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Ugh... I thought this would finally be perfect. I had an idea for it and everything, one I really like. But I just can't do this super-short format. In my head, it's a 2 minute scene, yet I'm already at the word limit and not even to the second half of the "story." I don't want to "ruin" this now-good idea by trying to compress it unduly. So I don't think I'll be entering anything this round.
I wouldn’t go as far into nitpicking as Baal has gone. However, that scene in the garage struck me as really stretched too far. I find the idea of the guy cheating with one of the woman’s doctors somewhat ludicrous, and both of them fucking over a car’s bodywork takes the biscuit (go try it, lol). Why not one of neighbours, and in a nearby house/motel/hotel (all the more that the girl is disabled, so unable to move). The whole scene stands out as grotesque in an otherwise serious and realistic story.
The rest of the story is pretty nice. I’m not specially bugged by the seemingly lack of articulation between the parts. This is a minific, so one has to focus on the main scenes, discard the glue and let the reader fill in.
The rest of the story is pretty nice. I’m not specially bugged by the seemingly lack of articulation between the parts. This is a minific, so one has to focus on the main scenes, discard the glue and let the reader fill in.