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Alone Together
FiM Minific
#24339 · 1
· on Between a Rock and a Sad Place
Between a Rock and a Sad Place
The atmosphere and tone are conveyed early on and fit the overall message of the piece.
I found myself fairly invested in Yearling's musings. Even without any strong conclusions I found the character's reflection to be believable and worth my time.
"The rock silented in agreement." is a great sentence

The prose at the end about Yearling's actions get overshadowed by the much more interesting conversation between her and the rock. As such, they don't leave an impact and become hard to follow, making Yearling's escape feel incredibly sudden.
"It was small, but it let her slowly push it out of the way." - It took me quite a few reading of this sentence to understand what the second "it" was referring to.
#24316 ·
· · >>No_Raisin >>CoffeeMinion
Hello, I haven't done one of these in a while. I was wondering, with rounds this small, do people normally post fic reviews after all the writers are revealed or do they write a fake review for their own story?
#24337 ·
· on Rain
Takes time the time to develop the emotional core of the story. In this case the setup needed the most time spent on it, and the focus given in the beginning makes the pacing of this piece excellent.
The portrayal of love in this story is realistic and I enjoy the focus of parts of a relationship that aren't in the honeymoon period.
I love how direct Dash and AJ are with each other. At this point in their lives it feels natural that neither of them have any qualms about taking direct action, especially with each other.

This is splitting hairs, but the brief inclusion of Sugar Belle slightly dampens the thematic elements of Applejack and Rainbow Dash being alone especially as she only has a small role.

I did find the last few paragraphs of the story, especially ending with the prompt, to be rather cheesy in the way it spells out the message. I think in a story like this it's earned to some extent, but I can also see people not liking it because of that.
#24338 ·
· on Silent Gestures
Silent Gestures
Out of all 9 stories, this one has the prose I found most fun to read. They make the most out of the limited amount of words and give a fullness to the story.
The thought that Spike knows Twilight well enough to know that she needs a friend but can't be distracted by a friend right now, so he gives her exactly what she needs for her problem gives me a warm and fuzzy emotional response.

I don't think the ending quote hits the mark it was aiming for. It's about individuality, but specifically having differences between people. That partially relates to the Spike knowing Twilight side because that aspect is about Twilight's individual character shining through, but without Spike acting as a foil it doesn't connect to highlighting the differences. As for the Griffin side of the story, there's contrast between how people act but it's mostly on a cultural level, rather than an individual level.

There are a few points in the story where my brain wants to jump down a rabbit hole of the lore presented by this story's attention to detail, namely my brain wants to know more about the conflict with the Griffin kingdom and the trade deal Spike is working on. The story shouldn't follow these trains of thoughts, but they're so specific that some readers might get hung up on them.
On second thought, there is some possibility that you could expand the Griffin conflict and have a slightly more complex resolution than Twilight just not understanding how Griffin culture works.
#24354 ·
· on Taste of Cherry
The Taste of Cherries
Well, it's not a Rockhoof and a Hard Place
I rather like the conclusion that Flutteryshy would be a logical choice to ask for euthanization, and of course she would never do it (see above.)
I have no qualms with the technical aspects of this story, and found the pacing to be appropriate too.

I agree with everyone else that the solution was too simple, but I would also like to say that it felt like the solution was just handed to Fluttershy. All she had to do was ask what would make her happy and Tempest just tells her.
Tempest is a soldier who wants to die an honorable death. She does not consider suicide to be honorable. From there I ask why is being euthanized considered an honorable death to her? It's not like Fluttershy is going to run at her with a sword or something, so I imagine to an uptight warrior type it would be equally as disgraceful.
#24355 ·
· on Crowns and Mimosas
Crowns and Mimosas
This piece is very much a talking heads fic, and that contributed a lot to both what I like about this fic and what I dislike about it. It's not really a story, it's just some musings on a subject.

I really like the subject they're talking about and their responses to it, to the point where I would say it is rather profound.
The mimosa joke is pretty solid and cuts the tension just before the end. I could see naming the piece after the joke ruining it for some readers though.

Typos ("a wan smile," "know thentruth")
I think the biggest thing that can be done to fix the talking heads vibe is to add more characterization outside of what Twilight and Celestia are saying to each other. Have them do more things to add depth to their emotions.
“You know, for a retired mare at the start of her ‘mimosa week,’ you aren’t very comforting.” - I don't agree with Twilight on this line in the sense that Celestia didn't say something obviously discomforting enough to warrant it, at least in the manner it's currently phrased.
#24357 ·
· on Plip · >>Xepher
A unique and fascinating take on immortality that appeals to both the fantasy side and the science side of my brain. It's a brilliant premise that slides in perfectly with the sisterly love aspect of the story.
Plip is a great word.


On my first read the 2nd half wasn't working for me, but that's because I missed the implication that Celestia and Luna are meant to be a lot younger than they are in the show, which is a necessary detail for the scene to have the desired impact. I feel like this is on me, but I think it's still worth pointing out.
#24358 ·
· on Splinter
This fic has a solid premise, and there's a lot of mileage that can be had out of a simple conversation like this one.
Pinkie Pie being oblivious to Dash trying to be serious at the beginning worked pretty well for me.
Adding Sonata Dusk as the new band member is a great twist that adds more complexity onto the stressful situation.

This feels like an overly condensed version of the argument that lacks breathing room. With more space those punches can hit harder
There isn't really an ending, let alone a satisfying one.

The whiplash from happy Pinkie to sad Pinkie is a bit fast, even if somewhat believable based on what Dash is saying. It might work better overall if it's rearranged to where Pinkie gradually becomes less jokey as she realizes the gravitas of the situation.
#24359 ·
· on In Need
In Need
A story based around a noodle incident, which creates a lot of ambiguity which can create frustration for the reader, both in a good sense and a bad sense. I think for keeping this isolated from Luna creates a good frustration because we all know what it's like to try and comfort someone who won't tell us what's wrong.

There are a few moments where it feels like we don't have all the information Celestia has, which pulls the reader out of her shoes and makes the story less impactful. The big part for me is Celestia saying she doesn't trust herself, which means she knows at least one thing that she did wrong that we don't know about.
I interpret the Luna saying she'll stay in the close until she dies to be a thing a child would do to be over-dramatic, and that there's no chance she'll actually come close to starving herself because people don't stay that angry for that long (and people don't tend to kill themselves with long, drawn out methods.) This part of the story takes up a lot of space for how little weight it holds compared to the rest of the piece.
The ending is well written to create a very tense moment and cliffhanger, but I'm not sure this is the best way to close this story. Luna staying in the closest for a little longer isn't bad enough of an event for the tension to feel justified.