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Ah, for the sake of it: I liked this one. Fits so well the prompt and has this ninja vanish hidden arts attitude. (more story in making than is shown) Nice maneuver. Too bad it got DQed cause it fit the prompt so well.
>>horizon
I think that's all why April Fools' is well recognised by calendars yet not a public holiday. Some people consider unruliness as a disease, others love it. Peace and pranks are the best of results. On april fools, don't ask permission or forgiveness. But on the official, the same rules apply:[ I love that holiday. It's messy. :]
>>horizon
Now that I've slept on it, I would like to retract the "no-fun" line and try again.
I wouldn't have thought "creative, harmless rulebreaking for the sake of whimsy is good" to be such a controversial position,
I think that's all why April Fools' is well recognised by calendars yet not a public holiday. Some people consider unruliness as a disease, others love it. Peace and pranks are the best of results. On april fools, don't ask permission or forgiveness. But on the official, the same rules apply:[ I love that holiday. It's messy. :]
I was just minding my business when I decided to check in. Simple title, clicked.
I liked it, but it also lacks a bit in slang. There is a lot of matter of factly stuff that isn't strong. E.q:
That essentially said: "it was very dark, but he carried a torch, he was a responsible knight." Writing it as a sentence / paragraph makes for a weak idea, as it isn't a strong joke or punch itself, and the detail never builds much to a strong event.
Writing that sentence shorter with similar siblings wouldn't be much without an immersive effect or crecendo of some sort however.
And that's how the whole story feels to me: nice gimmickery, but most of my pleasure came from my own general mood I've been keeping and the fact that the story was nice without breaking it. The story doesn't have that much bang to set the mood itself.
Overall good floaty stuff, but I think there's a lack of attachment and suspense. I think the drawn out narrative [often] pulls away from the immersion without giving the punch to make up for it. E.g:
I think the dismounting and hearing doesn't add suspense with the low level of immersion. It's not bad, but hardly builds strength: that scene, like most, feels too little, too bare, for a complete dish. [EDIT: in particular, that armor is another detail that adds nothing.]
I won't presume a writing goal: side dishes and snacks serve well. But I'd say the sequence didn't feel attaching or tightly knit, so having the dragon reappear [amongst other things] wasn't much different than a completely out of the blue event. It was nice, but my dominant impression was simply: it happened. [Sails elsewhere]
That's how the story went for me: no strong conflict or comedy. He didn't argue against his mount to get in the cave, he didn't jump [trip] off his mount after yelling he'd save the princess, and he didn't run after his mount when the dragon roared [at the noise of his fall]. As I said, I think this story lacks a bit in slang. [But that's a style thing: telling what to improve is like telling someone what to get as a haircut.] Still, not bad.
I liked it, but it also lacks a bit in slang. There is a lot of matter of factly stuff that isn't strong. E.q:
It was very dark, but that was no problem; he carried a torch with him, as any responsible knight would.
That essentially said: "it was very dark, but he carried a torch, he was a responsible knight." Writing it as a sentence / paragraph makes for a weak idea, as it isn't a strong joke or punch itself, and the detail never builds much to a strong event.
Writing that sentence shorter with similar siblings wouldn't be much without an immersive effect or crecendo of some sort however.
And that's how the whole story feels to me: nice gimmickery, but most of my pleasure came from my own general mood I've been keeping and the fact that the story was nice without breaking it. The story doesn't have that much bang to set the mood itself.
Overall good floaty stuff, but I think there's a lack of attachment and suspense. I think the drawn out narrative [often] pulls away from the immersion without giving the punch to make up for it. E.g:
The fearless Knight dismounted - less than gracefully, but that is to be expected when wearing a full set of armor - and put his ear next to a wall.
I think the dismounting and hearing doesn't add suspense with the low level of immersion. It's not bad, but hardly builds strength: that scene, like most, feels too little, too bare, for a complete dish. [EDIT: in particular, that armor is another detail that adds nothing.]
I won't presume a writing goal: side dishes and snacks serve well. But I'd say the sequence didn't feel attaching or tightly knit, so having the dragon reappear [amongst other things] wasn't much different than a completely out of the blue event. It was nice, but my dominant impression was simply: it happened. [Sails elsewhere]
That's how the story went for me: no strong conflict or comedy. He didn't argue against his mount to get in the cave, he didn't jump [trip] off his mount after yelling he'd save the princess, and he didn't run after his mount when the dragon roared [at the noise of his fall]. As I said, I think this story lacks a bit in slang. [But that's a style thing: telling what to improve is like telling someone what to get as a haircut.] Still, not bad.