Just a harmless training excercise, my sparkling left flank!

It’s only with the most clumsiest of twists that Gilded Glamor dodges the screaming, flailing earth pony who cartwheels through the air in an otherwise beautiful parabolic arch. Glam had only a second to catch his breath before a crackling spellbolt as thick as a tree trunk—oh my Luna, is that even allowed!?—forces him to hug the ground as it split the shrieking air just a hair’s breadth above him. Nope, he’s mistaken. The shrieking is actually the pony from earlier as he takes the entirety of the magical barrage head-on. Blasted even higher, the poor thing hangs in the air for an impossibly, heart-twistingly long moment before plummeting to the snowy ground with a meaty whack.

Glam’s jaw goes slack.

Oh Celestia, they’ve killed him.

To his amazement, the abused earth pony stirs and begins to stagger drunkenly back unto his hooves. Glam watches with wide eyes as the figure lurches and teeters, stumbling through the anarchy of the training grounds. As if by magic, he begins to make his way to the clearly marked boundaries of the training field, unmolested by the rage, panic, and bloody murder that surges around him. Another arcane bolt just barely whizzes by him, sending his tail billowing in the wake of its fearsome energies.

Gilded Glamor is engrossed—entranced, even—by the sight. Blinking is forgoed without a second thought just so he can take it all in. His focus remains unbroken even as a pegasus mare makes a hard landing not twenty feet to his left. He barely even registers the veritable rainbow of colorful profanities that spews forth upon her hasty reintroduction to the loving Mother Earth.

Far on the other side of the range, the injured stallion finally makes it to the line of marker flags on the south side. Glam could have sworn he saw the poor guy weakly mouth the word “mother” just before a field medic grabs him by the tail and pulls him into the safety trench.

For a moment, Glam considers making a break for the lines himself. Maybe he could fake an injury? And even if he can’t, there could be no way in Tartarus any sane commanding officer could punish him from wanting out of this Discordian nightmare.

His train of thought comes to a crashing halt, however, when the pegasus mare next to him brushes the snow off of herself. With a sinking feeling, he notices the red bandana tied around her neck. It certainly can’t be mistaken for the blue ones he and his teammates are wearing.

The pegasus realizes this around the same time he does, but is much faster at the draw. Growling, she’s already executing a masterfully-balanced lunge towards his center of mass while he sputters and throws up an ignored pair of hooves in surrender.

“Oh, no, ya don’t!” A new voice rings out.

A flying, blue-ribboned earth pony stallion lands a kick to the side of the pegasus’s head in mid-air. A trio of stars runs laps above her noggin as her features go slack. Her unfocused eyes have an almost contemplative look in them in that split moment before she gets a facefull of snow.

“Oh, Princesses!” cries Gilded Glamor. His eyes widen in horror until his hooves come up to cover them. Kicking with his hind legs, he tries to scootch backwards away from the scene as fast as his rump can carry him. “Oh Luna, oh Luna!”

“Relax, big boy,” says the other stallion. “She’ll be fine.”

“No, no, no! That’s a concussion at the very least!”

The big stallion throws back his head and laughs. “Pbsshhh! We like call those funcussions on account of them being just about the easiest way to get a week or two off around here. I did her a rootin’ tootin’ favor!”

Glam couldn’t have stared at him harder if he sprouted a set of wings, a horn, and a second head on the spot.

“Heh, I reckon you’re new to the Imperial Division.”

Glam dumbly nods. “Just transfered with the guys who came in yesterday.”

“Well, you’d best stick with me then. The Frozen North tends to be a bit more exciting than a cushy Canterlot desk job!”

Just as he finished speaking, he bites down on a nearby unicorn’s red bandana and spins in place a full two circles before releasing, flinging his opponent to the sidelines. From several hundred yards away, a medic seemingly pops out of the dirt to drag the dazed soldier into the safety of the trenches.

“Stay close, big boy,” says the stallion after he worked the kinks out of his jaw. “We’ll see if we can’t get you through this with a bruise or two less than the next guy.”

“No, thank you, I think I’ll be safe right he—”

The crack of magical discharge strikes the snow right behind them, and Glam easily jumps ten feet without the help of his wings.

“Nevermind! Take me with you, please!”

The stallion smiles from ear to ear, and it’s absolutely horrifying.

“Hang on, big boy!”

Lifted like a ragdoll, Glam finds himself on top of the stallion’s back before he even registers it. He has just enough wits to hold on with all his might as the earth pony gallops straight into the fray at a thundering pace.

“I reckon so long as you duke the ones that try to jump us, we should be able to make it clear through to where the team’s supposed to be regrouping!”

Glam blinks for the first time in minutes. There’s no way he had heard that correctly, especially over the howl of the wind running past them.

“What?”

“I said, I’ll run and you’ll punch! ‘Else we’re more than likely to be roadkill!”

“WHAT!?”

The stallion only whoops an awesome war cry in response and picks up speed.

---

The silence in the infirmary stretches to almost uncomfortable lengths before the seated stallion speaks to the one on the cot.

“Look, I’m awfully sorry ‘bout the wing. T’wasn’t my intention to put you in a spot like that.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Gilded Glamor says, flexing the uncomfortably wrapped limb as best he can. “Docs say I’ll be out of the splint in just a week or two. In all honesty, it could have probably turned out a lot worse.”

“Now that’s still no fittin’ excuse for getting a pal hurt, mister—uh… Oh shoot, I don’t believe I even caught your name.”

“Gilded Glamor. But everyone calls me Glam.” He offers a hoofshake that the other stallion eagerly takes.

“Name’s Hard Helm!” he says, pumping Glam’s hoof up and down with vigor. “My father was a mason, and my mother was a rock-climber. To this day, they refuse to tell ponies how they met.”

“Well, that’s certainly quite the colorful background.”

“Heh, I guess so. I don’t suppose any of us ever expected me to join the guard, but here I am! And it’s certainly been a heckuva time so far.”

“Yeah, just a barrel of laughs…”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry about the wing again, partner.”

“Oh no, don’t take it like that,” says Glam, shaking his head. “Whatever happened today, I don’t blame you for it. Although, off the record, I’d certainly like to get a hold of whoever thought that mess could pass for a training drill.”

“Trust me, partner, it’s something of a necessary evil.”

Glam fixes the deadest, panniest stare he can muster at Hard Helm.

“How in Celestia’s holy mane was that necessary?”

Helm rubs one foreleg behind the other, and his eyes wander across the room. “Well, you know what I said about the Frozen North bein’ exciting? T’ain’t all true. Well, at least most of the time it ain’t.

“Truth is, there’s a lot of Crystal Empire—not just the bits under the Princess Cadenza’s big ol’ warmth spell. And under a bit of a kink in Equestrian law, we’re obligated to provide full guard protection to the entirety of the Nation of Equestria and her associated territories, even if there ain’t nopony there. Long story short, we get a lot of guards, a lot of snow, a whole lot of perimeter duty, and not much else to do. Tends to make a body a bit high strung, you know? ‘Specially when you’re a highly trained specimen of military prowess like yourself and I.”

“So this is Command’s way of letting us let off a little anxiety? Because let me tell you, I think it’s probably having the opposite effect,” says Glam sardonically.

“Now I know it comes across as mighty odd, but trust me, I’ve been stationed here since the beginning, and things got downright ugly before we started these drills. Just about everyone was strung tighter than a fiddlestring, and more liable to start a hooffight than to do any actual guarding. Relationship with the locals suffered too, on account of them still being frightened and confused from Sombra’s spell and us being a bunch of uptight jarheads.

“Long story short, we were a mess when the whole deal with Sombra and the Heart went down. Don’t believe we got one good thing done during the whole shebang, and Command came down hard us for that. Basically told the brass here to implement non-conventional methods to keep troop anxiety down. And that’s the story of how our little cathartic get-togethers came to be.”

“Well that’s certainly something,” says Glam. “But I still can’t say I look forward to the next one.”

Hard Helm only chuckles. “They only have one every few months, so you got a bit of a stretch to recover. But I can just about guarantee you’ll be whoopin’ and hollerin’ as loud as the rest of us on your second or third of these. Spend that much time in the snow, and it gets to you like cabin fever.”

“Right.” Glam cocks his head in thought. “Maybe we can’t really blame Sombra for losing his marbles. After all, he spent a thousand years out here. Alone too.”

“Ha ha, you’re a funny guy, Glam.”

Helm punches Glam’s unbandaged shoulder. It’s like getting hit by a train. Glam tries to laugh for the several seconds it takes before he can speak again.

“Hey listen, I’ve got something like a week with not much to do, and you’ve been here a while. Is there anything you recommend doing out here?”

“That’s an easy question,” says Helm. “If I were in your horseshoes, I’d head to the city. Enjoy the good warm weather; do what you’d do in any other city. Oh, and try the local food—there’s this one place, it’s about a block and a half down the south-southeast road from the Crystal Palace. They do desserts. There’s this one thing you ought to try; it’s kinda like a snow cone but with milk, fruit, and vanilla instead of that flavored syrup junk.”

“Sounds nice. I’ll give it a look as soon as the docs let me out of here. Thanks, Hard Helm.”

“Happy to help.” The big earth pony stands up and stretches. “Well, I’d best be going. The brass likes to do a debriefing with those of us who don’t end up in the infirmary.”

“Don’t let me keep you,” says Glam. He waves as Helm made his way out of the ward.

“See ya later, partner.”

As Helm turned the corner and falls out of sight, Glam eases himself into a slightly more comfortable position on the lumpy cot.

Boy, what a heckuva day it’s been.

---

Glam stirs his spoon distractedly through the bowl of ice shavings and cream-covered peaches in front of him. Finding the place wasn’t difficult. Ordering something off of the oddly formatted menu, on the other hand, took a bit of effort. Apparently there’ve been a lot of changes in the letter font department during the last thousand years, but he made it past that hurdle without making too much of a fool of himself, he hopes.

Waiting for the dish had given him a lot of time to think, and now even with it in front of him, he can’t help but ignore it in favor of his thoughts.

What am I even doing here?

Gilded Glamor glances around the small dessert parlor. Most of the customers were crystal ponies, but he spots a couple of other regular-coated ponies mixed in with the bunch. The room hums and buzzes with happy conversation, but Glam found himself more and more detached from it all.

I join the Guard, I get transferred to Imperial Division, and I get my wing twisted up by a self-proclaimed basket case. And now I’m at some weird ice cream shop he suggested to me. I don’t even know why I’m here.

Glam shakes his head. That isn’t fair.

Well, I’m just stressed and venting. It’s not unhealthy to be frustrated, right?

“Uh, excuse me?” A feminine voice crashes through the world of his thoughts.

He bolts upright and jerks his head around to face the speaker. She’s a crystal mare with a mauve coat, a silver-blue mane, and platinum eyes that literally sparkled.

“Hi, there?” she says, and her tone makes Glam realize that he was staring.

“Er, um, hello, ma’am,” he quickly replies. “Did you want something?”

“Oh, not at all,” she says cheerfully. “It’s just that you looked a bit lonely, and I was wondering if you could use a little company.”

Her smile is drop-dead gorgeous. Something about seeing it directed at him and him alone crosses a few wires in his brain.

“I—I um…”

In the long moment while he tries to come up with a suitable response, she notices the helmet on his lap and mistakes his hesitation for politeness.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she says. “I didn’t realize you were on duty.” Disappointment dampens the edges of her expression, and she turns away, embarrassed. “I know you guys aren’t allowed to talk very much when you’re on patrol. It’s probably best if I just found my own table.”

“No I’m not!” says Glam, just a little too desperately. He shakes his head to uncross the wires. “That is, I’m off duty at the moment. On leave for injury, actually.” Turning his torso, Glam shows her the side that was covered in plaster and bandages.

“Oh my goodness! That looks pretty bad. Are you going to be okay?”

“Just a scuffle during a routine training exercise.” He puffs out his chest just a little bit. “Nothing to get worried about. Docs say it’ll be fine in a few days.”

“Thank goodness.” Her voice has genuine relief in it. She smiles at him again. “Well, so long as you’re off duty…” She tilts her head to the seat across him. “Mind if I join you?”

“Not at all!” Glam eagerly motions for her to take a seat. “I’m Gilded Glamor, but everyone calls me Glam.”

“And my name’s Rose Quartz,” she says. “Nice to meet you, Glam.”

“The pleasure is all mine.”

As she sits, she places her own bowl next to his. For the first time, Glam notices the sad state of his dessert. The only thing left in the bowl is some cloudy water with cubes of fruit and flakes of ice floating in it.

Darn, hadn’t realized I’ve been sitting here that long. And I didn’t even get a bite.

“Oh, I can help with that,” says Rose Quartz cheerfully. She gestures to his bowl. “Mind if I…?”

He has absolutely no idea what she means, but he can’t say no to that smile.

“Go ahead.”

Rose takes the bowl in her hooves and closes her eyes. Curious, Glam seizes the chance to not-so-subtly lean forward and get a better view of what she’s doing.

There’s a faint shimmer around her hooves that Glam could have easily just imagined. What he’s sure that he isn't imagining, though, is how the liquid in the bowl quickly recedes while a mound of crushed ice grows in the center. Within seconds, the shaved ice is completely unmelted, and everything looks just like the way he got it several minutes ago.

“All done!” chirps Rose. She passes the re-frozen dessert back over to his side of the table.

“Wow.” Glam blinks a couple of times. He lifts a spoonful of it to his mouth. Not bad, not bad at all. “That was pretty amazing. Are you a magician or something?”

“Goodness, no, I’m a personal stylist!” She giggles, and it’s bubbly and wonderful. “Making ice from water is pretty basic crystal pony magic; most everyone can do it. It doesn’t take any spellcasting or much conscious ability at all, really.”

“Huh, I never knew that. Is there anything else you can do?”

“Personally, ice crystals and other simple things like salt precipitation is all I’ve got. Most ponies are about the same too.” Her hooves can’t sit still as she talks; she makes animated little gestures to herself and the ponies around her. “But there are some really talented crystal-shapers who can make spellstones and even help build houses! Story goes that the ponies who made the Crystal Castle didn’t use a single tool—just focused crystal energy.”

Glam smiles and nods at what she’s saying, but truth be told, he finds the mare herself far more fascinating than her words.

“Wow, that’s pretty interesting stuff, Rose.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve been rambling, haven’t I?” She blushes the slightest bit.

“Honestly, I didn’t mind at all.”

“Still, it’s unfair if I did all the talking.” Rose takes another bite of whatever it is that they’re both eating. “What about you? I bet you’ve got a lot of interesting stories, being a Guard and all. I bet you’ve seen the whole world!”

“Not quite the whole world.” Glam spreads his good wing and counts the places he’s been to on his feathers. “I was born in Manehattan, but my family moved to Cloudsdale while I was still a baby. Grew up there, then I went to Canterlot to train for the Guards. Went back to Cloudsdale for duty for a few years, then I got transferred to here. Just arrived last Wednesday.”

“Wow,” says Rose, with awe-struck eyes. “I’ve never been outside of the Empire before.”

“I’ve never been in the Empire until now. Guess that puts us on even footing.” He winks, and she giggles.

“I’ve always wanted to meet other ponies and see new places,” she says dreamily. “And see how they work and live and dress.”

“How about the next time I’m on leave, I give you a little tour?” Glam gives her his best winning smile. “Cloudsdale might be a bit, err, logistically difficult, but I’d be happy to show you around Canterlot. There’s a lot of really interesting sights to see, there. Big castle, big library, big clocktower.”

Rose’s eyes widen, but then, just as quickly, her ears flatten against her head.

“That sounds like a wonderful offer.” The gesturing that had been so vibrant and energetic suddenly closes up, and she hugs her hooves to herself. “But I’m afraid I have to decline.”

Wait, what? Was it something I said? Glam’s mind rushes for an answer.

“Oh, you’re probably too busy to go on vacation aren’t you? I bet a stylist’s hours are pretty packed.” Glam tries to take another casual-looking bite.

“Yeah, I suppose…” She wasn’t particularly convincing. Her eyes fall slowly down to her bowl.

“What’s it like?” Glam knows he’s grasping at straws, but he tries anyway. “You guys have such brilliant manes and coats; I wouldn’t know the first thing about trying to make that look even better.”

Just a hint of her bright smile comes back to her face.

“Oh, it’s no different from styling anypony else, I suppose. A lot of hair-doing and makeup. You just need a bit of an eye for color and shapes.”

Glam silently nodded to encourage her to continue. She seemed most at ease when she was doing the talking.

“Actually,” she says, putting a hoof to her chin, “meeting non-crystal ponies for the first time has left me with something of an inspiration. I’ve been working on a little project of mine for a while, and my sister says I’m onto something great. I’m not so sure myself, but still, I’m a little excited about it.”

“A project? Something to do with makeup and styling?”

She nods eagerly.

“Yeah, yeah!” She fiddles with her hooves for a moment. “I don’t think I could share very many details at such an early stage, but it’s really exciting. It’ll be the first time I try something exclusively for non-crystal ponies, though, so I’m a little scared I’m out of my depth.”

Smiling reassuringly, Glam says, “I’m sure it’ll turn out great. Maybe you could share a little more when you’re ready?”

“Of course!” Her gaze falls on the clock on the far wall, and her eyes widen again. “Oh, shoot! I’ve gotta be somewhere right now.”

Rose Quartz pulls out her purse and pulls out a few silver Imperial bits.

“Do you mind paying for me with these?” she asks, sheepishly. “I really have to run; I’m almost late to my appointment with the Princess.”

The Princess? Princess Cadenza? Glam can’t help but look her from top to bottom with new eyes. Wow.

“Don’t worry; I’ll take care of it,” he says as she regathers her things.

“Thanks! I owe you one.” She stands up. “I actually come here almost every week; it’s my favorite place. Maybe we’ll run into each other again?” There’s a hint of poorly hidden hope in her words.

“Yeah, definitely.” Glam can’t help but return her infectious smile.

“Great! I’ll see you later, then!”

Glam watches as she turns away, exits the little shop, and trots down the street until she rounds a corner and falls out of sight.

---

“And then she never showed up again!” Glam flares both wings for emphasis. “I really thought we really had something going on, you know? I mean, I know we’ve only met once, but we had a great time, and I thought we were pretty into each other. Didn’t seem like the kind of thing you’d ditch and forget about.”

Hard Helm nods, and the snowy wind blowing through his mane gave him an almost sage appearance. He remains silent, though.

“What do you think? Did I commit some kinda crystal pony faux pas?”

“Far as I can tell, crystal ponies ain’t all that different from Equestrian ones. They might be a bit flightier though, when you consider how Sombra did a number on them.”

“Flightier?” Another particularly bad gust blows at Glam, and it feels like the coldness is piercing straight through him and his heavy cloak. He hugs himself tighter. “Are you saying I scared her?”

“I’m not entirely sure.” The muscular earth pony chews his lip a little. “I know that you’re looking to me for answers ‘cause I’ve been here for a spell, and you’re feeling a pinch intimidated by the mares here…”

“Well, maybe not intimidated but I certainly wouldn’t mind some—”

“Oh shucks, partner, you don’t need to hide it. Ain’t nothing wrong with being a little scared around members of the finer sex.”

“I wouldn’t call it being—”

“Having confidence in one’s own masculinity is a difficult thing for some folks.” Helm continued, nodding with wise understanding. “Ain’t no shame in sharing the fact that seeing a pretty gal makes you feel a mite less than all of a man.”

“Wait a minu—”

“While it is true that there are a lotta mares who prefer the strong, manly types to the touchy-feely, sensitive types like yourself—”

“Hey!”

“... that don’t mean you don’t got your own charming way to deal with the womenfolk. Crystal ponies like familiarity and assurance, so maybe the fact that you’re just a touch more womanly than the average stallion—”

“WHAT?”

“... actually plays in your favor, here.”

“Okay, okay.” Glam drags a hoof across his face. “How about we go back to how I might have scared her.”

“Oh, I thought that was plumb obvious!” Helm blew a raspberry, and his breath misted up in the cold, dry air. “You said she clammed up when you started talkin’ about showing her around the capital, right, partner?”

Glam nods.

“Well, the way I figure it, there ain’t been a single crystal pony who’s ever left the Empire in a thousand years. They don’t know a rootin’ tootin’ thing about the rest of Equestria, and they don’t know anyone who does know. You brining it up so casual-like might have set off a couple of alarm bells in the primitive part of her brain, ya know?”

“Oh. Wow, I never thought of it like that.” Glam rubs his chin with a frost-numbed hoof. “That’s actually pretty spot-on, I think.”

“Well, I guess I can’t blame you for not spotting it immediately, with you being a novice and all. I, on the other hand, have enjoyed more than my fair share of female company throughout my long and illustrious career of wooing mares. Makes it a mite difficult to remember how it was before I got any tail.”

Glam sputters defensively. “I’ve gotten plenty of tail, too!”

“Whoa, now, partner. Ain’t no shame or sorrow in being a little slow at the game. Why, I told my own little brother not to worry about the fact that he hadn’t so much as kissed a girl even when he was in the tenth grade. I said to him, ‘Boy, things like this come at their own time. Ain’t no point in rushing something that can’t be rushed.’ And look at him now! Just got outta school, and he’s already married! I hear his wife is doin’ modeling at one of them big fashion gigs in Canterlot.”

“I don’t know why you think that would help me.”

Helm laughs at Glam's distress.

“Well, pardon me, partner; I tend to get a bit long-winded at occasion.” He smiles placatingly. “To take things back to your troubles with this Rose Quartz, I’d tell ya to just give her a bit of time. Crystal ponies aren’t quite used to figuring things out on their own yet. The sad truth is, they spent a few centuries under the influence of some pretty nasty magic. Makes it easy to forget how to think on your own. Really, I reckon she’s just as anxious about it all as you are. Just give her a little while to sort it out.”

“Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.” Glam paws at the endless snow, digging a little divot that would never reach the ground below. “Thanks for the advice, Helm.”

“Ain’t no trouble at all. You just keep being your quaint, lovable self, Glammy.”

Gilded Glamor winces.

“Please, don’t ever call me that again.”

---

Glam slumped even further down in his chair. It was the tenth day since he got back on duty, and the tenth evening he spent at the same dessert parlor after his shift ended. The tenth time he asked the waitress if she had seen a mauve-coated, silver-haired mare, and the tenth time she apologized and said no.

His gaze fell on the familiar sight of the outside road through the windows at the front of the shop. He must have imagined seeing her a hundred times, but each time it turned out to be some other busy pony who’s day happened to take them down that particular road.

He sighed and buried his snout in his hooves. Maybe it was a lost game. Maybe he should just forget she ever existed, and go find another pretty mare to obsess about.

But I dwanna! said an insistent—and increasingly childish, he added—part of Glam’s mind.

Still, it would probably beat sitting and waiting. Glam wondered if there were any bars nearby, and if he could find one of the ones that the other guards liked to frequent on their off-duty hours. A pint of cider and a block of salt was really starting to sound like a good idea.

The fact of the matter was, he was miserable here. The soft, string-heavy ambient music was starting to feel bland after so many hours of hearing it on repeat, and frankly, the chairs weren’t the most comfortable. In fact, he was pretty certain the entire lower half of his body was asleep, consider the amount of pins and needles he was having to deal with in his—

“Glam?” asked a soft, familiar voice.

Gilded Glamor’s heart leapt into his mouth, and he swung his head up and met two sparkling, grey eyes with his own.

“Rose Quartz?”

For a brief, fluttering moment, he can’t even remember to smile.

“It’s nice to see you!” she said, and her cheeks got all dimpled up from that rainbow of a grin on her face.

Glam bolts upright, gives his coat and feathers the quickest of glances, and clears his throat as quietly as he could manage.

“Yeah, you too! It’s been a while since we bumped into each other.”

“Oh, I’m sorry about that,” said Rose, and the look on her face makes Glam forgive her in a heartbeat. “I’ve just been so busy with that project I mentioned to you. I’ve been practically living in my sister’s workshop when I’m not fixing up Princess Cadence’s mane for the Games.”

“Really? Have you got anything you can tell me about yet?”

“Even better!” said Rose as she reached into her purse. “I can show you!” She pulled out a hoof-sized plastic container with a black screw-on lid. “We’ve been working on this the whole week, and I think it’s finally ready!”

Glam leaned closer, and inspected the parcel thoroughly. “Is that makeup?”

Rose gives a toothy smile and nods. “Yep! I came up with the idea after I saw how the Crystal Heart made the Princess and her husband look just like us for a little while when it first came to life! I thought, maybe it’d be a good look for pegasi or unicorns or earth ponies who wanted to jazz up their wardrobe a bit.

“So I went to my sister, who’s this amazing crystalogist. I asked her if there’s a way to crystalize light the same way we can crystalize water or stone, and she said that it was a brilliant idea!” Rose blushed. “Well, first she said it was impossible and that physics didn’t work like that, but she said the concept of it was clever.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Glam threw up his hooves to slow the torrent of words, but on the inside, excitement is starting to infect him as well. “You’re telling me that you guys came up with a makeup that makes ponies look crystal?”

“Yep! Sis said something about how it refracts light across its entire volume rather than at a single point on its surface. I don’t know what that means, but I do know that it took the two of us together with a friend to cast the crystallizing spell on a batch of concealer that I made specially for this.”

Rose Quartz screws open the makeup jar, and carefully hoofs it over to Glam. He looks inside, and his eyes widen. The periwinkle coverup inside the container shines and glitters like fractured glass. He turns the jar one way and then the other, watching how the light played with the contents.

“Wow,” is all he can manage. After a moment, a thought strikes him. “Is there a reason for the color?”

“Oh, yeah, there is…” Her voice is suddenly unsure.

Glam puts the jar down and turns his attention back to Rose. She’s wringing her hooves nervously, and blushing something fierce.

“It’s as close as I could get it to your coat. I was hoping you’d let us try it you on, if you’re okay with that.”

“Me?” Glam’s eyes go wide. “Why me?”

“Well, we’ve tried it on ourselves, and we’ve tried it on dummies, but we can’t be sure of how well it works until we’ve tried it on a non-crystal pony. I can’t pitch it to any of my clients until I know it works, and I don’t know very many other non-crystal ponies.”

Glam takes a moment to quietly process what she just said, one word at a time.

“I understand if it’s too much to ask,” says Rose, “Especially since we’ve only known each other for a little while. I mean, I certainly don’t know very many ponies who start off their second date with such a… s-such a...”

Rose’s eyes become dinner saucers. It takes Glam a second to realize what set her off, but it hits him just as hard when he does. There’s part of him that’s as frightened as hell by her little slip, but there’s also a good chunk of him celebrating harder than he has ever done before.

“Oh sleet!” she says. “I didn’t mean—well, I don’t want to imply that we’re… Oh sleet! I just—I don’t know what I was saying or even just thinking, I mean, oh Princesses, I must have made you so uncomfortable, but I really don’t want you to—”

“I’ll do it,” Glam says, cutting her off. He gives her another winning smile. “I’ll do the thing with the makeup, on one condition...”

He gently takes her hoof.

“... that this isn’t the last of our dates.”

The color comes back to Rose’s cheeks, and she smiles from ear to ear again. “I… I think I can make that arrangement work.”

---

“Well, would ya have a lookit you!”

There’s a gleam in Hard Helm’s eyes that Glamor hasn’t seen since the stress-venting drill.

“My goddess, ‘sthat you, Glammy?”

“I told you not to call me that,” Glam says. He pulled his cloak’s hood even tighter around himself.

“Celestia spank me like a newborn, that really is you, Glammy!”

Glam silently takes his post beside Hard Helm, on the little cliff that overlooks the train station.

“Yeah, it’s me.” He smiles jokingly. “Glad you noticed the new manecut.”

“Nevermind your mane, partner!” Helm is leaning forward so close, Glam could practically feel his breath on his neck. "Your coat looks just about as shiny as a twice-polished diamond! How’d you do that? And how in Luna’s mane did you get past the sarge looking like that?”

“Well, I checked the regs. They might have spell-enforced uniforms over in Canterlot, but as a part of a territorial detachment, we aren’t under any regulations against cosmetics that don’t affect our ability to wear armor.”

“Makeup, is what you’re sayin’? You’re tellin’ me that this here shinny fabulosity ain’t nothin’ but a pinch of makeup?”

“Yep. Remember that mare I told you about? She made this stuff that makes a regular pony look just like a crystal pony. She wanted me to test how long it’ll last. Pretty amazing, isn’t it?”

Helm throws his head back and laughs. “Hoooo-wee! That is something amazing! Wow, I wish I could get a unicorn to shine some light on ya. I reckon it’ll make you pop like a Hearth’s Warming tree!”

They both share a good-natured laugh. It’s a while before either of them can speak again.

“You know,” says Helm as he wipes a tear from his cheek, “when I said that it was perfectly fine being a bit on the feminine side, I really, really had no idea it’d come to this.”

“Oh, shut up, you.” Glam throws a playful punch at his towering friend.

“But really, makeup!” Helm raises a hoof defensively. “I ain’t sayin’ it doesn’t look good on you, cause it truthfully does. But the thought of somepony puttin’ on a batch of sparklin’ make up right before donning his tried and true Guardsman armor is just somethin’ that’ll never not be funny to me.”

Just as Glam is about to make a retort, a blue flash lights up the ground in front of them, followed by the snap of magic. A unicorn guard stands before them, shaking his head from the hasty teleportation. Glam and Helm immediately salute when they see the stripes on his shoulderguards.

“Is either one of you a pegasus?” asks the officer, desperately.

“I am, sir!” Glam steps forward.

“Thank Celestia, son. We can’t find our usual guy anywhere, and we’re on a bit of a deadline.”

“What’s the situation, sir?” says Helm.

“Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is taking a personal leave to Ponyville today. We received word half an hour ago, which was ten minutes after her train was supposed to have left the station.” the unicorn shakes his head. “We’ve gathered most of the ponies we need for a royal escort out of her personal guard, but we’re short one pegasus.”

Glam’s stomach did a flip-flop.

“Sir, I c-can’t go on an escort, sir!”

The officer’s body language changes in an instant.

“What is your name, private?” he barks.

“PFC Gilded Glamor, sir!”

“Private Grandeur, are you injured in such a way that prevents you from serving escort duty?”

“No, sir!”

“Then what in the wide, wide world of Equestria would stop you from performing this duty?”

Glam winces under the verbal barrage. “I’m… I’m unpresentable, sir. I’m wearing makeup.”

“Yes, I can tell, Private. I also couldn’t care less! We’ve got an overworked Princess sitting in a heavily delayed train waiting to see her sister-in-law, and I won’t be the one to tell her that she needs to wait a second longer on account of some pansy private’s exploratory dressing habits! Are we at an understanding?!”

“Y-yes sir!”

“Good!” He turns to Hard Helm. “You there! Are you fit to complete the rest of your shift unaided by Private Glitter Gums?”

“I reckon I am, sir.” There are the hints of a barely-contained smile on Hard Helm face.

“Excellent! Inform your commanding officer that Major Full March has commandeered the services of your patrol partner.” The major turns to face Glam once again. “Prepare for transportation via teleport, Private Glitter!”

Glam doesn’t have the opportunity to squeeze out a single word before his world is engulfed in a flash of blue.

---

The stars in his eyes makes it hard to tell where they’ve teleported to. Glam blinks hard to clear them, and finds himself in the baggage car of a train, surrounded by more than a dozen fully armored gaurdsponies. When the ringing fades from his ears, the first thing he notices is Full March’s loud, staccato of a voice.

“Okay, foals, time to look alive! Bulwark, inform the conductor that we can get a move on. Stardust, take your ponies to the aft side. Racewind, your guys will take point. Corporal Sentry, take Private Gummy Pants, here. You two are front and center with the Princess. Now, MOVE!”

Ponies hurried out of the car in a practiced file. Glam found himself in the way of more than one guard before he felt a strong hoof jerk him away by the hood of his cloak.

“I’m Flash Sentry,” said the pegasus who pulled him out of the chaos. “I’m guessing the Major butchered your name. He does that with new guys. Oh, you’re going to want to take off your jacket, Private. We’re headed for some warmer weather pretty soon.”

“Thanks.” Glam takes off his cloak in one smooth motion. The resulting light show of reflections makes him suddenly self-conscious. “It’s just makeup. I’m Gilded Glamor. Call me Glam.”

“Gotcha.” Flash starts to help him brush the snow off of his armor and his mane. “We’re on Princess duty, which means we’ll be in the car with her during the trip, and we’ll be one ones to escort her off the train when we get there. At the end of her leave, she’ll board the eight PM train, and at that time we’ll resume escort duties until the Crystal Castle gaurd takes over again.”

“Okay,” Glam says. He tries to push his doubts away and get into full-on guard-mode. Focused, stony-faced, silent, and professional. “Anything else I need to know?”

“Yeah, the Princess is a bit of a chatter-box. You’re probably going to have to make a bit of light conversation.”

Oh buck me.

With a lurch, the train began to move.

“We gotta go,” said Flash. “We’re supposed to already be with her by now!”

Flash runs down the aisle at a steady trot, and Glam follows just behind. They cross several empty cars before reaching the one that held Stardust’s squad.

“Okay,” says Flash, stopping at the door that separated this coach from the next. “Next one’s the Princess’s. You ready, Glam?”

Glam shakes as he nods.

A guesture of acknowledgement later, Flash opens the door and walks down the next car at a steady clip. Glam matches his pace, step for step.

“Flash? Is that you? Bulwark and Racewind just ran through here without so much as a word.”

The Princess’s voice is nothing like what Glam expected. It’s not regal or wise, like Celestia’s was at Glamor’s graduation ceremony from Academy. It’s young, and happy, and just a little bit tired.

“Yes ma’am!” says Flash. “I’ll be sure to give the boys a stern talking-to for ignoring you, Your Majesty.”

Princess Mi Amore Cadenza giggles as the two of them round the corner and take their places in the first-class booth she’s sitting in.

Glam knew the color, height, and approximate weight of all four of Equestria’s Princesses. It had been drilled into them at boot camp, and drilled again when the newest addition to Equestrian royalty was added to their ranks. What he didn’t know was how unapologetically cheerful Princess Cadenza could look when she joked with her personal guard.

“Oh!” she said as she made eye contact with Glam. “You’re certainly not Corporal Flight Feather! Who might you be?”

“Private First Class Gilded Glamor, ma’am. And no, it’s just makeup.” He tries desperately not to blush.

“Makeup? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like that before.” She smiles. “Where did you get it?”

“Actually, it was given to me by one of your own stylists, ma’am. Rose Quartz.”

“Rosey made that? Oh my goodness, that’s amazing!”

There’s something both incredibly wonderful and impossibly disturbing about seeing a Princess that can barely contain her glee.

“Yes,” said Glam as he took his seat across from her. “She’s certainly quite the mare.”

A knowing look flashed across the Princess of Love’s eyes, and she leant forward so far that her long, graceful horn nearly touched Glam’s head.

“Is that so?” she said with a nearly predatory grin. “We’ve got quite the long train ride ahead of us. Why don’t you tell me all about you and Rosey? I’m sure Flash wouldn’t mind us chatting it up for a bit.”

“Uh, I don’t know about that.” Glam’s composure is falling, fast. “There isn’t very much to say, anyways. We’ve only met a couple of times for dessert.”

“Hmm…” The princess looks at him with eyes that somehow know everything already. “Something tells me that both of you know that there’s a lot more to it that just dessert.” She turns to the other pegasus in the booth. “Flash, close the door and lock it! We’re not leaving until the Private and I get a lot more in touch with his feelings!”

“Aye, ma’am!” Flash Sentry gave a crisp salute.

The latch clicked shut, and Glam swallowed the biggest lump in his throat that he has ever had.