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Night lights
Running breathless through dark fields by moonlight.
Sam glanced back over her should to catch glimpses of her brother blundering through the low shrubbery, mouth wide in a grin as she panted. He was bigger than her, but those clodhoppers of his got tangled up in the foliage. One of these days he'd learn to pick up his feet, but not tonight.
"Come on, Dan! You won't catch anything like that! Hup hup bro, get the lead out!" Labored breathing and a non committal grunt was her only response, but she was used to that. Her brother wasn't the type to get worked up until he had some results.
"Don't go out too far, kids. If you can't see the headlights turn right around. I'm gettin' too old to come out there and fetch you back." This was nonsense, of course. Dad was old, sure, but he wasn't OLD. Sam glanced back toward the edge of the field, picking out her father's silhouette leaned against their slightly battered truck. The red cherry of a cigarette obscured his features in the dark, but Sam knew every detail of his scruffy face.
She wasn't so young anymore that she thought her Dad was perfect or anything, but he still ended up being the measuring stick she held any boy she met up to. Dan was going to be like Dad, no matter how much he denied it. They had the same slow confidence and sly grin when they thought no one was watching. She'd heard people say they didn't want to grow up and turn into their parents before, but she never really got it. Her brother would be lucky to grow up to be Dad.
"Mom..." Sam murmured to herself, idly swinging her arm as a mote of light flickered in front of her. The movement was automatic though, her mind wandering off to different vistas as she slowed her headlong charge forward. She was far enough, anyway.
She wondered, not for the first time, if she'd mind growing up to be her mom. Not exactly like her, she knew. She'd like to still be around when her kids were old enough to run through fields in the dark in search of treasures. Turning back, she could still pick out her Dad's face in the darkness. The look he got when mom was brought up was another reason she might think twice. He'd told her that this was all mom's idea, but she couldn't remember the years mom had been with them out under the stars.
Sam gave a little bit more of her attention to the world around her, picking her way through the field and swiping at anything that flickered and glowed. She didn't need to turn around to know that Dan was having a good night. His slow chuckles told her enough. Still, she couldn't bring herself to focus solely on the task at hand. Screwing the cap back onto the jar they'd all spent time rigging up to their belts under their Dad's watchful eye, she slowly came to the conclusion that maybe her brother had a point.
Their mom had been wonderful, if Dad's stories were anything to go by, but there was always an edge in his voice. Maybe it was grief, too, but she'd heard Dad angry before. Dad was great, but he liked to blame people for things that might not be all the way their fault. She was sure it was at least SOME their faults, but that maybe meant that it was part mom's fault that she wasn't around anymore.
"Hey, Danny boy, come over here." Sam called, hunkering down and pulling at a bush idly, trying to find a few leftover blueberries in the already raked over field as her brother's grumbles and shuffling steps got closer.
"Give up already, Sam the man?" Dan asked in his soft voice as he came up beside her and squatted beside her, mirroring her posture. Her lips quirked up at the name, but she'd started it. He was twice the size of her anyway, so there wasn't really much point in scrapping with him. Never had been, really, but sometimes that wasn't the point. She liked to think she was old enough to know that sometimes you just scrapped, even if you knew you were gonna lose.
"Good haul." Sam said, smacking the jar at his hip and brightening the field around them a bit. Dan chuckled softly and tousled her hair lightly, prompting an undignified squawk from her.
"'Course. Wouldn't be wasting my time over here if I wasn't almost done already." Sam turned and caught the sly little smile Dan and her Dad shared before it left his face and rolled her eyes. She leaned over, pushing into his comfortable bulk from the side. He didn't move an inch. A butterfly might as well have landed on him for all the difference it made.
"What's up? Too tired? Need your big bro to lean on?" He chuckled again while Sam chewed her lip. Dan was older and... Well, probably not wiser. He knew more stuff, though. He remembered stuff a lot better, too. Well, some stuff. She couldn't give him too much credit or his weathered old cap might not fit anymore.
"Was it mom's fault? That she died?" No sense playing coy.
The question seemed to hit Dan a lot harder than her slight weight had earlier and he rocked back slowly until he landed on his butt, legs shooting out in front of him. Sam yelped as her support disappeared, and she ended up sprawling into Dan's lap. Turning toward him, she knew he probably couldn't see the glare she was giving her, but she hoped he felt it.
"Watch it!" Sam hissed, but a strong arm curled around her and lifted, setting her next to him and pulling her into his side. She looked up to his face, seeing that he had it canted up to watch the stars flickering more and more brightly in the early evening sky.
"Where'd this come from, eh sis?" Most people wouldn't notice, but Sam knew Dan wasn't happy from his voice. You had to know him REAL well to catch that little extra drawl that'd clue you in. She remembered the time at school he'd got in so much trouble. No one even knew Dan was mad until he hit that other kid. Sam was glad he was on her side, cause Dan hit hard. Still, she wasn't so carefree that she didn't nervously rub her thigh through her denim shorts with her free hand. If he was mad at her, he wouldn't hit her or nothin'. He might hold her upside down by her heals and walk around a bit, though. Again.
"Just... You know. Dad always looks just, a bit mad when he talks about her. Like, not mad it happened?" Sam knew she wasn't saying it right, but Dan just sighed and pulled her a little closer. Sam maybe sighed a little too, glad he wasn't angry at her and maybe a bit happy she had him to lean on. It was nice to have a big brother to lean on sometimes.
Not that she was snifflin' or nothing.
"Naw, he's mad it happened. Real mad. Mad at her, mad at himself, mad at doctors and hospitals and just about everythin'. But it's old, so he's good at not lettin' it show anymore. If ya' remembered what he was like back then..." Dan trailed of, and Sam watched him rub his thigh through his jeans in the dim light. Huh. Sam's arm tightened around his back and she leaned into him a bit more. She felt the chuckle through his ribs as he reached over and tousled her hair again. She let him. Cause she figured he needed it.
"Just how he is, Sammy. Dad's a little mad at everything, but mostly he just misses her. Just like us, or a little more. Don't let it get to ya." Sam nodded slowly, watching her brother watch the stars with that sly little smile she always caught. Still...
"So, she didn't... Do nothin'? Like, it wasn't her fault, yeah?" Sam grimaced slightly as Dan's face swung down to look at her a little too quickly.
"Hell no, sis. Wasn't her fault, or ours or the doctors or anything. Just how it is." He stared down at her intensely for a few moments, and Sam couldn't help but feel herself shrink back under his gaze. After a bit longer he shook his head a bit, his hand popping up the brim of his cap and rubbing his forehead. "You get that from Dad, too?"
"He never said it or nothin'." Sam said quietly, rubbing her thigh again and looking away from him. "Just always seems like he's always maddest at her."
They sat in silence for maybe a couple minutes, looking up at the stars together. Sam wondered how much longer they'd have time like this. Dan was going to college. Not next year, but the one after that. It seemed like a real long ways away. She wasn't the type to be clinging on or anything, but it got her thinking. Got her thinking she was glad he still came out and did stuff like this with her. Kids stuff. Dan never said it, but there it was.
"He told me once. Said she was a fighter. Fought everything. He was right, from what I 'member. Said it was stupid how he thought it, but he always figured maybe she coulda fought harder. Losin' her was tough. Supposed to be, though, yeah?" Dan didn't say it all at once, but Sam kept quiet until he was finished. Her chest was tight, but Dan wasn't snifflin' so neither was she. "Losin's tough, but sometimes that's all you get. You know that. Don't mean you stop tryin'."
Sam felt him turn toward the not so distant lights back the way they'd come, and maybe she figured she knew a little bit better why Dan always said he wasn't gonna be like Dad. And maybe she felt like snifflin' now, cause the tightness in her chest told her she didn't like thinkin' her Dad was a quitter. She wasn't sure what he'd quit on, but she felt like maybe he had somehow. Maybe before she even knew any better. She knuckled her eyes quickly and looked up at her big brother and gave him a grin, even if it might not be her best one.
"Sure, I know it. I don't quit. Neither do you, even if I might be a lil' smarter about the fights I get into. You and Tommy still scrappin' over that Angie girl?" She giggled a little when he pulled back a little and made a few sounds that didn't quite make it to words. "Tommy's a better friend than that Angie's ever gonna be, Danny boy."
She couldn't see it, but she didn't have to to know that there was a big stupid blush on her big brother's face.
"Sometimes, Sam the man, you're so smart I forget you're so stupid." He growled, but Sam knew he wasn't mad.
"Sometimes, brother o' mine, you're so stupid I forget you're so smart." Dan was silent for a few seconds before Sam got the feeling she might have pushed a bit too hard, but when she snuck a glance she caught that sly little smile. When she looked over at him, though, he leaned forward and caught her ankles in one big hand. "Oh Shi-!"
"Language, little miss!" Dan said with a chuckle as he leaped to his feet, hauling her up surprisingly gently into the air until her head was a foot over the low bushes. Of course, her arms weren't long enough to reach him, but that didn't stop her from swatting at him and swingin' about.
"So, who's stupid now, Sam the hanged man?" She spluttered at him before swinging to a stop and crossing her arms over her chest. Then she smiled.
"Seems she's smart enough to know I'm not gonna be happy seein' you two rough-housin' again, Danny boy." The grin slowly slipped from her brother's face as he turned to face their Dad, the cherry from his cigarette enough light to show the eyebrow he arched at his son as he stood less than five feet away with fists on hips.
"Now, sure if I can't guess you got a good reason to be treatin' your sister like the dry-cleanin'."
"Ah... Nope." Sam rolled onto her back and then agilely up to her feet after Dan lowered her down, leaned over as close to his ear as she could get and muttered "...Ooooo..."
"Ooo is right, little miss, but we'll save that for later as you've still got some work to do." Reaching into his back pockets, Dad pulled out two jars full to the brim. Sam glanced down at her own half full jar and winced. "Why don't you finish up while your brother and I have a lil' talk about you not bein' a pinata. Go, on now, scoot."
Sam watched out of the corner of her eye as her Dad and brother walked back to the truck, her Dad lightly cuffing Dan about halfway there. She snickered a bit, not too worried about the little bit of trouble they'd got into, then got down to the serious business of fillin' her jar. Not like she wasn't usually the last one to finish. Maybe it was a boy thing. The thought galled a bit, but she had a few more chances before... Well, before she didn't, she guessed.
Walking back to the truck by herself, she kept her eyes on the sky and off the headlights, but her night vision was gonna suffer a bit no matter where she looked. She made her way up to the side of the truck bed and slapped the side of the rusty old thing then held her hands up. Two strong hands found hers and pulled her up and she tucked her legs up so the wouldn't get whacked on the shins again. She was short, but not THAT short.
Settling into the middle of the cushions lining the bed of the truck under the window to the cab, Sam felt her brother slide in beside her. Dad was halfway through the window into the cab, and just like that the truck turned off and the stars really came out. Sam liked this part pretty good. Dan put an arm over her shoulders while Dad wiggled back out of the cab and settled in on the other side of her, his arm sliding behind her head while he threw a blanket over all their laps.
If anyone asked her, this is what she'd call family. Back when they'd started this, she guessed she'd just been a little thing in her mom's lap. Dad still got two jars back then. One for him and one for Sam. By the time she could get her own he was getting one for him and one for mom. She just remembered being in the middle and watching the sky get bright.
"So, summertime again. What's the theme, Sammy?" Her Dad asked, absently rolling one of the jars in his lap as he looked up at the stars, or maybe a bit further out.
"Not ninjas this time, yeah? You fell out enough trees last summer." Her brother added his two cents, and Sam blushed but nodded. Being in a cast for more than a month tended to put a damper on summer vacation, and she wasn't keen to repeat that.
"Lemme think, you goons." Sam said archly, drawing a chuckle from both of them. Thinking back on the night, she knew she wanted something they could all do together, and just blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Uh, how about... Swimmin' every day and movies every night!"
Dad and her brother exchanged a smile before Dan shrugged and nodded.
"Swimming's fine, but how about movies on my nights off? Otherwise we're gonna be pushing even your summertime bedtime." Damn! She was a fool!
"Well, how about swimmin' every day and no bedtimes?" Sam said slyly, innocently staring up into the night sky. "Dang, sure is pretty up there..." She murmured, hoping she could distract Dad from the matter at hand and slip that one through. A furtive glance at her Dad showed he wasn't quite that easy, judging from the raised eyebrow.
"Now, Sam, if it was just you in on this deal I might let that fly." He said, before looking over the top of Sam's head at Dan. "That one out at all hours of the night worries me a bit too much, though. No tellin' what kind of trouble he'd get himself in. But I'll tell you what. Midnight bedtime for the both of ya. How's that sound?" Sam was stunned. Three extra hours of freedom from the slavery of bedtime? Miracles really did exist. She still felt it necessary to dig an elbow into Dan's side for costing her total freedom. He just chuckled and rolled his eyes.
"Got me all wrong, pops. I'm a saint compared ta this little hellion." That sly little smile was back for a moment as he looked down at her before bopping her lightly on the head with his free hand.
"Maybe so, but that particular lil' hellion doesn't have a car or a licence. SHE can only get so far before I gotta haul her back." Sam rubbed her head while glaring at her brother, but he smiled blithely on, tipping his hat to Dad's point.
"Get ready, then. Just about time to commemorate the summer of swimming all day and staying up way too late!" Sam giggled while her father threw his arms up in the air with that exclamation, jars in hand. She snatched up her jar, poking Dan again to get him to lift his up too. She was practically vibrating with excitement.
This, right here, was her favorite part of the summer. She unscrewed the cap of her jar almost all the way off, sliding down with Dad and her brother until they were lying down in the bed of the truck, her only view the field of stars above them.
"One..." She said quietly, glancing at her brother as he unscrewed his own jar and opened his mouth. Then paused. Infuriating...
"Two." He finally said after at LEAST five seconds. She'd get him later, but she had more important things to worry about right now. She turned to Dad to see him inches away from her face, grinning widely.
Say it say it say it say it...
"Three."
"Fireworks!" Sam hollered at the top of her lungs, popping the cap off her jar and shaking it madly over her head. Dad and her brother followed suit with their own jars and the already brilliant summer night was filled with a million, no, a bajillion lightning bugs!
They flashed and shimmered either in irritation from their imprisonment or jubilation at their freedom. Sam idly thought the second one was maybe better as her eyes took in the best light show she'd ever seen. At times it seemed the whole sky was bathed in green and white, then the stars would bleed through before another wave of incandescent green fire swept across her vision. She laughed as a few of the lazier bugs dropped out of the sky on top of them, holding as still as she could so they weren't crushed.
It never lasted long, but that was okay too. Sam lay in the bed of the truck and tried as hard as she could to engrave the sight in her memory. It was something she held in her heart all through the year until the next 'fireworks' show came along and topped it.
She turned to Dad and then her brother, and they both flashed that same sly smile at her. She rolled her eyes and grinned back.
"What's that sneaky little smile for anyway? You both do it whenever you think I'm not lookin', but I see it you sneakers." Her brother looked over at Dad and grinned at him.
"You got it all wrong, Sam the man. We smile like that when we KNOW you're lookin'." She scrunched her nose up in confusion and turned to Dad to be confronted with that sly little smile.
"Don't you get it, sprout? That's our smile for you, and you're the only one that gets to have it." Sam blinked, looking back and forth between the two best people she knew as her chest got tight again.
Sometimes snifflin' was alright.
Sam glanced back over her should to catch glimpses of her brother blundering through the low shrubbery, mouth wide in a grin as she panted. He was bigger than her, but those clodhoppers of his got tangled up in the foliage. One of these days he'd learn to pick up his feet, but not tonight.
"Come on, Dan! You won't catch anything like that! Hup hup bro, get the lead out!" Labored breathing and a non committal grunt was her only response, but she was used to that. Her brother wasn't the type to get worked up until he had some results.
"Don't go out too far, kids. If you can't see the headlights turn right around. I'm gettin' too old to come out there and fetch you back." This was nonsense, of course. Dad was old, sure, but he wasn't OLD. Sam glanced back toward the edge of the field, picking out her father's silhouette leaned against their slightly battered truck. The red cherry of a cigarette obscured his features in the dark, but Sam knew every detail of his scruffy face.
She wasn't so young anymore that she thought her Dad was perfect or anything, but he still ended up being the measuring stick she held any boy she met up to. Dan was going to be like Dad, no matter how much he denied it. They had the same slow confidence and sly grin when they thought no one was watching. She'd heard people say they didn't want to grow up and turn into their parents before, but she never really got it. Her brother would be lucky to grow up to be Dad.
"Mom..." Sam murmured to herself, idly swinging her arm as a mote of light flickered in front of her. The movement was automatic though, her mind wandering off to different vistas as she slowed her headlong charge forward. She was far enough, anyway.
She wondered, not for the first time, if she'd mind growing up to be her mom. Not exactly like her, she knew. She'd like to still be around when her kids were old enough to run through fields in the dark in search of treasures. Turning back, she could still pick out her Dad's face in the darkness. The look he got when mom was brought up was another reason she might think twice. He'd told her that this was all mom's idea, but she couldn't remember the years mom had been with them out under the stars.
Sam gave a little bit more of her attention to the world around her, picking her way through the field and swiping at anything that flickered and glowed. She didn't need to turn around to know that Dan was having a good night. His slow chuckles told her enough. Still, she couldn't bring herself to focus solely on the task at hand. Screwing the cap back onto the jar they'd all spent time rigging up to their belts under their Dad's watchful eye, she slowly came to the conclusion that maybe her brother had a point.
Their mom had been wonderful, if Dad's stories were anything to go by, but there was always an edge in his voice. Maybe it was grief, too, but she'd heard Dad angry before. Dad was great, but he liked to blame people for things that might not be all the way their fault. She was sure it was at least SOME their faults, but that maybe meant that it was part mom's fault that she wasn't around anymore.
"Hey, Danny boy, come over here." Sam called, hunkering down and pulling at a bush idly, trying to find a few leftover blueberries in the already raked over field as her brother's grumbles and shuffling steps got closer.
"Give up already, Sam the man?" Dan asked in his soft voice as he came up beside her and squatted beside her, mirroring her posture. Her lips quirked up at the name, but she'd started it. He was twice the size of her anyway, so there wasn't really much point in scrapping with him. Never had been, really, but sometimes that wasn't the point. She liked to think she was old enough to know that sometimes you just scrapped, even if you knew you were gonna lose.
"Good haul." Sam said, smacking the jar at his hip and brightening the field around them a bit. Dan chuckled softly and tousled her hair lightly, prompting an undignified squawk from her.
"'Course. Wouldn't be wasting my time over here if I wasn't almost done already." Sam turned and caught the sly little smile Dan and her Dad shared before it left his face and rolled her eyes. She leaned over, pushing into his comfortable bulk from the side. He didn't move an inch. A butterfly might as well have landed on him for all the difference it made.
"What's up? Too tired? Need your big bro to lean on?" He chuckled again while Sam chewed her lip. Dan was older and... Well, probably not wiser. He knew more stuff, though. He remembered stuff a lot better, too. Well, some stuff. She couldn't give him too much credit or his weathered old cap might not fit anymore.
"Was it mom's fault? That she died?" No sense playing coy.
The question seemed to hit Dan a lot harder than her slight weight had earlier and he rocked back slowly until he landed on his butt, legs shooting out in front of him. Sam yelped as her support disappeared, and she ended up sprawling into Dan's lap. Turning toward him, she knew he probably couldn't see the glare she was giving her, but she hoped he felt it.
"Watch it!" Sam hissed, but a strong arm curled around her and lifted, setting her next to him and pulling her into his side. She looked up to his face, seeing that he had it canted up to watch the stars flickering more and more brightly in the early evening sky.
"Where'd this come from, eh sis?" Most people wouldn't notice, but Sam knew Dan wasn't happy from his voice. You had to know him REAL well to catch that little extra drawl that'd clue you in. She remembered the time at school he'd got in so much trouble. No one even knew Dan was mad until he hit that other kid. Sam was glad he was on her side, cause Dan hit hard. Still, she wasn't so carefree that she didn't nervously rub her thigh through her denim shorts with her free hand. If he was mad at her, he wouldn't hit her or nothin'. He might hold her upside down by her heals and walk around a bit, though. Again.
"Just... You know. Dad always looks just, a bit mad when he talks about her. Like, not mad it happened?" Sam knew she wasn't saying it right, but Dan just sighed and pulled her a little closer. Sam maybe sighed a little too, glad he wasn't angry at her and maybe a bit happy she had him to lean on. It was nice to have a big brother to lean on sometimes.
Not that she was snifflin' or nothing.
"Naw, he's mad it happened. Real mad. Mad at her, mad at himself, mad at doctors and hospitals and just about everythin'. But it's old, so he's good at not lettin' it show anymore. If ya' remembered what he was like back then..." Dan trailed of, and Sam watched him rub his thigh through his jeans in the dim light. Huh. Sam's arm tightened around his back and she leaned into him a bit more. She felt the chuckle through his ribs as he reached over and tousled her hair again. She let him. Cause she figured he needed it.
"Just how he is, Sammy. Dad's a little mad at everything, but mostly he just misses her. Just like us, or a little more. Don't let it get to ya." Sam nodded slowly, watching her brother watch the stars with that sly little smile she always caught. Still...
"So, she didn't... Do nothin'? Like, it wasn't her fault, yeah?" Sam grimaced slightly as Dan's face swung down to look at her a little too quickly.
"Hell no, sis. Wasn't her fault, or ours or the doctors or anything. Just how it is." He stared down at her intensely for a few moments, and Sam couldn't help but feel herself shrink back under his gaze. After a bit longer he shook his head a bit, his hand popping up the brim of his cap and rubbing his forehead. "You get that from Dad, too?"
"He never said it or nothin'." Sam said quietly, rubbing her thigh again and looking away from him. "Just always seems like he's always maddest at her."
They sat in silence for maybe a couple minutes, looking up at the stars together. Sam wondered how much longer they'd have time like this. Dan was going to college. Not next year, but the one after that. It seemed like a real long ways away. She wasn't the type to be clinging on or anything, but it got her thinking. Got her thinking she was glad he still came out and did stuff like this with her. Kids stuff. Dan never said it, but there it was.
"He told me once. Said she was a fighter. Fought everything. He was right, from what I 'member. Said it was stupid how he thought it, but he always figured maybe she coulda fought harder. Losin' her was tough. Supposed to be, though, yeah?" Dan didn't say it all at once, but Sam kept quiet until he was finished. Her chest was tight, but Dan wasn't snifflin' so neither was she. "Losin's tough, but sometimes that's all you get. You know that. Don't mean you stop tryin'."
Sam felt him turn toward the not so distant lights back the way they'd come, and maybe she figured she knew a little bit better why Dan always said he wasn't gonna be like Dad. And maybe she felt like snifflin' now, cause the tightness in her chest told her she didn't like thinkin' her Dad was a quitter. She wasn't sure what he'd quit on, but she felt like maybe he had somehow. Maybe before she even knew any better. She knuckled her eyes quickly and looked up at her big brother and gave him a grin, even if it might not be her best one.
"Sure, I know it. I don't quit. Neither do you, even if I might be a lil' smarter about the fights I get into. You and Tommy still scrappin' over that Angie girl?" She giggled a little when he pulled back a little and made a few sounds that didn't quite make it to words. "Tommy's a better friend than that Angie's ever gonna be, Danny boy."
She couldn't see it, but she didn't have to to know that there was a big stupid blush on her big brother's face.
"Sometimes, Sam the man, you're so smart I forget you're so stupid." He growled, but Sam knew he wasn't mad.
"Sometimes, brother o' mine, you're so stupid I forget you're so smart." Dan was silent for a few seconds before Sam got the feeling she might have pushed a bit too hard, but when she snuck a glance she caught that sly little smile. When she looked over at him, though, he leaned forward and caught her ankles in one big hand. "Oh Shi-!"
"Language, little miss!" Dan said with a chuckle as he leaped to his feet, hauling her up surprisingly gently into the air until her head was a foot over the low bushes. Of course, her arms weren't long enough to reach him, but that didn't stop her from swatting at him and swingin' about.
"So, who's stupid now, Sam the hanged man?" She spluttered at him before swinging to a stop and crossing her arms over her chest. Then she smiled.
"Seems she's smart enough to know I'm not gonna be happy seein' you two rough-housin' again, Danny boy." The grin slowly slipped from her brother's face as he turned to face their Dad, the cherry from his cigarette enough light to show the eyebrow he arched at his son as he stood less than five feet away with fists on hips.
"Now, sure if I can't guess you got a good reason to be treatin' your sister like the dry-cleanin'."
"Ah... Nope." Sam rolled onto her back and then agilely up to her feet after Dan lowered her down, leaned over as close to his ear as she could get and muttered "...Ooooo..."
"Ooo is right, little miss, but we'll save that for later as you've still got some work to do." Reaching into his back pockets, Dad pulled out two jars full to the brim. Sam glanced down at her own half full jar and winced. "Why don't you finish up while your brother and I have a lil' talk about you not bein' a pinata. Go, on now, scoot."
Sam watched out of the corner of her eye as her Dad and brother walked back to the truck, her Dad lightly cuffing Dan about halfway there. She snickered a bit, not too worried about the little bit of trouble they'd got into, then got down to the serious business of fillin' her jar. Not like she wasn't usually the last one to finish. Maybe it was a boy thing. The thought galled a bit, but she had a few more chances before... Well, before she didn't, she guessed.
Walking back to the truck by herself, she kept her eyes on the sky and off the headlights, but her night vision was gonna suffer a bit no matter where she looked. She made her way up to the side of the truck bed and slapped the side of the rusty old thing then held her hands up. Two strong hands found hers and pulled her up and she tucked her legs up so the wouldn't get whacked on the shins again. She was short, but not THAT short.
Settling into the middle of the cushions lining the bed of the truck under the window to the cab, Sam felt her brother slide in beside her. Dad was halfway through the window into the cab, and just like that the truck turned off and the stars really came out. Sam liked this part pretty good. Dan put an arm over her shoulders while Dad wiggled back out of the cab and settled in on the other side of her, his arm sliding behind her head while he threw a blanket over all their laps.
If anyone asked her, this is what she'd call family. Back when they'd started this, she guessed she'd just been a little thing in her mom's lap. Dad still got two jars back then. One for him and one for Sam. By the time she could get her own he was getting one for him and one for mom. She just remembered being in the middle and watching the sky get bright.
"So, summertime again. What's the theme, Sammy?" Her Dad asked, absently rolling one of the jars in his lap as he looked up at the stars, or maybe a bit further out.
"Not ninjas this time, yeah? You fell out enough trees last summer." Her brother added his two cents, and Sam blushed but nodded. Being in a cast for more than a month tended to put a damper on summer vacation, and she wasn't keen to repeat that.
"Lemme think, you goons." Sam said archly, drawing a chuckle from both of them. Thinking back on the night, she knew she wanted something they could all do together, and just blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Uh, how about... Swimmin' every day and movies every night!"
Dad and her brother exchanged a smile before Dan shrugged and nodded.
"Swimming's fine, but how about movies on my nights off? Otherwise we're gonna be pushing even your summertime bedtime." Damn! She was a fool!
"Well, how about swimmin' every day and no bedtimes?" Sam said slyly, innocently staring up into the night sky. "Dang, sure is pretty up there..." She murmured, hoping she could distract Dad from the matter at hand and slip that one through. A furtive glance at her Dad showed he wasn't quite that easy, judging from the raised eyebrow.
"Now, Sam, if it was just you in on this deal I might let that fly." He said, before looking over the top of Sam's head at Dan. "That one out at all hours of the night worries me a bit too much, though. No tellin' what kind of trouble he'd get himself in. But I'll tell you what. Midnight bedtime for the both of ya. How's that sound?" Sam was stunned. Three extra hours of freedom from the slavery of bedtime? Miracles really did exist. She still felt it necessary to dig an elbow into Dan's side for costing her total freedom. He just chuckled and rolled his eyes.
"Got me all wrong, pops. I'm a saint compared ta this little hellion." That sly little smile was back for a moment as he looked down at her before bopping her lightly on the head with his free hand.
"Maybe so, but that particular lil' hellion doesn't have a car or a licence. SHE can only get so far before I gotta haul her back." Sam rubbed her head while glaring at her brother, but he smiled blithely on, tipping his hat to Dad's point.
"Get ready, then. Just about time to commemorate the summer of swimming all day and staying up way too late!" Sam giggled while her father threw his arms up in the air with that exclamation, jars in hand. She snatched up her jar, poking Dan again to get him to lift his up too. She was practically vibrating with excitement.
This, right here, was her favorite part of the summer. She unscrewed the cap of her jar almost all the way off, sliding down with Dad and her brother until they were lying down in the bed of the truck, her only view the field of stars above them.
"One..." She said quietly, glancing at her brother as he unscrewed his own jar and opened his mouth. Then paused. Infuriating...
"Two." He finally said after at LEAST five seconds. She'd get him later, but she had more important things to worry about right now. She turned to Dad to see him inches away from her face, grinning widely.
Say it say it say it say it...
"Three."
"Fireworks!" Sam hollered at the top of her lungs, popping the cap off her jar and shaking it madly over her head. Dad and her brother followed suit with their own jars and the already brilliant summer night was filled with a million, no, a bajillion lightning bugs!
They flashed and shimmered either in irritation from their imprisonment or jubilation at their freedom. Sam idly thought the second one was maybe better as her eyes took in the best light show she'd ever seen. At times it seemed the whole sky was bathed in green and white, then the stars would bleed through before another wave of incandescent green fire swept across her vision. She laughed as a few of the lazier bugs dropped out of the sky on top of them, holding as still as she could so they weren't crushed.
It never lasted long, but that was okay too. Sam lay in the bed of the truck and tried as hard as she could to engrave the sight in her memory. It was something she held in her heart all through the year until the next 'fireworks' show came along and topped it.
She turned to Dad and then her brother, and they both flashed that same sly smile at her. She rolled her eyes and grinned back.
"What's that sneaky little smile for anyway? You both do it whenever you think I'm not lookin', but I see it you sneakers." Her brother looked over at Dad and grinned at him.
"You got it all wrong, Sam the man. We smile like that when we KNOW you're lookin'." She scrunched her nose up in confusion and turned to Dad to be confronted with that sly little smile.
"Don't you get it, sprout? That's our smile for you, and you're the only one that gets to have it." Sam blinked, looking back and forth between the two best people she knew as her chest got tight again.
Sometimes snifflin' was alright.
This is one that feels like it's using literary fiction genre tropes — going through a sequence of somewhat mundane events as an excuse to really dig into the mind of its protagonist, leaping around through their thoughts haphazardly to paint a fuller picture of their life and concerns. That's fine as far as it goes, but even for literary fiction this feels disjointed to me.
Sam's voicing wanders from "Come on, Dan! You won't catch anything like that! Hup hup bro, get the lead out!" to "Hey, Danny boy, come over here." to "I might be a lil' smarter about the fights I get into. You and Tommy still scrappin' over that Angie girl?", and the narrative voice is just as scattered. The piece starts for no reason I can see with a sentence fragment, and occasionally slips in and out of the pseudo-Southern drawl that you seem to ultimately settle in on for Sam's family.
Sam's age, too, seems to wander all over the map. She gets excited about her bedtime being pushed back from 9 p.m., runs through fields to collect fireflies, and then she turns around and gives her college-aged brother relationship advice and makes a visual joke based off of his Tarot card reference.
There are some rough turns of phrase and self-contradictions, especially in the early going, which make me suspect that this was written at a deadline-racing pace. "The red cherry of a cigarette" is an interesting phrase, but neither red nor cherry implies the light that you're aiming for; you might have wanted "cherry glow" or some such. That cigarette, incidentally, "obscured his features in the dark" three paragraphs in, and then later illuminates Dad's face; you can't have it both ways. And Sam picking blueberries threw me, because you talk about her racing through the fields with jars and fireflies aren't mentioned until the end, and it seemed like they were there to gather fruit; except it's the middle of the night and nobody goes fruit-picking then.
The breathing and grunt come from Dan. "Her only response" implies it's Sam responding. "The only response Sam got" would disambiguate that.
Pasting this in as an example of a similar problem I saw throughout the piece: combining one character's dialogue (Dad's) with another character's actions (Sam's) in the same paragraph, making it look like a single person did both things.
Bad touch. BAD TOUCH ;-p
The good news is that this settles down as it goes. By the end it seems to find a stable footing with voice and theme, and to your credit it hits some strong emotional notes on the "fireworks" and the family stuff as you end. Whack the front end of the story into the same sort of shape as the back end, and rein in the disjointedness, and this will be a much smoother read.
Tier: Keep Developing
Sam's voicing wanders from "Come on, Dan! You won't catch anything like that! Hup hup bro, get the lead out!" to "Hey, Danny boy, come over here." to "I might be a lil' smarter about the fights I get into. You and Tommy still scrappin' over that Angie girl?", and the narrative voice is just as scattered. The piece starts for no reason I can see with a sentence fragment, and occasionally slips in and out of the pseudo-Southern drawl that you seem to ultimately settle in on for Sam's family.
Sam's age, too, seems to wander all over the map. She gets excited about her bedtime being pushed back from 9 p.m., runs through fields to collect fireflies, and then she turns around and gives her college-aged brother relationship advice and makes a visual joke based off of his Tarot card reference.
There are some rough turns of phrase and self-contradictions, especially in the early going, which make me suspect that this was written at a deadline-racing pace. "The red cherry of a cigarette" is an interesting phrase, but neither red nor cherry implies the light that you're aiming for; you might have wanted "cherry glow" or some such. That cigarette, incidentally, "obscured his features in the dark" three paragraphs in, and then later illuminates Dad's face; you can't have it both ways. And Sam picking blueberries threw me, because you talk about her racing through the fields with jars and fireflies aren't mentioned until the end, and it seemed like they were there to gather fruit; except it's the middle of the night and nobody goes fruit-picking then.
Labored breathing and a non committal grunt was her only response
The breathing and grunt come from Dan. "Her only response" implies it's Sam responding. "The only response Sam got" would disambiguate that.
"You got it all wrong, Sam the man. We smile like that when we KNOW you're lookin'." She scrunched her nose up in confusion and turned to Dad to be confronted with that sly little smile.
Pasting this in as an example of a similar problem I saw throughout the piece: combining one character's dialogue (Dad's) with another character's actions (Sam's) in the same paragraph, making it look like a single person did both things.
Still, she wasn't so carefree that she didn't nervously rub her thigh through her denim shorts with her free hand. If he was mad at her, he wouldn't hit her or nothin' ...
Bad touch. BAD TOUCH ;-p
The good news is that this settles down as it goes. By the end it seems to find a stable footing with voice and theme, and to your credit it hits some strong emotional notes on the "fireworks" and the family stuff as you end. Whack the front end of the story into the same sort of shape as the back end, and rein in the disjointedness, and this will be a much smoother read.
Tier: Keep Developing
I have a hard time reviewing this one. It seemed solid overall, but also understated – it didn’t really leave a huge impression on me.
Characters and their interactions were a strong point, the level of detail felt appropriate. What might have bogged down another story felt appropriate for the more personal, somewhat reflective theme. The somewhat unreliable narrator generally worked, although as horizon mentioned, the tone does have some variance.
The plot was relatively straightforward; it got the job done, but wasn’t particularly memorable. I did like some of the nuances, particularly their ‘summertime theme’ they had going. Their ritual was kind of neat as well, though some of the effect was lost because I basically saw where it was going due to the prompt.
Overall, it struck me as an enjoyable character piece, but without a strong takeaway.
Characters and their interactions were a strong point, the level of detail felt appropriate. What might have bogged down another story felt appropriate for the more personal, somewhat reflective theme. The somewhat unreliable narrator generally worked, although as horizon mentioned, the tone does have some variance.
The plot was relatively straightforward; it got the job done, but wasn’t particularly memorable. I did like some of the nuances, particularly their ‘summertime theme’ they had going. Their ritual was kind of neat as well, though some of the effect was lost because I basically saw where it was going due to the prompt.
Overall, it struck me as an enjoyable character piece, but without a strong takeaway.
Another potential for some simple americana?
The voices here feel a bit off. I can't quite put my finger on it, but the dialog just doesn't really sound natural to me. Maybe trying to hard to be "country" without getting it right?
So Dan has the same "rub the thigh" tick as his sister? Odd.
There's a lot of dialog about "what happened to mom?" that feels very repetitive and isn't advancing the story.
The narration keeps jarring me as to who is doing what. This is another thing I can't quite put a finger on, but I think it's that so many sentences basically have multiple subjects, and later clauses that show an action from the second person. Quite a few bits of dialog, especially starting paragraphs, aren't attributed to a speaker either, so it's only by inference later that the reader can place them. Ex:
Sam does something directed AT her brother, then he reacts, then he ALSO does an action, directed at a third person. This is compounded by the fact that it was the father who was speaking to start the paragraph without attribution, yet, so he needs to be the initial subject to help "tag" the previous dialog.
Overall, this is a decent little bit of americana (yay!) that didn't go for some bigger twist or magic or whatever. My main complaints are what I've already mentioned, mostly the technical issues with things not reading smoothly, and that the pacing is a bit repetitive/slow. It could also use a good proof read, as there are many more minor technical errors as well.
Still though, a decent mid-tier entry.
The voices here feel a bit off. I can't quite put my finger on it, but the dialog just doesn't really sound natural to me. Maybe trying to hard to be "country" without getting it right?
So Dan has the same "rub the thigh" tick as his sister? Odd.
There's a lot of dialog about "what happened to mom?" that feels very repetitive and isn't advancing the story.
The narration keeps jarring me as to who is doing what. This is another thing I can't quite put a finger on, but I think it's that so many sentences basically have multiple subjects, and later clauses that show an action from the second person. Quite a few bits of dialog, especially starting paragraphs, aren't attributed to a speaker either, so it's only by inference later that the reader can place them. Ex:
"Maybe so, but that particular lil' hellion doesn't have a car or a licence. SHE can only get so far before I gotta haul her back." Sam rubbed her head while glaring at her brother, but he smiled blithely on, tipping his hat to Dad's point.
Sam does something directed AT her brother, then he reacts, then he ALSO does an action, directed at a third person. This is compounded by the fact that it was the father who was speaking to start the paragraph without attribution, yet, so he needs to be the initial subject to help "tag" the previous dialog.
Overall, this is a decent little bit of americana (yay!) that didn't go for some bigger twist or magic or whatever. My main complaints are what I've already mentioned, mostly the technical issues with things not reading smoothly, and that the pacing is a bit repetitive/slow. It could also use a good proof read, as there are many more minor technical errors as well.
Still though, a decent mid-tier entry.