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It Just Takes Some Time · FiM Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
Show rules for this event
Through Tears and Hugs
Applebloom charged into the Apple Family house, tears streaming down her face as her heart cried out for the friendly face of her older sister, but the den and kitchen were both empty.

“Applejack!” Applebloom yelled, her voice cracking. “Are ya in here?!”

Nopony answered. Applejack was probably outside, bucking the apple trees. Applebloom wiped her eyes and ran out into the farmyard where she spotted her sister kicking trees on a distant hill. She took off at a gallop, feeling her heart shatter.

Applejack saw her sister approach and smiled at first, always glad to see her. She took off her hat and rubbed the hot afternoon sweat off her brow.

“Hey there, A.B. What’s-” Applejack never had a chance to finish as Applebloom threw her front legs around her neck, shivering and sniffling. “Hey, what’s all the cryin’ and fussin’ about?”

Applejack’s embrace only made Applebloom cry harder. The fact that she was now 16 years old and in high school didn’t stop her from sobbing on her sister’s shoulder like she used to do as a filly.

“Applejack! It was terrible!” Applebloom shouted.

“What was terrible, Sugar Cube?”

“I just saw Steel Flash kiss another filly! My coltfriend! Kissed her! On the lips!” Applebloom grimaced at the visual reminder of her soon-to-be ex-coltfriend smooching on some other filly she didn’t even know.

Applejack hugged her tighter. “Oh, for the love of apples! I’m so sorry, Applebloom.”

“He-” Applebloom choked on her words. It felt like her heart was being wrung into a knot and a pang of nausea gripped her gut. “He’s cheatin’ on me! I-I thought we was-”

“Shhhh,” Applejack rubbed Applebloom’s back. “Come on now, take a deep breath. Everything’ll be alright.”

“No it won’t!” Applebloom cried. “I loved him, and I thought he loved me! It makes me wanna puke and cry and bash his lying head in all at the same time! Why does it have to hurt so much?”

Applejack kept rubbing. “I know, it’s never easy when somepony we love lets us down. Sometimes, love does hurt. That’s just part of life.”

“Well, make it stop!”

“I can’t take the hurt away. Only time can fix a broken heart.”

Applebloom sighed, her tears still flowing but her sobs beginning to subside. She took a shaky breath, sat down and wiped her eyes with a hoof. “My life is ruined.”

Applejack sat beside her. “Nah, it ain’t ruined. You’ll get over it. It just takes some time.”

“That’s none too reassurin’,” Applebloom grumbled. She needed relief now.

“You will. Trust your big sis on this one.”

“How would you know?” Applebloom asked, skepticism entering her voice.

Applejack pawed at the ground, trying to think of a good example. Her emerald eyes flickered with a distant pain. “Well, do you remember how much it hurt when we lost Ma and Pa?”

Applebloom nodded. There had been a lot of tears shed that day, and over the next few weeks. “Of course I remember. That was the worst day of our lives.”

“It sure as sugar tore our hearts out and boy howdy did we cry. Poor Big Macintosh took it the hardest. I thought he was gonna shed enough tears to water the entire orchard!”

Applebloom wiped her face and giggled at the memory, despite herself. “He always was a big baby. I was so little back then. I barely had a chance to know ‘em.”

“It hurt like the dickens for a while, didn’t it?” Applejack went on. “But over time the pain eased, right?”

“I-” Applebloom sniffed, “I guess it did.”

“You see what I mean?” Applejack nudged her. “And would you believe me if I told you I’ve had my heart stomped on?”

Applebloom looked at her, curious. “You? Really?”

“Sure have. I had a guy in high school, too. I thought we were like two seeds in the same apple.” The corners of Applejack’s lips lifted in fond nostalgia. “I’ll never forget the time we snuck off to the Barnyard Ball together, dancin’ the evening away without a care in the world. Afterwards we sat on a high hill and watched the stars come out, just cuddlin’ and talkin’ ‘bout nothin’. It was so romantic.”

Her smile vanished. “Then one day I went to his place and caught him smoochin’ with his best friend’s sis. I tell ya, I was so heartbroken I couldn’t sleep or eat. Not even one bite of apple pie. ”

Applebloom gasped as the mental switch flicked on. “I remember that now! You wouldn’t even come out of your room, much less talk about it.”

As she thought back to that time, Applebloom didn’t recall her sister ever having a guy around. “Wait a second, I thought you said you were just sick. You never told us you had a coltfriend.”

“I kinda had to keep it a secret,” Applejack said.

Curiosity sparked in Applebloom’s eyes as she raised an eyebrow. “Why’d you do that? I figured if you had a coltfriend, you’d be showing him off to everypony.”

A soft chuckle escaped Applejack’s lips, and she shook her head. “You have any idea what Big Macintosh would’ve done if he’d caught some guy kissin’ on his little sis?”

The realization dawned on Applebloom, and her expression turned to amusement. “Oh! Big Mac would’ve tanned that colt’s hide but good!”

“You got that right. Big Mac had always looked after us since we lost Ma and Pa. I didn’t want him to go all ‘overprotective big brother’ on me. If he’d found out that some jerk had crushed his little sister’s heart, Big Mac would’ve given him a lickin’ so bad he wouldn’t have been able to eat nothin’ but applesauce for a week! So, I kept it under wraps and played it off like I was just sick. I couldn’t stand the thought of you and Big Mac seein’ me all vulnerable like that.”

The idea that Applejack had been so devastated she wouldn’t even take a bite of her favorite food made Applebloom feel a little better about her own heartache. At least she figured she could still eat something. “He… he really hurt you that bad?”

Applejack sighed, her expression turning somber. “Yeah, he did, Applebloom. He broke my heart.”

Applebloom groaned, feeling pity for her sister. “Colts are so dumb.”

“They can be and so can fillies, especially when they feel they’re head over hooves for somepony. But you know what? After a while I realized I was better off without him, and my heart started piecing itself back together again.”

Applebloom shook her head, traces of sadness still lingering in her eyes. “I hope I can get there, Applejack. Right now, it just feels like my heart’s in a million pieces. I feel sick to my stomach.”

Applejack gently squeezed her sister’s shoulder. “I know it feels that way, but soon you’ll realize that you deserve somepony way better than that two-timin’ scoundrel.”

Applebloom narrowed her brow and locked eyes with her sister. “That’s a little harsh, isn’t it?”

“It’s exactly what he is. And if you think that’s harsh, imagine what Big Mac’ll want to do to him when he finds out. No colt’s gonna hurt his littlest sister and get away with it.”

Applebloom felt the weight of her sorrow lifting a little. “I just wanna know why he did it. Guess I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough for him.” She yelped, suddenly feeling herself jerked in her sister’s direction.

“Now you stop it right there, little missy!” Applejack said, her voice turning from soft to stern. “Don’t you ever tell yourself those nasty lies! You’re smart and pretty and strong, and you’re one of the most determined ponies I ever met! If he can’t see that, then he’s a blind, thoughtless, immature little colt. You deserve somepony who appreciates those things.”

Standing up, Applebloom scratched the back of her head in thought. “Thanks, Applejack. Right now I’m just wondering if there’s a guy out there for me.”

Applejack rose, too. “Hold on there, Applebloom. You’re only 16 years old and you’ve got a lot of life to live yet. Now come on, these apples ain’t gonna buck themselves. Let’s work while we talk.”

A nearby tree shuddered and swayed as Applejack gave it a solid kick, depositing its apples into the bushels she’d laid out.

“But I want to know what it’s like to really be in love,” Applebloom protested. “Like what Ma and Pa had. You talk about how ‘it just takes time’ but they’d been together since they were foals! They didn’t have to wait or worry about getting’ cheated on or nothin’!”

Applebloom imagined the tree as Steel Flash and bucked it as hard as she could, growling and putting all of her anger and frustration into the blow. The entire tree quivered as apples, branches and leaves fell from it.

Applejack glared and shook her head ‘no’, a silent warning for Applebloom to cool it.

“Ma and Pa were something special,” Applejack said as they moved on to the next tree. “It doesn’t normally work like that, and they had some mighty steep roadblocks in their romance. Ma had to make a big and painful sacrifice to stay with him. Love takes time and dedication, Applebloom. You can’t rush it any more than you can rush the harvest. Or getting your cutie mark. You remember that, don’t ya?”

Memories of her childhood escapades with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo made Applebloom smile. “Me and the girls got into all sorts of trouble, didn’t we? I thought we’d never get our cutie marks.”

“Yes, you did, and you put up a big fuss about that, too. And what did I keep telling you?” A stiff kick rained more apples into the baskets.

“That it would happen when it was time and I couldn’t force it.” Applebloom gave the tree a kick of her own.

“Uh-huh. And then what happened?” Applejack asked, looking Applebloom in the eyes.

“I got my cutie mark.”

“Just like I said you would. So why are you doubtin’ me about this?”

Applebloom paused and took a deep breath, trying to find comfort in her sister’s wisdom. “I don’t know. I’ve never felt nothin’ like this before. I’m just so hurt and confused.”


Applejack ran her hoof through Applebloom’s mane. “I know you are. But I also know you’ll be just fine. You know why?” She lifted Applebloom’s chin. “Because you’re an Apple! And Apples are cut from stronger stuff than mopin’ and feelin’ sorry for themselves!”

Applebloom nodded. “You’re right, Applejack. We Apples are pretty tough!”

“And that includes you, Applebloom. I’ve watched you grow and I’ve seen how determined you get once you set your mind on something. You were willing to try just about anything to get your cutie mark and you weren’t gonna let nothin’ stop you until you got it.”

That much, Applebloom knew was true. Applejack’s iron-clad willpower was a big part of why she still looked up to her older sister. “I think I get that from you. Remember that time you were bent on trying to do the entire harvest by yourself?”

Applejack chuckled, her eyes becoming lost in the past. “Oh, how could I forget? I was determined to prove to myself and everypony else that I could handle the whole harvest on my own. Boy, did I learn my lesson!”

“Guess we Apples are a proud lot, too.”

Applejack nodded. “We sure are. I know I’m proud. I’m proud of what I do, I’m proud of this farm and I’m proud of my friends and my family. Most of all, I’m proud of you, Applebloom.”

Applebloom’s head lifted as she gazed at her sister. “You are?”

“Of course I am! I watched you grow from a tiny foal to a mischievous filly and now a strong young mare. You ain’t just a little sister, you’re my little sister. I can look at you and know that Granny Smith, Big Mac and I brought you up right.”

Applebloom’s tears of sorrow were replaced by tears of pride and happiness, and she hugged her sister tight. “Thanks, Applejack. I’m proud to have you as a sister, and I can say my sister’s one of the bravest ponies in the world, always going on quests to save Equestria.”

Applejack snuggled their cheeks together. “I love you, Applebloom.”

“I love you too, Applejack.” Applebloom closed her eyes, savoring her sister’s love which at times was both soft and strong, but always warm.

“You see? Love ain’t just romance and getting’ all cozy with a guy. It’s family and friends, stickin’ together no matter what.” Applejack pushed Applebloom away, but kept her hooves on her shoulders. “You’ll always have ponies who love you, Applebloom. And when you do find that special guy who’s just right for you, you’ll look back on this and laugh, wonderin’ why you got your tail in such a knot over Steel Flash. I promise, it’ll be worth the wait.”

Applebloom grinned, her spirits returning. “Okay, but until then…”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Galloping to a nearby tree, Applebloom laughed. “I bet I can fill ten bushels faster’n’ you!”

Applejack beamed and shared the infectious laughter as she found a nearby tree of her own. “Now that’s the Applebloom I know! You’d better start kicking fast and hard, young’un, cause I’m fixin’ to smoke ya!”

And so the two Apple sisters bucked trees until the sun started to set, enjoying the competition and savoring the bond they shared. As the day went on, Steel Flash faded from Applebloom’s mind. She knew that the only love she needed was the love of her family.

The Apple Family truly was cut from strong cloth.
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#1 · 1
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This is a straightforward emotion-driven piece, somewhat to a fault. It comes on too strong, or perhaps to be more precise, tries to invoke emotion more strongly than it has really earned with the substance it presents.

Part of this is down to terseness. The story is only one scene. We see the conversation, but not the inciting event(s) leading to that conversation. We don't know for ourselves why the emotional distress is warranted; we're just told that it is. On the plus side, it's a natural conveyance of information one character legit doesn't know, and not in the form of a contrived "As you know, Bob..." exchange of dialogue, but even when done right it still makes for a conflict based on telling and not showing. Those kinds of constructs are almost inevitably weak as main conflicts that are supposed to be the source of what this story pretty clearly intends as its purpose, indulging in pathos for a character.

Another part of the issue here is point-of-view. Is this in third person omniscient? Technically yes. Should it be? I'm not sure, not in a story like this. And in some ways, for lack of a better way to describe how it comes across to me, it feels like it doesn't want to be. It wants Applebloom's emotions to be the driver of a vicarious or sympathetic emotional experience for the reader, but the focus doesn't stick to a more third person limited perspective on Applebloom. It wants to be there, but then pinballs back and forth over to Applejack, making the experience fragmented and a bit whiplashed instead of emotionally cohesive and carrying readers more naturally in a transition from pain to soothing to resolution.

So to summarize, two mains steps to strengthen this story:
1. Show, don't tell, by writing at least one more scene in which we see what happened to Applebloom.
2. Tighten the focus to be on Applebloom.

Bonus points for cutting affirmational statements like "The Apple Family truly was cut from strong cloth" as well. Those should be perspectives coming from the Apples, not narrative dictates coming from the third person. Don't just... tell me how to see the Apples, apropos of nothing. Show me how they see things and how they feel, and why they've earned it.