrooms don't have problems with that.
Time to go back, just you and me.
Can I ask you something? I know I'm old, and that parts of me doesn't work anymore as they should. Wear and tear will claim me in another hundred or two hundred shifts. But, are you there? I'm sure I'm feeling you, but it has been such a long time. Not even the Manager is old enough to remember the last communication from Up Above. Did we do something wrong? We are good workers, we make all the gears turn and the water flow and the pumps beat. Please, tell me you are there. Give me some sign we did good. Please.
Hello? Hello?
I get the impression of some RTS or management sim like Dwarf Fortress, left alone to run for far, far to long.
An all dialogue story is an odd, choice, but the writeoff is made for such experiments. It works well enough for what it is, a window into a horrible society of pointless toil. With a little dash of sociopathic comedy, it wouldn't feel out of place on an episode of Futurama or Rick and Morty. As it is, it's just vaguely horrifying, but the impact is lessened somewhat by the lack of personality and replaceable nature of whatever creatures these are.
An all dialogue story is an odd, choice, but the writeoff is made for such experiments. It works well enough for what it is, a window into a horrible society of pointless toil. With a little dash of sociopathic comedy, it wouldn't feel out of place on an episode of Futurama or Rick and Morty. As it is, it's just vaguely horrifying, but the impact is lessened somewhat by the lack of personality and replaceable nature of whatever creatures these are.
I'm at a little of a loss as to how to comment on this or give suggestions, given the nonstandard approach.
It does a good job of telling a story indirectly, though this larger story raises questions without answering them. Though description was, by nature, lacking, it painted an interesting picture and held my attention throughout.
The main character had some personality, but it was muted. Likewise with the persistent tugging at the heartstrings; it's hard to deeply care about creatures, when their own emotions are dull.
It seems like an experiment, and a generally successful one.
It does a good job of telling a story indirectly, though this larger story raises questions without answering them. Though description was, by nature, lacking, it painted an interesting picture and held my attention throughout.
The main character had some personality, but it was muted. Likewise with the persistent tugging at the heartstrings; it's hard to deeply care about creatures, when their own emotions are dull.
It seems like an experiment, and a generally successful one.
...I guess this isn't really fanfiction?
I dunno, it's been much too long since I read The Time Machine.
This comes off as extremely one-note to me. The world-building is interesting, and revealed in an effective manner, and it does a pretty good job of evoking desolation and depression. I'm not really seeing much in the way of things like 'plot' or 'character', though... so I dunno. It's interesting, I guess, as much as I dislike the flavor.
I dunno, it's been much too long since I read The Time Machine.
This comes off as extremely one-note to me. The world-building is interesting, and revealed in an effective manner, and it does a pretty good job of evoking desolation and depression. I'm not really seeing much in the way of things like 'plot' or 'character', though... so I dunno. It's interesting, I guess, as much as I dislike the flavor.
I just need:
One more story beat, author, one more paragraph pulling back to the upper world to show who or what triggered the mechanism that's made the connection in our narrator's head. If it's a raccoon that's gotten into the computer room of the dead city up above or whatever, I'd like to see it. And yes, leaving it unaddressed as you do is a legitimate storytelling choice, but I think showing the larger world at the end will make the whole thing stronger. Nicely done, though.
Mike
One more story beat, author, one more paragraph pulling back to the upper world to show who or what triggered the mechanism that's made the connection in our narrator's head. If it's a raccoon that's gotten into the computer room of the dead city up above or whatever, I'd like to see it. And yes, leaving it unaddressed as you do is a legitimate storytelling choice, but I think showing the larger world at the end will make the whole thing stronger. Nicely done, though.
Mike
Let me start with thanking all the people who commented. Feedback is always appreciated.
The main problem seemed to be a lack of characterization. This was, at least in part, intentional to reflect the short and brutal lives of the workers. It should have been one of the cardinal points of their society, but I clearly missed to connect it to the rest and explain it. At the end it seems this backfired. Lesson learnt (until the next time, the more alien the society the more relatable your anchor needs to be.
Regarding the experiment of indirect narration, I think it could be considered a success.
>>Not_A_Hat
They are not exactly the same Morlocks, but I thought the name with correlated baggage would help to give some context to the story.
The main problem seemed to be a lack of characterization. This was, at least in part, intentional to reflect the short and brutal lives of the workers. It should have been one of the cardinal points of their society, but I clearly missed to connect it to the rest and explain it. At the end it seems this backfired. Lesson learnt (until the next time, the more alien the society the more relatable your anchor needs to be.
Regarding the experiment of indirect narration, I think it could be considered a success.
>>Not_A_Hat
They are not exactly the same Morlocks, but I thought the name with correlated baggage would help to give some context to the story.