this entry was the only one that thought of taking the prompt given us quite so literally! adora being blinded by catra's claws does make for an interesting premise, after all, and you've given us not only her own reaction to the terrible news, but also the thoughts and feelings of all the characters around her regarding the same. there's also a line of wacky humour that runs through the story, a counterpoint to the sadness and despair that one would ordinarily imagine a story about blindness would include.

the points of view from which the story is written are numerous, and you bounce around from one to another easily. this isn't necessarily a bad thing: third person omniscient narratives - stories which do not limit themselves to one POV, and which have a narrator who seems to know everything that goes on in all the characters' minds at all times - exist for a reason, and i myself have read quite a few well-known, well-written stories which make use of this style of narration. however, they require both a focal point (as scramblers has so kindly mentioned above) and a purpose; we see some of the latter here, it being to show the reader what a battle (both physically and emotionally) without adora would look like, unrestricted by the confines of only one or two points of view, but what the narration lacks is the former.

scramblers has already talked about focal point with regards to plot, so i'll mention here focal point with regards to setting. we have one large setting here - bright moon and the areas which the battle affects - but we also have a few smaller ones, and if you're going to move between these smaller settings, a mere weak scene break would help the reader understand that we're not in the infirmary anymore, but in the midst of the battle near the moonstone, and so on. changing the point of view is not enough: in the scene where swift wind looks out at the moonstone's pedestal about to fall over, the narrative view not only shifts to glimmer but also from the safety of the castle straight into the middle of the battle outside; the reader would find this sudden, and have to accommodate in their mind both the shifting POV and the shifting setting.

this entry was overall a good attempt, but just a little solid groundwork would help make it much better.

the originality is strong in this one.

and catch me using the phrase "a tone deaf raccoon playing with scrap metal" everywhere now.

the fact alone that this isn't a scorpia-centric entry in a collection of the same makes it distinctive, but you've gone ahead and given us an unconventional and therefore refreshing story from the point of view of minor characters with not much content to their names, and set it in a kingdom where you have free rein (free reign, if you will) to invent whatever you desire regarding the inhabitants of dryl - and i'm living for it. the humour was spectacular and had me laughing throughout; i could go on for a long time quoting specific things i liked, but i will desist.

the only thing that detracted slightly from my enjoyment of this fic was, in some areas, the clear separation of dialogue and description. don't get me wrong, there were plenty of scenes of both, and the two in their own right were written well, but sometimes the fact that a scene had only dialogue and very little description would jar me out of my immersion in the story. in some lines it is clear that the reduction in description is meant for humorous purposes, but it didn't always land for myself as a reader.

gonna end by admiring the time and effort that must have gone into typing out all those footnotes, if indeed that is what you did. i would have stopped well before number 10.

"Ancient tech?” Scorpia stared at Lonnie and scrabbled for context. “Oh. Right, yes! Ancient tech. Yes, we succeeded in getting the piece of Ancient tech. Which was our mission.”

scorpia is very scorpia, and i'm living for it.

i know this is the third comment where i'm mentioning characterisation, but as a fanfiction round i feel like an important aspect of writing the same is how well of a grasp the writer seems to have on the various characters in the show, and you've got it down pat. it's less of scorpia's thoughts, and more of scorpia's actions and speech which convey her personality: her speech patterns and the way she phrases her thoughts aloud mimic the scorpia i know and love, and that makes me a happy reader, to say the least.

there is a level of detail delved into here in order to explain various ideas put forth. instead of leaving it at saying scorpia liked reading books, we get a description of a sticky stick, that i now want to own, in order for her book reading to be a reasonable phenomenon: her claws for hands are not forgotten or glossed over. lonnie's kiss on the cheek, something i personally think would generally be out of character for her, is explained as plausible by her making sure scorpia knows she isn't to tell anyone; she has a reputation to upkeep.

this fic and its dialogue rely heavily on the use of ellipses, and while their positioning may make the characters' words sound right in one's head, and give the speech a rhythm similar to how said speech would be heard if voiced aloud, they do not read with an equally good result. not all of them are necessary, and a few in certain lines could even be replaced with commas without disrupting speech patterns, or taking away from the rhythm of scorpia's and lonnie's speeches.

my first impression of this piece was that it was well written, with a solid construction and ample description, balancing out the dialogue that came later; my second impression was much the same. it was only after reading scramblers' mention of modifiers that i went back, looked at the opening paragraph more carefully, and realized that there were, in fact, a couple too many adjectives, making the description lean just this side of "too heavy".

here what i am trying to say, then, is that this entry may need a bit of work as a written piece, but it reads easily as a fanfic - that is how i originally read it, after all. highlighting the more tragic aspects of the cartoon, presenting to the reader the side of the Horde that the TV-Y7-ness of the show glosses over entirely, it has a number of original elements that would appeal to an audience on the lookout for a new fic to read, combining said elements with conventions like exploring the relationship between scorpia and catra and that must be a convention, if most of the entries this round revolved around it, right?.

the side of scorpia we see here fits in well with the themes mentioned; however, it is only one side of her. hints of the more light-hearted, oblivious outlook scorpia boasts for the majority of the show can be seen in certain lines - "she was not out of shape", for instance - but they are few and far between, and the lack of more of them leaves us thinking that there is something in scorpia's personality that is missing. catra, too, does not seem through the show to be the type of person who would be this introspective so easily; in contrast, lonnie and kyle, relatively short though their appearances may be, look and sound exactly like lonnie and kyle. characterisation, then, which at the moment fluctuates and isn't constant, is something that needs to be focused on.

scramblers has already mentioned this, and typed out my own thoughts far better than i possibly could, so i'll limit myself to saying only that your characterization of scorpia, and the manner in which you have presented us with a view of her world, is remarkable. the format, too, causes this piece to stand out in its own way as unique.

the journey from season 1's scorpia to the scorpia of season 2 shows her growth from merely a surface-level, light-hearted character to a more introspective one. the one problem i as a reader experienced, however, was the sudden transition between the two types of entries: the mention of seahawk made me wonder for a second if the scene scorpia was about to describe was from the episode where adora and company rescued glimmer/bow from their brief captivity, only to read the line

long story, but I can tell you it involved a corrupted sword, lots of snow, and a couple of deadly centipede monsters

and finally realize that there had been a notable time skip. a couple of extra diary entries, even if short, between Princess Prom and White Out and yes, i just googled the episode name, could help make the changeover smoother and therefore an easier read.

took me a paragraph or two to figure out what exactly was happening in the story and sink into it, but all of that certainly did happen! the story fits the prompt quite literally, and the description of what a drug like DROSTE would do to the Super Pal Trio's general temperaments and mannerisms was very well done. oh, if only i could know whether everything that happened was simply catra hallucinating or if some parts of it were true!

i've already mentioned this in one way, but the beginning having more clarification would certainly help a reader to start enjoying it earlier. all in all, a good work :)

that was a hell of a lot of feelings packed into such a short 750 or less words, man. the ending, especially, got to me: catra and adora, together at last after such a long period of warring with each other, except this togetherness comes in a form nobody would have expected. kudos to you for that.

besides certain punctuation errors that can easily be fixed, there were certain parts near the end where you seemed to shift between adora's point of view and catra's. did you mean to do that? if so, perhaps some form of separation between the POVs could be used in order for the reader to properly see the distinction between them. :)

this was an incredibly creative fic with how you decided to format it, and i salute you for that! not only did you nail scorpia's personality in your writing, but you also managed to bring out catra's: the way scorpia perceives her, that is.

i would have loved to read more of this, not because i think the word limit, well, limited how much you could write (it's perfectly well-rounded and doesn't actually need more to it), but because i personally enjoyed it too much to want to leave it at that :) i wonder what catra would do if she discovered the pamphlet after all?

and here i find yet another well-written entry. i like your choice of subject, as seemingly does everyone else, since the aftermath of glimmer's time captured by shadow weaver was something we all wanted explored, and you did just that for us. (some glimadora added to the mix never hurts, either!)

i'm pretty sure both meadows and bearpigs have covered the two topics i noticed myself i. e. the "obsessed with me" bit and how, given a little more time (and a higher word count limit) this story could have had more detail. besides that, i have no criticism to give :)

i'll admit, i laughed in a number of places while reading this fic. mermista being perpetually tired, having to deal with everything herself, not to mention seahawk's enthusiasm permeating his actions... it made for a pretty good combination.

as bearpigs mentioned above, this was short and sweet, but perhaps there were too many short sentences grouped together at times? adding a few longer ones in between the short ones would mix things up a little :)

now this was well-written, and a pleasure to read! even if you did make me feel sort of sorry for the evil that is shadow weaver, something i never thought i'd experience.

it took me a second to realize what time the story was set in (is this shadow weaver somehow as a cadet, eating gruel? is this when she first joined the horde?) but it became pretty obvious within a couple of lines that this was about what happened after her fall from grace -- or, well, from her second-in-command position. meadows got it right when they said you get bonus points for all the mythology references! well done :)

this is an interesting fic! you've written well-formed descriptive paragraphs, focusing on the surroundings of the characters and doing so in detail. said characters are, well, characterized competently, with catra's thoughts and scorpia's pouncing on the lithium-ion batteries remaining in my mind. there was one bit, though, which confused me for a bit: the part where adora and catra met. it took me a couple readthroughs to figure out who was speaking when, so perhaps that could be rewritten to clarify what you were trying to say?

there is, of course, the inevitable mention of grammar and punctuation, which was off in a number of places. (i think the tense you were using changed once, too.) with some editing, this fic could be a much smoother read :)

this was beautifully written! i understand that the no-capital-letters thing was an aesthetic choice, one which i make many times myself, so it was a pleasing read for me.

i'm sure there's a phrase for pretty prose like this that i can't seem to remember (one that isn't purple prose) but that's what this is. you've put a lot of time into styling your sentences just so, and it shows.

the content itself is beautiful, too: the cyclic nature of everything, including your story itself, bringing the point up at last, in the very end, about catra waiting for the next cycle was, as anon y mous already put it, incredibly moving, and i salute you. paragraph spacing could be more consistent, and i'm sure the whole piece would also read well even with the missing capitalized letters, but all in all, i enjoyed reading this immensely, so kudos!

i am now cooler by virtue of having seen this picture

honestly i'm just glad a prompt without character names was selected, cause that would narrow the field quite a bit

altho if you think about it, separate ways itself could easily be interpreted as highly specific...