“Pirates!”

My head banged against the roof of the car I was working on, knocking it off the rod holding it up, and causing it to come crashing down on my hooves. Great. Just what I needed.

Annoyed, I flew down from the car I’d been working on to to give the Yellow earth pony mare who’d interrupted me as fierce a glare as I could muster, face to face. She either ignored it or, more likely, didn’t notice I was giving it to her, and just smiled at me with that goofy grin of hers.

“Wow, Ruby. Why’d you do that?” the lifelong pest that masqueraded as my best friend asked me. “Didn’t that hurt your hooves?”

“Why do you think?” I growled. After a moment of her mulling it over, apparently stumped, I sighed. “What do you want, Pyrite?”

“I just told you. Pirates!”

I paused, waiting for further elaboration. Of course none came. “You want me to find you some pirates?” I guessed. There was no telling what crazy scheme she’d cooked up this time.

She thought about that for a moment. “Well, I suppose that wouldn’t hurt. It probably wouldn’t be very easy to pillage the land with just the two of us, so finding us a crew wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

I stared at her.

She returned the stare with the most eager expression I’d ever seen on her dopey face. “Isn’t this the best idea ever?”

I put a hoof to my face. And it wasn’t because of the pain in my head. “You want us to become pirates.” Of course she did. This was just like her. “You expect me to just drop my job so you can whisk me away on some silly adventure.”

“Well, yeah.” She nodded emphatically. “We’re best friends! We do everything together.”

“I can’t quit my job, Pyrite. Ponies depend on me.”

“Aww, c’mon, Rubes,” she exchanged her eager expression for the pouting look she’d mastered as a filly to get us out of trouble. “The pirate life would be perfect for you! You’d get to be my first mate and help maintain the ship and everything.”

“No, Pyrite.”

“Besides, you’ve already got the fake leg.” She rapped on the prosthetic in question. “Maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll get in another accident and need an eyepatch too!”

I winced as the memory of my tail getting caught in that engine came flooding back to me. “A missing eye isn’t really something to seek out, Pyrite.”

“But you’d look so cool with an eyepatch.” she pouted. “Besides. You’re Ruby Ratchet. You can do anything, no matter how many eyes, legs, or whatever you have.”

As flattering as that was, for Pyrite anyway, it was time to change the subject before she actually started plotting ways I could “accidentally” lose my eye. “Does this have anything to do with your new cutie mark?”

“Oh, this old thing?” She turned to give me a better view of the giant red X that sat on her flank. “Nah, totally unrelated. Well, probably.”

“Pyrite. You go on a ‘journey’ telling no one where you are or what you’re doing except that you’re not coming back until you’ve got your cutie mark. Six and a half months later, you come back with a mark nopony understands and refuse to tell anypony what your special talent is.” I took a deep breath. I suppose I still harboured a tiny grudge when she decided she needed to go on her “grand quest to find her mark” without me. “And how you’re spouting nonsense about pirates. These things clearly all have to be connected.”

“It’s not nonsense, it’s an exciting new career choice! Besides,” she gestured around my workshop. “It’s gotta be better than this. Fixing cars? Talk about boring.”

I happened to like helping other ponies with their automotive troubles, but I never could seem to convince Pyrite of this. Instead, I sighed and asked “And just what’s so great about being a pirate, then?”

She looked at me indignantly. “You mean besides everything?” I gave her a look making it as clear as possible that this wasn’t sufficient answer. “Well there’s the adventure and sailing the high seas and the loot, definitely the loot, and the wenches and—” She stopped herself. “Hey Ruby, what is a wench anyway?”

“You don’t even know the first thing about being a pirate, do you?” I asked, face in my hoof again.

“Well,” she gave me that goofy grin of hers once more. “I know you get to stab people with a kickass sword! A stablass.”

For some reason, my face and hoof seemed to be magnetically attracted to each other whenever Pyrite was around. “You mean a cutlass.”

“Um, no. Cutlasses are for cutting. Stablasses are for stabbing. Duh, Ruby.”

I’d clearly let Pyrite ramble too much by this point, as she was almost beginning to make sense. It was time to put an end to this.

“Okay, Pyrite. Fine. Let’s pretend for a moment that I agreed to take you up on your insane idea.”

“Awesome idea, you mean.”

I ignored her outburst. “First off, neither of us have any idea how to be a pirate.”

“Well, no,” she admitted. Much to my surprise, I swear I saw the smallest hint of doubt in her face for the first time since I’d known her. But whatever worries she had were quickly eliminated and replaced by her usual expression. “But it’s not like you can just master something without trying it out first, you know? I’m sure that given enough time, we’ll be the best pirates Equestria’s ever seen. Even better than the Pie-rate Sisters!”

I sighed. She actually had a point. Experience was how I had found out how handy I was with machines, after all. But I wasn’t going to let that stop me from telling Pyrite exactly how stupid her idea was. “Okay, fine. How about the fact that there’s only two of us? We won’t exactly be able to raid very effectively with just the two of us.” Sometimes the best way to dissuade her was to accept the crazy as a given, and point out the flaws from the inside.

“Well, of course not.” Why must she be so damn agreeable today? “I mean, sure, I’m pretty much a natural at this adventuring stuff, and while you were always whining about going home and telling our parents what we were doing afterwards and everything, you’re no slouch yourself. But I suppose there’s probably some things we can’t handle on our own. Which is why we’ll start with the small stuff.” The grin she gave me would send Tirek himself back to Tartarus. “Then we’ll let the legendary tales of our exploits bring crew members to us. It’s the perfect plan!”

I folded my hooves over my chest. “And just how are we going to have legendary exploits if we’re only doing small stuff?”

“Just leave that to me. I’ve got contacts that’ll gladly spread the tales of our dashing exploits far and wide!”

“Fine.” It was increasingly apparent that I wasn’t going to win that fight. “How about this, then? The nearest body of water is over 800 miles away. How exactly are we supposed be pirates without a ship? And,” I rose a hoof to interrupt her protest, “before you ask, cloudships are off the table. In case you forgot, you’re an earth pony. So unless you can somehow come up with the several million bits to purchase a permanent cloudwalking spell, it’s not an option.”

“I know that,” she huffed with mock indignation. “But see, that’s where my genius comes in, Rubes. We’re going to be land pirates!”

I rose an eyebrow. “Land pirates,” I echoed.

“Yup. That way we won’t even have to leave town! Great idea, huh?”

I let out an exasperated sigh. She really didn’t see the obvious flaw in her plan. “Pyrite. Everyone in town knows us. We’d get caught instantly.”

“We’ll wear masks! And dark clothing to cover our cutie marks. And then we’ll roam around town at night, sneaking into places and liberating their booty.”

“Pyrite, you’re describing cat burglars. That’s not exactly the same thing as a pirate.”

“No way, we’ll be pirates. I mean, we’ll have swords and eye patches! Totally pirates.”

I rubbed my temples. “That’s not really what makes a pirate.”

She snorted. “Well, what exactly does make a pirate, Miss Smarty Pants?”

I put a hoof to my chin to think about that. “Well the biggest thing that distinguishes pirates from everything else is the ship, which isn’t really feasible on land. Still, maybe any kind of mobile base would work if we were actually going to do this.”

I looked up to find Pyrite beaming at me. “W-wait a moment,” I stammered, realizing what I’d just said. “I didn’t actually say I’d—”

“I knew you’d come through, Ruby.” She slung a hoof around my shoulders and used her other forehoof to paint an imaginary picture before us. “We’ll be the best land pirates Equestria’s ever seen. Together we’ll be unstoppable.”

“Assuming we don’t get ourselves killed first,” I muttered. Was I actually going to go along with this?

“Oh, quit worrying, we’ll be fine.” She released me to go trot over to my workbench to look over all my tools. “So how long will it take you to build our land ship?”

Ah, an out! There was no way Pyrite would stick to this crazy scheme of hers if it took too long. “Hrm, six months, maybe?” I offered, playing along.

“Sounds great,” she agreed, taking the bait. “And while you’re doing that, I’ll take care of the most important part: getting our swords and eye patches. Oh, and maybe some fancy pirate clothes too. Doubloons?”

“Pantaloons,” I corrected.

“Yeah those! Anyway, you get started, and I’ll see about getting our pirate duds.” She bolted for the door.

Much to my surprise, I found myself chuckling to myself as she left. Pirates, huh? What would she think of next? Sure, Pyrite was a pest at times, but at least she was entertaining. And I had to admit that her enthusiasm was a little contagious. I almost wished we actually could be land pirates.

Then again, that line of thinking is exactly what let her drag me into all sorts of trouble as foals. Better to stay grounded in reality and wait for this whole thing to blow over. Shaking my head to myself, I flew back up to the car, lifted the hood, and got back to work on my client’s car.

“Yo, Ruby!”

My head hit the roof of the car again. Which resulted in the same chain of events as Pyrite’s first outburst of the day. My poor hooves.

“Why do you keep doing that? Is that fun for mechanics or something?”

“I thought you were going to get our pirate supplies,” I grumbled, rubbing my forehead again.

“Oh, yeah, I’m still totally going to do that. But,” and she gave me her best pout once again. “I’m hungry. Mind lending me some bits so I can grab a hayburger?”

I sighed. Typical Pyrite.

***

“So do I look better with the eye patch over my right eye, or my left eye?” Pyrite shoved her head in my face, an eyepatch over each eye.

I pushed her head out of my way and continued to focus on the wiring job for the ship’s steering mechanism. “Left,” I muttered, more to get he to leave me alone than due to any actual aesthetic reason. “Though maybe you should keep them both on,” I chuckled to myself. “Could give you more intimidation factor.”

“I thought that too, but I can’t actually see with them both on.” Pyrite mused, taking off her right eyepatch. “Everything looks kinda funny with only one on, too.”

“Do you even know why Pirates wear eye patches?” I asked, not looking up from my work.

“Um… because it looks cool?” She ventured. “Or maybe because an eye’s missing and they want to cover their gruesome eye socket.” She put a hoof to her chin. “But wait, if that’s true, wouldn’t they want to leave it uncovered to scare their enemies or something?”

“It’s so that they could fight in the dark better,” I explained as I put the finishing touches of the wiring together. I smiled to myself as I finished, admiring my work. “They’d put it over one eye to get it more accustomed to the dark while there’s still light. Then if the lights went out, or if the interior of the ship wasn’t brightly lit, they’d shift it to the other eye, which would have already adjusted to the darkness.” I took off my goggles to face her. “That way they could keep fighting just as effectively without having to wait for their eyes to adjust to the dark.”

“Oooooooh.” Pyrite’s reaction to new information was pretty much always the same. I’m not sure if she actually retained any of it, though. She trotted up beside me to look at my work. “So is it done? Are we pirates now?”

“Hardly,” I snorted. “I mean, sure, if all you want to do is cruise around town in a two story monstrosity that can barely go five miles an hour, I could throw in a couple spare engines I’ve got lying around and hook them up and it’s done. But I figure if we’re going to do this right, it’ll need to be way faster. And probably need a sturdier hull. Besides,” I winked. “I haven’t even added your captain’s chair yet.”

Pyrite perked up at that. “Oh yeah! That’s the most important part of any Pirate ship! Well, aside from the cannons, I guess.” She put a hoof to her chin, deep in thought. “Although the captain’s chair is pretty important...”

I tuned her out as she kept rambling, consulting my blueprints. There was still a fair bit left to do, after all. Though I made a mental note to myself to install some fake cannons later on to appease her.

It had been a good five months since Pyrite had originally gotten this whole land pirate idea into her head. I was honestly surprised she was still hung up on it considering she normally forgot stuff like this in a week tops. But after about a month of her checking on my progress only to find I’d not started yet – I’d told her I was waiting for the parts to come in – I found I had to actually start on the project or she’d catch on to my intentions.

Still, despite my best efforts otherwise, I’d actually been having fun plotting and planning with Pyrite. I mean, there was no way I was actually going to go along with this whole thing, but it was still entertaining talking about all the nefarious deeds we’d get up to. Reminded me of when we were foals.

And I had to admit, figuring out how to make a mobile land base function to the degree it could actually serve as a pirate base was a fascinating project. And I was pretty sure I could make it work too, even if I had no intention of actually using it for piracy. I figured I’d finish making the thing, we’d cruise around town for a bit, she’d get bored when she found out we wouldn’t actually be able to do anything resembling actual piracy, and we’d be done with it. Then maybe I’d be able to sell the thing to some eccentric motorhead and make a few bits in the process.

Regardless of what I’d wind up doing with thing in the long run, in the short run we’d both get to win. Pyrite would get to have the fun of plotting and scheming, and I’d get to enjoy solving a puzzle and possibly make a profit on the side without actually having to risk my life with all this piracy craziness. Or maybe I’d just keep it. It’d probably make a great conversation topic. Something to tell grandfoals about when I was older. It was a pretty good plan, all things considered.

“So when will you be done?” Pyrite asked, peeking over my shoulder to look at my blueprints. I don’t know why she bothered, since I doubted she’d have any inclination as to what they meant, but it was still nice to see her taking an interest.

“I think I could finish in about two more months.”

“Two months?” Pyrite whined. “But you said it’d only take you six total, and that’d make seven!”

“Oh, so you can do basic math,” I taunted, turning away from her to hide my smile.

“Of course I can, Ruby. I’m not an idiot.”

“No, you’re not,” I agreed. “But still, it’s just taking longer than I planned, okay? I’d only given you an early estimate. Just be patient and we’ll be pillaging the town before you know it.” Or maybe I’d get lucky and she’d lose interest.

“I guess. Still kind of a bummer, though.”

“It’ll give you more time to practice your pirate talk,” I offered.

“Oh yeah!” That cheered her up, and she struck a pose to intimidate some imaginary opponent. “At last, ye scary cog! Give up yer booty, or we’ll be making ye walk the—” she paused. “Hey Ruby, is this thing going to have a plank?”

“Probably not.”

“Then what will we make scary cogs walk when they don’t surrender their booty to us?”

“It’s ‘scurvy dog,’” I corrected for hundredth time. “And considering the point of making ponies walk the plank is to kill them, I’m not really comfortable adding one.”

“Oh, yeah,” her ears fell flat. “We probably shouldn’t actually kill ponies who don’t deserve it.”

“Well, don’t worry. There’s plenty of other piratey things you can do without actually killing them.” I mentally kicked myself. Why was I encouraging her? “Like waving your sword around and wearing an eyepatch.”

“Yeah! And looting and pillaging and wenching and—” she paused. “You know, you never did tell me what a wench was, Ruby.”

Yeah, that was so not a conversation I was going to have right now. Time to change the subject. “So what did you want to call our ship, Captain?”

“Um, I dunno.” That got her attention, and she stopped to mull it over. “The Plucky Duck?”

“‘The Plucky Duck’,” I repeated, uncertain if she’d actually suggested it, or was just stringing random words together.

“Yeah! Cool, huh?” She flashed me that grin of hers.

“Not exactly going to strike fear into the hearts of ponies, now is it?” I was honestly surprised. I expected something more… I don’t know, more Pyrite. “Besides, ducks are waterfowl. And this is a land ship.”

“So?”

“So ducks are typically associated with either the water or the sky. Not the ground.”

“So?”

I cradled my face between my hooves. “So I’m just saying you could have picked a more fitting name.”

“Well, my next choice was The Spunky Skunk.”

“The Plucky Duck it is.”

***

“Finally,” I breathed, taking off my goggles. “It’s done.”

I hovered above The Plucky Duck, taking it all in. Sure, the grey block on six wheels wasn’t all that pretty. But it worked. And more importantly, it was mine. Well, mine and Pyrite’s, I supposed, but I was the one that had made her, and I thought that counted a little more than just being self-appointed captain. Especially when that captain was Pyrite.

I was quite proud of her. Two stories high with living quarters on top, and the command center on the bottom. Admittedly, pretty much the only thing the command center could actually do was drive the thing, since there wasn’t any actual functioning weaponry. But it wasn’t like we were going to actually use it for piracy. And I could always add on to her later, if necessary.

And she was fast too. Not racing car fast or anything, but still far faster than she probably looked like she should be capable of. Could probably outrace any would-be pursuers that we needed to get away from. Not that we’d ever need to, of course, but it was still an interesting challenge to piece together.

And I’d done it all myself. Okay, it was possible that I may have bought a unicorn spell or two to make some parts work that probably wouldn’t have otherwise, but I still designed the whole thing and made it work. All that was left was taking her out for a test drive. And I was pretty eager to do that right away despite it being two in the morning. Or the fact that I’d been working on the thing pretty much non-stop all weekend. There was just one thing missing.

Ten minutes later, I was hovering outside the window of Pyrite’s room, banging on it to get her attention.

The window slid open. “What?” a very sleepy Pyrite asked, eyes barely open.

“It’s ready.” I said, giving her a grin that probably looked a bit too much like the ones Pyrite so frequently gave me. Oh dear, I was really getting into this, wasn’t I?

Pyrite’s eyes shot open. “The Plucky Duck’s done? We can be pirates now?”

“Yup.” I nodded matter of factly. “Want to go for a ride?”

“Just a second.” She sounded even more excited than I was. “Let me grab a few things.”

A minute later and she was downstairs wearing her eyepatch and holding a sword in her mouth. “Ets oh!” she exclaimed through clenched teeth.

“When did you get that?” My eyes went wide. Then a more important question came to mind. “Where did you get that?”

She spat the sword out. “Oh, this? I told you, I’ve got connections.” There was that goofy grin again. “And I told you I was getting this stuff ages ago, don’t you remember? Got you some too.” She patted her saddlebags. As she did, I noticed the sheath she was wearing right below it. She really was prepared.

“We’re just going for a test drive, Pyrite.” I eyed the sword cautiously, a bit intimidated by it. I’d never been so close to a real weapon before. “We don’t need to bring swords with us.”

“You never know when adventure awaits,” Pyrite shrugged. “Besides, we need to bring them to the ship eventually.”

I sighed. I probably should have argued with her more, but despite the adrenaline rush of having finished a project and wanting to try it out, I was still tired. “Fine. But try not to hurt yourself.”

She beamed at me, picked her sword up, and started galloping for my workshop. I was right behind her.

Once we were inside The Duck – and the swords were safely tucked away – I started her up and took her out onto the street. She was a bit wider than most cars were, but I figured so long as we stuck to larger streets, or stayed to the side, we’d be fine. Probably.

“Hey, I’m the captain. Why aren’t I driving?” Pyrite complained from her chair.

I thought she might ask that. Fortunately, I was prepared. “You’re the captain, remember? The captain doesn’t drive, the captain just decides where to go.”

She thought about that for a moment. “So the first mate drives?”

“Well, no. The helmsmare does. But since there’s just the two of us, I figured that meant me. Since you have the important job of being captain and all.”

“Being captain is a pretty important job,” she agreed. I knew playing to her vanity would work. “But I still want to drive.”

“Pyrite, you can’t even drive a car. What makes you think I’d let you drive our ship?”

“But…” I could practically hear the tears welling in her eyes.

I sighed. “Look, maybe I can show you how to drive her later, okay? In the meantime, why don’t you tell me where you want to go, captain.” I turned to her and gave her a quick salute.

“Oh, sure! I know exactly where we’re going.”

“Well, where is it?”

“Oh, I don’t know the exact name of the place…” Of course she didn’t. “But I still know how to get there. I drew a map, see!” She promptly shoved a napkin in my face.

“Pyrite, I need to see the road!” I cried out, swatting the napkin out of the way.

“Oh, woops, haha.” She placed it next to me. “Well, here it is!” she exclaimed before going back to sit on her captain’s chair.

I glanced at it. It was in crayon. Of course it was in crayon. Why would I have expected anything else?

Still, despite the questionable choice of drawing materials, it did seem like a pretty good map. And it was as good a place to go to as any. A bit deeper into town than I was used to, but probably fine. I set about to driving down the course Pyrite had laid out for us.

“So is this what your special talent is, then?” I asked, trying to fill the time with conversation. “Map making?”

“I dunno.”

“Pyrite,” I turned in my seat to give her a look. “You’re my captain now, right? I’ve agreed to this whole crazy pirate thing, right?”

“Yeah, so?”

“So that means, despite how crazy this whole thing is, I trust you.” I turned to face the road again. “And I wish you’d trust me.”

“No, seriously. I dunno.”

“Pyrite, it’s your cutie mark. You have to know what it means.”

“Well I don’t.” I gave her another look. “No, seriously, Rubes! I really don’t.”

“Well, how can you at least tell me how you got it?”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

She sighed. “Yeah, okay, I guess that’s fair. You’ve been pretty cool about this whole thing so far, Rubes, you know that? I promise I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

“Pyrite…”

“I swear!”

I sighed. It’d have to do.

The remainder of the trip was filled with Pyrite talking as piratey as she could. Mostly giving orders that made no sense or only applied to a more traditional kind of ship. I did my best to join in and have fun, but she was definitely more into it than I was. And I had to stay focused on driving.

After about an hour or so, Pyrite’s map led us down a somewhat shady road. Looking at the map again I realized our destination was just a little bit further down the same road. It suddenly occurred to me I had no idea where we were. But I was pretty sure it wasn’t somewhere I had any business being. “Um, Pyrite?”

“Yarr, and after ye finish buttoning down the satchel, ye should—”

“Pyrite!”

“Huh? Oh, what is it, Rubes? Are we there?” She ran up to the front window to look out. “Oh yeah, we’re almost there!”

“Pyrite, where are we going?”

“It’ll be great, Rubes. You’ll see.”

“Pyrite!” I applied the brakes. “I’m not going any further until you answer my question.”

She beamed at me. “We’re going on our first heist!”

“Pirates don’t do heists. They raid.” What was I saying? This wasn’t the time to be arguing semantics.

“Eh, same thing,” she shrugged. “Anyway, I think you picked a good place to stop anyway, Ruby. We’re totally here. Let’s go.” And with that, she grabbed her sword and bolted for the door.

“Pyrite!” I called after her, but she didn’t stop. I glanced out the window. It was dark. Too dark. A shiver rushed down my spine as I thought of all the nasty dealings that probably went down on streets just like this one. This was definitely not the sort of place I wanted to be hanging out in. Every fiber of my being told me that I should get out of here, and quick.

But I couldn’t. Pyrite was out there. Alone with nothing but the sword in her mouth and the wits in her head. And I wasn’t confident in her skills with either. So despite the rational part of my brain begging and pleading with me to stay inside where it was safe – or at least safer – I dashed out the door after her.

“Pyrite!” I hissed as loudly as I dared, praying I didn’t attract any unwanted attention. “What are you doing? Get back in here?”

She turned to face me “C’mon Rubes, that’s no way for a pirate to act.” She turned towards the nearest door before crying out “Onwards to adventure!”

“Pyrite!” But she wasn’t listening. I chased after her. But before I could catch up to her, she’d opened the door and gone in. I hesitated for a moment, but followed.

Once inside, catching up to Pyrite was easy. We were in a short corridor and she’d stopped at the corner to peer around it. “Pyrite, we have got to get out of here. This isn’t safe.”

She raised a hoof to shush me, then waved me over to come look at what she was looking at. For some reason I did. Celestia only knows why.

Around that corner was definitely the most terrifying thing I’d ever seen. The room was full of diamond dogs. Diamond dogs arguing with one another, playing poker, eating, or doing whatever. But they weren’t just normal diamond dogs, no. By the colours they were wearing, I knew exactly who they were. The Blindhounds.

I’d never actually met a Blindhound before. Of course, if I had, I probably wouldn’t have lived to tell about it. The Blindhounds were notorious for their hatred of ponykind, and what they did to any unsuspecting pony they’d caught alone and defenseless. Especially their leader, the Blind Bitch herself, who seemed to have an uncanny knack for tracking down ponies despite being unable to see them. No one knew exactly why she hated us, but the leading theory was that she blamed ponies for the fact she’d lost her eyesight and that she formed the Blindhounds to seek revenge. Rumour was she had a collection of pony eyes kept in jars in her lair somewhere. I believed every word of it.

And Pyrite had led us straight into the middle of their territory.

“Are you nuts, Pyrite?” I whispered “The Blindhounds?”

She winked at me. “Yup. We’re gonna rob them even blinder.” How could she make jokes at a time like this?

“No, we’re going to get killed. Let’s go before they—”

I froze as one of the diamond dogs sniffed the air. “Hey, you smell that?” he asked one of the other Blindhounds, who looked like he was trying to sleep.

“No.”

“Smells like pony.”

“Don’t care.”

I tugged at my friend’s side, gesturing towards the safety of the door. “They’re going to find us, Pyrite. Please, let’s get out of here.”

“Aww, you’re worrying too much.” She brushed my hoof away. “We’ll just wait until they’re asleep, and then we’ll—”

“And then you’ll what?”

I spun around. A small diamond dog, barely as tall on two legs as I was on four, looked back at us. She was old, probably at least eighty, and she looked like she had a limp. I could see she had a knife hanging off each of her legs, and probably had even more weapons I couldn’t see. She also wore a pendant of an eye with a dagger sticking out of it.

But none of that was what really caught my attention. That would have been her eyes. Or rather, the place where where eyes should have been. Instead, two empty sockets looked directly at the two of us. And somehow I could tell they were filled with malice.

“Wow, lady. Shouldn’t you wear eyepatches over those?”

I gaped at my friend.

“You really should try them out. They’re pretty cool looking. Not that you’d be able to tell, I guess.”

She drew a pistol from her side. “Tell me, ponies,” she spat the last word as she aimed the gun right between my eyes. “Is there any reason I shouldn’t kill you right now?”

My mind raced to say something. To say anything that could possibly get us out of this situation.

Unfortunately, Pyrite beat me to it. “Well, if you killed me, you wouldn’t be able to get any more of my amazing fashion tips.” I groaned. I was going to die, and it was all my dumbass of a friend’s fault.

She pulled back the safety.

“Wait!” I cried out, trying to think of something else to say. She paused. “We’re here to—”

I stopped as Pyrite headbutted the Blind Bitch right in the chest. A shot rang out, louder than anything I’d ever heard in my life, and I felt something fly between my ears. But somehow I seemed to be unscathed. For the moment, anyway.

I stood there in shock, looking down at the gang leader. She was breathing, but otherwise wasn’t moving. I wasn’t sure if I should be relieved or not that she wasn’t actually dead.

I came to as I heard the sound of dozens of diamond dogs rising to their feet in the adjacent room. We had to get out of there. Now.

“Let’s go, Pyrite!” I shouted, bolting past her towards the door. To her credit, she actually followed me. I half expected her to try to take them all on herself.

Once outside, we made a beeline for The Duck. But before we could get there, I could hear the first of the Blindhounds reaching the door behind us. I screamed when first bullet flew by. Why was everyone aiming at me when it was Pyrite who had offended the Bitch?

Luckily, it seemed the Blindhound had only had one bullet loaded as I heard nothing but clicks and swearing afterward. And by the time more Blindhounds had shoved past him, I’d made it to the doors of The Duck.

“What the hell is that?” I heard one of the Blindhounds shout as I pulled Pyrite inside.

“Who cares? They’re getting away!”

I slammed the door shut just in time to hear bullets slamming into it. That should hold them off for now. I’d thankfully had the foresight to reinforce The Duck’s hull. The windows, however, were another matter.

“As your captain, I order you to— oof!” I slammed a hoof into her chest.

“Shut up, Pyrite,” I barked as I sat down in the drivers seat. “Kinda busy saving our lives.” I turned the key and The Duck’s engines sprang to life.

“Yeah, okay,” Pyrite agreed, climbing into her chair. “Still, that was pretty cool, huh?”

“Later!” I slammed on the gas. We were moving. And I thanked Celestia that I hadn’t skimped on the Duck’s engine power.

“Um… Rubes?”

“Shut up, Pyrite,” I growled again.

“This is kind of important, Ruby.”

I turned around to glare at her. “What could possibly—” I stopped when I saw eight vehicles of varying shapes and sizes chasing us. “Oh, sweet Celestia.”

“Maybe we should fire the cannons?”

“They’re fake!”

“Oh.”

Bullets crashed against The Duck’s rear window, and I swore. There was no way that’d hold them off forever.

“What are we going to do, Ruby?”

“Shut up and let me drive!”

First intersection we came to, I turned the Duck hard, hoping to maybe throw off their aim a little and save the window some damage. And if we were really lucky, they’d miss the turn. Though a quick look behind me let me know exactly how foalish that hope was.

Suddenly, an idea came to mind. The police station! Sure, it was the middle of the night, but there was probably somepony there, right? And if we could get there, maybe they could help!

Of course, we’d have to get there in one piece. And I was pretty sure they were a good ten minutes away at least, even at The Duck’s top speed.

“They’re gaining on us, Ruby.”

I made another turn. The Blindhounds were right behind us. More bullets hit the glass. I was pretty sure it wouldn’t hold much longer.

“Look, Pyrite. We’re headed for the police station. As soon as we get there—”

I was cut off by a loud bang from the right side, and I found the Duck wasn’t as responsive as it should have been. I swore, realizing what had probably happened.

“Um Ruby, I think they’re shooting at the tires.”

“I know!”

Another bang, from the left this time. I swore again as The Duck started to teeter, then fall backwards.

Then everything went black.

***

I was lying down when I woke up. And I was pretty sure I was in a hospital bed.

“Oh cool, you’re awake!” A goofy yellow mare smiled down at me. “Was kinda getting worried there for a moment. Shame about your eye, though.”

“My eye?” I rose a hoof to my left eye, which was covered with a bandage. “What happened to my eye?”

“Doctor says there’s some minor scratching, but it’ll be fine.” She let out a disappointed sigh. “So you won’t need an eyepatch after all.”

I hit her.

“Hey!” she protested, her grin never wavering “You should be resting!”

I glared at her, but it was hard to stay mad at that grin for too long. Besides, she was probably the only one who could answer my questions. “What happened?”

“Last week, you mean?” How long had I been in the hospital? “Well, when The Plucky Duck’s tires blew out, we fell backwards and kinda hit the ground hard. But the Blindhounds were going too fast to stop, so they all crashed into us and flew out of their cars and kinda hurt themselves bad.” She paused. “Would you believe that out of the forty-seven of us in that car chase, I was the only one wearing a seatbelt? Honestly kinda surprised you forgot yours too.”

“I was kind of preoccupied with the gunfire.”

“Hey, there’s always time for safety.”

I sighed. She had a point, I guess. After all, she wasn’t the one in a hospital bed. “What happened next?”

“Not much. Someone reported what happened, so the police arrived eventually and arrested the Blindhounds. Then they asked me a whole buncha boring questions.” She shrugged as if this kinda thing happened all the time. “We’re going to be called as witnesses for their trials eventually, by the way.” She groaned. “Ungh, jury duty is the worst.

I rolled my eyes. “Being a witness isn’t really the same thing. And you’ve never been a juror anyway.”

“Yeah, well, everyone says it’s horrible, so it’s gotta be, right?” She shrugged again.

“So what happened to the Duck?”

“Oh, that was totally destroyed.” I winced. Six months down the drain... “Yeah, sorry, Rubes. We also had to pay for the damage done to the road.”

“Not to mention this hospital bill…” I groaned. How was I going to pay for all this? Being a mechanic paid reasonably well, sure, but most of my spare funds had gone towards parts for the Duck. And Pyrite never had any money.

“Yeah. If we hadn’t gotten the reward money for catching all the Blind Hounds, you’d probably be screwed.”

I stared at her, uncertain if I’d heard correctly. “Reward money?”

“Well, yeah. We basically caught the entire gang, right? Except for the Blind Bitch. She was still unconscious back at their hideout when they started chasing us, but she was gone by the time the cops got there. But hey, beggars can’t be choosers, right? And we still have like a thousand bits a piece left over. Pretty cool, huh? Everything worked out in the end. Well, aside from you not losing an eye, I mean.”

I hit her again. “We almost died, you idiot!”

“Oh, yeah.” She rubbed the back of her head and flashed me a sheepish grin. “I suppose I could have made a slightly better plan. But we’re both okay, right? And now I can fulfil my promise.”

“Huh?” I stopped glaring at her. “What promise?”

“My cutie mark.” She patted the red X on her flank. “I was going to explain how I got it, remember?”

“Sure.” I’d honestly forgotten, considering how much had happened that day. But if she was going to tell me, I was all ears.

“So, you remember when I left town to go on a quest to find my cutie mark, right? I was positive I’d find it in no time, I just needed to figure out what it was I wanted to do.”

“Yeah, I remember.” I folded my arms across my chest. “I’m still mad that you didn’t invite me, by the way.”

“Hey, sometimes a mare’s gotta strike it out on her own. Besides, you were too busy setting up your shop and probably wouldn’t have come anyway, so why bother?” Okay, she had a point there. Still would have been nice if she’d at least asked me, though.

“Anyway, I didn’t really go all that far. Just the next town over. Kinda got bored of travelling.” Yeah, that didn’t surprise me at all. “But I couldn’t just go back home, you know? I’d made such a big fuss about getting my cutie mark and everything, if I’d come back without one, I’d have been the laughingstock of town!”

“You already are the laughingstock of town.”

She frowned. “Hey, that’s just cold, Rubes.”

I giggled. “Go on.”

“Anyway, I was broke and no one really wanted to hire me long term since, well, me and work don’t get along so good.” That was an understatement. “I did odd jobs for food here and there, and kinda just barely scraped by.

“Then one day some traveller comes into town and asks me where Manehatten is. Which, you know, is nowhere near here, and I told him so. He got kinda flustered and said he was no good with directions, so I told him if he’d give me fifty bits I’d draw him a map.”

“Fifty bits? That’s kinda high, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, well, he looked kinda desperate so I figured I could charge extra.” She winked. “Anyway, he agreed, so I drew him the best map ever, and then, well…” she trailed off before pointing to her flank. “Next thing I know, I’ve got this on my side.”

“So your special talent is making maps.”

“What? No!” I narrowed my eyes. “Well, maybe? I knew that was a possibility, but I wasn’t entirely sure. I mean, my cutie mark is kinda vague, so maybe it was something else. And since I charged him an awful lot, I figured maybe my special talent was being a pirate. And I guess you know the rest from there.”

“Yeah, well, I think we’ve pretty much determined neither of us is very good at being a pirate.”

“I dunno about that. I mean, I did steal this.” She reached into her saddlebags and pulled out the a pendant. A pendent of an eye being stabbed by a dagger. “I figure this has got to be worth like a million bits.”

My jaw dropped. “You took that?”

“Well, yeah. She was just laying there and it looked valuable and pirates love jewels, right? So I figured ‘why not?’”

“Oh Celestia… You do realize she’s going to track us down and kill us.”

Pyrite shrugged. “Eh, all pirates get enemies somewhere down the line. And next time, we’ll be even better prepared.”

I gaped at her. “Next time?” Did she seriously think we’d be doing something like that again?

“Well, yeah. I mean, we’re not going to quit after just one adventure, right? Especially since we came out ahead and everything. Although...” she gave me a disapproving look. “Maybe we should get some real cannons so we can actually fire back next time we’re in a chase with our lives on the line.”

I continued to stare at her. “Idiot.”

“Yeah, you kinda dropped the ball there. But it’s okay, I forgive you.” She grinned. “Anyway, what do you say, my trusty first mate? Shall we go on another grand adventure?” She struck a dramatic pose. “Er, once you get better I mean. And make us another ship.”

I looked up at her and that stupid, idiotic, perpetual goofy grin of hers. And I knew there was only one thing I could say.

“Aye aye, captain.”