Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Hello, hello! This is my first actual submission. I tried to do one for the previous OF round, but I messed up the deadline by a day. If you've seen me before, it's because I popped into the Discord chat (as Hg) briefly so I didn't completely lose my WIP to the aether. Or you're my husband.
Not sure I'll try another pic->fic round. I'm a much better editor than writer, so it stands to reason I'd be better at riffing off someone's imagery than creating my own.
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Also a poll worker here!
As you and >>No_Raisin surmised, this is partly a real photo run through processing. The background is real, a snapshot I took during some "the heck is that rocket-like cloud trail in the sky" moment a few months back.
The hand and sticker are original, though they're still modeled heavily after a photo.
Having made this on an iPad obliterated some of the subtleties I'd originally intended to include. The time of day is actually dusk, the thing in the sky should have been more clearly out of place (much as the rocket-trail was for me in real life), that paint-over texture on the background just browned out too much detail, too much favoring mood over substance. Oh well.
>>Miller Minus
That sounds plausible considering I'm in the Bay Area. Seems you got way more inspiration out of this than anyone who wrote a fic, since you're the only one to have started a story off it!
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Thank you all for your feedback! Since I placed right about where I would have placed myself in the most generous turn of events, and the vote was unclear too, I'll call it a win for me.
Not sure I'll try another pic->fic round. I'm a much better editor than writer, so it stands to reason I'd be better at riffing off someone's imagery than creating my own.
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Also a poll worker here!
As you and >>No_Raisin surmised, this is partly a real photo run through processing. The background is real, a snapshot I took during some "the heck is that rocket-like cloud trail in the sky" moment a few months back.
The hand and sticker are original, though they're still modeled heavily after a photo.
Having made this on an iPad obliterated some of the subtleties I'd originally intended to include. The time of day is actually dusk, the thing in the sky should have been more clearly out of place (much as the rocket-trail was for me in real life), that paint-over texture on the background just browned out too much detail, too much favoring mood over substance. Oh well.
>>Miller Minus
That sounds plausible considering I'm in the Bay Area. Seems you got way more inspiration out of this than anyone who wrote a fic, since you're the only one to have started a story off it!
--
Thank you all for your feedback! Since I placed right about where I would have placed myself in the most generous turn of events, and the vote was unclear too, I'll call it a win for me.
I like the package fairly well. There are a couple of typos, but it reads clean and has some great, if impenetrable, descriptions.
The esoteric nature of those descriptions, on the other hand, did make it difficult to firmly visualize the world, as >>Baal Bunny said, and that left me grasping for meaning and how to set the scene.
That is, unfortunately, how I spent most of the rest of the story, trying to tease out the importance of name choices, some hints from descriptions, the grandiose mysticism. I was able to do that because the driving impulse of the story never caught me. I cottoned on to the ant angle fairly early, but all that did was change my focus to "how does this fit that piece of art?". It then became a matching puzzle rather than providing a solution that let me get back to the story.
I had no reason to care about Ithilis's quest because I didn't know what they were doing; I couldn't get on to why or how when I was stuck with what and where.
The divine mystery from two angles has potential, balancing the active quest against the historical inspiration with alternating POVs. But something weighty is missing, something to anchor me, the reader, to the mystery through the character's eyes rather than my own.
The esoteric nature of those descriptions, on the other hand, did make it difficult to firmly visualize the world, as >>Baal Bunny said, and that left me grasping for meaning and how to set the scene.
That is, unfortunately, how I spent most of the rest of the story, trying to tease out the importance of name choices, some hints from descriptions, the grandiose mysticism. I was able to do that because the driving impulse of the story never caught me. I cottoned on to the ant angle fairly early, but all that did was change my focus to "how does this fit that piece of art?". It then became a matching puzzle rather than providing a solution that let me get back to the story.
I had no reason to care about Ithilis's quest because I didn't know what they were doing; I couldn't get on to why or how when I was stuck with what and where.
The divine mystery from two angles has potential, balancing the active quest against the historical inspiration with alternating POVs. But something weighty is missing, something to anchor me, the reader, to the mystery through the character's eyes rather than my own.
I like it.
I have some trouble with a few details -- why indeed Gloria is script, why there's precise, flowing writing above the address on the envelope, what the "rest of the shreds" are -- but overall I think it came together quite nicely. My assumption is that Eli has been convicted of murdering Arthur, who was Gloria's new boyfriend after she and Eli stopped dating. Jonathan is the new one?
I don't remember Macbeth in enough detail to get critical with the text, but I think it's a bang on choice for someone in Eli's position and you really sold his cocksure attitude, the one that got him into prison in the first place. The curious movement was him to ... well, was it more Banquo, or was it more Lady Macbeth? On a psychological level he definitely seems to match up with Lady than Banquo, but he plays Banquo and gets to see the story from the outside, riding on the shoulders of one who made the right choice, and died for it.
So the real problem I'm having is that Gloria doesn't exist. We have an epistolary and a frame narrative and there's no real space for her to exist. There's nothing about Jonathan's place or being that suggests she lives there, or ever did, but the letter is clearly and carefully addressed there. She has no action, only memory or receipt, and no body. She's a construct - but then what does he get from addressing her? If she's a non-corporeal stand-in, why Jonathan's house?
I also don't understand prison well and feel that would fill in some blanks for me. I know time passes, weeks or months, but that final one - why all the letters at once? Did Eli kill himself?
I do quite like that Jonathan is eating an apple, though. It fits nicely with my picture of him.
The story feels dim and nihilistic because of its end, but I don't feel convinced the ending is a conclusion. As a fan of journaling as therapy, I picked up on Eli's growing ability to express his emotions and reflect on his actions, so I do feel it must have been somewhat cathartic for him even if the final bit we see is what turns out to be a futile plea for connection.
But... what happens? I don't need all the answers, but I am grasping for something to go with after the story. I don't think I have enough from Eli's letters or Jonathan's actions to fill in any blanks or wrap up the emotional stakes.
I have some trouble with a few details -- why indeed Gloria is script, why there's precise, flowing writing above the address on the envelope, what the "rest of the shreds" are -- but overall I think it came together quite nicely. My assumption is that Eli has been convicted of murdering Arthur, who was Gloria's new boyfriend after she and Eli stopped dating. Jonathan is the new one?
I don't remember Macbeth in enough detail to get critical with the text, but I think it's a bang on choice for someone in Eli's position and you really sold his cocksure attitude, the one that got him into prison in the first place. The curious movement was him to ... well, was it more Banquo, or was it more Lady Macbeth? On a psychological level he definitely seems to match up with Lady than Banquo, but he plays Banquo and gets to see the story from the outside, riding on the shoulders of one who made the right choice, and died for it.
So the real problem I'm having is that Gloria doesn't exist. We have an epistolary and a frame narrative and there's no real space for her to exist. There's nothing about Jonathan's place or being that suggests she lives there, or ever did, but the letter is clearly and carefully addressed there. She has no action, only memory or receipt, and no body. She's a construct - but then what does he get from addressing her? If she's a non-corporeal stand-in, why Jonathan's house?
I also don't understand prison well and feel that would fill in some blanks for me. I know time passes, weeks or months, but that final one - why all the letters at once? Did Eli kill himself?
I do quite like that Jonathan is eating an apple, though. It fits nicely with my picture of him.
The story feels dim and nihilistic because of its end, but I don't feel convinced the ending is a conclusion. As a fan of journaling as therapy, I picked up on Eli's growing ability to express his emotions and reflect on his actions, so I do feel it must have been somewhat cathartic for him even if the final bit we see is what turns out to be a futile plea for connection.
But... what happens? I don't need all the answers, but I am grasping for something to go with after the story. I don't think I have enough from Eli's letters or Jonathan's actions to fill in any blanks or wrap up the emotional stakes.