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Organised by
RogerDodger
Word limit
400–750
Moving Day
It was around the third time my house was destroyed that I decided it might be time to move out of Ponyville.
It’s not that I have anything against Princess Twilight. Or Mayor Mare. I mean, I didn’t vote for her, or anything.
But my house has been destroyed five times, and it’s gotten to the point where I can’t afford the repairs anymore. Living in Ponyville, no insurance company wants so much as to even look at me. It’s not like I can blame them; Ponyville’s favorite pastime is getting wrecked.
The first time was a few years ago, a little while after Twilight Sparkle moved in. Ever since she arrived, weird things had been happening, but nothing was weirder than when Discord came back.
The radio had been blaring all day, talking about how Canterlot had been turned into cheese, and how all the roads leading out of town were melting into chocolate pudding. Totally bizarre, right? But it got even worse when Discord finally reached Ponyville. All the sidewalks became chess boards. The schoolhouse got turned into a giant chicken. I think Lyra, that mare that lives over on the edge of town, tried to freeze herself into a block of gelatin.
I just hid in the back of my house and bolted the doors with some skis I had. And yet, when Discord came running by, they were no help. At that point, everything is just a blur. All I know is that when I finally woke up, I had a wicked stomach ache. It turns out that I ate my entire house. Like, the nails and everything. It’s a good thing that I live—er, lived—right next to the hospital. Discord still hasn’t apologized.
The second time was when that crazy mare Trixie came back to town, claiming that she was the best in the world, or whatever. Honestly, I was fine with her taking over—again, not that I have a problem with Twilight, or anything. I mean, they’re just two unicorns, y’know? They’ve both got horns, they’re both obnoxiously loud. What’s the real difference? I said that in front of Rarity once, though, and she kicked me, so I guess that's kind of offensive.
Everything was going okay, until Trixie put that dome around the town and split my house in half. That time, the town wouldn’t even pay for the repairs; I had to do it all myself. Again, I didn’t vote for Mayor Mare.
The last time was just a few days ago, when Tirek tried to take over Equestria. I was at my window, watching the battle between him and Twilight. They were swooping around, flying through mountains, shooting giant balls of fire from their mouths and stuff, like it was a Power Ponies comic or something. I vividly remember a massive plume of magic shooting straight for my head, and me throwing myself to the floor—only for the blast to pass my house completely and hit Twilight’s old library. When even the Princess is getting her house destroyed, you know there’s a problem.
Anyway, Twilight defeated Tirek, and everyone was celebrating, hoorah hoorah. But then this giant freakin’ crystal tree starts erupting from the ground. Everyone’s ‘oohing’ and ‘aahing’ at it—but all I can do is watch as one of its roots rips right through my bathroom, sending my toilet flying across town. I think it landed in Rarity’s garden, though, so karma I guess.
So I’m leaving. And look: it’s not like I regret living in Ponyville, or anything like that. Like I said, I have nothing against it. This is where I grew up! I learned how to ski in the hills around town, and earned my cutie mark for it. But there comes a time when every stallion has got to move on, y’know? Also, I’d like to be able to do my business without having to worry about stupid diamond roots.
So I’m moving out to this little town near Mount Trottingham. According to the brochure I read, it just got founded a couple of years back, and they’re looking for ponies with diverse cutie marks. The letter was signed by some mare… Starbright or something? She looked cute in the pictures. Weird cutie mark, though. Probably a math teacher.
It sounds pretty nice—after all, it’s basically just a row of buildings. Sure, there’s probably not many places to ski, but then again, what do I want more? Skiing? Or a freakin’ roof over my head?
It’s not that I have anything against Princess Twilight. Or Mayor Mare. I mean, I didn’t vote for her, or anything.
But my house has been destroyed five times, and it’s gotten to the point where I can’t afford the repairs anymore. Living in Ponyville, no insurance company wants so much as to even look at me. It’s not like I can blame them; Ponyville’s favorite pastime is getting wrecked.
The first time was a few years ago, a little while after Twilight Sparkle moved in. Ever since she arrived, weird things had been happening, but nothing was weirder than when Discord came back.
The radio had been blaring all day, talking about how Canterlot had been turned into cheese, and how all the roads leading out of town were melting into chocolate pudding. Totally bizarre, right? But it got even worse when Discord finally reached Ponyville. All the sidewalks became chess boards. The schoolhouse got turned into a giant chicken. I think Lyra, that mare that lives over on the edge of town, tried to freeze herself into a block of gelatin.
I just hid in the back of my house and bolted the doors with some skis I had. And yet, when Discord came running by, they were no help. At that point, everything is just a blur. All I know is that when I finally woke up, I had a wicked stomach ache. It turns out that I ate my entire house. Like, the nails and everything. It’s a good thing that I live—er, lived—right next to the hospital. Discord still hasn’t apologized.
The second time was when that crazy mare Trixie came back to town, claiming that she was the best in the world, or whatever. Honestly, I was fine with her taking over—again, not that I have a problem with Twilight, or anything. I mean, they’re just two unicorns, y’know? They’ve both got horns, they’re both obnoxiously loud. What’s the real difference? I said that in front of Rarity once, though, and she kicked me, so I guess that's kind of offensive.
Everything was going okay, until Trixie put that dome around the town and split my house in half. That time, the town wouldn’t even pay for the repairs; I had to do it all myself. Again, I didn’t vote for Mayor Mare.
The last time was just a few days ago, when Tirek tried to take over Equestria. I was at my window, watching the battle between him and Twilight. They were swooping around, flying through mountains, shooting giant balls of fire from their mouths and stuff, like it was a Power Ponies comic or something. I vividly remember a massive plume of magic shooting straight for my head, and me throwing myself to the floor—only for the blast to pass my house completely and hit Twilight’s old library. When even the Princess is getting her house destroyed, you know there’s a problem.
Anyway, Twilight defeated Tirek, and everyone was celebrating, hoorah hoorah. But then this giant freakin’ crystal tree starts erupting from the ground. Everyone’s ‘oohing’ and ‘aahing’ at it—but all I can do is watch as one of its roots rips right through my bathroom, sending my toilet flying across town. I think it landed in Rarity’s garden, though, so karma I guess.
So I’m leaving. And look: it’s not like I regret living in Ponyville, or anything like that. Like I said, I have nothing against it. This is where I grew up! I learned how to ski in the hills around town, and earned my cutie mark for it. But there comes a time when every stallion has got to move on, y’know? Also, I’d like to be able to do my business without having to worry about stupid diamond roots.
So I’m moving out to this little town near Mount Trottingham. According to the brochure I read, it just got founded a couple of years back, and they’re looking for ponies with diverse cutie marks. The letter was signed by some mare… Starbright or something? She looked cute in the pictures. Weird cutie mark, though. Probably a math teacher.
It sounds pretty nice—after all, it’s basically just a row of buildings. Sure, there’s probably not many places to ski, but then again, what do I want more? Skiing? Or a freakin’ roof over my head?