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Kiss By Wire
The phone wasn’t supposed to ring.
Ditzy distinctly remembered the stallion saying so, back a few months ago when all those busy-looking ponies came in to install Ponyville’s own very first telephone switchboard, here in the post office.
Yes, she was sure of it now. She remembered seeing the phone in question being wired into her desk and nervously telling the nice stallion that she wasn’t a switchboard operator.
He had just tapped at his clipboard and told her that this phone (with its extra-long cable and its complicated-looking wiring) was something called an “auxiliary line” and that her desk in the middle of the room was the very best place for it. Also, that it wouldn’t ring. She had made sure he was very clear about that—a girl had to have a healthy fear of unexpected responsibilities, after all, right?
And now, despite it all, the blasted thing had the audacity to ring, sitting muffled underneath three months' worth of papery office litter. It had begun moments after Ditzy had sat down at her desk, as if it had been waiting for her. This was not the kind of start Ditzy would have chosen for her birthday.
The only other pony clocked in this early was the office’s front desk secretary. It kind of made it all worse. There was just Ditzy and Miss Neatly sitting at their own desks in a big, empty room with an incessantly ringing phone in the middle of it. The pre-dawn light streaking in at a low angle through the windows actually made the bags under Miss Neatly’s eyes seem deeper and darker. She looked terrifyingly cross.
After making a little show of pretending to notice the phone, pointing at it, and giving a few shrugs that said “Oh, this thing?”, Ditzy awkwardly picked up the receiver, all the while withering under her coworker’s demonic pre-coffee glare.
“Hello, this is Ditzy Doo?” she said. “H-How can I help you this morning?” she quickly added, imitating the way switchboard mares answered calls.
“Ditzy, a-are you—? Oh, well, of course you are, aren't you?” came a stallion’s voice, rushed and bumbling. “Goodness, I’ve gone and messed it all up already… b-but that’s alright! I’m an admir—a secret admirer of yours and I… well I noticed it was your birthday today…”
Ditzy squinted and pressed the receiver up against her ear harder. That voice of his…
“Time Turner? Is that you?”
“Wait, what? Oh nonono, of course not. I’ve never heard of… I-I’m a secret admirer, the intention being that you definitely, for certain, have never-ever heard of me.”
Ditzy glanced around the office; there was a strange sort of echo in the call. She didn’t know if this was normal on the phone. Straining, she could almost imagine it coming from that window next to Miss Neatly’s desk.
“Turner, it’s super sweet of you to remember today,” she said, picking up the phone and walking to the window. The extra-long cord trailed behind her. “But how in Equestria did you call this phone? It isn’t hooked up to anything!”
“Erm, well, secret admirers have got secrets, right? Th-that’s the appeal of us, we’re all mysterious and, um, attractive that way, you know…”
“Mhmmm…” she said. The ‘echo’ was definitely clearer here. Ditzy smiled.
Half-listening to Time Turner’s babbles, she trotted to the office’s entrance. The trailing wire from her phone swept around, knocking this and that off of Miss Neatly’s desk. Ditzy silently mouthed out desperate apologies; tomorrow she’d definitely need to bring in a double-batch of banana muffins to make up for this.
As Ditzy stepped out of the building and turned towards its east wall, her phone ran out of cord. She let it drop; it was easy to hear Turner from here anyway.
There he sat, next to the little blue box of a shed that held all of the circuits and wires for the building’s switchboards. A mess of knotted cords ran from a phone in his hoof into what Ditzy assumed was the building’s auxiliary line.
He was still babbling on in that way of his, noticing neither Ditzy nor that his short, ruffled mane was in quite the state. His hooves shook and his voice leapt between octaves as he tried to salvage the conversation he thought he was still having.
Ditzy looked at the horizon, watching the sun rise ever so slowly. Walking briskly forward, she decided that her first birthday present would be a big, messy kiss.
Ditzy distinctly remembered the stallion saying so, back a few months ago when all those busy-looking ponies came in to install Ponyville’s own very first telephone switchboard, here in the post office.
Yes, she was sure of it now. She remembered seeing the phone in question being wired into her desk and nervously telling the nice stallion that she wasn’t a switchboard operator.
He had just tapped at his clipboard and told her that this phone (with its extra-long cable and its complicated-looking wiring) was something called an “auxiliary line” and that her desk in the middle of the room was the very best place for it. Also, that it wouldn’t ring. She had made sure he was very clear about that—a girl had to have a healthy fear of unexpected responsibilities, after all, right?
And now, despite it all, the blasted thing had the audacity to ring, sitting muffled underneath three months' worth of papery office litter. It had begun moments after Ditzy had sat down at her desk, as if it had been waiting for her. This was not the kind of start Ditzy would have chosen for her birthday.
The only other pony clocked in this early was the office’s front desk secretary. It kind of made it all worse. There was just Ditzy and Miss Neatly sitting at their own desks in a big, empty room with an incessantly ringing phone in the middle of it. The pre-dawn light streaking in at a low angle through the windows actually made the bags under Miss Neatly’s eyes seem deeper and darker. She looked terrifyingly cross.
After making a little show of pretending to notice the phone, pointing at it, and giving a few shrugs that said “Oh, this thing?”, Ditzy awkwardly picked up the receiver, all the while withering under her coworker’s demonic pre-coffee glare.
“Hello, this is Ditzy Doo?” she said. “H-How can I help you this morning?” she quickly added, imitating the way switchboard mares answered calls.
“Ditzy, a-are you—? Oh, well, of course you are, aren't you?” came a stallion’s voice, rushed and bumbling. “Goodness, I’ve gone and messed it all up already… b-but that’s alright! I’m an admir—a secret admirer of yours and I… well I noticed it was your birthday today…”
Ditzy squinted and pressed the receiver up against her ear harder. That voice of his…
“Time Turner? Is that you?”
“Wait, what? Oh nonono, of course not. I’ve never heard of… I-I’m a secret admirer, the intention being that you definitely, for certain, have never-ever heard of me.”
Ditzy glanced around the office; there was a strange sort of echo in the call. She didn’t know if this was normal on the phone. Straining, she could almost imagine it coming from that window next to Miss Neatly’s desk.
“Turner, it’s super sweet of you to remember today,” she said, picking up the phone and walking to the window. The extra-long cord trailed behind her. “But how in Equestria did you call this phone? It isn’t hooked up to anything!”
“Erm, well, secret admirers have got secrets, right? Th-that’s the appeal of us, we’re all mysterious and, um, attractive that way, you know…”
“Mhmmm…” she said. The ‘echo’ was definitely clearer here. Ditzy smiled.
Half-listening to Time Turner’s babbles, she trotted to the office’s entrance. The trailing wire from her phone swept around, knocking this and that off of Miss Neatly’s desk. Ditzy silently mouthed out desperate apologies; tomorrow she’d definitely need to bring in a double-batch of banana muffins to make up for this.
As Ditzy stepped out of the building and turned towards its east wall, her phone ran out of cord. She let it drop; it was easy to hear Turner from here anyway.
There he sat, next to the little blue box of a shed that held all of the circuits and wires for the building’s switchboards. A mess of knotted cords ran from a phone in his hoof into what Ditzy assumed was the building’s auxiliary line.
He was still babbling on in that way of his, noticing neither Ditzy nor that his short, ruffled mane was in quite the state. His hooves shook and his voice leapt between octaves as he tried to salvage the conversation he thought he was still having.
Ditzy looked at the horizon, watching the sun rise ever so slowly. Walking briskly forward, she decided that her first birthday present would be a big, messy kiss.